Schadenfriday: Diabl-NOOOOOOOOO!

By Richard Cobbett on June 15th, 2012 at 5:00 pm.

Evil never sleeps. It would like to, but all those bloody horns and things just keep ruining the bed. Even a really expensive one from Dreams. It's not easy being Diablo.

Why, hello there! Diablo here. What? No. No, Diablo 3. Diablo 2 was my father. Those miserable fleshlings at Rock Paper Shotgun have asked me to cast my expert eye over you scumbags’ failed attempts at murdering me IN MY OWN ****ING HOUSE. Why? The correct assumption I might rather enjoy witnessing hours upon hours of Hardcore adventuring going straight down the crapper. In exchange for a chance to plug my favourite book, I of course agreed…

DIABLO SAYS: They say my greatest trick was convincing the world I didn’t exist. They are incorrect, as anyone who’s seen what I can do with a pack of ping-pong balls will attest. Here though, my army of invisible bugs does me so proud. I would weep, if my tears didn’t routinely rend the ground beneath me asunder and guarantee my TV remote control falls into some stygian abyss that’s a real bugger to get a clawed hand into before Emmerdale starts.

RATING: MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!

DIABLO SAYS: Ah, beautiful. As much as I enjoy savouring a mortal’s distress as they slowly dig towards their inevitable demise, I also find joy in a calm, controlled situation exploding into panic and horror. It’s like witnessing a masturbator suddenly ejaculate an angry wasp.

RATING: MWAH-HA-HA!

DIABLO SAYS: A truly glorious reaction to the inevitability of my victory! The face-plant could only be better if it was on a bed of roses laced with the plague, or if the bed had collapsed with a mighty thump. And then gone right through the floor. Oh, and that sudden scream? Pure poetry, or will be, as soon as I find a good rhyme for “OHOOGHFAARGH!”

RATING: MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

DIABLO SAYS: Mmm. You know, I appreciate the ‘fuck’, as the actress said to the bishop, but I prefer my torment a little less reasoned. Do you know how hard I work to bring you these deaths? Do you think completely re-arranging my domain every single time is easy? I can’t find anything any more. No. More screaming, and please, don’t blame yourself. Blame me. Everyone likes to get credit for their hard work. Why should I be any different, just because I’m the embodiment of sin and living blight on the oh wait, right, that’s it. Never mind.

RATING: MWAH-HA.

DIABLO SAYS: Anticipation. Knowing what’s coming. Knowing that he won’t be able to scream “HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY GAME BY MAKING ME SPEND TIME WITH MY PROGENY?” The donning of headphones, still in a blissful state of non-awareness. The reveal. I haven’t been this happy since Deckard Cain farted in the middle of one of his boring speeches.

RATING: MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

DIABLO SAYS: A strong start, a very strong start, ruined by the fact that no actual person ever screams “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” like that for the simple reason that it is Silly. I refer you to Star Wars: Episode 3 for the final nail in that trope’s coffin. One might suspect you were playing things up a bit, and do not in fact think that dying in a children’s video toy is equivalent to having your internal organs burned by lava and having every single person with a glass think they can do impressions of you. Points for effort, yes, but in the end, I just didn’t feel it.

RATING: MWAH-HA-HA!

DIABLO SAYS: Betrayal, screaming, and screams of “NOOOOOOOB!” from a dead man make for a delicious cocktail of misery and destruction that could only be made better if the same player had subsequently died after a boss kill by standing in fire. Hmmm. What’s that? Oh my. Let all involved know that for this alone, their torments shall be nominally reduced. I’d be more generous, but I don’t want Belial thinking I’ve gone soft. It’s bad enough he found out I was a Bronie, even if most of my fan-fic does take place in a sparkly glue factory.

RATING: MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

There are many more deaths out there, and many more to come. Rest assured, I see all and I laugh at most. And remember, if you venture into hardcore mode, death is final, whether it comes from bugs, demons, or my own divinely diabolical hand. You can complain, but that will only make your pain all the sweeter. Take a big Dairy Milk bar. Stick an equally large Milkybar on the back of it. That’s the level of sweetness we’re talking about here, not to mention a level of sinful delight that guarantees your passage into my realm of torment. Needless to say, I urge you to try it at the first available opportunity, and not just for the damnation.

Toodle-pip!

