By John Walker on December 14th, 2011 at 3:13 pm.
This Christmas you can get your hands on something really special. It’s the RPS Bundle! Get all four editors of Rock, Paper, Shotgun for the price you want. They’ll come and live in your house, shed, kennel, etc, and write poorly proofed posts about forthcoming and recently released indie bundle deals at your demand! Pay what you want for all four writers, bundled together for the very first time.
That’s Jim Rossignol, Alec Meer, Adam Smith and John Walker, all entirely DRM free, at the price you want to pay. And if you pay more than the average, then we won’t also send Kieron Gillen.
If you bought all four writers separately, it would cost around £4.20, but we are letting you set the price. All four work well with sandwiches, coffee and pudding, and only minimal sleep between posting about indie bundles.
You can support charity. Choose exactly how your purchase is divided: between the writers and the Horace Fund For Bereaving Children.
Please note that the initial release of the writers may lead to confusion and distress, so please be patient while they calm down and find a safe, dank corner.
14/12/2011 at 15:15 minerwilly says:
If I pay over the average, do I get their girlfriends too?
14/12/2011 at 15:57 Woden says:
If you pay over the average, they eventually leave.
14/12/2011 at 17:34 GameOverMan says:
I’d buy that for a dollar.
14/12/2011 at 15:15 Hisui says:
Not even John’s mum deems his healing worth more than half the advertised price. Poor John!
14/12/2011 at 15:16 tomnullpointer says:
Im going to wait till its pirated
14/12/2011 at 16:42 Ninja Foodstuff says:
I’m going to wait for the bundle bundle bundle, which bundles this and other bundle bundles.
14/12/2011 at 15:17 sneetch says:
Do they work on Linux? Or Mac? Or indeed Windows? Or at all? Lazy journalists, bah, they haven’t written a single article all year as far as my (admittedly non-existent) research can tell.
Edit: I’m not paying a cent until I see a youtube trailer of them running. Actually running I mean, down a street or across a park. Something like that.
14/12/2011 at 15:27 aldo_14 says:
Never mind that, do they change nappies?
14/12/2011 at 15:17 rustybroomhandle says:
John’s mom runs Windows… booo, hiss.
(start OS flamewar here)
15/12/2011 at 02:32 trigonometryhappy says:
Why she’s not running Mumbuntu is beyond me.
15/12/2011 at 09:24 Saiko Kila says:
She simply wants the best experience money can buy.
14/12/2011 at 15:17 Raithah says:
For every editor that gets into this bundle, there are countless dozens who don’t! Purchase your men directly from their websites, otherwise you’re just handing money over to Big Slavery.
15/12/2011 at 02:04 Deano2099 says:
No Stone, no sale.
14/12/2011 at 15:18 TheApologist says:
Adam Smith is a hottie
14/12/2011 at 15:28 Richie Shoemaker says:
To be fair, he was under the impression that it was Rory McGrath
14/12/2011 at 17:28 SanguineAngel says:
@Richie Hah! THAT is my comment of 2011! Genuinely
14/12/2011 at 15:18 Coccyx says:
Never have I felt so bad for only paying a penny.
14/12/2011 at 15:18 SquidInABox says:
I only need John Walker and Alec Meer as I got Jim Rossingol on sale and bought Adam Smith at launch. Does anybody want my spares?
14/12/2011 at 15:22 sneetch says:
You paid full price for Adam Smith? Hah! What a sucker!
14/12/2011 at 15:29 SquidInABox says:
It looked good in the screenshots.
14/12/2011 at 15:30 LukeAllstar says:
I take them if they are redeemable on Steam
14/12/2011 at 15:40 McDan says:
I’ve got 4 Walkers, bought the quadruple pack to play with friends at launch but no one wanted to play, not sure why…
14/12/2011 at 16:09 Mr_Day says:
I’ll take the Jim Rossignol, I hear there is a community patch that adds in all the content they removed to get it out by deadline.
I am referring to his small (that’s enough – Sane part of Day).
(Why would an indie game have a deadline, Petey? Your joke fails on EVERY LEVEL)
14/12/2011 at 16:16 ArthurBarnhouse says:
I’ll play with you McDan. I bought John Walker last year when he was a package deal with Quinns. This was before Quinns Dev went out of business and stopped releasing patches. Real shame,
14/12/2011 at 16:47 SquidInABox says:
I didn’t realise John Walker had a co-op mode. Is it online or local only? We could get together and have a John Walker party.
14/12/2011 at 19:36 Electric Dragon says:
I think there might be something wrong with my John Walker, it starts crying every time I play a Ragnar Tornquist game.
