By Richard Cobbett on January 16th, 2012 at 6:12 pm.
Last week there were a couple of games that brought up the question of what actually counts as a game. One of them shouldn’t have, because it turned out to be a passing ice-cream truck. The other was Katawa Shoujo, which occasionally teetered on the edge of that which people were willing to tolerate – that a reviewer could be bored by a slightly creepy visual novel about dating definitely-not-underage-at-all disabled girls without being some kind of illiterate, word-hating dunce. Which obviously John is, but that’s not the point. Luckily, you can now enjoy that experience in a brand new form – one in which you occasionally get to press some buttons.
It’s called Katawa Crash, which you may find not-so-oddly reminiscent of a game called Nanaca Crash from a few years ago, but with the craziness ramped up beyond the impossible. Here are our impressions of it after a couple of plays:
“DADADADADADADA! SPROING! BOING BOING! WHEEEEEE! BONK! BOING BOING! WHEEE! YEEEEEEEA! BOING BOING BOING! SMACK! KAPOOOOW! FOOM.”
We also do a splendid Peter Molyneux.
The main character’s name is Hisao. He has a heart defect. Playing this game involves launching him at high speed out of a hospital and making him smash into obstacles and get beaten up by girls. Getting a high score will certainly kill him, and you will be a monster. Enjoy!
16/01/2012 at 18:18 RiptoR says:
Nanaca Crash… Spent hours wasting my time with that flash game at my previous job.
17/01/2012 at 02:36 Lambchops says:
Mentioning Nanaca crash made me feel old and I just remember it from bacj in high schooll several years ago. If you played it at a job you must be positively ancient! This makes me feel somewhat better. Sorry!
16/01/2012 at 18:21 Kaira- says:
Wait, what was the other “un-game” last week? My short-term memory isn’t quite what it used to be.
16/01/2012 at 18:24 Unaco says:
The passing Ice Cream truck. It really shouldn’t have been involved in any un-game shenanigans, and I think RPS released a mea-culpa daubed in their own blood.
16/01/2012 at 19:09 maninahat says:
“Argh, giant talking dog!”
17/01/2012 at 05:48 JoeyJungle says:
It was To the Moon
16/01/2012 at 18:33 CMaster says:
As the link to the game up there is a link to 4chan’s /f/ board, it probably won’t last all that long.
16/01/2012 at 19:39 CMaster says:
There is a more permanent source here, it would seem.
17/01/2012 at 13:34 StenL says:
/f/ works very different from other 4chan boards and things AFAIK aren’t deleted from there after some time. It is basically a flash file repository.
16/01/2012 at 18:33 zairekaboom says:
Press some buttons, eh? I tried this yesterday. I launched him, leant back on my chair, watched him fly for 2 minutes and quit the game, because there was no interaction.
16/01/2012 at 18:36 Hisui says:
You used neither Misha nor the AEDs, then, hence learn2play!
16/01/2012 at 18:43 zairekaboom says:
It’s 2012. I refuse to learn a game which does not have an interactive tutorial.
16/01/2012 at 22:39 Bhazor says:
Your mom refuses to have an interactive tutorial. Still learned to play though.
16/01/2012 at 18:47 Wulf says:
...Best in Shoujo. Really Richard. Really?
I can‘t see anyone topping that pun today.
16/01/2012 at 18:48 CMaster says:
15769.80m
Although I got bored and got on with something else instead, so I don’t know what eventually stopped me.
16/01/2012 at 18:55 Squire says:
25,969.74m
Am I the winner?
16/01/2012 at 19:03 BillyIII says:
31179.70
16/01/2012 at 19:04 Hodge says:
Mine just went past 53,000 and it’s still going. I hope I haven’t broken the Internet.
16/01/2012 at 19:09 Vagrant says:
I’m at about 40k with a multiball and it’s nighttime and WTF this may take a while.
16/01/2012 at 19:19 kraken says:
60089.70
Without using any bonus (got completely stopped by an event).
16/01/2012 at 19:45 BillyIII says:
Yay!
126428.34
And 1km maximum height.
16/01/2012 at 19:47 Hodge says:
Still on the same game. Past 120,000 and just got another multiball. I think I’m going to have to leave it running overnight.
EDIT: Finally stopped at 127,229.56. And now my brain hurts.
16/01/2012 at 20:21 Alexander Norris says:
http://i.imgur.com/V4QNR.png
I’m not wasting any more of my time on this.
16/01/2012 at 21:17 McDan says:
Glad I’m not the only one going through this insanity, over 60K and it keeps going. I can’t seem to slow it or anything. What have you done to me RPS.
16/01/2012 at 21:32 McDan says:
O god it’s still going, now there’s multiballs. What is happening.
16/01/2012 at 23:39 brulleks says:
“25,969.74m
Am I the winner?”