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127 Comments »

  1. pakoito says:

    General funniness level: meh-meh-meh-meh-meh-meh

  2. z310 says:

    Glory to the fallen!

    Didn’t make it as far as these guys. Died because my DH was too fat to fit behind a cage in act 2 nightmare.

    (skip to 4:45 for my untimely death)

    Thank god for hardcore as it’s the only thing that is able to make D3 exciting enough to play and hold me over until Torch 2.

  3. djbriandamage says:

    Isn’t that german for “shameful monotone police officer”?

    • alundra says:

      2nd video – Death caused by lag, caused by forcing the player to always online SP

      3rd video – Death caused by having no pause, caused by forcing the player to always online SP

      last video – Lagfest ending in death, caused by forcing the player to always online SP

      General impression: what a dull game.

      Final verdict: how bad blizz-vis banged their fans.

      • UncleLou says:

        Wow, you got it wrong three times, that’s actually quite amazing. :D

        1. Death by alt-tabbing.
        2. You can pause the game.
        3. He’s playing it in multi-player, anyway, but there’s no lag, he’s frozen.

        • Azradesh says:

          You beat me to the punch. So sick of this constant misinformed tripe.

          • UncleLou says:

            I was polite enough not to post my “final verdict”. He wouldn’t like it.

          • RegisteredUser says:

            Its still shit DRM even if this guy gets his examples wrong.

            Nothing misinformed about that, lest you disagree. Then just go back and flame away at the RPS articles reporting on it.

          • UncleLou says:

            It is blatantly clear from his comments that he hasn’t even played the game as he does not know basic functions. Nevertheless, he thought it was a good idea to comment on the videos, based on what must obviously be hearsay, and getting it all wrong in the process, closing off with a bumptious fanboy remark.

            If this is not utterly misinformed, I don’t know what is.

            Nothing misinformed about that, lest you disagree. Then just go back and flame away at the RPS articles reporting on it.

            Unfortunately, the whole discussion on RPS has been mostly uninformed and trollish. But yeah, such an article would indeed be the right thread to report on DRM issues or the lack thereof if I wanted to contribute. This here, however, is not. Especially when they’re made up. Utterly weird that someone would defend such a behaviour, even if you have something against the game or DRM as such.

          • RegisteredUser says:

            I was saying that if you were to say that Diablo 3 has pretty shitty DRM, then that is not misinformed, but correct.

            I hate the DRM Diablo 3 has. Not the game or the players. Although I do blame every single person who paid even one cent in support of it for any fail that continues to befall the PC in form of terrible, draconian, buggy or otherwise misshapen DRM.

            Those who pay for it and continue to financially support it, are to blame for it still existing.

            As I said right off the bat, I don’t care if he got the examples wrong, that aside, and him being wrong about that or anythign else, I used it as a cue to restate that the DRM is still bad.

        • alundra says:

          You didn’t do much to get out of the standard issue blind fanboy reply, you even try to deny lag deaths. Enjoy wasting dozens of hours of your life just to get burned by a fascist drm.

          Final Verdict:

          Another butthurt fanboy

        • exogen says:

          You try to deny that he died from lag? He was rationalizing when he said he alt-tabbed. He was very clearly frozen in place due to lag, and if you say otherwise, I can’t take you seriously… (because it’s painfully obvious you’re a fanboy)

          Let me guess, D3 doesn’t have DRM either!

          Kindly keep your shitty opinions to yourself. Or take them back to the D3 forums. The adults are trying to have a discussion.

          • Toberoth says:

            Actually… if he was alt-tabbed, then his recording software wouldn’t be recording the screen, right? So it looks to me like that’s prettymuch what happened. Why would the recorder rationalize it by blaming alt-tabbing anyway? Wouldn’t he be more likely to blame the lag than accept that the death was his own fault?

            And blimey, you lot aren’t half quick to get pissed off at each other and call someone a fanboy just for correcting someone who has seemingly not played the game.

          • Toberoth says:

            Although it’s pretty clear that he lagged at the beginning of the video, but it’s impossible to tell at what point the lag stopped after he alt-tabbed.

          • Toberoth says:

            Correction: If you look at the reflection in his glasses just as the game stops responding, you can see that he alt-tabs almost immediately.

          • UncleLou says:

            How embarrassing.

