Help R. Kelly To Swear Properly

By Alec Meer on April 10th, 2012 at 5:00 pm.

The man is a midget, midget, midget

R. Kelly’s Trapped In The Closet is the single greatest cultural artifact of the 21st Century to date. And at last, mere mortals like you and I can be involved in this incredible hip-hopera, thanks to Jeremy Penner’s Lasertube project (found via FreeIndieGam.es). Your role is simple – click on Mr Kelly’s face whenever he sings ‘oh shit’ or assorted other foul language, otherwise the game will end.

Ssh, ssh, ssh you don’t need to understand why. You just have to do it. The show must go on. It’s just a terrible shame that, so far, it only covers the recap, not the full 22 part saga of Kelly’s rap Wheel of Time.

If you are somehow unware of Trapped In The Closet, then oh boy am I about to improve the quality of your life a thousandfold.

Caution, by the way – Omar comin’.






















Oh, shit.

And chapters 23 and onwards are coming later this year.

Oh, shit.

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78 Comments »

  1. Drinking with Skeletons says:

    I can’t watch this at work, so would someone mind explaining just what this show is? I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never had it summarized.

    • Unaco says:

      “Trapped in the Closet” is a series of songs by American contemporary R&B singer R. Kelly. The song set consists of 22 whole chapters, which were released from 2005 to 2007. Written and produced by Kelly, the series tells a story of a one-night stand that sets off a chain of events, which gradually reveals a greater web of lies, sex and deceit. Musically, all chapters of the song feature the same melodic theme with varying lyrics, relating an ongoing narrative.

      • Drinking with Skeletons says:

        It sounds delightfully ambitious and inventive, which means that it’s failure must be one of the most glorious train wrecks ever put to film. I must make arrangements to watch some of these clips…

        • HexagonalBolts says:

          I was expecting it to be awful, but from watching a couple minutes I was actually pretty impressed.

          • HothMonster says:

            Its not horrible but I believe it is funnier than it was intended to be.

            “Who the fuck is Rufus!”
            If you get at least as far as that line you should understand what I mean.

          • uopasdh says:

            Your website that your avatar links to looks absolutely bizarre (and therefore interesting) judging by the pictures. Too bad google wont translate it. http://kdhsoft.net/YnXo

        • DrScuttles says:

          Have you seen Tommy Wiseau’s “The Room”? Deeply personal and at a cost of $6M, it’s considered one of the worst films of all time. To call it a train wreck would insult the artistic skills of locomotive accidents.
          Once you’ve watched Trapped In The Closet, I must recommend you find some clips of The Room on YouTube.

        • HammertoesVI says:

          Omar was mentioned, I had to watch it. I’m relatively certain this may be the greatest bit of garbage ever. I’m not even sure why anyone would need to parody this almost trancendental piece of artistic trash. I’m actually excited for more.

      • Flint says:

        It’s also worth noting that R Kelly performs the parts of every single character, regardless of gender, ethnicity, age or accent.

        • Drinking with Skeletons says:

          A true auteur.

          • Phantoon says:

            Maybe he just wants the attention that much?

            I’m worried Alec may have gone insane, though, by posting all of the videos. Or maybe he’s trying to share it with us, like that’ll make the hurting stop. Get better soon, Alec!

    • Flint says:

      R Kelly’s immensely bizarre hip-hopera, filled with unforgettable lines, baffling plot twists and general insanity.

    • hippyjon says:

      I don’t know if i can get away with linking things here but this is the best summary of trapped in the closet you’ll hear. By the brilliant adam and joe

    • RegisteredUser says:

      “There’s a reason I’m in this closet.”

      Clearly autobiographical AND a hommage to Tom Cruise.

      Just loved the South Park.

  2. lasikbear says:

    For those looking for an alternate hip-hop based game there is always Kanye Zone:

    http://www.kanyezone.com/

    • Unaco says:

      And for those looking for an alternative Hip-Hopera, that was actually pretty damn good, got plenty of critical acclaim (but little commercial success), you should check out Prince Paul’s A Prince Among Thieves.

  3. PitfireX says:

    Goddamn I love this website and all the editors associated with it.

    • Teovald says:

      This.
      I discovered Trapped in the closet yesterday at midnight thanks to RPS. I was unable to prevent myself from watching 18 episodes before finally going to bed at 2.
      It is totally insane and brilliant. Most of its brillance is probably here by accident, but does it matter ?

  4. Munken says:

    I’m hoping for a QTE where you get peed on by an underage girl.

  5. Paul says:

    Is it truly good ?

    /no sarcasm

    Or is it good?

    /sarcasm?

    • HothMonster says:

      Quite a bit of both actually. Its like a a B movie that you are suppose to like because its poorly made and ridiculous but you actually like it.

  6. Antsy says:

    I have been blissfully unaware of this. Is it supposed to be hilarious?

    • Craig Stern says:

      I think of Trapped in the Closet as a sort of musical corollary to The Room: the creator was totally serious, but it’s loved because it turned out to be unintentionally hilarious.

  7. Tusque D'Ivoire says:

    These Youtube shots look a lot like this show is about a black Johnny Drama from “Entourage”!

  8. Flint says:

    Trapped in a Closet really gets going at episode 8. That’s when it truly becomes sheer brilliance.

  9. Haroshi says:

    I’ve been meaning to get Trapped In The Closet on DVD for ages, it is honestly a masterpiece.

    Especially when the midget gets involved.

    • eurotransient says:

      The DVD is highly recommended for the commentary track alone.

  10. Fincher says:

    Natural hip-hopo-lice.

  11. Ross Mills says:

    Then I pull out my beretta!

  12. RedViv says:

    It’s just brilliantly demented, and everyone should watch it.

