Never Do This: DIY Assassin’s Creed Blade

By Craig Pearson on January 20th, 2012 at 4:22 pm.

This madness. AND Sparta.
Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but I think this is the first time RPS have presented detailed instructions on how to build a concealable assassination tool. Given that I’m writing on a website that Kieron Gillen is a director of, I find that baffling. Anyway, how many fingers do you have? All of them? Would you like one less? You’ll need a drawer, a screen door, a throwing knife, and balls the size of a baby’s head.

Ok, look: don’t try this. Please. Just watch the video, be amazed and then do what I do and place a plastic ruler in your sleeves and make a “shunk” sound with your hand. If you do decide to make it, please turn it into an automatic banana dispenser, or a way of keeping your house key easily to hand. If there’s a spate of “Idiot Skewers Brain While Picking His Nose” headlines over the weekend, you’ll make me very sad.

Now you just need to learn to run across rooftops and you’re sorted.

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83 Comments »

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  1. Swabbleflange says:

    Travis Bickle would be proud.

  2. Maldomel says:

    Real men do it like Altair! Real men, or people who will try this carelessly.

  3. ahluka says:

    1) It was only a matter of time.
    2) Fucking awesome and I want one.
    3) It’ll be in a murder case within 6 months. Some kid will think it’s cool to wear it outside, get overexcited and penetrate a random jugular.

    • Defiant Badger says:

      Oh those bloody random jugulars, eh?

    • mouton says:

      I am not a blade weapon pro, but this seem quite impractical. Much easier to cut yourself then someone else.

    • SiHy_ says:

      How do you kill a circus?

      Go straight for the juggler.

      Ba-dum-tish.

    • jonfitt says:

      3) Some kid wearing one will get shot by police for refusing to put their weapon down.

  4. Muzman says:

    Never go to a meet and greet with some people you suspect to be Masons wearing that either.

  5. JYzer says:

    “You’ll need a drawer, a screen door, a throwing knife, and balls the size of a baby’s head” …as well as the number of your solicitor on speed dial, for when the filth inevitably come round to ask some pointed questions.

    • Demon Beaver says:

      You’re gonna need a paint job and a shitload of screen doors

    • Muzman says:

      You’re going to need a bigger boat.

    • sinister agent says:

      You’re gonna need some more FBI guys, I guess.

    • LionsPhil says:

      I don’t think I’m going to count them under “filth” when they’re investigating douchnozzles concealing sleeveknives that they’ve sharpened and designed to lock off to go through “something”. Those aren’t design considerations you make for a prop.

      I’m glad to see you stayed sharp when it came to the obligatory punning, though.

    • sinister agent says:

      “The filth” doesn’t automatically denote contempt or dislike, really. It can even go as far as being affectionate. For example, there’s a bit in Rex the Runt where a friendly policeman knocks on the door and says hello, and Wendy goes “Rex! It’s the filth” in the same way you’d say “it’s the post”. And yes, that was basically just an excuse to tell everyone to watch Rex the Runt.

    • Network Crayon says:

      Worth it for a Rex the Runt name drop Sinister Agent, Bravo.

    • LionsPhil says:

      When you plant your brassicas in May, cover them, in mulch..

  6. sinister agent says:

    It seems like it would make a lot more sense to have it on the other side of one’s arm, and simply wear long, loose sleeves (as Whatsisname in the game does, indeed). That way you’re not going to skewer your own hand when you’re writing a letter or someone parries you mid-strike or whatever.

  7. Creeping Death says:

    He needs a longer blade… Is it worrying that is my only comment on this? :/

    Edit: Also randomly, anyone know why the forums have been down for a day now?

    • Text_Fish says:

      Re: Forums

      I don’t know, but I’m starting to run out of things to “do” to Jim, John, Tim and Alec on the error page. :(

    • grundus says:

      This was my initial reaction, too, using the blade for any actual stabbing would either result in a jarred/snapped wrist (as a result of a swift, forceful yet palm upwards and open jab at something) or the object of your stab-lust just being mainly punched with a small cutty hole in it.

      I saw a Commando knife in an antique shop that would’ve been perfect for this. Kind of like a miniature Claymore sword, it was about 8 inches long but only about 3 quarters of an inch wide at the base. Obviously the tip was extremely pointy. I imagine it was designed for the stabbing of throats, anyway, much like the concealed blade in Assassin’s Creed.

      Still, quite how this guy managed to ignore the fact that all assassin’s were missing a finger or just didn’t get the relevance of their severed digit is beyond me. Also I would’ve preferred this if it were electronic, I get the strange feeling that the catch on this blade will be less effective as time goes on (due to springs losing their springity/the catch getting worn, not that I know how this works or anything). Granted you’d need some very powerful magnets and a fair bit of 12V current, which is difficult to get from most batteries, but even so, the safety aspect would probably make it worthwhile. You could have an on/off switch, flex sensors to make sure your hand isn’t in the way… All sorts of things.

      Still, one of these with a rubber knife would be great for a fancy dress party or someone who wants a police officer to assist their suicide…

    • DigitalSignalX says:

      That was my first thought too – not realistic due to blade length. Certainly a fun project and a great conversation piece though, I think it’s great he was able to rig it together and make it functional.