          • Toberoth says:

            Embarrassing on my part that I’m so invested in the issue tbh :-D

        • Antsy says:

          Battlefield Earth is still shit even if this guy gets his examples wrong.

          Nothing misinformed about that, lest you disagree. Then just go back and flame away at the IMDB threads discussing it.

  4. karthink says:

    Why would anyone play on hardcore mode when they know a momentary connection lag can cause their game to end unfairly in shrieks and tears?

    • Vinraith says:

      This is also my question.

      *goes back to playing Din’s Curse hardcore, where deaths are always my own damned fault*

    • z310 says:

      lag deaths or any sort of deaths from connections dropping are no fun at all – but they don’t neccesarily have to be rage inducing.

      I’m a person who doesn’t quite mind when my hardcore guy dies – i’m usually rather looking forward to making a new guy and trying out new abilites. if you’re an “altoholic” like me then it’s really not too big a deal.

      “oh my guy died. finally! i was getting so bored of that playstyle!”

      • FataMorganaPseudonym says:

        Um, when you’re glad when your hardcore character dies because it was getting too boring, then either there is something wrong with the game or there is something wrong with the player. Or perhaps a little from column A and a little from column B. In either case, something is wrong with this picture.

        • iPhap says:

          Yupp, definitely something wrong here. It’s you.

        • z310 says:

          I wasn’t really HAPPY my demon hunter died, but I had settled into a group of skills that worked well for me personally and had the necessary survival skills. There hadn’t been much variation in my playstyle for awhile because of that.

          So while I was enjoying the challenge and wanting to make it as far as I could with that character, the prospect of making my wizard was something I was looking forward too, making the ending bittersweet.

          If that makes sense? Hopefully I’m not explaining this horribly, my last comment had a touch of hyperbole so please take that into account!

    • downgrade says:

      I always loved playing Hardcore in ARPGs, in Diablo 3 I haven’t touched it though. And I’d like to think my countless Softcore lag-deaths proof me right.

      It’s not so bad if it could happen but rarely does. For me it happens on a more than regular basis and makes Hardcore unplayable.

    • CaptainFunky says:

      As a hardcore D3 player I can tell You this: softcore becomes more and more boring with time as there is basically no punishment for your death, part from the repair bill.
      On hardcore every single elite pack, mini-boss or boos encounter is a challenge and succeding in it leaves a great feeling of accomplishment. I already died a few times to my own stupidity and cockiness but leveling a new character isn’t really as long as it might seem.
      (My apologies for bad english)

      • z310 says:

        agreed about softcore becoming boring! after playing hardcore and experiencing that level of “intensity” it’s impossible for me to really enjoy softcore by myself. Still play it when friends/family log in though, when we bash our head against Act 2 inferno

      • karthink says:

        It’s not a challenge if you have no control over the situation, is it?

        More to the point, have you lost any hardcore characters to lag? If not, I guess lag isn’t an issue.

        • CaptainFunky says:

          Not me, no. Luckily i have a steady connection but I can imagine a lag or dc death beeing the most unfair of all as it is not really your fault.

        • Beelzebud says:

          Despite what you’ve read here, Diablo 3 isn’t a 100% lag fest, that isn’t in your control.

          • CaptainFunky says:

            Well ofc it isn’t. Me for example – not a single disconnect since launch, ping lesst than 80ms most of the time. Lag and dc deaths are in minority. Man up and play some hardcore folks ;)

          • z310 says:

            Yeah this, all in all I haven’t hit much lag, but if I do, notice a yellow/red latency bar or any sort of stuttering on my hardcore toon – immediately go back to town if i’m in a safe area or hit esc to pause the game until it subsides.

            I have had 2 straight up disconnects when playing my hardcore character which made me especially fearful- but luckily they did not result in my death.

            I’ve heard euro servers are worse for lag though – lag deaths might be more common across the pond?

          • CaptainFunky says:

            I’m playing on euro servers, no laggy bussiness happening as i mentioned before.

          • Premium User Badge

            drewski says:

            I tend to get a random internet hang once a day, so I think I’ll keep skipping the HC…

        • Nesetalis says:

          Most of the time its lag free… but once or twice a game, my 60ms ping shoots upwards of 2000-3000 for up to a half hour some times of spottiness.
          It frustrates me, and only then I can do is just turn off the game and go do something else.
          I’ve died from it too, never going to play hardcore until they get these server stupidities fixed.