14/12/2011 at 21:30 ArthurBarnhouse says:
That’s not a bug, it’s a feature.
14/12/2011 at 15:21 Lord Custard Smingleigh says:
I’ll trade Adam Smith for a second Jim Rossignol. PM for code.Edit: Gone.
14/12/2011 at 16:40 Ninja Foodstuff says:
Blast!
14/12/2011 at 17:14 Lord Custard Smingleigh says:
Some kind but misguided person gifted me another Adam Smith.
I’ll give him away to the first person to PM me again.Edit: Gone.
14/12/2011 at 15:22 Colthor says:
Will Quintin Smith be added as a bonus after a few days?
Disappointed that you’re not supporting the RSPCTP, by the way.
14/12/2011 at 15:32 Lambchops says:
I hope it’s not that traitor, give me a Griddled Octopus or a Smee any day!
14/12/2011 at 15:22 airtekh says:
Steam or no sale.
14/12/2011 at 15:22 Xercies says:
I think the start of this is the doom of RPS! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
The article made me laugh.
14/12/2011 at 15:22 Llewyn says:
Those pictures look like they’ve been freshly ripped from a review in Zzap! 64. And while it’s nice to see a bundle where I don’t already own any of the items, I think I’m suffering from bundle fatigue* so I’ll have to pass.
*No, no, really, it’s not that I don’t deem your game/interactive experience/ambient soundtrack/writer worthy of the minimum purchase price, I’m just suffering from bundle fatigue. Honest.
14/12/2011 at 15:22 Mistabashi says:
I already own half the writers in this bundle so I think I’ll skip it.
14/12/2011 at 15:23 Hoaxfish says:
don’t you mean Beareaving
14/12/2011 at 15:23 jimjames says:
I’d pay 45p for Johns Mum
14/12/2011 at 16:10 Museli says:
I wouldn’t.
14/12/2011 at 15:23 Codor says:
Um surely you mean the fund for bereav-ED children…
14/12/2011 at 15:25 Lord Custard Smingleigh says:
No, it’s a perfectly cromulent fund name assuming that the fund supports activities that lead to child bereavement.
14/12/2011 at 15:26 Llewyn says:
Horace is a sodding bear. Never mind that, he’s The Bear. They mean bereaving.
14/12/2011 at 15:29 Codor says:
Well do bears REALLY need money to help them with their bereaving? I mean, I suppose they could buy armor and claw sharpeners… Maybe attach some kind of autoturret to the armor… Oh and can’t forget air support. OK fine, I no longer have any problem with the fund.
14/12/2011 at 15:33 aldo_14 says:
If it wasn’t for the kindness of bears likes Horace, charities like Save the Children would be out of jobs.
14/12/2011 at 15:36 SMiD says:
No, he clearly stated for Bereaving Children. It says so quite plainly in 2nd Hibernations 4, verse 10…
“And to the children, nothing. Grant not their holiday wishes, but submit unto me the riches of thy purse. For in my endlessness, I require all there is.”
14/12/2011 at 15:40 Chris D says:
Oh, that’s what it means? I’d assumed it was an organisation dedicated to recruiting and training elite squads of pre-teen assassins. Dissapointing.
14/12/2011 at 15:41 AndrewC says:
“Suffer, the little children who come unto me.” – Book Of Growls.
15/12/2011 at 01:12 randomnine says:
C’mon. It should obviously be the Horace Fund for Beareaving Children.
14/12/2011 at 15:24 Blackcompany says:
Is there a free demo? I like to try playing things first, before I make a long term commitment.
.
Also, can they swim? I live across this little pond…
14/12/2011 at 15:24 DevilSShadoW says:
I was gonna post something about how long it must have took to make the header.
Then I read the alt-text.
Indeed.
14/12/2011 at 15:25 Risingson says:
You DO really love yourselves, don’t you?
14/12/2011 at 15:26 Jim Rossignol says:
Not as much as we love your mum.
14/12/2011 at 15:29 Kieron Gillen says:
This is correct. My favourite thing about Risingson’s mother is her aptitude at intercourse.
KG
14/12/2011 at 15:30 John Walker says:
I love her fifty times a day.
14/12/2011 at 15:33 Alec Meer says:
Your mum loves me, but I only tell her I love her back. In reality, I only think her ‘adequate.’
14/12/2011 at 15:50 The Tupper says:
Now, now boys, be nice. Apparently there’s plenty of room for everyone.
14/12/2011 at 15:55 Bluerps says:
What, no “Your mum” joke from Adam Smith?
14/12/2011 at 16:00 apocraphyn says:
He’s busy with Risingson’s mother right now, Bluerps.