      It’s also a bit of a sad fact that if such a device could truly be effective and functional, we’d have invented it and mass produced it ages ago. Devising new ways to kill people effectively is an unfortunate aspect of our collective culture.

    • mjig says:

      In Assassin’s Creed 2 Leonardo da Vinci develops a way to create the blade without cutting off the finger.

      Which was odd, since I had assumed that the Assassin’s did that more as part of the initiation ritual than out of actual mechanical necessity. Then again I guess Ezio didn’t really have a league of Assassins training him so the ceremony wasn’t necessary.

    • irongamer says:

      A longer blade would be useful. However, to make it something you could really use it needs to have a handle section that can be held once the blade is out. The blade would come out beyond the hand and a handle would be present as a grip. This allows the user to focus more on the jab and less on keeping their hand off the blade edge.

      The length of the blade / handle combination may start reaching the limit of the length of the forearm, but it could be done. If forearm length is too much of a limitation a two system blade and perpendicular like handle slide could be used. The blade would slide out followed by a small perpendicular grip to grasp.

      A quick release for leaving the blade in the wound or having the blade/handle quickly snap back into place would be needed to free up your hands for a quick escape.

      This would allow the user much stronger force and natural flow when piercing. The wrist only attachment may function but it would need more grip to really perform.

    • AlexW says:

      Actually, mjig, the AC2 Codex (and Leonardo himself, if I recall correctly) state that the modifications were made by Altair, when he was getting high on infinite knowledge, and that it helped him to usher in a new era of Assassinry in which the members couldn’t be picked out of a crowd so easily by Templars, as the war between them went further underground.

      And then someone decided to brand all the Assassins’ left ring fingers with their mark anyway!

    • Starky says:

      @Grundus

      As an electrical engineer believe me when I say a simple spring mounted mechanical blade would be vastly more efficient than anything anyone could design that was motorised or hydraulic. Springs last a fairly long time if their minimum and maximum length is restricted (in other words springs tend to only lose their springiness when over stretched or compressed)
      Theoretically a perfect spring would never lose it’s ability to return to length (again as long as it isn’t stretched over it’s limit), reality is heat and friction do wear springs, but it’s so slowly it isn’t an issue in something like this.

      For example where I work there is a sorting machine for components that is spring loaded (spring fires, hydraulic draws it back, spring fires) – firing once a second on average, it has a life span measured in years. If not decades.

      Yes it could be done with a 12 V step, or servo – but it would be much slower, much weaker and much heavier (or at least bulkier).

      Now what would be possible and possibly more effective would be an electronic switch that would operate the triggering mechanism (rather than the mechanical ring-pull which seems just asking to catch the finger on the blade), and could probably be achieved with a tiny motor and a couple of AA’s.
      Allowing all the fingers to be bent away from the wrist and reduce the risk of stabbing your finger.

  8. Icarus says:

    Not the first of these videos I’ve seen, but the first one where the end product doesn’t look like something off the set of Scrapheap Challenge.

    Now if someone can only come up with a way to reset the blade that doesn’t involve pushing it back in, I’ll be -really- impressed.

    • finegrind says:

      Agreed, He needs a way of retracting the blade or he’ll blow his cover after he gets his target.

  9. jon_hill987 says:

    Only one blade?

    • Text_Fish says:

      It amuses me how angry that dweeb looks. “FUCK YOU BOX! AAAARRRGGGHHH!”

    • Demon Beaver says:

      I wonder if he damaged the carpet with that pounce in the end

    • SF Legend says:

      He’s the best he is at what he does, and what he does is penetrate boxes.

    • sinister agent says:

      Not so. I can penetrate boxe fas….oh man, do I need to learn when to keep quiet.

  10. Premium User Badge

    TheApologist says:

    You know the way people say that we all know the difference between fantasy and reality? I begin to have my doubts.

    • Blackcompany says:

      Well said.
      ….
      But the comment “…and balls the size of a baby’s head…” nonetheless made my day. Utterly hilarious. It would be difficult to NOT read something with that sort of lead-in.

  11. jaqenn says:

    Far, far superior version here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=BDRR-b979QA#!

    That guy has one spring-loaded in BOTH directions, rather that just ‘out’ like this guy.

    • wodin says:

      That is cool..retracts aswell…

      The best bit is the letter from Ubisoft at the end then after someone requested they make one!!

    • Starky says:

      Actually that one is vastly inferior – as a cool looking prop it is better, as a real weapon it is useless.

      The mechanical one above is sturdy and could probably be used as a prototype for an actual hidden blade. Solid metal, with a real blade that doesn’t stick out too far.

      The one you linked while cool, has way too long of a blade (reality is a long blade would just snap or bend because force on the tip would be too much for the metal, thanks to the turning effect).
      Also it’s made out of plastic and rubber bands.

  12. mocky says:

    It’s cute, but it doesn’t really feel like it belongs on RPS. This is a slippery slope towards “newsposts” about video game themed cakes and knit caps, and RPS will have become Kotaku.

