Cardboard Children: Photo Special!

By Robert Florence on July 15th, 2012 at 11:30 am.


Hello youse,

I promised that we would be doing some photo specials. This is the first of those, and I bring you a handful of beautiful games. We are going to look at some nice untouched photographs. I don’t want you just to glance and move on – I want you to take a moment of quiet contemplation with each piece, like you would on a visit to some art gallery with a new sexual partner. Imagine that your latest sexual conquest is beside you as you pretend to be deep in thought. I will talk a little bit about each game too, with particular focus on the visuals.

Let’s look at our first selection of games that GOT THE LOOK.

U GOT THE LOOK

It’s another reason why board games RULE. You can hold them in your hands. You can admire them, stroke them, and go all gooey-eyed over them. Sometimes I like to just set one up and stare at it for a little while.

Often, when I play a board game, I get lost in thought while staring at some artwork. Then when it’s my turn, everyone shouts at me and make me cry.

I’m not saying that it matters if a board game looks like shit. Some of my favourite games look like a cardboard horse ate some ink pens and then did a shit on my table. But a beautiful looking game elevates the experience to new heights.

Let’s appreciate some games that sho nuff do be cookin’ in my book…

COSMIC ENCOUNTER

Cosmic Encounter is the board game that every gamer should own. You already know this, because I tell you ever other week. But what makes the newest edition of Cosmic Encounter extra special are the plastic spaceships that each player gets to play with. These look like flying saucers and feel almost like little poker chips. They stack without fear of toppling and just feel so beautiful in the hand. And look at the planets too. Thick cardboard discs in your player colour, letting you set up your home system exactly how you want it. So beautiful.

God. So beautiful.

When the expansions for Cosmic Encounter were announced, people were just as excited for the introduction of black and white plastic ships as they were for the extra game stuff.

These are some of the best board game components ever, in possibly the greatest board game ever designed.

COLOSSEUM

Colosseum was one of the first board games I bought when I started to get back into the scene. I love stuff with a Roman theme, so when I saw it in the shop I had to bring it home. I’m glad to say that the game still stands up all these years later. It’s a game where players compete to stage the most impressive Colosseum show in Ancient Rome. It’s like an episode of The Apprentice, with Team Impulse and Team Lynx running around shouting into their blackberries about Lions and Virgins. You need to expand your building, bid and trade to get the performers you need, and lure dignitaries to your show on the big day. It’s a beautiful, light, quick game.

In the photo above, we can see that the Emperor himself has turned up to be entertained. He is a decorated red wooden pawn. Behind him, another wooden pawn dignitary is draped with the finest silks. These pawns make Miss Scarlet look like a proper fucking mess.

A gorgeous game.

DIXIT JOURNEY

Dixit is a big favourite of mine.

Great art?

This is a game about art. You look at images and then express something that’s been evoked by those images. That’s what the whole game hinges on, but not in any dry, pretentious way. I won’t go into a rules explanation here – it’s enough to say that you must give this beautiful, fun party game a try. It can’t fail.

The first three Dixit sets were all by the same artist. When I heard that the brand new “Dixit Journey” would feature artwork by a different artist, alarm bells started to ring. Fortunately, the new art is stunning.

I mean.

Seriously.

You don’t have this yet?

MALL OF HORROR

It’s exciting that a new take on Mall of Horror is coming, with Asmodee’s City of Horror. But what saddens me a little is that more people won’t be able to get their hands on the original game, with its unique, dark artwork.

The idea to make the cards that you use in the game look like Polaroid photographs is genius. It’s the first thing people comment on when they see the game.

“Oh, cool! The cards look like Polaroids. This looks like fun.”

Later they will be saying: “IF YOU FUCKING VOTE ME OUT OF THIS BUILDING I WILL – NO, JOHN! NO! I WILL WALK HOME! FUCK YOU, I WILL WALK HOME AND I’LL BE LOCKING THE DOOR!”

And then there’s the board, with ink markings everywhere, and scribbled notes. It looks like chaos. Like the end times.

I love this game. It’s the best zombie board game ever made, with its focus on the human dynamic in an unthinkable crisis, and the components (those cards, the plastic zombies, the rough and scrappy board) just push it onto another level.

Hunt it down and pick it up – because this version will never see print again.

Think about that. Gone for good.

Damn.

TAKENOKO

Takenoko is a game about tending to a bamboo garden, and caring for a cute panda. Awwww. Each player scores points by fulfilling objectives – these involve laying plots and growing bamboo, or moving the panda into a plot to munch away at some delicious bamboo for its big furry tummy. Awwww. It’s a light, fun game that plays in 45 minutes. What’s not to like?

Well, the components are TERRIBLE.

No, sorry. What I meant to say was HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THESE COMPONENTS, MARGARET. The gardener and the panda are little pre-painted miniatures, and the bamboo is stackable, colourful plastic. There are beautiful little wooden counters and gorgeous tiles. Even the plastic inlay for the game is amazing, with a place for every piece.