That depends on your definition of ‘winner’.
16/01/2012 at 18:57 TychoCelchuuu says:
I like how the city is Seattle.
16/01/2012 at 19:04 Vagrant says:
Interesting. You press start at the beginning, then watch for a long time as you careen between characters that pass by too quick to realize who they are. It’s like the actual game without the dialog!
16/01/2012 at 19:07 Vagrant says:
And then a cutscene event happens and you’re not really sure why and it keeps going on.
Yup, just like the game.
16/01/2012 at 19:12 Vagrant says:
I like when you get the special for the blonde chick and you can’t see anything happening and you think it’s bugged but then oh yeah she’s blind! and it’s not very funny.
16/01/2012 at 19:07 Author X says:
It’s like Nanaca Crash, but I can read the instructions! Which, somehow, takes a bit of the fun out of it.
Oh well, while I do like Kuusou Rumba, it’s a poor substitute for Zuuuuuuuban!
And now to go back to playing Nanaca Crash. Thanks for the nostalgia trip.
16/01/2012 at 19:28 PleasingFungus says:
I was reading up on Nanaca Crash a few months ago, on Wiki – oddly, it’s also based on a Japanese porn game. (Which I never realized when I played.)
Something about the genre, I guess.
16/01/2012 at 20:25 Tokamak says:
Indeed. And a vastly, vastly superior one at that – at least with respect to the writing. Maybe ol’ Johnny boy should give it a go before writing off the majority of the medium as pedestrian.
17/01/2012 at 04:16 Author X says:
The difference is that, like Nanaca Crash itself, the game it’s based on is actually Japanese. And was developed without the influence of 4chan.
I’d guess it’s probably intentional that the internationally-developed fan-made VN spawned an English-language fan-made Nanaca Crash clone.
16/01/2012 at 20:44 menderslan says:
Hum… so the link I clicked there from the article has been blocked and categorized by my workplace as pornography. Interesting, RPS. Interesting.
16/01/2012 at 21:18 IDtenT says:
Mender, it’s 4chan. I’d hope the workplace would see at as pornography.
16/01/2012 at 22:00 dontnormally says:
distance: 11979.75
height: 258.61
what: did i just play?
16/01/2012 at 23:16 Bhazor says:
I just want to point out that despite all the warning signs Katawa Shoujo is supposed to be a genuinely good and well written visual novel. With realistic and well rounded characters coping with their disabilities.
Between this and that 4chan S.T.A.L.K.E.R megamod its surprising how sincere they can be. Its like getting a handmade christmas card with a prison mailing stamp on the back.
That said they are also making a My Little Pony hentai game. In the demo you fist Rainbow Dash.
Game. Of. The. Year.
17/01/2012 at 00:49 Jetsetlemming says:
Their STALKER mod (LURK) was terrible though. They took out artifact equipping and turned up the bloom to a thousand (or nine thousand if you’d like), super annoying. They haven’t got shit over the Russians, with mods like People’s Soup, SGM, and Misery.
17/01/2012 at 08:13 the_p says:
No, I believe it’s supposed to be terrible, at least according to me.
And perhaps it is sincere, but realistic ahemno and as for well-rounded characters, I’m not sure what’s round about the one who won’t shut the hell up about the student council but noidon’tthinksoeither.
17/01/2012 at 10:47 paterah says:
No LURK was amazing but it was only for a specific group of people since it was extremely realistic, it removed the HUD if I remember correctly etc.
17/01/2012 at 13:53 Kronic says:
Really enjoyed LURK myself, was the last SoC mod I actually completed a game with. :P
16/01/2012 at 23:36 Baka says:
STUDENT COUNCIL GET :(
17/01/2012 at 08:14 the_p says:
Likewise. And to think I’d just passed thirteen thousand without having looked at the damn thing since setting him off. :(
17/01/2012 at 00:03 Yehat says:
Hm, to my huge surprise I kinda liked KS, or at least the path I read through, despite the amateurish writing and, well, “adults-only animesque visual novel about disabled girls made by 4chan members” sounding wrong in so many ways.
17/01/2012 at 00:26 Acosta says:
I really enjoyed Katawa Shoujo. Putting aside the debate about interactivity and so, I found it really tasteful and well developed (Lilly route here), was quite impressed by it.
Katawa Crash is really fun.
17/01/2012 at 10:00 faelnor says:
I REALLY WANT TO BE A JAPANESE
17/01/2012 at 12:24 MadTinkerer says:
CREEPERS! I… wasn’t just imagining them, right? I haven’t managed to collide with one yet.
17/01/2012 at 13:39 Foosnark says:
I just passed 56,000m and I have to go to work.
17/01/2012 at 13:46 Kronic says:
Gods no, Nanaca Crash killed enough hours of my time as was, even without counting the fact it caused me to play Cross Channel. >.>