14/12/2011 at 16:06 The Sombrero Kid says:
This thread has nearly collected all the ‘shinnies’ your deck is unbeatable now!
14/12/2011 at 17:02 HothMonster says:
And this is why I love this site.
14/12/2011 at 18:44 Ultra Superior says:
Weird.
14/12/2011 at 19:53 Risingson says:
Very. So very.
14/12/2011 at 15:27 MartinNr5 says:
“All four work well with sandwiches, coffee…”
I know from your twitter wars that this might be a lie.
14/12/2011 at 16:52 McDan says:
They have twitter wars? Goddamn it, might have to actually get it now.
14/12/2011 at 15:27 Burning Man says:
Good job with the drawings John! Much more nuanced than your previous attempt. I do wonder why you look the silliest, though (third from left, yes?).
14/12/2011 at 15:27 Vexing Vision says:
Okay, but what about the DLC?
14/12/2011 at 15:28 Jabberwocky says:
How much for the park bench?
The rest looks like crap.
14/12/2011 at 15:28 goosnargh says:
Is that your audition for a remake of The Last Express?
14/12/2011 at 15:29 db1331 says:
I don’t want to buy 4 crappy writers just because they’re cheap. Maybe if they throw in Horace…
14/12/2011 at 15:31 Lord Custard Smingleigh says:
Horace is charged by the yard. Please send a stamped, self-addressed envelope with a check or postal order for infinity pounds.
14/12/2011 at 15:30 talon03 says:
No bonus Kieron Gillan? What a rip.
14/12/2011 at 19:37 Electric Dragon says:
Now if it was Karen Gillan on offer….
14/12/2011 at 15:31 jimbobjunior says:
I’m hoping they’ll add Tim Stone to the bundle in a day or two.
14/12/2011 at 15:43 DanPryce says:
We get Tim Stone added tomorrow, Robert Florence on Friday and Richard Cobbett on Saturday. I know because I looked in the Steam registery.
14/12/2011 at 17:22 Man Raised by Puffins says:
Ooh, I might just pick this up for Tim Stone then. I’ve never seen him going for less than £34.99 on Matrix Games Journalists.
14/12/2011 at 15:31 Glow says:
who is the Chris Moyles lookalike (second in from right)?
14/12/2011 at 15:52 Richard Beer says:
I was literally about to ask why John Walker had made himself look like Chris Moyles. I feel relieved knowing I wasn’t the only one who saw that.
14/12/2011 at 16:18 John Walker says:
I am impossible to draw.
14/12/2011 at 16:29 RogB says:
that may be true, but unfortunately now i have an irresistable urge to punch you, due to said resemblance. :(
14/12/2011 at 16:36 adonf says:
sorry, wrong place
14/12/2011 at 15:32 tomnullpointer says:
I’ve had all these writers on my steam library for months, never bothered to install them though. I hear they need serious patching to function properly.
14/12/2011 at 15:46 aldo_14 says:
Nah. You just need to update your (slave)drivers.
14/12/2011 at 15:33 McDan says:
Bloody. Amazing.
Also dissappointed that it isn’t real. RPS is so great.
14/12/2011 at 15:34 Jorum says:
I’m waiting for inevitable Quinns DLC as I need someone to play boardgames with.
14/12/2011 at 15:35 ado says:
Writers are a dime a dozen these days. Shit, I’m a “writer” and I can barely take care of myself. Four more untalented mouths to feed would be too much… Unless those mouths have other redeemable talents?
14/12/2011 at 15:36 Jams O'Donnell says:
Timelord, timelord, timelord, companion.
14/12/2011 at 15:40 Alec Meer says:
That might be the single cruelest thing anyone’s ever said about me.
14/12/2011 at 15:45 RaveTurned says:
I thought the article said Karen Gillan wasn’t included?
14/12/2011 at 15:54 Jams O'Donnell says:
To be fair Walker doesn’t really look the timelord type, but I felt like calling him a monster was going too far.
14/12/2011 at 15:56 Kieron Gillen says:
John Walker, yesterday.
KG
14/12/2011 at 15:56 westyfield says:
Adam Smith seems to have a David Tennant/Matt Smith thing going on, but I can’t work out the other three.
14/12/2011 at 15:59 Jams O'Donnell says:
@KG yes, Sontaran was what I had been thinking.
@Westyfield — 9th, 10th, 6th/Sontaran, nobodyth/4th.
14/12/2011 at 15:37 Lars Westergren says:
I’m going to cram all four into one of these self sustaining closed glass EcoSpheres and put it on my shelf. I’ve always wanted one, but I thought it was cruel against the shrimp.
14/12/2011 at 15:37 nimzy says:
RPS trading cards. Make it happen!
