Mass Effect 3 Has Fat Monsters: PROOF

By John Walker on January 4th, 2012 at 3:10 pm.

The sillybilly, he's gone and put his bones on the outside.

Anyone who’s not looking forward to the conclusion of the Mass Effect trilogy is an idiot. That’s the official word given via the parliamentary press secretary for David Cameron, speaking to a field of bees this morning. And if you needed any more proof, there are five new screenshots of the game out today, each emblazoned by BioWare’s ludicrously pointless logos, and one of them showing a big fat alien monster. Like you can resist clicking onward.

Here’s some maths for you:

Mouse + Finger + Picture = Bigger Picture

The game is due out on the 8th March, which is awfully soon.

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110 Comments »

  1. Jacques says:

    What’s Shulgoth doing outside Covent Garden?

  2. Optimaximal says:

    First to say that’s not the ONE TRUE SHEPARD!

    • sneetch says:

      Oh good, glad to see that that tedious nonsense has been dragged up good and early. Now that’s out of the way we can move on.

    • Joshua says:

      I actually think that this official shepherd looks quite a bit better then in ME1.

    • Ham Solo says:

      I agree with Joshua, but I will use my own shep. I don’t know why anyone who owned the previous games could complain, since they will also be using their shep.

    • Blackseraph says:

      I agree, for Shepard is female for one!

    • Arbodnangle Scrulp says:

      I used to play as a Fem-Shep until I took an arrow to the knee.

    • CrookedLittleVein says:

      @ Arbodnangle Scrulp

      You should be deeply ashamed of yourself.

  3. the judge says:

    is this halo with different outfits?

    • the judge says:

      guy in spacesuit with gun… check
      rock textures… check
      purple flashy lights…check

      ship it

    • sneetch says:

      Wow, replying to yourself? It must be so lonely being the champion of justice or whatever it is you think you’re doing.

    • the judge says:

      Im here to judge, U mad?

    • sneetch says:

      I prefered your previous version “na all my people agree with everything I say”. That was much funnier, like there was anything to actually agree with in your rather pitiful and transparent attempts to troll.

      Mad? Amused more like.

    • John Walker says:

      Everyone, be nice or I’ll replace all your posts with links to My Little Pony pictures.

    • Vinraith says:

      Quick, everyone be mean! I really want to see that.

    • Kent says:

      Mean mode online

      The only reason this is like Halo is because; the community that likes this (lets be totally honest) horrible “RPG” is exactly as mature and intellectual as the ones who do play Halo.

    • Wang Tang says:

      What is it with those ponies? :S

    • TeraTelnet says:

      Wet mane ALL the ponies.

    • Buttless Boy says:

      You all suck, and I hate everything except links to My Little Pony pictures.

    • sneetch says:

      It’s easy, all you have to say is “I love ponies!” and bam: the My Little Pony links should arrive any second now.

      Any second.

      Wait for it.

      Edit: See! I told you! Yay, for a visit from the My Little Pony elf!

    • level500boss says:

      I suspect the Orbital Friendship Cannon is targetting.

    • Bhazor says:

      I’m pretty certain this is what Alec means http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzYzVMcgWhg

    • Kaira- says:

      I hate ponies.

    • atticus says:

      Careful you guys.

      JW is a Brony, and they’re not having the best of times.

    • McDan says:

      John Walker is a brony? Cool. I’d try to be mean about ME3 to get pony stuff but I like it too much. New monster is exciting. Lack of femshep however (they said they’d use her in marketing right?) is not exciting.

  4. Chris D says:

    Slightly disappointing that after the whole campaign to find a new female Shepard to use in publicity shots they’re still not going to use her in any publicity shots.

    • Agnol117 says:

      Glad I’m not the only one who feels this way.

    • rjmacready says:

      Kinda what you have to expect Im afraid. Despite there always being some delusional jackass femshep fan claiming that shes better, or that female Shepard is canon, its the opposite.

      Personally I dont think Bioware should even bother with any femshep promo at all. Not enough people play her in game to justify it, and the whiny, self-righteous attitude of many fans who do doesnt help either.

      Look how many comments it took before the idiotic “Shepard is female” crowd chimed in.

  5. The Hammer says:

    Tali and Garrus in the same squad? Squeeeeee.

    I assume we’re going to have a trailer overload soon, just like the second game in the series offered. No bad thing, in my opinion!