    • Coriolis says:

      Because in reality lag isn’t what’s going to kill you. I played D2 HC for years and the number of deaths I had due to lag were.. zero.

      With D3 being harder overall then D2 (in hell+ diff which is what matters), that’s even more true. Think of it like this, if the chance of dying from your mistakes is much larger then it is for dying from lag, it doesn’t really matter.

      • BioSnark says:

        Lucky… or perhaps the servers are better now?

        I had a fair amount of rubberbanding and input lag. It never actually killed me but it was off-putting enough that I stopped hc’ing.

      • Rhin says:

        The probability of dying from your mistakes is in your control to some degree. If you die because of a mistake, you grin and laugh it off. “I’ll be more careful next time. I should have kited further until Diamond Skin was off cooldown. etc.”

        If you die because you were playing perfectly but an invisible monster insta-kills you, you don’t grin. You uninstall the game.

        • Phantoon says:

          I seriously doubt even THAT would deter many Blizzard fans at this point.

      • Bhazor says:

        “the number of deaths caused by lag in Diablo 2″

        … I don’t know whether to laugh or scream at the defenders at this point.

      • Premium User Badge

        drewski says:

        Lag’s a bitch but it shouldn’t kill you.

        DCing thanks to a shoddy connection, on the other hand, is insta-death.

    • kyrieee says:

      Why would anyone play softcore where death is completely inconsequential? I don’t enjoy the game in softcore at all.

      • cummerbund jackson says:

        Because some people treat games as puzzles. Your wizard runs into an elite mob with vortex, wall, prison, and giant fart clouds of doom. First encounter, you die pitifully in 2 seconds. Second encounter, you try another strategy and die pitifully in 4 seconds. Third encounter, you manage to survive for 15 seconds. And, if you’re like me, you’ll finally solve the problem by the Thirty-Eighth encounter and get the mob down.

        If my wizard was playing HC, then I would just simply die. I couldn’t go back and try to solve this seemingly impossible situation. I would have to start playing from level 1 and hope I could run into this specific type of mob at level 60 so I could try again to solve this puzzle. And that would be a huge waste of time if your goal was to solve the puzzle of the seemingly unbeatable mob.

  5. Spinoza says:

    Si no te hablo porque no quiero.

  6. Kdansky says:

    I liked the last one best. Calling people “noob” when they clearly played better (aka. NOT DEAD) is the epitome of the stupidity of that insult. If you insult people, at least use the correct term!

    That said, HC mode for Diablo 3 strikes me as completely weird. It’s a game about unlocking all skills and playing around with builds, and farming items. It has very little in common now with its inspirational Rogue/Nethack/Crawl.

  7. Antsy says:

    Blizzard, you are suck. Your misdeeds will be remembered.

  8. Freud says:

    I can’t imagine playing hardcore in D3. There are so many close to unavoidable deaths in Inferno when you run into a really nasty group of champions/rare that you would have to play extremely defensive to not die. You probably will anyway. It it is a poor fit with my personal preference for wading in swords blazing.

    My hat is off to them though. It takes a special kind of insanity to invest that much time in a mode with permanent death.

    • CaptainFunky says:

      Heh yeah, the general rule on HC is “better safe than sorry”. On inferno or even hell You will end up avoiding the nastiest combinations on champion packs by simply running away and reloading the game. Not to mention the crazy amount of time you have to spend on farming better gear to make any sort of progression.

      • Richard Cobbett says:

        “You will end up avoiding the nastiest combinations on champion packs by simply running away and reloading the game. ”

        I query the hardness of this mushycore sounding approach.

    • reggiep says:

      Ya, but isn’t playing the fun part? You can’t say the 20 or so hours needed to create a lvl 60 hardcore character is completely wasted because you were supposed to have fun playing during tha time.

      Basically all you’re losing out on is Hardcore Inferno drops.

      • Freud says:

        There are HC inferno players. They are progressing slowly and are farming a lot of gear. If they die, their new character has access to that gear so not all is lost. Also there is an auction house for HC. In the end, the actual level 60 character is easily replaced. You just have to avoid getting attatched to the stuff your current character has.

  9. Zarf42 says:

    I need to remember to NOT follow random links while on break at work.

