By John Walker on October 24th, 2012 at 6:00 pm.
No thanks.
In what is surely one of the most distasteful (in every respect) promotions I’ve ever seen, Best Online Casino have seen fit to create a Flash game in which you can win – er – a ball containing Michael Jackson’s hair. No, that’s what I said.
It’s described as a “fantastic prize”, which I can only assume is a typo for, “The creepiest, most morbid and unpleasant prize we could think of”. And it’s worth, they claim, $10,000. Because that’s what it went for at auction. Because humanity is spiralling out of control.
So dealing with something as grotesque, yet sensitive, as the hair of a dead man, you’d assume some level of decorum has been embraced. No. As if the concept itself weren’t already pretty gross, the Flash game is an unbelievably lazy, extremely poorly programmed Arkanoid knock-off, in which the bat is replaced by Michael Jackson’s head. A crude caricature of Jackson, wearing a surgical mask, because that’s a thing he did. Because, well, something! I’ll save you the urge to check it out by forgetting to link.
They call it “a unique, $10,000 tribute to the King of Pop”. As someone who never gave a shit about Michael Jackson at any point during his life, nor since it, even I’m managing to find this somewhat unsettling. But mostly just pathetic. Why not enjoy this video of how the roulette ball containing the hair was manufactured?!
The sheer insanity of it is that even if you are some super-weirdo Jackson obsessive, desperate to own something that may or may not have grown out of his body, what you’d get is a tightly welded together roulette ball that may as well contain the secrets to eternal life for all the good it would do you. So on trust you assume that this pointless metal ball contains some hair you can’t see, that there’s no sensible way of verifying ever came from the body of the dead singer.
Would anyone like to win a ping pong ball filled with my snot?
24/10/2012 at 18:04 Drake Sigar says:
How was the hair obtained in the first place? Someone do me a solid and go check on MJ’s grave.
24/10/2012 at 18:08 Wild_Marker says:
Ok, but I hope I don’t find anything… not solid.
24/10/2012 at 18:08 lordcooper says:
Even better, inform the Daily Mail.
24/10/2012 at 23:06 SelfEsteemFund says:
Finally it’s time to dig up some dirt on Michael Jackson!
25/10/2012 at 02:52 minafds454 says:
http://ick.li/nGpuD2
Wow! That’s really great! I love it! Recommend see here!
24/10/2012 at 18:06 lordcooper says:
What?
24/10/2012 at 18:07 Roz says:
Free $10k?
24/10/2012 at 18:07 Oh Tyrone says:
Hmm.
24/10/2012 at 18:08 MOKKA says:
You can calm down, that’s not Michael Jackson’s hair. It’s from me
24/10/2012 at 18:10 pupsikaso says:
Who gives a crap about this? The less this gets publicized, the less the sponsors will get in return, the less of crap like this happening.
24/10/2012 at 18:40 MrLebanon says:
somebody pee’d in your cereal this morning
24/10/2012 at 18:50 Prime says:
Actually, yes. The people who think giving away bits of a dead celebrity as a prize is somehow worth doing have successfully peed in ALL our cereal.
24/10/2012 at 19:16 d34thm0nk3y says:
It’s all fun and games until someone pees in your cereal.
24/10/2012 at 23:13 particlese says:
Good thing I ran out of cereal yesterday and so had applesauce and sausage instead. Saved by procrastination!
25/10/2012 at 01:32 The Random One says:
Oh, you thought it was applesauce?
25/10/2012 at 04:12 particlese says:
o_O And here I was, getting worried about the sausage…
25/10/2012 at 08:38 lurkalisk says:
Hey, if this weren’t publicized, I wouldn’t get wonderful youtube subtitles like “definitely not going to catch this without blood” (before she puts on gloves and acts repulsed).
24/10/2012 at 18:13 ScubaMonster says:
How can they prove it? Does it come with its own notarized DNA test? You could take anyone’s hair and say ZOMG IT’S MICHAEL JACKSON’S!!!
25/10/2012 at 10:37 BoZo says:
It kind of looks like the hair of the girl in that video…
27/10/2012 at 13:27 Alenthas says:
More like her pubes.
24/10/2012 at 18:14 Mr. Mister says:
It seems to me that the only reason to get that is to sell it for even more at eBay.
24/10/2012 at 18:14 Lambchops says:
What next? A golf ball containing one of Jimmy Saville’s testicles?
24/10/2012 at 18:37 Pobblepop says:
Haha
24/10/2012 at 18:56 Skabooga says:
I own three of those.
