The Fumbled RPS Bundle

By John Walker on December 14th, 2011 at 3:13 pm.

If you knew how long this took...

This Christmas you can get your hands on something really special. It’s the RPS Bundle! Get all four editors of Rock, Paper, Shotgun for the price you want. They’ll come and live in your house, shed, kennel, etc, and write poorly proofed posts about forthcoming and recently released indie bundle deals at your demand! Pay what you want for all four writers, bundled together for the very first time.

That’s Jim Rossignol, Alec Meer, Adam Smith and John Walker, all entirely DRM free, at the price you want to pay. And if you pay more than the average, then we won’t also send Kieron Gillen.

If you bought all four writers separately, it would cost around £4.20, but we are letting you set the price. All four work well with sandwiches, coffee and pudding, and only minimal sleep between posting about indie bundles.

You can support charity. Choose exactly how your purchase is divided: between the writers and the Horace Fund For Bereaving Children.

Please note that the initial release of the writers may lead to confusion and distress, so please be patient while they calm down and find a safe, dank corner.

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153 Comments »

  1. minerwilly says:

    If I pay over the average, do I get their girlfriends too?

  2. Hisui says:

    Not even John’s mum deems his healing worth more than half the advertised price. Poor John!

  3. tomnullpointer says:

    Im going to wait till its pirated

    • Ninja Foodstuff says:

      I’m going to wait for the bundle bundle bundle, which bundles this and other bundle bundles.

  4. sneetch says:

    Do they work on Linux? Or Mac? Or indeed Windows? Or at all? Lazy journalists, bah, they haven’t written a single article all year as far as my (admittedly non-existent) research can tell.

    Edit: I’m not paying a cent until I see a youtube trailer of them running. Actually running I mean, down a street or across a park. Something like that.

  5. rustybroomhandle says:

    John’s mom runs Windows… booo, hiss.

    (start OS flamewar here)

  6. Raithah says:

    For every editor that gets into this bundle, there are countless dozens who don’t! Purchase your men directly from their websites, otherwise you’re just handing money over to Big Slavery.

  7. Premium User Badge TheApologist says:

    Adam Smith is a hottie

  8. Coccyx says:

    Never have I felt so bad for only paying a penny.

  9. SquidInABox says:

    I only need John Walker and Alec Meer as I got Jim Rossingol on sale and bought Adam Smith at launch. Does anybody want my spares?

    • sneetch says:

      You paid full price for Adam Smith? Hah! What a sucker!

    • SquidInABox says:

      It looked good in the screenshots.

    • LukeAllstar says:

      I take them if they are redeemable on Steam

    • McDan says:

      I’ve got 4 Walkers, bought the quadruple pack to play with friends at launch but no one wanted to play, not sure why…

    • Mr_Day says:

      I’ll take the Jim Rossignol, I hear there is a community patch that adds in all the content they removed to get it out by deadline.

      I am referring to his small (that’s enough – Sane part of Day).

      (Why would an indie game have a deadline, Petey? Your joke fails on EVERY LEVEL)

    • ArthurBarnhouse says:

      I’ll play with you McDan. I bought John Walker last year when he was a package deal with Quinns. This was before Quinns Dev went out of business and stopped releasing patches. Real shame,

    • SquidInABox says:

      I didn’t realise John Walker had a co-op mode. Is it online or local only? We could get together and have a John Walker party.

    • Electric Dragon says:

      I think there might be something wrong with my John Walker, it starts crying every time I play a Ragnar Tornquist game.

    • ArthurBarnhouse says:

      That’s not a bug, it’s a feature.

  10. Premium User Badge Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

    I’ll trade Adam Smith for a second Jim Rossignol. PM for code.

    Edit: Gone.

    • Ninja Foodstuff says:

      Blast!

    • Premium User Badge Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

      Some kind but misguided person gifted me another Adam Smith.

      I’ll give him away to the first person to PM me again.

      Edit: Gone.

  11. Premium User Badge Colthor says:

    Will Quintin Smith be added as a bonus after a few days?

    Disappointed that you’re not supporting the RSPCTP, by the way.

    • Premium User Badge Lambchops says:

      I hope it’s not that traitor, give me a Griddled Octopus or a Smee any day!

  12. airtekh says:

    Steam or no sale.

  13. Xercies says:

    I think the start of this is the doom of RPS! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

    The article made me laugh.

  14. Premium User Badge Llewyn says:

    Those pictures look like they’ve been freshly ripped from a review in Zzap! 64. And while it’s nice to see a bundle where I don’t already own any of the items, I think I’m suffering from bundle fatigue* so I’ll have to pass.

