Kicking The Kingdom: Kickstarter Coming To UK

By Adam Smith on July 10th, 2012 at 4:00 pm.

Kickstarter have announced that the people of the UK will be able to start up projects on the crowdsourcing platform beginning this autumn. And they actually say ‘autumn’ instead of Fall or the Holiday Season. Huzzah, jolly good show and so forth. I’m sure there are plenty of up and coming developers who will welcome this move but I didn’t think of the young and the talented, I thought of the industry giants, a fair few of whom might well jump on this opportunity to return to their roots having seen what the platform has done for the likes of Fargo and Schafer. Think of all the wonders that Kickstarter could offer to this great nation. Below, a sampling of tomorrow’s headlines.

Nation Takes To The Streets In Jubilation As Queen Kickstarts New Crown Jewels

“While visiting our collection of sparklies on one of the rare occasion when they weren’t being enviously ogled by the flag-waving masses, we couldn’t help but notice how tatty they’re starting to look. What, we ask, is the point of possessing a brooch big enough to choke an elephant with, a bloody great ruby set in the middle, if the damnable thing isn’t up to scratch. After years of being hidden from various interlopers and royal bastards, often travelling like Walken’s own bally watch during particularly turbulent decades, the jolly old thing has more imperfections marring its surface than the half-wit cousins one keeps in Windsor’s darkest cellars.

The yacht would be splendid and all but what your regal majesty could really use is a new set of Crown Jewels. And don’t think this is just for us, far from it, I am ever a servant of the people and your pledges would be for the good of the nation. After all, you don’t want us showing up to galas and dinners looking like a frumpy old duchess, you want us to look like a fabulous queen.

£4.6 billion should cover it.”

Scotland Seeks Land-Saw And Powerful Outboard Motors

After painting a dotted line the length of the border with England, Scotland has now launched a Kickstarter campaign aiming to raise enough money to buy what the 30,414 sq mi country refers to as “a gigantic land-saw capable of, fr’instance, cutting down through my own proud soil to its very root and severing it from the sinking ship of fools hanging off my tail.” A spokesperson added, “Y’know, that sort of thing”.

In a separate and “entirely unrelated” Kickstarter project, Scotland is also attempting to raise the “£700,000,000,000,000 or so” that it reckons would be necessary to buy enough outboard motors “to pilot a vessel, say a large cruiser the size and weight of a brave and recently independent country, from somewhere near the coast of Ireland to the Caribbean. Or maybe down near New Zealand depending on which is the easier trip and how much of a pain in the backside the coastguard are likely to be.”

Keith Richards’ Flesh-Friendly Polyfiller And Trouser Press

Keith's face is in the middle-left of the picture

After being hired to stand-in as an erosion study aid for geology students, groovy rock legend Keith Richards decided enough was enough and will now Kickstart a research project with the aim of inventing a form of polyfiller that can safely be used to smooth over the troughs and trenches of his ravaged visage. A stretch goal, if the £15 total is doubled, will see top scientists tinkering with a Corby Trouser Press in an attempt to tweak the heat settings so that it’s possible for a man to rest his face within until he resembles a freshly ironed youth, pink-faced and as smooth as a salesman’s patter.

Keith was unavailable for comment as slight structural damage at Gaping Gill in North Yorkshire earlier today meant he was called in to action, utilising his features to stand in as the missing part of the rough-textured cavern, which is constantly tickled by the chill waters of Fell Beck.

Golly gee, but those are some exciting projects. And that’s just the start!

What other UK Kickstarters are you most looking forward to?

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38 Comments »

  1. Ovno says:

    About bloody time :)

  2. Kdansky says:

    There’s indiegogo for Europe, you know.

    Not throwing all the money at one single company is usually not a bad idea, especially when they don’t actually do very much except having a brilliant idea.

  3. Meat Circus says:

    That means that the lengthy conversation I had at Rezzed with the beautiful Chris England O’Xenonauts has been rendered moot.

    MOOOOOOT.

    • Hoaxfish says:

      The Xenonauts guys live near me, so while I did back them for being local boys (and the game is quite good too), I didn’t feel the $5000 “fly out and have lunch with you” backers reward was, er, entirely sensible.

  4. Mike says:

    Adam, you’re spending too much time around John. I’m getting worried.

  5. Uglycat says:

    I’ll chip in 5 squid to restart Bullfrog.

  6. Gap Gen says:

    All taxation and public welfare programmes will be covered by Kickstarter under David Cameron’s Big Society reforms.

  7. Big Murray says:

    I didn’t realise that they couldn’t already.