  10. Shooop says:

    This article pleases me more than it probably should.

    • Quarex says:

      It makes me sad. :( Why would anyone do this to themselves? There is no way to win, you just keep playing until you die and your frustration/anger/fury reaches points you never thought imaginable. How is that fun?

  11. Bilbobeggers says:

    If anyone’s interrested in finding Dirges stream, it’s here: http://sv.twitch.tv/dirgesc2 :)

  12. Premium User Badge

    piratmonkey says:

    I don’t have the patience to play HC, I like diving into groups of enemies and casting ’til only one is left standing, whether it be me or them.

  13. Premium User Badge

    AmateurScience says:

    I laughed til I puked.

  14. Toberoth says:

    I must admit, I was hoping for more lag/bug related deaths.

    • Njordsk says:

      Yeah me too, some laggy death and over-the-top raging guy.

      • Richard Cobbett says:

        I tried Diablo informs me that he tried to avoid the ones that were purely Angry German Kid level shrieking. Not saying there’s no fakery above, but at least it’s believable if so.

        • Toberoth says:

          I’ll be honest, I just wanted to see lag-related deaths so I could be smug about not buying in to the whole always-online thing. Because I am a bellend.

          • Moraven says:

            Not like people played Hardcore online in D2…oh wait. That’s where most did, to compete on the ladder.

            The thing they will need to implement in the coming months is a ladder system much like they had in D2.

  15. Squirrelfanatic says:

    I always assumed moments like these are the reason why people play hardcore modes. The thrill of danger, bragging rights, etc. . It is funny though that even the greatest amount of skill at the game won’t protect against lag.

    Everything that remains are the tears and the fury. As Diablo himself put it: “Not even death can save you now.”

    Edit: Oh I almost forgot. Having watched the videos above makes me wish they put in a PvP-mode like D2 had. Maybe with a better protection against cheats. Killing level 40+ characters as a level 24 Paladin on HC mode is one of my fondest gaming memories.

    • PleasingFungus says:

      PVP is planned, I believe, but… probably not on HC.

      • povu says:

        A hardcore PVP arena tournament… Now that’s something I’d watch. Watching thousands of hours die off… And only one guy remains.

  16. NotSoSmilingJack says:

    Speaking of D3, why isn’t the starter edition out yet? We’re already past June 14.

  17. Lagwolf says:

    If you want some fun to curb the frustration with D3 & MP3 try Rune Classic. I loved the original game & the new one is so much fun.

  18. Droopy The Dog says:

    Welp, this article is a reminder that my Schadenfreude response is nonexistant, I just can’t enjoy their suffering.

    Diablo, am I missing out?

  19. Anders Wrist says:

    In pretty much any other mmo people playing the game the way these “hardcore” pve’ers play, would be dubbed carebears.

    • dE says:

      Hum, has the word carebear become retro enough to be used again? Can’t the PVP uberrasse think of new demeaning words? :(

    • Azradesh says:

      You know death is permanent in hardcore mode, right? Also, this isn’t a bloody MMO.

      • Anders Wrist says:

        It’s certainly not offline singleplayer either. The way permadeath is implemented here, seems like an afterthought, a homage to Diablo 2, and only serves to make people act more like what I call “carebear”. Avoiding tough fights, and chickening out of everything that might present even the slightest possibility of your character dying. With permadeath in place, and in keeping with the carebear tactics mentioned above, there won’t be any pvp going on either (Whenever that gets implemented).

        In short, it’s not exactly what I’d call “hardcore” – but to each his own.

        • Azradesh says:

          How else would you do perma death, I wasn’t awear there were options. As for PvP, Jay Wilson, the lead designer, has said that he REALLY wants to put hardcore PvP in the game, the rest of the team think he’s crazy though.

          I’d love it if the rewards were as great as the risks.

        • UncleLou says:

          Of course people play carefully in hardcore, and most of the videos are from Inferno. Seeing how Diablo was one of the games that popularized HC, I am not sure how it is an “afterthought”, either.

          Care to elaborate what would qualify as proper “HC” for you? I am genuinely curious.

          • Anders Wrist says:

            It obviously only means permadeath to you, so there’s no point in arguing.

          • Azradesh says:

            Well yes, that’s what it means in the context of the Diablo series.