14/12/2011 at 15:40 Kieron Gillen says:
I actually started work on something like that for a gag once. There was also a set of Top Trumps made about videogame writers in the pub, but I forget what happened to them.
KG
14/12/2011 at 15:49 AndrewC says:
They went into PR.
14/12/2011 at 15:50 aldo_14 says:
I actually started work on something like that for a gag once. There was also a set of Top Trumps made about videogame writers in the pub, but I forget what happened to them.
Are you sure you weren’t just hallucinating whilst playing with beermats?
14/12/2011 at 16:01 John Walker says:
No, I was there at the time. It was about 7 years ago, I think. And I remember not coming out too well.
14/12/2011 at 16:03 Jams O'Donnell says:
“Hi guys, I’m straight. Whoops.”
14/12/2011 at 16:24 Kieron Gillen says:
All I remember is that we gave Cobbett the highest writing score.
KG
14/12/2011 at 16:34 Chris D says:
Do you remember what any of the other ‘stats’ were?
My picks would be for Alcoholism, Corruption, Leet Skillz, Non-Euclidean use of Punctuation, Pretensiousness and Snuggling
14/12/2011 at 16:56 Tams80 says:
You forgot healing.
14/12/2011 at 17:04 Sleepymatt says:
Damn it Tams you beat me to it while I was logging in to comment!
I’ll have to add ‘Pun-making’ as my offering then…
14/12/2011 at 18:55 iainl says:
I just hope none of the stats are Iron.
14/12/2011 at 15:38 Zak T Duck says:
I’ll take it. I’ll take 12!
14/12/2011 at 15:43 limboing_leper says:
Excellent, my new wallpaper!
14/12/2011 at 15:44 Bluerps says:
Already got all four of them at a sale… but I think I might get in on this for charity and then give them to friends.
14/12/2011 at 15:45 Drake Sigar says:
Awesome! I’m a huge collector of writers. Currently have 300+ hanging from my shelves by their pudding-stained collars where a giant claw crane selects one at random to do battle in my gladiatorial arena.
14/12/2011 at 15:45 Skabooga says:
Damn, I just payed full price for two of these three days ago. Worst timing.
14/12/2011 at 15:48 Treebard says:
It’s a decent enough bundle, but my backlog of writers is too big at this point. Pass.
14/12/2011 at 15:49 Flobulon says:
Judging from the screenshot it looks like they’re all missing their torso and lower body?
I’m guessing this is another marketing scam, and they’ll be releasing the rest as DLC; NO, THANK YOU! When I buy a writer I expect the FULL body, I hate this new trend of withholding content for after release.
14/12/2011 at 15:54 Blackseraph says:
I agree that they need hands to be able to write, but rest?
I much rather that they take less space than have functions that they don’t really even need. I wouldn’t want them to go for a walk anyway, they might get lost.
14/12/2011 at 15:51 Apples says:
When I was about 11 I think I would happily have paid for Jim and Kieron to visit me.
14/12/2011 at 15:55 Craig Stern says:
So, hypothetically, let’s say that 1,000 people buy you all. Do we become co-owners, each entitled to 1,000th of your time; or are there clones in the offing?
14/12/2011 at 16:01 thegooseking says:
1,000 buyers? I’m all for hypotheticals, but only if they’re reasonably likely.
It took long enough to find one buyer for me. But I was bought for 50p, rather than being one of four bought for 45p. That’s because I have class.
14/12/2011 at 15:56 Makariel says:
My Adam Smith is working pretty slow, is that a driver issue or is that normal?
14/12/2011 at 16:10 Lord Custard Smingleigh says:
I had that issue too so I read the forums and I was told to install coffee. I did that and he sped up a bit, but it also made him unstable.
I find that the best way to keep reliable performance is to perform a hard boot when performance drops.
14/12/2011 at 17:08 Sleepymatt says:
Beware the possible complications of this fix … it is very easy to find yourself in a continuous reboot cycle if you get a little carried away.
14/12/2011 at 16:24 Urthman says:
Here I thought this was going to be a cheeky shill for that “subscription” thing you guys (used to?) offer.
14/12/2011 at 16:32 JB says:
You can still sub to RPS:
http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/supportrps/
14/12/2011 at 16:28 tgoat says:
Still waiting for a “Wot I Think” for all four of these offerings.
14/12/2011 at 19:33 hoobajoo says:
The RPS writers doing a Wot I Think of the other writers would be a beautiful thing, but might cause a singularity and cause the entire website to collapse into a single point. WORTH THE RISK.
14/12/2011 at 16:35 RogB says:
future ‘Wot I think’ s need an appropriately emotional mugshot to accompany the text, like C&VG in the late eighties.
