By Alec Meer on February 20th, 2012 at 12:49 pm.
The Lonely Wizard, a browser-based collaboration between Alan Hazelden and Terry Cavanagh, will take you all of thirty seconds to play. So off you go and play it now – no excuses. I’ll leave the site off the air until you get back, so you won’t miss anything.
Back? I think you’ll agree we’ve all learned an important lesson today.
20/02/2012 at 12:55 fuggles says:
Um…. thanks for that?
20/02/2012 at 12:57 Nintyuk says:
What the Fraak?
20/02/2012 at 12:58 Uglycat says:
I learned almost anything can get exposure.
20/02/2012 at 13:02 Keymonk says:
Pretty much this. I want my 30 seconds back. :(
20/02/2012 at 14:37 westyfield says:
Yeah, this.
20/02/2012 at 16:25 Zaboomafoozarg says:
Shoot, if One Chance can get exposure then this deserves it too.
20/02/2012 at 13:00 equatorian says:
That wizard should’ve put more points into his Endurance Stat.
Also, for a hermit, someone who doesn’t lock his door is suspect. I would say that the cake he spoke of was a lie in the first place.
20/02/2012 at 13:04 Elltot says:
Should I have played that with sound on?
20/02/2012 at 13:05 equatorian says:
Yes. There are no subtitles. Clearly they didn’t think about deaf people on this one!
20/02/2012 at 13:07 Elltot says:
Or people at work who get a few minutes on their lunch to browse the web…….
20/02/2012 at 13:10 Kaira- says:
It was fairly odd piece of something without voices on. Like criticism of cutscene-heavy games or something mumbo-jumbo rabblerabble.
20/02/2012 at 13:16 Unaco says:
That is a terrible oversight. PC Games should really be embracing accessibility. Making games entirely impenetrable to a large swathe of people is unforgivable.
20/02/2012 at 18:24 Torgen says:
I couldn’t understand most of the dialogue, even with headphones on. Of course, I’m severely hearing impaired, so that’s a common occurrence. :P
20/02/2012 at 13:04 CaspianRoach says:
Game of the year.
20/02/2012 at 13:57 Ninja Foodstuff says:
This is a game which you’ll enjoy if you like wizards, your favourite key is the space bar, and you have generally low expectations. There is also a story and some technical issues.
8.5/10
20/02/2012 at 14:09 Kollega says:
No, no, i think the format went like that:
The Lonely Wizard: it’s a game, and you will enjoy it if you like games, wizards, and pressing spacebar. There is also a storyline and some technical issues. 8.5/10
Part of the joke was also about games with “3″ in the title.
And please, don’t look at me like that. I remember that joke because i really, really liked it.
20/02/2012 at 15:26 Valvarexart says:
Great storyline with a hidden message, perfect length; you don’t have time to get bored but leave feeling content. The animations are great and visceral.
The controls are intuitive, anyone could do it.
The only downsides were that the textures were kinda low-res and that the final boss was an unexpected quick-time event.
9/10, would play the sequel
20/02/2012 at 15:42 Ninja Foodstuff says:
@Kollega I believe it was my joke- but yes you’ve remembered it better than I have…
EDIT: Yes, back when I was going by “ASBO”: http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2011/08/22/razer-starting-mysterious-pro-pc-campaign/#comment-777697
Good times.
21/02/2012 at 00:18 vivlo says:
that one meme nearly died… is seeing some endlife fading lights now
20/02/2012 at 13:04 Chakawi says:
Stinking kids and their knives!
20/02/2012 at 13:11 Lord Custard Smingleigh says:
That happened to me once.
20/02/2012 at 23:40 jamesgecko says:
You were the cute little girl, weren’t you?
20/02/2012 at 13:13 Unaco says:
Relevant Link.
And that’s the only good thing about this… I can use that link.
20/02/2012 at 13:16 Ice-Fyre says:
Would have been better with co-op tbh
20/02/2012 at 13:26 Quasar says:
Pun about this story
20/02/2012 at 13:30 RogB says:
I’ve just been Robed of 30 seconds of my life?
20/02/2012 at 14:19 roryok says:
I felt like wand-ering off half way through
20/02/2012 at 14:47 Zak T Duck says:
That time wizard by.
20/02/2012 at 16:43 Craig Stern says:
Terry Cavanagh must have been short-staffed when he made this.
20/02/2012 at 13:32 Skusey says:
Never turn your back on children.
20/02/2012 at 13:33 NathanH says:
This is obviously an insightful commentary on an RPG player’s interaction with NPCs. Observe that we have an old, wise, powerful, illustrious wizard, and yet the children treat him as one of two things: a lackey to be coerced and badgered until he gives them something they want, or a foe to be butchered. It’s particularly clever of the writers to cast it as children vs wizard. This highlights the difference between the PC and NPCs in an RPG. The PC is a lowly and easily-dismissed character, and the NPC is a mighty and powerful entity, and yet the PC expects the NPC to be his bitch. The point is reinforced when the children easily overcome the wizard: the powerful NPC can be defeated by the miserable PC gnat, just to satisfy the player. We see that story and lore is sacrificed to provide “gameplay”, thus undermining the entire genre’s artistic worth.