          • UncleLou says:

            Er, *you* talked about “the way permadeath is implemented here”, so seeing how *you* mentioned permadeath, *and* we’re in a Diablo thread where HC stands for permadeath, I thought that was a given.

            No point in arguing if you’re indeed talking about something entirely different though, I give you that.

        • fish99 says:

          “Avoiding tough fights, and chickening out of everything that might present even the slightest possibility of your character dying.”

          You are so wrong about that. They only chicken out when there’s zero chance of survival. You get the wrong random attributes on a champ pack and it will kill even the best geared characters in 1 second flat. Hence why Blizz are patching inferno.

    • Belsameth says:

      That’s because mostly lag deaths get reported, all others just shrug and start a new char.

  20. D3xter says:

    Also, here’s something to have “Schadenfreude” about: http://diablo.incgamers.com/blog/comments/france-threatening-blizzard-with-legal-action

    “In France, the very serious “UFC Que Choisir” organization (focused on protecting consumers of all kinds of products) has received over 1500 complaints in 4 days from gamers about connect-ability issues and has asked Blizzard to have a permanent solution within 15 days and to communicate completely and transparently about problems encountered in due time.

    They are also requesting that affected gamers be given damages for troubles they may have had, and, in a much broader but more official manner, are asking the DGCCRF to have a close look at online-only DRMed games and how they work, including economically. They basically feel that it’s wrong to assume that an entire nation (well, at least France) has equal internet quality and reception across its entire territory and hence, online-only seems are harmful for some (many?) consumers (which is who they’re trying to protect).”

    http://www.golem.de/news/diablo-3-verbraucherschuetzer-mahnen-blizzard-ab-1206-92538.html

    “Because of the problems with the start of Diablo 3 and the lack of information on the packaging, now the Federation of German Consumer Organisations is proceeding against Activision-Blizzard. The game publisher got a warning.

    The VZBV accuses Blizzard of anticompetitive violations. It’s about the game Diablo 3. On the packaging there’s not only important information missing about the game requirements, such as the required permanent internet connection and the forced binding to Battle.net. Many players have also received no access to the game over a longer period of time. Instead, there were error messages, “Error 37″ due to its frequent occurrence even became an Internet mem.

    In late May 2012, the VZBV criticized the poor information policy on Blizzards part. The potential buyer must already know before buying, under what circumstances an application can be used. In addition, there should be a technical infrastructure including sufficient server capacity. “If you pay money you may expect proper service in return, an undiluted gaming experience is to be expected,” said the VZBV.

    “The VZBZ got a number of complaints about the game, from its launch on 15.05.2012 till early June 2012, so that taking action became necessary,” it said in a statement of the consumer advocates that sent Blizzard a warning letter. Blizzard has until the 13th July 2012 to issue a cease and desist.”

    • Raiyan 1.0 says:

      And let’s not forget Blizzard being raided by Korean officials after gamers complained to the FTC.

    • Raiyan 1.0 says:

      Aaaand now they’re looking into banning commercial game item trades completely.

      Which is terrible for Blizzard, considering how large a market S Korea is for them.

    • Shooop says:

      France now?

      Any American who makes a joke about the French surrender on a gaming site should be publicly flogged now. And besides, I’m sick of them.

    • Moraven says:

      Hell, I better start suing for every atrocity of any unplayable game due to bugs or everytime any other online games go offline.

      You know whats worse than a few days of lag?

      EA disconnecting online service after 1-2 years for games. Buying a game so broken that it doesn’t even work. I better sue those Magicka guys for online never working, when I bought it to play online. Hell, should have sued Blizzard when WoW was released, when the game was unplayable half of the time for the weeks 2 3 and 4. (they gave gametime, lots in first year)

      Everytime my MMO goes down for maintenance when its during my time of no work, I will sue them because I can not play.

      Better sue the restaurant when my cup of soup because i expect proper service returned when I pay for it.

      I might as well sue Blizzard, for being so popular that you have idiotic story after story come out and on their forums.

      • D3xter says:

        As a consumer, you have rights… Most people don’t seem to realize that for some reason and rather defending “gaming company of choice” incessantly stating “ITZ NOT BLIZZARD FAULT GUYZ, U SHOULFE BOUGHT AUTHENTICATOR, U CULD TOTALLYX LOG IN NOW!!!”

        And suing Activision Blizzard at this point over anything can’t really be a bad thing.