    Pretty sure I’ve backed Kickstarter projects who are based in the UK … Xenonauts for one …

    • Hoaxfish says:

      As I understand it, they get a friend in the USA to set up the account or something. A bit like you can pay Kickstarter with a non USA card or something.

    • LionsPhil says:

      It’s been an underlying limitation with Amazon Payments’ inability to handle delayed payment (escrow?) services outside of the US.

      Actually pretty cool news that presumably that is fixed too, unless Kickstarter found another payment processor for the UK.

  8. Lordcrazy says:

    I don’t know about you guys, but I can’t wait to start backing another Cricket Revolution.

  9. MistyMike says:

    I’m wondering about the taxation aspect of this. In most countries receiving donations from unrelated people would require something around of 25% tax. That should be paid either by the receiver of the funds or by Kickstarter itself.

    • Jorum says:

      Probably they are not classified as donations if you are offering specific “perks” in return for money.
      I assume would be counted as something like a sale / pre-orders / futures contract / service ?

    • TillEulenspiegel says:

      Payments are made directly to the developer.

      I’m definitely not an accountant, but I believe this would be treated as normal business income (you’re receiving payments with the promise of a future product) and taxed appropriately.

    • MistyMike says:

      Nice idea mates but I don’t think it works that way because the receiver isn’t actually legally obliged to create anything and can’t be held responsible for the quality of the product. This makes it different from a sale of future good, in fact the backers don’t actually get a legal claim to demand the goods in question. All this makes it qualified under donation/gift under various legal systems, rather than sales contract and probably falls under the same tax regulations.

  10. Jorum says:

    HOO-BLOODY ABOUT TIME – RAY!

    I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to find how to get a US bank account.
    (seems pretty much impossible without middle-men/proxies etc.)

  11. brog says:

    As a Kiwi living in Scotland, I’d be very willing to support having it dragged somewhere closer to home and with a saner climate. LET’S DO IT.

    • LionsPhil says:

      I think there’s a flaw in Adam’s work, there—how many Scots would want to lose their rain and wind-swept climate?

      Certainly the English would be distraught if they were no longer subjected to continual overcast gloom and drizzle. Grumbling about the weather, then stubbornly putting up with it regardless, is a fine national tradition.

  12. Excelle says:

    My vote is for the Oliver Twins to make a proper Dizzy sequel, i.e. NOT THIS http://www.destructoid.com/sigh-new-dizzy-game-is-an-ios-android-remake-216402.phtml

    I will pay extra for Dizzy to be an actual egg shape, rather than the ping pong ball monstrosity shown above.

  13. iviv says:

    Personally, I love this news not for the pc games, but for the physical ones. I’ve seen several board games being kickstarted, but the shipping from the US is always prohibitively expensive. Hopefully there’s going to be some good ones from here that won’t cost an arm and a leg!

  14. Eukatheude says:

    Maybe you meant to type “Koming”

  15. Baines says:

    The UK gets Kickstarter at around the same time some would argue Kickstarter’s collapse has already begun.

    We’ve seen the first scams. We’ve seen people grasping for a lottery with no more than hope and the equivalent of drunken cocktail napkin scribbles. We’ve seen companies using Kickstarter as a publicity/pre-order system. We’ve seen projects with outrageous goals. We’ve seen the system converted to other fundraising acts, and people have seen how much money can be raised if you happen to promote a hot-button issue.

    And now we’ve seen Penny Arcade start a Kickstarter project to remove *one* of their ads for one year.

    Yes, for $250,000, Penny Arcade will remove one ad from their main page for one year. For $525,000, they’ll remove all ads from the main page for one year. And for $999,999, they’ll remove all ads on their site for one year. (And seemingly taking a page from political fundraisers, the $1000 donating categories will get either Gabe or Tycho to friend you for one year on Xbox Live. For the more budget-minded, you can spend $300 to get one of them to follow you on Twitter for a year.)

    http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/575109064/penny-arcade-sells-out

    • Brun says:

      The system is designed to fail safe in all of those cases. The scams were caught and taken down before reaching their goals. As for the rest of those (including Penny Arcade’s), market forces are absolutely free to decide whether those goals are worthy. If they aren’t, they fail, as intended – just like ridiculous auction posts on eBay 10 years ago.

      That just sounds like hipster sensationalism – as soon as something starts to get popular, people start talking about its “downfall,” because liking or believing in it no longer makes them special and unique snowflakes.

  16. Crius says:

    Talking about Kickstarter, seems that Skyjacker isn’t going very well.
    Imho it deserve a little more coverage.

    Spread the word!
    http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/digitilus/al-skyjacker

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