  13. thelastdonut says:

    Oh man I’ve been meaning to re-watch these forever, friggin loved it

  14. Trillby says:

    Oh my God

    How have I never seen this before? Quality of life: Officially improved!

  15. Nick says:

    Its not a real RPG though.

    • Ushao says:

      Where’s the Like button? I can’t seem to be able to find it.

    • bowl of snakes says:

      Action R&BPG ??

    • KilgoreTrout_XL says:

      How is this an RPG anyway? you cant contrail anything except what it says on the screen.

      What if i didn’t want to buy the potion?

      • Fumarole says:

        Agreed, not enough RPGs these days allow you to contrail things. The games that promised this have all become vaporware.

      • Dozer says:

        Contrail, noun. A trail of water from an aircraft or rocket at high altitude.

        pepole think this comment is worthles.
        go ahead! say it! i dont care! im just trying to make a point here!
        blam this piece of crap!!!!

  16. Sassenach says:

    If anyone wants a synopsis of Trapped in the Closet can I recommend listening to this ~7m clip from Adam and Joe?

  17. thelongshot says:

    I prefer Wierd Al’s version.

    To be honest, I had never heard of this until Wierd Al did his riff on it.

  18. Skabooga says:

    I assumed there was a pinch of exaggeration when you said it was a “22 part saga”. Then I started to scroll past video after video.

  19. Squirrelfanatic says:

    I want the quality of my life to be improved thousandfold as well! Unfortunately for Germans, humourless GEMA won’t allow that. :(

    • wordybird says:

      when does the midget get involved? just so I don’t have to watch all of this

    • ulix says:

      Proxtube (a Firefox Addon) will allow it.
      You have to click the direct Link on top of the the video though, embedded videos don’t work.

  20. ankh says:

    Thank you for improving the quality of my life.

    • ankh says:

      Your website that your avatar links to looks absolutely bizarre (and therefore interesting) judging by the pictures. Too bad google wont translate it.

      • CaspianRoach says:

        You’re not missing out on much, it’s just a blogface where I used to write silly stuff. If you can’t read russian you probably won’t even understand the translation since there is much slang and russian cultural references there.

        • HothMonster says:

          Yeah, Chrome translates is but it is mostly unintelligible. However I did take some of your fantastic pictures for my archive or fantastic and ridiculous pictures.

    • Fumarole says:

      Weird Al’s version is the bombdiggity..

    • Tams80 says:

      I saw this a while ago, but I never knew what it was a parody of. Now I do. O.O

  21. npoult says:

    http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9F5B80E56D446962

    For those who want to chain-watch the whole thing, its 1hr 20. beretta.

  22. Oddballs says:

    Thank you for sharing that with me, it made me weep with laughter.

  23. Stellar Duck says:

    I’m sure that wasn’t a Beretta.

  24. Max.I.Candy says:

    i thought this would be shit but its brilliant!!thnx

    (continuity from ep6 to ep 7 is messed up for me)

  25. Ricc says:

    I don’t eve watch soap opera, but this thing is amazing, up until the last episode! Cheers, Alec. :D

  26. clumsyandshy says:

    Omar strollin’.

    • Quinnbeast says:

      “Oh, indeed”.

      But please, no more Omar references in an R.Kelly thread. Or, no more R. Kelly threads. Whichever.

  27. brat-sampson says:

    Was attempting thanks to this article to watch the whole lot all the way through, but a few of the episodes seem to be missing vital final seconds, 5 and 6 at least… (this seems to be the case on the official youtube vids too) Thanks anyway for finally bringing this masterpiece to my full attention though :)

  28. Ruffian says:

    Damn, I never realized he went all the way to 22? thaaaat’s bit ridiculous. I remember back when the first 3 parts appeared on mtv, I guess they stopped playing it after that or something. Seriously though, i can’t get through all 22 without just getting insanely tired of that same beat over and over, with the exact same melody. lol. I kind of have to wonder if he wasn’t just sitting back in the studio one day, like “man I’m getting real tired of this having to come up with different melodies for songs shit” and came up with this. He is an amazing singer though.
    Anyone here watch “The Boondocks” on Adult Swim? The R-Kelly episode is pretty awesome.

    • ulix says:

      While the whole thing is amzingly awesome, that he uses the same instrumental for every episode is really stupid and annoying… could be so much better with more musical variety.

  29. Acorino says:

    Fuck GEMA…I can’t watch it in Germany here… :-/

  30. Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

    My mind! She is blown.

  31. Lumberjack_Man says:

    There is a text adventure based on Trapped in The Closet in Forumwarz:
    http://www.forumwarz.com/spoilers/wiki/Trapped_In_The_Cupboard
    META.

  32. buzzmong says:

    It’s brilliant.
    If it wasn’t for the fact I’ve heard the DVD commentry, I would have assumed it was a very good bluff and R Kelly had intentionally written something hilarious with the aim it was percieved to have been written as a completely serious work.

    Alas, although the truth is quite amusing anyway, it was written seriously and is unintentionally hilarious.

    • Kaje says:

      Really? This is an attempt at seriousness?

      SPATULA!

      R Kelly is a dick if it’s serious.

  33. Bobtree says:

    No gameplay, not interested.

  34. kud13 says:

    the quality went seriously downhill in the last 5 parts.

  35. Haecid says:

    A Wheel of Time AND a The Wire reference in one article. You are my favorite person, Alec Meer.

  36. Kaje says:

    This is awful, it’s genuinely awful.

    But….

    SPATULA! Like that’s gonna do somethin’ against those guns!

    I wonder if he’s actually in on the joke, or whether he thinks this is awesome. I’d like to think he’s taking the piss out of himself and the god-awful music known as R&B.

    I suspect, however, he thinks it’s awesome and serious.