By John Walker on September 13th, 2012 at 6:00 pm.
Here’s a good idea for a game. There’s this giant alien, like, the size of a suburb, and it’s eaten all the locals. You are a member of an elite squad of marines, and you must enter its intestines to save them. It’s called Alien’s Colonial Marines. And that, ladies and gentleman, is the difference an apostrophe can make. Another joke I would like to tell at some time in the future is when Aliens: Colonial Marines becomes cheaper but not quite cheaper enough, and I can say, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this drop.” Meanwhile, the best I can do is alert you to the knowledge that you can now pre-order the game, and that there’s a trailer telling you to do so.
Except the game’s website is very naughty, and no matter what you pick it only directs you to the pre-order for the Collector’s Edition at this point, for a rather enormous £60. (£70 on consoles, mind.) In that box you get a bunch of pretend paperwork, a box that is calling itself a “Xeno Hive”, and a power loader figurine. Toys, basically. Very expensive toys. Which is lovely. Then of course there’s the utter tedium of exclusive in-game bullshit. So you’ll get access to extra movie characters, Ripley’s flamethrower, some firing range, and oh who gives a crap. Bloody ridiculous nonsense.
Pre-order the somewhat more hidden “Limited Edition”, and you’ll pay £35, and get the same in-game rubbish that should be either in the game or not, but none of the expensive toys.
The game is out in February next year, so don’t go getting too excited just yet.
13/09/2012 at 18:06 Shooop says:
The real question is will they tango or do a waltz in the screencap?
13/09/2012 at 18:51 Max Ursa says:
i was thinking either square dance or dozy doe
13/09/2012 at 18:08 mouton says:
Nice facial animation there – gotta love bland, expressionless faces. Then again, some of them are probably androids anyway.
13/09/2012 at 18:19 dE says:
They’re all androids. Solves the gender issue.
(please don’t torch me… too much?)
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Now about the game, my first reaction to the headline was: No I don’t. At which point I’ll backpedal out of this comment section and go back to playing the first AVP.
15/09/2012 at 17:03 spectone says:
If we can get them to frisk with the ships captain then we’ll believe they are not androids.
13/09/2012 at 18:37 Fumarole says:
I prefer the term Artificial Person myself.
14/09/2012 at 00:14 Bhazor says:
‘andricapable
14/09/2012 at 07:19 Subject 706 says:
Or very stoic marines, made out of cardboard.
13/09/2012 at 18:16 sonofsanta says:
Didn’t Gears of War 2 already have that level?
13/09/2012 at 19:32 Tommando says:
It did indeed. I could never understand how the inside of that monster was so well lit.
13/09/2012 at 18:33 Tom De Roeck says:
and somewhere along the way, they managed to make something which was genuinely scary, rather bland.
I blame the horrible soundtrack.
13/09/2012 at 18:52 noom says:
Don’t take my money.
13/09/2012 at 19:35 tobecooper says:
I’m actively throwing my money away from the monitor.
13/09/2012 at 20:54 Dances to Podcasts says:
I’m waving money at the monitor and making nya nya nya nya nyaaaa sounds.
13/09/2012 at 19:15 db1331 says:
I don’t think I could ever pre-order an Aliens game. It’s like Bond. For some reason, people just can’t seem to turn an awesome franchise into an even average game. I will keep an open mind to it, but I need to see some reviews first. Not for a number or a percentage, but just a little insight.
13/09/2012 at 19:21 jonfitt says:
Please Guardian Online tell me more about how it is “compelling”. Can you tell us if the graphics are realistic? How about replayability? I hear that it will appeal to fans of .
13/09/2012 at 19:46 felisc says:
my answer to this game is still a big fat “meh”
13/09/2012 at 19:56 Shortwave says:
Well, that trailer seriously.. Almost showed me, something.
I seen some flashes.. I seen “GIVE US MONEY NEOW”.
Right, kay so.
No, I will not preorder this game.
No, I will not buy it’s DLC either, ever.
Release a SP demo please, I will try it.
And if I like it, I will buy it..
The end.
13/09/2012 at 20:00 Archipelagos says:
Bizarre. One of the earlier trailers for this was actually really quite good, nice choice of music and edited well. How they went from that to this rubbish is baffling. Is the marketing department just a revolving door?
13/09/2012 at 20:05 Lord Custard Smingleigh says:
Actually, it is. Literally, it is a revolving door. Some days it has good days and people actually use it. Other days it just gets ignored as everyone mashes the “DISABLED ACCESS” button and flounces through the traditional door to the side of it.
13/09/2012 at 20:37 buzzmong says:
It’s rare, but this is one of those times I wish I could do a “Like” on a post. :)
13/09/2012 at 21:03 Archipelagos says:
That’s a name to make people swoon. Me included.
13/09/2012 at 20:40 buzzmong says:
Well, 12th of Feb is still over 4 months away. I really hope all the recent trailers have been created using really old builds, as what I’ve seen in the recent trailers for this game isn’t impressive on the gameplay front.
13/09/2012 at 21:26 int says:
If Michael Biehn and Bill Paxton provided their voices I would buy this game now.
13/09/2012 at 22:12 Jim9137 says:
Nah.
13/09/2012 at 23:39 thecat17 says:
Aliens: Call of Duty Colonial Ops
That’s what I’ve seen from the gameplay trailers.
14/09/2012 at 00:18 DarkFenix says:
Ehh, a few years ago you could probably have sold me this game on premise and franchise alone. I’m a little less inclined towards blind franchise faith now, so this looks very much like a pirate-to-try job to me.
14/09/2012 at 01:35 Caiman says:
I almost feel that the time for licensed Aliens games is past. They had their chance, they screwed it up again and again and again, and now I really just don’t care anymore. I will probably pick this up in a sale if it’s above average, but it’s going to have to be absolutely mindblowing for me to buy it at release. As for pre-order, the schmucks are over in that direction.
14/09/2012 at 06:47 dethtoll says:
That Aliens game for the DS is pretty sweet though.
14/09/2012 at 02:15 eclipse mattaru says:
“Follow in the footsteps of legends”, they say, and then they show Hudson, who spent 97% of his time in the movie whining, and Apone and Drake, who got their asses kicked about 7 minutes in. And no Vazquez. And, of course, let’s not even mention Ripley. But hey, Ripley’s flamethrower is in there. Motherfuck this garbage.
14/09/2012 at 05:10 TwwIX says:
This game exudes “meh”. I just hope that i don’t regret pre-ordering Borderlands 2.
14/09/2012 at 07:57 razgon says:
Correct me if I’m wrong, but isnt this the game that was almost cancelled, put on hold, and then picked up by another Developer team than the original one, since they were let go? That would explain the jarring shift in the game’s focus and looks. Honestly, this looks like something that some executives ordered rushed out to door to minimize cost and loss from.
14/09/2012 at 13:08 atticus says:
Yeah, it was initially called: “Alien Duke: Colonial Nuke Forever.”
14/09/2012 at 08:06 Screamer says:
DLC coming out of the walls! Lets Book! I mostly read wot I think first…..mostly.
14/09/2012 at 08:51 DestructibleEnvironments says:
Vasquez? VASQUES?! VASQUEZ!!?! No? Oh okay.
14/09/2012 at 12:35 DXN says:
Time for Vasquez to get those big black boots on..
13/01/2013 at 21:48 Cpl Hicks says:
I can not wait for this game. Been waiting for ages, gonna lock myself in a room and play for eternity. Does anyone know if you get the Pre-Order extras with any Pre-Ordered game, regardless of where you bought it from?