    Especially since there’s been very little said about who you can expect your long-term squad-mates to be. Hmmm.

    • jezcentral says:

      Yup, my default team is available. :)

    • Maktaka says:

      But the question is, will we have anything as hilariously powerful as Miranda specced to boost health more and Grunt specced to have more health? Grunt could tank a dreadnought in that scenario.

    • Verio says:

      I really hope Mordin is back, I personally thought he was a stand-out in ME2, really fleshed out character and well acted and such.

      So much so that I dug up and emailed his voice actor, Michael Beattie, just to politely inform him that I thought his performance was tremendous, and was the determining factor in the success of a few different scenes. I asked him if he would be returning for ME3 and he had this to say:

      “I’d love to take another whack at the Pinata as Mordin in ME3.

      ……but I have no “inside information” for you at this time…….;o)”

      Fingers crossed!

    • Lacessit says:

      How did Tali get resurrected after that idiot Zaeed got her killed? Reaper Tech, that’s how! Shepard is a double agent, called it first!

  6. Drake Sigar says:

    Mechanised Skaven rat-ogre?

  7. Orija says:

    Twilight in space.

    • Taedirk says:

      Thanks, Hamburger Hepler!

    • Phantoon says:

      “We didn’t think the story or the combat were engaging enough so we gave you the option to disable both.”

  8. Asuron says:

    I can honestly say right now I’m not looking forward to it or getting it.
    Those spoilers released for ME3 and the down-slide of Biowares quality in general has left me unwilling to touch any of their games. It has even ruined my affection for games I love that was created by them, like DA:O and Kotor.

    Honestly the way its going, I’m expecting a DA2 reaction from the gaming community when its released later this year.

    • HoosTrax says:

      If it follows recent EA PC game trends, it’ll be an Origin-exclusive, which means I won’t spend a dime to play it.

    • InternetBatman says:

      Mass Effect is a different series with a different set of goals and different objectives. I imagine it will live up to them quite well, and even if it doesn’t it has less of a distance to fall.

      Dragon Age 2 tried to change the scope, mechanics, and most importantly design philosophy. The philosophy behind Dragon Age was we don’t think our players are stupid, we don’t want to underestimate them. The philosophy behind Dragon Age 2 was push a button and something cool happens. That divergence is so huge that it would have been almost impossible to prevent a backlash against it because the game wasn’t living up to players’ expectations.

      In contrast, Mass Effect 2 just narrowed focus on what worked in the previous game. Perhaps taking the other stuff out was a bit draconian, but they didn’t radically change the game. This looks to be more of the same, and I doubt the reaction against the game itself will be nearly as negative as the current reaction against Bioware.

    • westyfield says:

      Wait, spoilers released? Please don’t say them, because I somehow missed them, but when did they appear and from where?

    • Dariune says:

      I agree.

      I was disapointed with ME2 and really disapointed with DA2 and TOR was a disapointing concept (MMO of TOR)

      IMO Bioware are the flagship dev for all things dumbed down and arcadey. (Which isnt a bad thing if thats what you like.)

    • timmyvos says:

      @Westyfield
      For some reason the Beta of Mass Effect 3 was leaked and in it was basically the entire script of the game. It was barely any better than Twilight and made it look like barely any of your choices in the previous games had any influence on the overall story or game. No Rachni, Geth, Quarians and no side missions based on your choices. The only choices with actual influence on the overall stories are the romances, who woulda thunk.

  9. JakeOfRavenclaw says:

    The head of that thing looks Turian to me, and since they’ve already revealed that there will be Korgan husks, this is probably something similar. It’s going to be terrifying o.O

  10. Vinraith says:

    I’m adopting a wait-and-see position on this one, and that makes me genuinely sad. I enjoyed the hell out of ME1, and while I thought ME2 was oversimplified mechanically it was still a good time. If nothing else I’d have thought ME3 would be an automatic buy simply in the interest of seeing the story to its conclusion, but based on prepress so far, and in light of Bioware’s track record of late, I think I’m going to have to wait for reviews and, more importantly, word of mouth.

    • Sunjumper says:

      I’m pretty much in the same positon. I enjoyed both Mass Effect’s greatly despite them being for my tastes rather flawed games which in the end where greater than the sum of their parts.