        • Raiyan 1.0 says:

          Consumer rights? Pffft. I would say consumers deserve this for supporting an always-online DRM scheme.

          If the gaming press had balls like Tim Stone, they would’ve given Diablo terrible scores when trying to play a single player campaign resulted in Error 37s or deaths-due-to-server-hiccups.

          “Diablo 3 will make everyone else accept the fact you have to be connected. If you have a juggernaut, you can make change. I’m all for that. If we could force people to always be connected when you play the game, and then have that be acceptable, awesome.” – Tim Willits, id Software

          I hope you’re watching closely, Tim. Same goes for you EA, with your online SimCity 4 with the lack of ability to save and reload.

  21. povu says:

    In my head, Richard finished this article last Saturday already, but delayed posting it for the sake of pun.

  22. Easy says:

    As a non D3 player, I can say: this was pretty damn entertaining :D

  23. PFlute says:

    I like the idea of HC mode.

    I don’t like the idea that Blizzard’s servers could hiccup and kill me, which has happened to me in a ‘Softcore’ game. Or, to be fair, that my computer could hiccup. An unpredictable frame rate drop, Windows deciding to update out of goddamn nowhere. Antivirus pop-ups.

    I also think perma-death is a stronger concept in games where player knowledge is the main component of advancement. If I die in Spelunky or Nethack or have my fortress ruined in Dwarf Fortress, I’ve most likely learned what not to do and will be better equipped in the future. In D3 I’m afraid the only thing I might learn would be “Level up moar” or “Welp just gotta run from those guys and reload the area”.

    I did like the article though. Not that I watched any of the videos. Schadenfreude is silly.

  24. Inverness says:

    Have they fixed the lag yet? I’ve been wanting to buy this game for awhile, but the whole single player lag thing is a no-no.

    • fish99 says:

      If you want to buy it, then buy it. Lag is pretty rare for me. And as long as you stick to softcore there’s no real consequences anyway.

      The bigger complaint for me is the amount of downtime on the servers, and how repetitive the game gets. The game needed a lot more variety IMO. Act 3 you do the same bloody dungeon about 10 times.

      Most of the fun is in co-op IMO.

  25. frightlever says:

    All those guys playing hardcore knew what they were getting into. I doubt they have a fraction of the ragequit currant-throwing that your average regular player does when he dies, even though their death is permanent. Ultimately their character is a worthless collection of bits. It’s not like they can RMAH anything. :P

    I stepped into a Hell act 4 checkpoint yesterday and died in about a second flat – the exact same build is surviving Inferno act 2 right now, so it’s not me. There’s lag in game and more so when you start playing. That’s the game right now. It isn’t a secret.

    • fish99 says:

      Yeah it’s not talked about much but the game lags like a bitch for the first 30 seconds, like unplayably so. I think it’s half synching with the servers and half loading textures, because the game doesn’t load the textures for effects until they appear on screen.

      If you happen to spawn with mobs near you, you’ll be very lucky to survive. It’s bad game design to let enemies spawn near checkpoints when the game has this issue.

  26. Premium User Badge

    drewski says:

    None of these stories are feeding my tabloid journalism fed belief that gaming makes people into murderous sociopaths. I am disappoint. Where’s the rage? Where’s the blame game? One person even accepts responsibility for his own actions!

  27. AzureBlu says:

    What is with people alt-tabbing without double and/or triple checking that they’ve pressed escape?! Argh, my ocd-nerves are on overload. That’s why i don’t play hc..

  28. ThaneSolus says:

    I believe these people deserve every death when playing a single player with DRM Online, which can kill your hardcore adventure in a second. Its so hilarious and sad at the same time.

    In a single player DRM Online, You CANNOT have hadrcore mode, DUE TO LAG!

    Blizz DRONES!

  29. tlarn says:

    Yeah, these videos pretty much show why I don’t have any interest in people who point a camera at their face while recording gameplay; they look bored most of the time, have a habit of going into theatrics when something happens, and they’re often blocking pertinent parts of the HUD with their face.

  30. Bassem says:

    The video with “OHOOGHFAARGH!” had me in fits. Also, the article’s comment on it is perfection:

    Oh, and that sudden scream? Pure poetry, or will be, as soon as I find a good rhyme for “OHOOGHFAARGH!”