24/10/2012 at 18:19 Eukatheude says:
From the look of it, it might even be pubic hair. Does that add value?
25/10/2012 at 01:50 Mr-Link says:
Now you had to go ahead and say out loud what everyone was thinking. Now it is out there. I hope you are happy.
24/10/2012 at 18:21 Splynter says:
I guess we could call this pedohair?
24/10/2012 at 18:22 Henke says:
That prize is pretty BAD.
24/10/2012 at 18:26 Sweedums says:
I guess now that he’s had his hair stolen he’s a smooth criminal.
24/10/2012 at 18:33 Lambchops says:
Other punners may as well Beat It as Sweedums has just won the thread!
24/10/2012 at 18:36 methodology says:
You are not alone, in your thinking.
24/10/2012 at 21:58 mr.black says:
I don’t Remember the Time I read another pun thread so great.
24/10/2012 at 19:01 tomeoftom says:
This whole ordeal is making me quincy.
24/10/2012 at 18:33 Eddy9000 says:
Bits were falling off MJ’s head throughout his life so I’m sure he wouldn’t miss a bit of hair, he’d just shrug his shoulders and say ‘It’s another part of me’
24/10/2012 at 18:34 Oh Tyrone says:
Bah, you kids and your pun threads! I say beat it!
EDIT: Seems I was the one was beaten. :(
24/10/2012 at 18:36 The Random One says:
This thread is no place for puns. Beat it.
24/10/2012 at 18:36 jussipe says:
I bet the game is going to be a thriller.
24/10/2012 at 18:41 TychoCelchuuu says:
I don’t know if this issue is as black or white as RPS is making it out to be.
24/10/2012 at 19:22 Eukatheude says:
It doesn’t matter anyway.
24/10/2012 at 18:51 RakeShark says:
If I was Billie Jean, I’d make every effort to get that DNA sample.
24/10/2012 at 19:07 Lanfranc says:
I expect it’ll end up in the hands of some stranger in Moscow.
24/10/2012 at 21:41 Shadram says:
Thanks to John’s story, we have another pun thread. I’m over the moon, Walker!
24/10/2012 at 18:28 matt606 says:
I didn’t realize it was nightmare day. What else we got lined up?
24/10/2012 at 18:36 Eddy9000 says:
/looks suspiciously at half smoked hand-rolled cigarette, calmly stubs it out.
24/10/2012 at 18:36 SkittleDiddler says:
I would eat it, and then Michael Jackson would become a part of me forever and ever. His DNA would mingle with mine, and I would finally be able to do the Moon Dance properly.
24/10/2012 at 18:38 geldonyetich says:
The winner can attempt to clone Michael Jackson with the DNA in his air, but be warned, there’s a chance the clones will go crazy, jump out of the vat, moonwalk, turn into robots, and otherwise be too thoroughly awesome for containment.
24/10/2012 at 18:58 Arglebargle says:
Yep, save it for the coming Clone Days, and sell the boogers to folks who want to raise their own little Michael Jackson.
Hey, is that some Marilyn Monroe hair there???
24/10/2012 at 18:49 Superpat says:
Kind of looks like jokers beard: http://oyster.ignimgs.com/wordpress/stg.ign.com/2012/10/23687069_1-610×476.jpg
24/10/2012 at 19:31 manveruppd says:
Why does she say she’s “been” Kim O’Neill? Who is she now? Or do they wipe her hard drive clean and install another personality after she’s done the video?
25/10/2012 at 08:07 jikavak says:
Yes,it’s a common journalist thing.
24/10/2012 at 20:02 abandonhope says:
James Cameron did not raise the bar high enough, I’m afraid.
24/10/2012 at 22:31 GoodKnight says:
HA
24/10/2012 at 20:45 lazy8 says:
The important question is: how do I get my hands on a pingpong ball filled with John Walker’s snot?
24/10/2012 at 20:52 dethtoll says:
> about to say something, finger in the air
> audibly slam jaw shut
> walk away, finger still in the air
24/10/2012 at 21:39 Xaromir says:
They removed it from Macaulay Culkin’s underwear, found at MJ’s place after he passed away.
24/10/2012 at 21:41 Dances to Podcasts says:
This reminds me of relic, though I wonder what church would consider Michael Jackson a saint.
(Yes, the catholic pedo jokes write themselves.)
25/10/2012 at 04:46 ProtoMan says:
Breaking news:
Mad Scientist uses Michael Jackson hair, obtained from a roulette ball, to serenade humanity with his army of Jacksons.
God can’t save us now…
25/10/2012 at 15:23 Shooop says:
No.