    *No, no, really, it’s not that I don’t deem your game/interactive experience/ambient soundtrack/writer worthy of the minimum purchase price, I’m just suffering from bundle fatigue. Honest.

  15. Mistabashi says:

    I already own half the writers in this bundle so I think I’ll skip it.

  16. Hoaxfish says:

    Horace Fund For Bereaving Children.

    don’t you mean Beareaving

  17. jimjames says:

    I’d pay 45p for Johns Mum

  18. Codor says:

    Um surely you mean the fund for bereav-ED children…

    • Premium User Badge Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

      No, it’s a perfectly cromulent fund name assuming that the fund supports activities that lead to child bereavement.

    • Premium User Badge Llewyn says:

      Horace is a sodding bear. Never mind that, he’s The Bear. They mean bereaving.

    • Codor says:

      Well do bears REALLY need money to help them with their bereaving? I mean, I suppose they could buy armor and claw sharpeners… Maybe attach some kind of autoturret to the armor… Oh and can’t forget air support. OK fine, I no longer have any problem with the fund.

    • aldo_14 says:

      If it wasn’t for the kindness of bears likes Horace, charities like Save the Children would be out of jobs.

    • Premium User Badge SMiD says:

      No, he clearly stated for Bereaving Children. It says so quite plainly in 2nd Hibernations 4, verse 10…

      “And to the children, nothing. Grant not their holiday wishes, but submit unto me the riches of thy purse. For in my endlessness, I require all there is.”

    • Chris D says:

      Oh, that’s what it means? I’d assumed it was an organisation dedicated to recruiting and training elite squads of pre-teen assassins. Dissapointing.

    • Premium User Badge AndrewC says:

      “Suffer, the little children who come unto me.” – Book Of Growls.

    • randomnine says:

      C’mon. It should obviously be the Horace Fund for Beareaving Children.

  19. Blackcompany says:

    Is there a free demo? I like to try playing things first, before I make a long term commitment.
    .
    Also, can they swim? I live across this little pond…

  20. DevilSShadoW says:

    I was gonna post something about how long it must have took to make the header.
    Then I read the alt-text.
    Indeed.

  21. Risingson says:

    You DO really love yourselves, don’t you?

  22. MartinNr5 says:

    “All four work well with sandwiches, coffee…”

    I know from your twitter wars that this might be a lie.

    • McDan says:

      They have twitter wars? Goddamn it, might have to actually get it now.

  23. Burning Man says:

    Good job with the drawings John! Much more nuanced than your previous attempt. I do wonder why you look the silliest, though (third from left, yes?).

  24. Vexing Vision says:

    Okay, but what about the DLC?

  25. Jabberwocky says:

    How much for the park bench?
    The rest looks like crap.

  26. goosnargh says:

    Is that your audition for a remake of The Last Express?

  27. db1331 says:

    I don’t want to buy 4 crappy writers just because they’re cheap. Maybe if they throw in Horace…

    • Premium User Badge Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

      Horace is charged by the yard. Please send a stamped, self-addressed envelope with a check or postal order for infinity pounds.

  28. talon03 says:

    No bonus Kieron Gillan? What a rip.

  29. Premium User Badge jimbobjunior says:

    I’m hoping they’ll add Tim Stone to the bundle in a day or two.

    • DanPryce says:

      We get Tim Stone added tomorrow, Robert Florence on Friday and Richard Cobbett on Saturday. I know because I looked in the Steam registery.

    • Man Raised by Puffins says:

      Ooh, I might just pick this up for Tim Stone then. I’ve never seen him going for less than £34.99 on Matrix Games Journalists.

  30. Glow says:

    who is the Chris Moyles lookalike (second in from right)?

    • Premium User Badge Richard Beer says:

      I was literally about to ask why John Walker had made himself look like Chris Moyles. I feel relieved knowing I wasn’t the only one who saw that.

    • John Walker says:

      I am impossible to draw.

    • RogB says:

      that may be true, but unfortunately now i have an irresistable urge to punch you, due to said resemblance. :(

    • adonf says:

      sorry, wrong place

  31. tomnullpointer says:

    I’ve had all these writers on my steam library for months, never bothered to install them though. I hear they need serious patching to function properly.

  32. McDan says:

    Bloody. Amazing.

    Also dissappointed that it isn’t real. RPS is so great.

  33. Jorum says:

    I’m waiting for inevitable Quinns DLC as I need someone to play boardgames with.

