By Alec Meer on January 24th, 2012 at 1:25 pm.
What, you thought I was going to put a gag in the headline? You think that those three words are not beautiful and perfect enough on their own? How you sicken me, you artless philistine.
Yes, the latest in a long line of labour machinery-based sims you would never dream existed is Airport Firefighter Simulator, in which you are all that stands in front of certain, explosive disaster. Quotes like this are simply amazing: “Even the most routine duties of aircraft refuelling and cargo management carry the chance of conflagration so you must always be on your guard to prevent a minor incident becoming a major inferno.”
And more, because I fear I couldn’t summarise this any better:
“Your duties as a fireman require you to maintain vigilance on both day and night shifts, never quite knowing when you will be summoned into action with scores of dramatic missions. Drive ultra realistic renditions of specialist fire fighting vehicles, across 20 km2 of airport, including the famed PANTHER, each vehicle complete with unique equipment ready to be pressed into service for any eventuality.
In a busy airport anything can and will happen, requiring split second decision making and nerves of steel. Only the finest firefighters can operate in an environment where one small spark can lead to disaster. Are you up to taking the heat?”
Omigodomigodomigod. What could such a game possibly be like in action?
Awesome. In so many ways: awesoome.
I’m feeling pretty bruised by the odd dullness of Postal III – words on which will be posted soon – but maybe this can offer the drama I crave? It’s out 17th Feb.
24/01/2012 at 13:28 julianbenson says:
I particularly like the panning shot of the box art.
24/01/2012 at 13:34 Matt says:
If they implemented a “Die Hard 2″ and/or “Speed” scenario, I’d buy it.
24/01/2012 at 13:34 VelvetFistIronGlove says:
This is just plane amazing.
24/01/2012 at 13:37 Janek says:
Certainly looks better than all hose other games.
24/01/2012 at 13:38 MuscleHorse says:
I’ve pre-ordered and my copy should be winging it’s way to me shortly, barring delays or cancellation.
24/01/2012 at 13:39 welshtux says:
I can see this flying off the shelves.
24/01/2012 at 13:46 Untruth says:
It’s fire to say that not everyone is going to have a blast with this
24/01/2012 at 13:59 Hordriss says:
I have a burning desire to play this.
24/01/2012 at 14:07 djbriandamage says:
Vegas or combust!
24/01/2012 at 14:09 The Tupper says:
Careful chaps. Some people seem to find pun threads a bit inflammatory.
24/01/2012 at 14:13 Kits says:
There’s always someone that has to go and douse the fun by saying something like that.
24/01/2012 at 16:06 Rao Dao Zao says:
I’m glad we’re discussing these burning issues here.
24/01/2012 at 16:08 Jacksie says:
Cool your jets. We don’t want a flame war on our hands.
24/01/2012 at 18:29 Tams80 says:
I fear it may be too late. A commentator has probably already self-combusted in anger.
24/01/2012 at 18:54 siegarettes says:
I’m afraid this thread has gone off course. The discussion may get a bit turbulent from here on.
24/01/2012 at 20:59 geeknik says:
Not sure I’m fired up about this one.
25/01/2012 at 01:46 Ahtaps says:
I don’t want to be a wet blanket, but I don’t think this will take off.
24/01/2012 at 13:36 SquareWheel says:
These games are like fetish porn. To most, it’s weird, but to a select few it is the best around.
24/01/2012 at 20:17 Gink says:
Doug Stanhope fan?
25/01/2012 at 11:53 SquareWheel says:
I don’t think so. I Googled his name and the first result was a video called “Fuck the Jews”, so, maybe?
24/01/2012 at 13:44 Legion23 says:
My mind is set flying and on fire.
24/01/2012 at 13:52 2late2die says:
The 90′s called, they want their soundtrack back.
24/01/2012 at 13:54 deadfolk says:
Ban this sick filth!
24/01/2012 at 14:00 Hodge says:
A friend of mine got Farming Simulator 2011 as a crafting prize in the Steam Xmas promotion. I still have no idea whether I envy him or not.
