Burning Robbers: Crash Time 5 Demo

By Adam Smith on September 24th, 2012 at 11:00 am.

I’ve never played a Crash Time game, although I’ve seen lots of clips of Alarm für Cobra 11, the German TV show on which the games are loosely based. Professor Youtube has taught me that Cobra 11 is a show about maniacs and the cars that they choose to drive/explode. There’s a clip below which manages to make me laugh, while also causing me to fear for my life and the sanity of everybody involved in producing the show. You can find the demo for Crash Time 5 here and I’ve also included a trailer for the game below. It looks quite a lot like Hot Pursuit. Hopefully it has inane dialogue and a plot that’s loopier than a morphophone riding Edwin Prescott’s Coney Island innovation.

All well and good, but this is what you’re here for.

The beginner’s guide to casually catching a ball or swimming frantically in mid-air.

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33 Comments »

  1. GallonOfAlan says:

    The demo of the second one of these is worth a look just to laugh your hole off at the voice acting.

  2. We Said Destroy says:

    Alarm für Cobra 11 is the worst that German TV has to offer (beside all the casting shows). It’s only ridiculous storys (the last episode I accidently zapped into had russian terrorist) that somehow try to justify a shit load of explosions.

    • Mr. Mister says:

      Isn’t that Just Cause 2 in a nutshell?

      • We Said Destroy says:

        Yes. But playing Just Cause 2 is fun, watching a whole episode of Alarm für Cobra 11 is not. Not for me at least. Alarm für Cobra 11 tries so hard to mimic US Action TV-Shows/Movies but in such a bad way that it is just plain bad.

    • UmmonTL says:

      Excuse me but how can you consider this the worst? It is a show that is completely and unashamedly centered around stunts and blowing shit up. Yeah the plots are stupid like all hell but it’s not like the show isn’t aware of that most of the time.

      • jon_hill987 says:

        You could have just described Top Gear…

        • Cold Steel says:

          Top Gear is AAA+ comedy compared to the garbage on German TV. Scripted Reality crap and cheap shows like this all around.

          Seriously, German TV is cancer for your brain. I’m really glad that I’ve literally thrown out my TV 9 years ago.

    • BenLeng says:

      It’s a show that’s actually WORSE if you understand german.

    • dE says:

      Saying this, when there’s shit like those casting shows with Dieter Bohlen (well you mentioned those), Musikantenstadl were folk singers on cocaine get to show their drugged smile and the white dust on their lips as they crumble into drug rehab, Mitten im Leben – the docusoap that somehow managed to turn out even worse than Jersey Shore, The Tatort Series where every case is solved by collective depressive staring at “Currywurst” – and gosh, if you’re still with this sentence, kudos to you, I’ve totally forgotten what note it started on. German television is absolutely atrocious, even the series they buy from other countries are butchered in an easy three step “kill the series” solution.

      Step 1:
      Cut out at least 10 minutes per episode. Baby needs room for advertisements.

      Step 2:
      Send them out of sequence. Who gives a shit about background story. Better still, send those episodes with the highest rating in a permanent loop while omitting all other episodes. After all, people LOVE seeing two and a half man, the 7 episode version non stop!

      Step 3:
      If those don’t work, put it in a really stupid slot. Look, there’s 11pm. Good spot for a kids series, no? Especially after all those pathology crime series where they take apart corpses while cracking stupid jokes.

      • c-Row says:

        Nothing to add here. Oliver Kalkofe would be proud of you.

      • Felixader says:

        These reasons and the fact that i enjoyed my time reading on the internet and playing videogames much more made me stop watch TV at the end of 2008/ beginning of 2009.

        The only thing i hold myself responsible for since then is to regularly read up on the world news online.

        Good TV-Shows and Movies i simply buy on DVDs and watch them WHEN I want and HOW I want it.
        Much better than torturing myself with the one Product where Made in Germany is actually a warning.

      • Oozo says:

        To be fair, though, children’s shows broadcast at 11pm are probably the single best thing on German TV. Here’s looking at you, Bernd das Brot.

        • Bluerps says:

          I think, Bernd das Brot is the one awesome thing in German television. Everything else is just crap. I haven’t watched regular TV in years, and I haven’t watched anything that was actually produced in Germany (apart from the bread) for at least a decade.

        • TAPETRVE says:

          I’m throwing in “Ijon Tichy: Raumpilot”.

          Yeah, The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy it is not, but a very enjoyable – if quite naïve – romp of faux-SF trash culture it is nontheless, at least the original run. The second series got a bit too childish for its own good, though.

          • gekitsu says:

            yes! ijon tichy was indeed a rare highlight.
            the opening shot with the “stars” is pure genius: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xO9ppicjlFg (also, english subs. they dont really capture his hilariously broken, borat-ish grammar, though)

            eselswurst? hab ich gesucht…

          • Bluerps says:

            Oh yes, you’re right! I’ve forgotten about Ijon Tichy. That one’s awesome too.

          • TAPETRVE says:

            “Diese Planet is blöd wie Esel is schlau.” – Best line ever.

      • gekitsu says:

        you forgot:

        step 0: because of an entitled-feeling audience, smother the whole thing with a dub so atrocious that it even makes amazing actors totally unbearable. (seriously, compare, say, patrick stewart in st: tng original vs german. the entire role is broken in german)

        thats the most serious problem with german tv and movie culture: in lots of countries, dubs are a solution for a specific problem, such as making a kids movie understandable for kids. grownups watch subbed original. germany, france (dont get me started on the french and their linguistic entitlement), italy: not in my native tongue? not going to watch. tolerance for subtitles is basically nonexistant. i regularly have to undertake a two hour drive to the closest cinema that airs non-dubbed versions of big $ films.

        • dE says:

          To be absolutely fair, the cringe-worthy dubs have spawned some of the best comedy resynchronisations in history. Some of the phrases even became part of popular culture, like “Klatscht gleich” from “Sinnlos im Weltraum” (TNG fandub) or Gabber Gandalf (from Lord of the Weed) and stuff like that.

  3. Henke says:

    I played a good few hours of Crash Time 2 last year. Nice graphics and enjoyable car handling, but the mission design was as terrible and unimaginative as the dialogue and the plot were. :|

  4. GallonOfAlan says:

    You can also have great fun in the Crash Time 2 demo by engineering a traffic jam across the level crossing and waiting for the train to take it out.

  5. InsidiousBoot says:

    Whats with the few hateful comments towards Germans ? anyway.. I tried the demo for kicks, and it ran poorly.. it didn’t matter if I lowered settings to low or put them on maximum. Likely isn’t using my graphics card to the fullest for some reason.. EDIT: actually forgot to turn off SSAA in CCC settings.

    I5 750 4ghz
    7970 1.08ghz

    • MrLebanon says:

      Looks like NFS/Burnout (the good ones from back in the day)

      EDIT: no idea why I replied to you when my comment isn’t relevant

    • dE says:

      Whats with the few hateful comments towards Germans ?

      Where? Can’t see any. Lots of comments about the quality of german television though. And the hate is kinda justified there :P

  6. stahlwerk says:

    What is that guy’s problem, anyway?

  7. rockman29 says:

    If anyone knows how to drive fast, it’s the Germans.