      What I have seen so far from the last games does not fill me with much confidence though.
      Looking at it from a more positive perspective it certainly makes waiting for Mass Effect 3 much easier.

    • HoosTrax says:

      The DLC nonsense with ME2 was a serious turn-off for me. I’m sad to see how we’re progressed from the old days, where a game like BG1 and 2 would get a single solid, all-inclusive expansion like TotSC and ToB.

      ME3 worries me, not just because of the potential for Origin-exclusivity, but because it sounds like it follows directly from the plot elements from the “optional” piecemeal DLCs from ME2, making you feel like you’re missing out if you didn’t pay for the overpriced chopped up DLC chunks.

    • TheApologist says:

      Have to say, these factors + likely obligatory Origin link make it wait and see for me too. Which is crazy, because I had been really excited for it.

    • InternetBatman says:

      I’m adopting a wait until it’s cheap pattern. ME is a good enough shooter series with decent bits of writing, but all the good bits are weighed down by all the Shepard bits.

    • Bhazor says:

      Funnily I thought that ME2 was a big improvement on the first. Of course I thought the first was absolutely dire so different strokes I guess.

      But the third game prepress and Biowares increasingly meh output has put me in the “Not until 75% off” club. EA/Biowares endless nickle and diming with DLC means I’ll definitely wait for the GOTY either way.

    • mouton says:

      Same here, really. Loved ME, bought ME2 physical collector’s edition and for ME3, I will either ignore it or wait until it’s cheap. Origin is not a problem for me, the quality of the game is.

    • Llewyn says:

      Another one here. I was a little disappointed by 2 but still expected 3 to be a guaranteed buy for me. However the DLC fiasco (if you’re going to plant in my head the idea that I can do without some of the story, don’t be surprised if I decide I can do without all of it) and some of the publicity hinting that we’re heading for something closer to Battlefield: Citadel have put paid to that.

    • Azradesh says:

      I too thought the first one was awful. It was a rubbish RPG and a rubbish action game, the second on took out the poor RPG elements and improved the action elements. It became an action game with lots of talking and some RPG elements. I think that worked.

      I’d rather have Baldur’s Gate 3 to be honest. Something with the old AD&D rule set, an RPG without insanely powerful human or human like boss “monsters”. I want an RPG world that where everyone follows the same rules, PCs and NPCs.
      /tangent

    • HoosTrax says:

      Dear god no, don’t let them anywhere near the Baldur’s Gate IP. They’ll find a way to ruin a series I hold near and dear with “modern” changes, like a half dozen DLC weapon and armor packs, and downloadable NPCs.

    • mouton says:

      Dragon Age is basically Baldur’s Gate Redux, too late.

    • Dariune says:

      Dragon Age was initially going to be a BG redux but then half way through dev they decided to strip a lot of stuff out until it became a simpler game.

      Coincidentally, roughly the same time EU bought Bioware i think.

    • Snargelfargen says:

      I’m torn about the dlc issues in ME2. While the original release of the game was clearly incomplete, Lair of the Shadow Broker is probably the best bit of dlc I have ever played. I will definitely be getting ME3 at some point, but just when depends on the reviews and whether I can get a GOTY or at least a decent deal on the dgame+dlc.

      The fact that Bioware games are inevitably given wads of dlc ensures that I will never buy them at release. I would end up paying more than twice the price of a new game on it’s own, and that just doesn’t make financial sense.

    • Azradesh says:

      Well Dragon Age almost does it, but ruins it with human enemies with as many hit points as dragons. Thing like that piss me off. The old DnD rule sets keep humans fairly human and just add powers, or improve dodging, things like that. Wizards get to cast better shields, fighters get better armor, rogues just avoid the damage.

      I’d rather that then having 1000000 HP and fighting a boss that’s just as human as me with 10000000 HP.

  11. Kaiji says:

    BioWho?

    • Baka says:

      The guys behind Command & Conquer.

    • Ultra Superior says:

      re

    • Wang Tang says:

      Well played.

      edit: I meant Baka, but Ultra made me smile, admittedly.

    • Ultra Superior says:

      Baka sneaked his brilliant post in before I managed to log-in. My joke looks sad, late, pathetic and unnecessarily vulgar besides Baka’s.

      I adore Baka secretly. What a mind!

      Geez I can’t wait for new generals yet I feel like Bioware brand is going to hurt the game. Who wants grim and serious emotion-driven storytelling in a generals game ? Not me. No.