If I have one criticism, it is that there is only one level. To take the analogy to its logical conclusion, there should be two. In the first level, we receive the cake and get to observe its statistics. In the second, we defeat the wizard. The player must then choose which outcome he prefers. This would correspond to save-scumming, and reinforce the point that NPCs are seen purely as a resource to be milked for their greatest value, rather than a representation of a person.
20/02/2012 at 18:19 Torgen says:
I concur.
20/02/2012 at 20:05 grobstein says:
Along similar lines I thought it was about the relationship between gamers (the children) and developers (the wizard).
20/02/2012 at 13:51 The white guar says:
Obviously the girl has vorpal fists
20/02/2012 at 14:03 tehfish says:
I’m stuck, anyone got a walkthrough?
;)
20/02/2012 at 16:45 the_p says:
What you need to do is press the space bar when it says ‘press space.’
Then at the boss, keep pressing space.
You’ll get there.
20/02/2012 at 14:03 Screwie says:
I like the extreme letterboxing of the lead image. More RPS articles should have fun with this.
(Also it puts less wear on my middle mouse button wheel..)
20/02/2012 at 14:06 Kollega says:
I totally did not get the point, if there even was one. The unexpected turn was somewhat funny, though.
20/02/2012 at 14:07 letrompe says:
wait… did i murder the wizard, or did i help murder the wizard!?
20/02/2012 at 14:09 The white guar says:
or WERE you the wizard?
think about that. ù_ù
20/02/2012 at 14:21 roryok says:
the first time I played through, I murdered the wizard. However the second time I chose the other option and befriended the squirrel. I ended up on a vengeance quest
20/02/2012 at 14:25 The white guar says:
the final secret time-trial dungeon was awesome! Not sure how I got married with that banshee though…
20/02/2012 at 16:21 roryok says:
LOL, did NOT know you could marry non-humans. This game is so deep! Have you found the crossbow yet?
20/02/2012 at 18:21 The white guar says:
Yeah! Using it is the only way you can go through the pudding-elemental temple without using magic. I have a barbarian-thief build, you know.
20/02/2012 at 14:20 Jackablade says:
This is going to have some kind of overwrought thesis on player agency attached to it, isn’t it.
20/02/2012 at 14:30 McCool says:
Interesting, but I’m not sure why.
20/02/2012 at 14:57 Vagrant says:
This is why I never want kids.
20/02/2012 at 15:46 Josh Millard says:
Finally, the narrative subtlety of Charlie the Unicorn properly married to Hideo Kojima’s restrained cinematographic aesthetic. I found of particular note the purposeful abandonment of traditional audio level compression, leaving the player constantly unfooted by the whipsawing volume of the dialogue; not since David Lynch has an auteur so masterfully exploited a soundtrack to involve the audience in the literal acoustic dynamics of the drama.
20/02/2012 at 16:11 Zaboomafoozarg says:
Well, at least it’s better than One Chance.
20/02/2012 at 17:02 Berzee says:
^this4ever
It is as if they thought, “Let’s start with One Chance, and then delete it, and then record some children.”
Much improved.
20/02/2012 at 17:58 Tei says:
In other news, some dude has made Tetris in 140 bytes.
GO, GAMING, GO! :D
20/02/2012 at 19:00 sub-program 32 says:
I wonder if the children that were recorded knew what their characters were going to do.
21/02/2012 at 00:19 vivlo says:
you’re largely underestimating kid’s imagination in cruelty, i for one believe they were the ones to suggest the outcome.
20/02/2012 at 19:27 Skabooga says:
This went from being nice to being terrible. That’s what I deserve for playing games at work, however short the duration.
20/02/2012 at 20:41 realmenhuntinpacks says:
Actual laughter from my human body… game of the year.
20/02/2012 at 21:44 engion3 says:
FUCKING BRILLIANT. I love stomping mudholes in a wizard’s ass. Will be on steam with enhanced textures in 8 months.
21/02/2012 at 03:44 RobF says:
Hah, excellent.
More comedy vignettes please!
21/02/2012 at 04:38 quicktooth says:
That was obscene. Why the hell did you promote this? I’d think of something witty to say, but the game’s just ugly and pointless, I can’t think of anything. It doesn’t fail in a funny or epic way. It’s just obscene. Don’t plug something like this on the site again.
21/02/2012 at 05:04 vani77a says:
Mr. Alec, can we be friends?
22/02/2012 at 20:32 noogai03 says:
WHAT. THE. HELL. Sorry Terry, this was NOT one of your best games.
The moral of that story is, never make friends.
22/02/2012 at 20:34 noogai03 says:
I spent ages just tapping space before I realised you have to mash it.