14/12/2011 at 16:37 adonf says:
PenPal only = no buy
14/12/2011 at 16:38 magnus says:
How on earth did you four get on that bench with no hands or feet and how on earth do you type? :O
14/12/2011 at 16:47 Tams80 says:
Too bad they won’t keep their word on including Quintin Smith, canceling the project and foisting that wretched Kieron Gillen upon us. Thankfully Shut and Sit Down have taken up him up.
Boycott RPS I say. I SAY!
14/12/2011 at 17:03 HothMonster says:
I never asked for this!
14/12/2011 at 17:07 deadpan says:
The chart is misleading: none of these work on Mac or Linux.
15/12/2011 at 02:42 trigonometryhappy says:
I did manage to get Alec Meer running pretty stable on Wine.
Only a few minor hiccups here and there.
14/12/2011 at 17:19 theleif says:
Hmm. I only have 2 chairs in my apartment. Which one of you is the best cook, and who should I snuggle with in my bed while watching Community? Also I’m out of coffee.
14/12/2011 at 17:31 Fitzmogwai says:
Indie-schmindie.
I’m only interested in high-budget AAA writers who look amazing.
14/12/2011 at 20:09 Optimaximal says:
Well they’ve got the vapid lack of substance down-pat.
14/12/2011 at 17:43 danimalkingdom says:
Whoa is that what you look like? I’d always envisioned John Walker being bald. Now I’m asking myself why.
14/12/2011 at 18:00 NathanH says:
Smooth-talking charmer with dark intentions.
Cynical alcoholic with a secret tortured past.
Bumbling family man with a heart of gold.
Comic relief sidekick who is smarter than he lets on.
14/12/2011 at 18:01 Nameless1 says:
Are they moddable?
14/12/2011 at 18:14 Inglourious Badger says:
I don’t get it
14/12/2011 at 18:33 Inglourious Badger says:
.
14/12/2011 at 18:23 Web Cole says:
Mad skillz John, think you sold yourself a touch short though :P
14/12/2011 at 19:13 Tei says:
Another year of RPS. Good articles and good people.
I have subscribed again. I accidentally unsubscribed because my credit card got cancelled in the Sony fiasco back then. I have renewed. Hope my tiny contribution helps pay a tiny fraction of the bandwidth :D
14/12/2011 at 19:48 Belsameth says:
Shouldn’t it be “Get paid what you want” I mean…
:p
14/12/2011 at 19:50 The Magic says:
I heard previously that they were multiplatform, but that got ditched for time so now they’re PC exclusive… which is nice.
14/12/2011 at 20:05 didthedew says:
I live in Hawaii, is there any additional charges when shipping the writers?
and food is expensive here, do i have to provide food or is it included in the bundle?
14/12/2011 at 20:08 Cardinal says:
Which one’s the ugly one?
14/12/2011 at 20:39 Navagon says:
No offence meant to the others. I’m sure you’re all equally wonderful and valuable people.But could I have four Walkers instead, please? Only I seem to have run out of them in Dead Island and those bloody fast infected types are killing me! I need some easy fodder and some dirt cheap Walkers would be ideal right now.
14/12/2011 at 21:59 sinister agent says:
Oh man, this just reminded me that I had a dream where I met Kieron Gillen’s wife (who was, hilariously, named Karen), and thus could have got a free seat to … something. But I went off to … do something else instead, so missed my chance, and had to settle for watching the something online instead. Buggered if I can remember what it was, though. Some kind of film?
I have absolutely no idea why I’m sharing this with the world.
14/12/2011 at 22:30 DestructibleEnvironments says:
I just want a hug :(
Oh and video games. And a cat. And a new cellphone. And uhh… No, just a hug.
14/12/2011 at 23:31 Matzerath says:
Do they come with ‘free will’, or at least the illusion of it? If so, I consider that a form of DRM.
15/12/2011 at 01:50 Forceflow says:
I tried running them on Linux, and they started crying.
I’m asking for a refund.
15/12/2011 at 05:45 Bob says:
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, four RPS scribes a-scribing, three trolls a-trolling, two spambots spamming and a KG in a pear tree.
15/12/2011 at 07:43 Thermal Ions says:
Well I was going to contribute even more than the average, but there was no link in the article and Google only led back here. Alas I’ve spent the money instead on a new kick-ass gaming system – maybe next year.
15/12/2011 at 12:43 dtgreen says:
I never asked for this.
15/12/2011 at 17:47 Malibu Stacey says:
Is that what I think it is?
16/12/2011 at 12:45 LinHongJun says:
support steam or not?