    • empfeix says:

      thanks for making my day Baka

  12. Simon Hawthorne says:

    When I click the pictures I only get the top half with the bottom half being below my browser window…when I scroll down the page behind the picture scrolls but the image itself doesn’t, i.e. I only ever see a large version of the top half of the image.

    Is this a problem my end or with the site?

    I want to see Shepard’s legs please.

    Cheers!

    • sneetch says:

      I get that too… I think it’s the code they use for their pop-out window because you can’t move the screen shot. Right-clicking and selecting open in another tab is the only way I can tell that he even has legs!

    • Ross Angus says:

      Depending on your browser (and your mouse), if you mouse-wheel click on the images, they should open in a new tab, in the background. Lovely.

    • Ultra-Humanite says:

      @Ross Angus: That’s the most useful thing I’ve read on the internet this year.

    • sneetch says:

      Useful? Maybe it is, or perhaps it’s SORCEROUS!!!

      I mean: thanks, I didn’t know that!

  13. Taedirk says:

    Anyone who’s not looking forward to the conclusion of the Mass Effect trilogy is an idiot.

    Or refuses to deal with Origin. Or sees how Bioware’s been circling the drain the past couple of years. Or doesn’t want to read another Hamburger Hepler fanfic.

    • kikito says:

      ^ What this guy says.

    • HoosTrax says:

      The optional multiplayer elements randomly slapped in there are obviously to try to reduce piracy of the game associated with people who want to play the game, but want nothing to do with Origin. Whether it will work remains to be seen — even with BF3, an actual multiplayer-focused game, the Razor1911 release (sans Origin) ended up being one of the top 5 pirated games this year.

    • Alceste007 says:

      There will be tons of non Origin options just like Battlefield. Steam will not be included due to dlc dispute. I like Gamersgate myself.

    • HoosTrax says:

      Any version bought from GamersGate will still require the Origin client in all likelihood.

  14. Spider Jerusalem says:

    I am an idiot.

  15. Ultra Superior says:

    Please let me spend hours scanning planets for minerals in a mouse driven minigame, yay!

    Please let me then realize all those minerals were useless !

    Please let my health regenerate miraculously whenever I touch “stick to cover button”.

    Please let me die even behind solid cover if I forget to touch “stick to cover button”.

    Please….oh noes. You don’t please me, I don’t please you, biowar.

  16. TheApologist says:

    Bit of a dilemma this one. The Origin factor (as well as DA2) make me want to wait and see if it is really REALLY good. That said, I did get to have a little go at a demo at the Eurogamer expo, and the main shoot-y and talk-y meat of the game seemed almost identical to ME2 to me. If the story is decent, it could be really great.

    I need to hear Wot U Think!

  17. terry says:

    Ominous rumblings about this one, I’m going to wait and see.

  18. Navagon says:

    From all the videos and screenshots I’ve seen it’s looking like a pretty good team based third person shooter. But that’s not really what I was expecting Mess Effect to look like. Not even after the more action-driven second game.

    The first game was good. The second game blew me away completely. But this has yet to resemble a continuation of that. It looks more like some kind of spin off. Maybe they’re just showing only the action now because they think that’s what’s going to sell it? I hope so.

  19. AyeGill says:

    Is it me, or is there and eerie similarity between #1 and #2, and #3 and #5?

  20. hardboiledgregg says:

    Speaking of big things: I want to see Miranda already.

  21. pipman3000 says:

    mass effect 3 to also have: a sexed up version of ashley, a sexed up version of edi in a sexed up robot body so joker can have sex with her, etc

    but i’m really looking forward to that twilight rpg has bioware has in the works, i heard david gaider’s always working on a hot new stud for us to wet our loins over he’s a half-vampire half-werewolf named alistair carthden and his sex scene is always growing i heard it’s tanking in at 50 minutes now and that’s before gaider got his shipment of jumbo monster energy drinks and pocky i cant wait to immerse myself in this world of dark romance

    • timmyvos says:

      And is Hamburger Helper also part of this game? Cause then it’d be a must buy!

  22. Squishpoke says:

    I’m sorry for being an idiot, Mr. Walker. :(

  23. Kleppy says:

    It took me two playthroughs to realize Mass Effect isn’t very good. So I guess it was worth the $40, but I’m definitely not looking forward to more of the same. See also: Fallout 3 and New Vegas which I played for like 50 hours each before giving up in disgust.