Just look at that photo. Quality of that level in a board game is as rare the panda itself. The big cuddly panda. The big fuzzy-wuzzy pandy wandy with its big snuggly-buggly tum-tums.

Awwwww.

NINJATO

Oh, Ninjato.

Oh, poor forgotten Ninjato.

Oh, poor overlooked Ninjato.

Ninjato is a wonderful board game. As a ninja, you invade houses, make bribes and sway the balance of power in 12th Century Japan. It’s a tense action selection game, with a lot of tight decisions and a strong sense of theme.

The most brilliant aspect of Ninjato is the house invasion stuff. The core ninja shit. Whenever you choose to invade a house, to steal its treasures and swing house influence, you have to defeat guards. You have to choose whether to sneak or fight. You have to choose whether to keep pushing on, or whether to turn back. This push-your-luck mechanic shoots an extra thrill through the centre of Ninjato. It’s fantastic. You get to shout “BANZAI!” It’s a RULE.

And the artwork. Man. A beautiful board. Gorgeous ninja skill tiles and envoy cards. And the counters you use to choose your actions? They are large wooden shuriken. If you lose you can plink one right off your opponent’s annoying nut.

I’m sure many of you will be encouraged to hunt down Ninjato just by looking at that photo. I know what you people are like. Materialistic dopes, terrified of death, desperately seeking any kind of distraction. Just like me.

Ninjato helps. Get it.

NEXT TIME

My excitement over Jim’s Sir, You Are Being Hunted has got me in the mood for….

THE ROBOT SPECIAL! NEXT WEEK!

See youse then!

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25 Comments »

  1. pakoito says:

    I was born in the late 80s and wat is that hellish music.

    • President Weasel says:

      I have travelled through time from the year 1974 to tell you: That is Prince, who was a sex symbol despite being a midget, featuring Sheena Easton who was an extremely successful international pop star despite being a steelworker’s daughter from Bellshill near Glasgow.

  2. Selifator says:

    Can someone tell me the name of the game where a player decides to either make up a situation or a character and the rest of the players then make up that which that player didn’t choose? Rules-light and imagination-heavy game, hope that someone knows what I’m talking about.

  3. Danny says:

    When it comes to the fine art of computer games I’m all snubbish and elitist, but board games? Not so much. I still drool over Hero Quest’s artwork. I got the game when I was a 10 year old testosteron bomb and I totally fell in love with the Chaos Knights, Zombies and Witchmaster rulebook.

    I recently showed it to my 4-year old and he told me the skeletons now functioned as fish, the dungeon master became a shark and he obviously was Nemo. Sigh, let’s try again in 4 years time or so.

  4. OrangyTang says:

    I’m not entirely sure how I feel about not being told to “Stay Dicey” for another week.

    Somebody hold me.

    • President Weasel says:

      Yes, it’s traditional now, and I respectfully request that Rab bring it back.
      (If you tell us to stay dicey next week, I promise to tell you about a big new TV series in the states with a starring role for James Purefoy in it)

  5. FloorBelow says:

    Damn, Colosseum’s pieces are fucking beautiful. Love the decorations – they add so much character to the little guys.

    • Shadram says:

      Colosseum looks fantastic, and those little dudes are much heavier than I expected them to be. They feel like they could do serious damage if you threw them hard enough at your opponents head. Not that you would, Colosseum is a gentle, civilised game. Unless someone buys MY FUCKING EVENT PROGRAMME. Grrrnghrrrrnnnnrr…. Sorry.

  6. markside says:

    Thanks for another great addition to my Sunday afternoon!

  7. Ninja Foodstuff says:

    Dixit god yes, I love it. I’ve got the first three sets, and couldn’t tell if “Dixit Journey” was indeed a new set or just a US re-issue, so thanks for clearing that up. I think having different artwork in the mix will really add a new dimension to the gameplay.

    Also, those photographs are wonderful, gorgeous DOF and lighting.

    • vagabond says:

      Dixit Journey is the US version of Dixit 3 according to boardgamegeek (packaged as a standalone version of the game rather than an expansion).

  8. Swanny says:

    Hmm I think I might pick ip Dixit. Looks fun and great article.

    • Creeping Death says:

      I played it at Rezzed and it really is a wonderful game.

      Another point in it’s favour, it’s currently £16 on amazon

  9. Rich Tea says:

    It makes me feel like a sexy heretic, but I’ll say it; this is by far my favourite column on this site.

  10. Ergates_Antius says:

    TAKENOKO – Japanese for “Monochrome bamboo-eating bastard!”

  11. c-Row says:

    Robot special can only mean one thing – ROBO RALLY!

  12. Dusk777 says:

    Mall of Horror is impossible to find, been looking for a while now with no luck. Makes me a saaad panda. =[

  13. Jorum says:

    Just bought Mansions of Madness and spent a good hour cooing at the models and artwork, much to amusement/disdain of wife.
    “ooo!, ooo! look at the pattern on the carpet!”, “oh wow look he’s pulling some guys brain out!” etc.

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