I can’t wait for Mass Effect 3. I’m replaying ME2 to make sure I get the perfect starting point. I’m planning to buy the new Mass Effect: Deception novel and go through it making corrections in ANGRY RED PEN. I’m even pitching the official musical version of the story, featuring amazing lyrics like “Spectres don’t fear the Reapers. Nor do Garrus, Tali or Thane…”
What I’m not doing is watching any of the trailers or reading any previews. I want to dive in knowing as little as possible about the new plot, characters, locations, even guns. If you crave a pre-release hit though, good news! Bioware has released five brand new trailers, which I’ve embedded below while keeping my eyes shut. From the odd unavoidable glimpse, it does look as if they mostly feature some boring guy wearing Shepard’s armour, but fret not – there’s another coming where the real heroine of the series will finally get her spotlight…
WARNING: FAKE SPOILERS AHEAD
Fake Spoiler #1: If you have a Kinect camera, your own gurning face will be shown when Tali opens her helmet, a bit like the God thing at the end of Star Trek V.
Fake Spoiler #2: The Illusive Man finally decides that’s not a sinister enough name to build an empire around, and decides to see if he can do it again as “Great Satan Murderstein”
Fake Spoiler #3: Shepard falls in love with a Reaper. Asked for ‘compatibility’ advice, Mordin decides that he’s officially out of his league and quits the team in shame.
Fake Spoiler #4: The final act is set on a snow planet, post Normandy SR-2 crash. You have to decide which crewmates to eat first. It is guaranteed to make you cry. Also, hungry.
Fake Spoiler #5: Shepard accidentally travels to the planet Ilum instead of Ilium. “Bloody Bioware naming…” she tells an oddly familiar sounding Republic Trooper.