  34. ado says:

    Writers are a dime a dozen these days. Shit, I’m a “writer” and I can barely take care of myself. Four more untalented mouths to feed would be too much… Unless those mouths have other redeemable talents?

  35. Jams O'Donnell says:

    Timelord, timelord, timelord, companion.

  36. Premium User Badge Lars Westergren says:

    I’m going to cram all four into one of these self sustaining closed glass EcoSpheres and put it on my shelf. I’ve always wanted one, but I thought it was cruel against the shrimp.

  37. nimzy says:

    RPS trading cards. Make it happen!

    • Kieron Gillen says:

      I actually started work on something like that for a gag once. There was also a set of Top Trumps made about videogame writers in the pub, but I forget what happened to them.

      KG

    • Premium User Badge AndrewC says:

      They went into PR.

    • aldo_14 says:

      I actually started work on something like that for a gag once. There was also a set of Top Trumps made about videogame writers in the pub, but I forget what happened to them.

      Are you sure you weren’t just hallucinating whilst playing with beermats?

    • John Walker says:

      No, I was there at the time. It was about 7 years ago, I think. And I remember not coming out too well.

    • Jams O'Donnell says:

      “Hi guys, I’m straight. Whoops.”

    • Kieron Gillen says:

      All I remember is that we gave Cobbett the highest writing score.

      KG

    • Chris D says:

      Do you remember what any of the other ‘stats’ were?

      My picks would be for Alcoholism, Corruption, Leet Skillz, Non-Euclidean use of Punctuation, Pretensiousness and Snuggling

    • Tams80 says:

      You forgot healing.

    • Sleepymatt says:

      Damn it Tams you beat me to it while I was logging in to comment!

      I’ll have to add ‘Pun-making’ as my offering then…

    • iainl says:

      I just hope none of the stats are Iron.

  38. Premium User Badge Zak T Duck says:

    I’ll take it. I’ll take 12!

  39. limboing_leper says:

    Excellent, my new wallpaper!

  40. Premium User Badge Bluerps says:

    Already got all four of them at a sale… but I think I might get in on this for charity and then give them to friends.

  41. Drake Sigar says:

    Awesome! I’m a huge collector of writers. Currently have 300+ hanging from my shelves by their pudding-stained collars where a giant claw crane selects one at random to do battle in my gladiatorial arena.

  42. Skabooga says:

    Damn, I just payed full price for two of these three days ago. Worst timing.

  43. Treebard says:

    It’s a decent enough bundle, but my backlog of writers is too big at this point. Pass.

  44. Flobulon says:

    Judging from the screenshot it looks like they’re all missing their torso and lower body?
    I’m guessing this is another marketing scam, and they’ll be releasing the rest as DLC; NO, THANK YOU! When I buy a writer I expect the FULL body, I hate this new trend of withholding content for after release.

    • Blackseraph says:

      I agree that they need hands to be able to write, but rest?

      I much rather that they take less space than have functions that they don’t really even need. I wouldn’t want them to go for a walk anyway, they might get lost.

  45. Apples says:

    When I was about 11 I think I would happily have paid for Jim and Kieron to visit me.

  46. Craig Stern says:

    So, hypothetically, let’s say that 1,000 people buy you all. Do we become co-owners, each entitled to 1,000th of your time; or are there clones in the offing?

    • thegooseking says:

      1,000 buyers? I’m all for hypotheticals, but only if they’re reasonably likely.

      It took long enough to find one buyer for me. But I was bought for 50p, rather than being one of four bought for 45p. That’s because I have class.

  47. Premium User Badge Makariel says:

    My Adam Smith is working pretty slow, is that a driver issue or is that normal?

    • Premium User Badge Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

      I had that issue too so I read the forums and I was told to install coffee. I did that and he sped up a bit, but it also made him unstable.

      I find that the best way to keep reliable performance is to perform a hard boot when performance drops.

    • Sleepymatt says:

      Beware the possible complications of this fix … it is very easy to find yourself in a continuous reboot cycle if you get a little carried away.

  48. Urthman says:

    Here I thought this was going to be a cheeky shill for that “subscription” thing you guys (used to?) offer.

  49. tgoat says:

    Still waiting for a “Wot I Think” for all four of these offerings.

    • hoobajoo says:

      The RPS writers doing a Wot I Think of the other writers would be a beautiful thing, but might cause a singularity and cause the entire website to collapse into a single point. WORTH THE RISK.

  50. RogB says:

    future ‘Wot I think’ s need an appropriately emotional mugshot to accompany the text, like C&VG in the late eighties.