  24. New Player says:

    I have no problem imagining it’ll be by far the best in the series. The interviews with Casey Hudson I usually find fairly convincing. Yes, it’ll have more action, but since the other games almost completely consisted of shooter-quests as well, it can easily be bigger, more varied and motivating in the world building and main quest. But I don’t think anymore Bioware is capable of creating an adventure with real longevity. The pathos around Shepard for example is no different from any bland VG action hero, and on the whole, I don’t expect any storytelling that can touch me from that studio anymore. They’re too much about the “event” of their game, it’s not so much the story itself that seems important, if you know what I mean.

  25. WhataShame says:

    Damn, the only thing keeping me from preordering this right away is Origin-requirement. If only it was on Steam. Guess no trilogy conclusion for me. Sucks.

  26. Binho says:

    I don’t know, not really looking forward to this last installment of the ME trilogy. The second one was better than the first in terms of gameplay and story progression. Yet to me, I don’t remember it as fondly as the first.

    I mean, the second one for me lacked the sense of exploring new and alien locations and races that I got from the first one. None of the locations really stood out to me. There was nothing like the Citadel, or the massive hallway with all the Prothean graves in the second one. All the worlds were fairly generic Sci-Fi and most of them were ruined. It was a lot more about action than exploration. And the music wasn’t as good.

    Plus, ME is becoming much ‘softer’ on the sci-fi scale, which really puts me off. The fact that it was fairly ‘hard’ by Hollywood and AAA Game standards was one of the reasons it caught my eye. Yet things like the new omni-tool blades break the suspension of disbelief for me (Stabbing someone with a hologram? Come on!). The end of ME2 with ***SPOILER*** yet another evil biological spaceship and that silly giant human-reaper thing ***SPOILER*** didn’t help either. I think that was the exact moment I stopped caring actually. It didn’t feel like the universe depicted by ME1 and the ME1 lore.

    It saddens me that ME3 seems to be continuing on that same trend. Seems to be full of boring ruined sci-fi worlds and entirely about space-guns. Doesn’t look like it’s made for someone who likes exploring anymore.

    I’ll probably end up getting it for X-Box though, just to get some closure. Unless the only way to unlock the real end is through DLC

    • YourMessageHere says:

      I’m inclined to agree. The first game was pretty clunky in places but it got the whole ‘sense of universe’ thing very well, and also managed to create a well realised feel of scale. I’d certainly agree that the Citadel really helped do that. The second played much more smoothly, but had a lot less impact, particularly that stupid end boss, and hub locations weren’t remotely as interesting. It was fairly directly comparable to any film sequel made after the fact: favourite old characters, interesting new ones, problematic scenario in which the enemy is already beaten and so an old one gets promoted and new ones appear because the story needs them to, and most of all, law of diminishing returns in effect.

      Presently, I still want ME3 despite my reservations, but I am afraid I may not by the time it’s cheap. I don’t regret waiting stupidly long to buy either of the others for cheap; I may buy ME3, or may not.

    • hardboiledgregg says:

      I don’t know if this makes any difference to you but I think the concept of the omni-blade is that there is an infinitesimal strip of biotic field/energy/whatever that is doing the actual stabbing/cutting.

      Don’t forget ME2 had tech armour or some such that was a sort of holographic-looking shield. Otherwise it could be the same concept but used as a weapon?

  27. Walter Heisenberg says:

    http://i.imgur.com/IxxOm.png
    Oh my god :|

  28. Gira says:

    Why am I unsurprised that John Walker is a furry?

    Also, ME3, like ME2 and (to a lesser extent) ME1, will be terrible.

  29. Milky1985 says:

    I kinda find it odd that two out of three of the characters are standing in EXCATLY the same place and stance in teh first and second pictures (after the break pictures), with just a skin change and background change.

    Have they gone back to actually having RPG elements or more towards the 3rd person shooter with this one? I highly suspect after 2 its gone the shooter route so it may have to be a sale item :/

    • Walter Heisenberg says:

      3 will have rail shooting turret segments so it’s going even further from it’s RPG roots.

  30. SolCommand says:

    When ME3 comes out my priorities will stand like this: ME3 – first, job – second, social life – third