24/01/2012 at 14:05 SquareWheel says:
I traded six coal for Farming Simulator. Aww yeaaaah.
24/01/2012 at 18:52 siegarettes says:
I bought the Train Simulator over the holiday. On purpose. WIth real moneys.
24/01/2012 at 20:35 Aardvarkk says:
I bought Demolition Company and am now certified to operate lots of machinery, including several forms of explosives.
24/01/2012 at 14:11 Anthile says:
I see your Airport Firefighter Simulator and raise you a http://www.wildtangent.com/Games/snowcat-simulator-2011 .
24/01/2012 at 14:32 The Infamous Woodchuck says:
oh, i thought… nvm
24/01/2012 at 14:11 DogKiller says:
Do you think these are all made by the same guy in his bedroom at weekends? They all look like they use the same 3D engine, so presumably it’s just a case of replacing interfaces, changing out the 3D models and a little bit extra to tailor it all to the setting. They’ve obviously churned enough of them out to make some kind of profit on the side.
I’ve also seen people looking at these once or twice in GAME. I cringed and felt really sorry for them, because they were obviously not what you would call gamers. A part of my soul longed to cry out and warn them. Instead, I walked out of the shop and tried to forget.
24/01/2012 at 14:32 ankh says:
Warn them about what? Maybe it’s because I have german heritage i don’t know but I love most of these simulators. Farming Simulator 2011 is ace.
25/01/2012 at 01:58 paterah says:
Wow someone woke up on the wrong side today.
25/01/2012 at 09:36 Baggypants says:
Phew, I’m glad your stepping up as the fun police, otherwise I would have thought all sorts of things were fun.
24/01/2012 at 14:47 Stuart Walton says:
I hope it has TrackIR support, it’s a ‘simulator’ therefore it should.
Also, it must be a real simulator because it uses the now-standard simulator font for the game title on the boxart.
24/01/2012 at 15:08 Milos says:
Even the famed PANTHER? Easy there devs, there is such a thing as too much excitement for a single game.
24/01/2012 at 16:33 Skabooga says:
Burning plane! Burning tree! Burning helicopter!
Edit: Did not mean to reply. Burning humiliation!
24/01/2012 at 15:17 Ricc says:
They are making it sound like even the most minor activities could lead to an instant inferno at the airport. Not exactly fueling (hah!) my confidence in traveling by plane.
24/01/2012 at 16:54 Koozer says:
Be careful when passengers are crossing the runway, for they could SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST at ANY MOMENT.
24/01/2012 at 15:34 tentaclesex says:
I love reading about these things.
24/01/2012 at 16:17 Zarunil says:
Still waiting for Corridor Cleaning Simulator – Skyscraper Edition
24/01/2012 at 16:29 Gundrea says:
Sure I’m skeptical now but as soon as Office Worker Simulator comes along I’ll be shoving my cash into the computer just to get a copy.
24/01/2012 at 17:13 Jesse L says:
I’m not going to bother to actually make it happen but in my mind I am doubling the trailer with Kanye’s POWER.
25/01/2012 at 06:28 Kektain says:
Works alright near the beginning.
24/01/2012 at 18:52 Aradalf says:
The trailer says it’ll be out 10th February, not 17th.
24/01/2012 at 19:40 Levanon says:
Not gonna lie, watching that chopper burn to the ground sold me. But I know that I’d just end up faffing about until everything explodes.
24/01/2012 at 21:15 BlackKraken says:
I’m assuming being a pyromaniac is generally considered a setback to the career of a fireman.
Now that I think about it, do you have to prove you aren’t one to become a fireman?
Answers to:
PO box 65839
The One Show
25/01/2012 at 00:12 Ormu says:
There should be a tag for all these silly simulators so I can always find them quickly when I need a laugh.
27/01/2012 at 07:22 NamelessPFG says:
I’m beginning to think there should be an Internet Rule for these kind of games.
“No matter how mundane it seems, there is a simulator of it. No exceptions.”