A Crews Missile To The Face: The Expendables 2

By Adam Smith on July 10th, 2012 at 8:00 pm.

The future is this man punching you in the face. Forever.

The Expendables 2 is perfect for a videogame adaptation. It should include lots of violence with very little happening in between, explosions bigger than a planet and, heck, it’s already a sequel. Bizarrely, the trailer implies that the experience of playing the game will be made more hazardous due to the understanding that Terry Crews, pictured above, will kidnap and repeatedly punch players if they expend his expendable character too many times. Even stranger than that is the fact that The Expendables 2 appears to be some sort of adventure game…

Yikes.

That is one peripheral that will never catch on.

OK, sure, it’s not an adventure game at all. It’s an everything-shooter in which it’s probably possible to fire tanks out of a gun, which then fire shells that explode and shower the surrounding area with more guns. Maybe it’ll be a bit like Renegade Ops.

Four player co-op, an August 17th release date and a plot that I just read about but have immediately ejected from my mind like a spent casing.

, .

36 Comments »

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  1. genius_starship says:

    Well this looks a lot better than expected. Like a 1992 arcade game with today’s graphics.

    • Greggh says:

      >> Like a 1992 arcade game with 2002’s graphics.
      FIXD

      I don’t want to be THAT guy, but damn, that game could run on my old FX5200.

      And it doesn’t seem that arcade-ish. I for one would really enjoy blasting some arcade action as Terry Crews or Stallone. This game seems, at a first glance, like a blast’em’up version of Commandos.

      • Premium User Badge

        Big Murray says:

        … what?

        The graphics don’t look that bad from where I am. What’s with the current trend of every video-game trailer being met with somebody saying “Meh, graphics are from, like, 2005″.

        • woodsey says:

          It might be said too much, but it’s entirely appropriate here.

        • eks says:

          It’s hardly a “tired meme”. 90% of the cases when it is used it’s a valid criticism. The problem is, even if it’s valid, it really doesn’t need to be said. It’s literally running on hardware that was released in 2005 (Xbox 360, a year later for PS3), the hardware is 7 years old.

          It’s just the way the consoles “work”. The few years at the tail end of the product life span, games are going to look bad when comparing them to modern computer games.

          • ShEsHy says:

            It’s just the way the consoles “work”. Their games look bad when compared to computer games.
            *fixed*

      • Koozer says:

        I concur on the Cretaceous graphics.

      • Premium User Badge

        lurkalisk says:

        A game that looks like this in 2002? I don’t even know that would have been possible.

        I know the game doesn’t look like Crysis, but it sure as hell has modern visuals, if rather modestly so. Why is it that whenever people feel like trashing a game’s visuals, they need to take hyperbole to an unreasonable point? It’s always “it looks like it’s ten years old!” or “it looks like a PS2 game!” (which is never correct).

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        Christian Dannie Storgaard says:

        I fully agree. This looks like it could run on a PlayStation 2. Now, I don’t play on the XBox, but surely Bioshock, or even King Kong, looked better than this?

  2. Sidion says:

    I think it looks like it has the potential to be fun. Like that old Die-hard game at the arcade.

    On another note, why are so many games being release with live-action trailer things?

    • Bork Titflopsen says:

      Because it’s hip with the kids, they say!

    • Dances to Podcasts says:

      It’s not live, it’s just really high quality graphics. *nods*

  3. Gonefornow says:

    No FirstPersonMilitaryManShoot, no sell.

    Also of note: Staring eyes or WARFACE!

  4. BrendanJB says:

    Wow. Pleasantly surprised to say the least. This looks like a well good romp.

  5. Alexrd says:

    I didn’t saw any PC logo at the end, and it’s made by Ubisoft (which will probably come with some stupid DRM). Why should I be excited about this?

  6. SlappyBag says:

    Looks surprisingly fun.

  7. Hug_dealer says:

    I am very disappointed that you didnt picture dolph at all. He is the man, and damn that looks like some good old school fun.

    I will have to play Dolph though, always wished i could do that. My favorite actor right behind Bruce Campbell.

  8. Splynter says:

    Where was this glorious punnage at the Rezzed live pun thread Adam? Couldn’t be bothered to expend the effort?

    Sorry.

  9. MuscleHorse says:

    Sly is no stranger to gaming.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4Pd_k8P3Cw

    But he is to acting.

  10. Rao Dao Zao says:

    I saw selection circles and four character jobbies at the bottom of the screen, is this some kind of Baldur’s Gate-a-like?

    Because that would be… kind of awesome…

  11. Dowr says:

    I would play this if my income was expendable.

  12. SkittleDiddler says:

    From the look of it, the video game is going to be a lot more violent than the movie. All thanks to that gimp Chuck Norris.

  13. skyturnedred says:

    Looks like some good fun. Should definitely get this, and then play if after the Expendables 2 premiere. Drunk as fuck, of course.

  14. Shooop says:

    Everything else on the internet is now extraneous.

  15. Syra says:

    It says xboxlive all over it, where’s the pc version?

  16. Premium User Badge

    Henke says:

    Looks like that terrible GI Joe game. Hopefully it’ll be better than that.

    Good trailer though. :)

  17. Premium User Badge

    Chaz says:

    Who is this Terry Crews, I have never seen him before?

  18. dahools says:

    Hmmm. . .

    RPS have a different trailer to the one I first saw this morning?

    0.46 seconds in = Xbox controller

    http://www.guru3d.com/news/the-expendables-2–the-body-count-trailer/

    0.46 seconds in = PS3 controller

    I am not a geek who spots them sort of things or out. I was just reading above someone mentioning xbox live all over it and thinking. . . one min is it not a PS3 controller in his hand? then I watched this trailer and thought a was seeing things.

    RPS you should be hunting the trailer that looks down at a keyboard and mouse !
    if it don’t exist TELL UBI TO MAKE IT ! as they always listen and reply to your emails about DRM and PC release dates etc . . . (cough…)

  19. manveruppd says:

    You had me going there for a bit :p