  13. Dys Does Dakka says:

    That man knows way too much about the inner workings of concealable instruments of stabbing, or is it just me?

  14. Advanced Assault Hippo says:

    Paul Daniels tried this earlier.

  15. Blackcompany says:

    FYI to American readers: If SOPA/PIPA were passed, we would likely not be able to see this article.
    ….
    Not because Ubisoft held any serious concern for our safety due to the making of assassin’s blades, of course, but because the original model is “theirs” and this infringes upon their copyright.
    .
    Seriously, a dude in a white cloak, wearing one of these blades, will be required with the purchase of any future Ubisoft title.

  16. Kodeen says:

    Kieron is still the director? Must be a shadow leadership, he’s not listed anywhere in the site credentials.

    I can just picture him now, pulling the internet’s strings from a remote volcano in the shape of his own head, laughing and drinking tea.

    • Premium User Badge

      VelvetFistIronGlove says:

      It’s not a volcano lair, but Rock Paper Shotgun Ltd’s registered address is the wonderful-sounding “Mount Nebo Brickwall Farm, Sible Hedingham”. What a lovely name.

    • sinister agent says:

      If you rearrange the letters you get Secret UN AAIIIE NOT THE FACE

    • Kieron Gillen says:

      I’m the power behind the throne. The throne in question being a toilet. After years of fighting it, I am now part of the Cistern.

      KG

  17. Simon Hawthorne says:

    I am glad there is a large, large body of water between him and me.

  18. Koozer says:

    I hope I never ever meet this person.

    …and that blade’s not even long enough.

  19. chunkynut says:

    More worrying is that the guy really looks stoned.

  20. Drake Sigar says:

    Yeah, he’s going to accidently open an artery.

    • Skabooga says:

      Every three seconds while watching the video, I would flinch and yell “Oh God, he’s going to stab himself!” I don’t think I could stand the mental stress of actually wearing one of these things.

  21. rayne117 says:

    Robert De Niro did it first in Taxi Driver.

    • nervouspete says:

      Actually Dr. Christian Szell did it first in Marathon Man. He’s a sinister old man with a penchant for unorthadox dentistry. You can tell he’s a bit worried about his old wrist blade though as he keeps asking Dustin Hoffman if it’s safe.

  22. Strife212 says:

    Almost certainly illegal in the UK :p

    • LionsPhil says:

      The Met are already preparing to shoot anyone who knows that this YouTube video exists.

    • EthZee says:

      To be fair, so is quite a lot of stuff. Which reminds me, I really must renew my spoon license this month.

    • SlappyBag says:

      @Ethzee – I’ve never laughed so hard at an RPS Comment. Well done. ^_^

  23. Kleppy says:

    Countdown until crazy guy jumps off a roof into a haystack

  24. mbp says:

    Ho a=on Earth do you avoid giving yourself a stigmata or at very least losing a couple of fingers?

  25. Neolithic says:

    “It was self-defence!”

  26. bilharzia says:

    It’s the perfect postscript to the Stephen Lawrence trial – we need more young white men carrying concealed knives, and on a video games news site, it’s as if the Daily Mail doesn’t need to make this stuff up any more.

    • Premium User Badge

      Jackablade says:

      Yeah, I don’t want to be Captain Killjoy (Well, I do, but that would take a lot more years in the curmudgeon forces), but I’ve gotta question the wisdom of posting an instructional video on how to build a concealed weapon which would be illegal in most countries on the site.

    • Shazbut says:

      Unfortunately, I agree.

    • Lemming says:

      I agree, and I’m actually going to stick my neck out and say posting this, and therefore condoning it, was a highly moronic thing to do.

      It’s not as if he’s using a plastic knife and saying ‘great for cosplay’, he’s actually describing how easily concealable it is, and then proceeds to show the locking mechanism he made because he ‘wants to be able to stab things’.

      I mean come on RPS, ffs.

  27. randomnine says:

    Really don’t do this. According to some knife websites and such, it’s a criminal offence just to manufacture a spring-loaded knife like this here in the UK due to the Restriction of Offensive Weapons Act, 1959.

  28. Network Crayon says:

    Seems like the perfect way to stab yourself in the wrist… Anywhere.

  29. Premium User Badge

    Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

    In my day we had to invent our own mechanical stabbing devices, not copy them off a game protagonist. Why, the fun I used to have with my patented “Smingleigh Smiter” (Not suitable for children under 7) could exsanguinate a cow in under 30 seconds… You kids of today, you barely even know you’re born.

  30. Etherealsteel says:

    He isn’t the first one to do this really, just look on YT, there’s dozen of these, still it’s rather cool. I’d go a little more elaborate and put this with a leather glove. I’d add another spring and a different locking mechanism to make it automatically retract.

  31. rockman29 says:

    As a future doctor… I’m sort of sad anyone bothered to make this… /the pacifist

  32. Rendition says:

    cool

  33. Valkesh says:

    This was never a difficult concept. The problem is, it was never really worth doing. Hell, that entire video I was expecting him to stab himself in the palm at some point.. It’s cool, IN THEORY, and if you replaced the blade with something less interesting it might make a good cosplay prop, but that’s about all.