You’ll Never Guess Which Nation Is Definitely In Rome II!

By John Walker on December 6th, 2012 at 11:00 am.

No spoilers here.

Go on, try to guess. Creative Assembly have announced the first playable faction for the forthcoming Total War: Rome II, and we know who it is! Okay, I’ll give you some hints about who you’ll be able to play in Rome II. They liked long straight roads. They conquered enormous stretches of the globe. They were very keen on murdering each other to usurp power, and were master strategists in battle. Can you guess who’s in Rome II? Can you?!?

That’s right, it’s Belgium.

Ahaha, I jest. Rome! Pick yourself back up off the floor, and take a look at the new screenshots from the game. Clicking on them makes them grow:

Rather more helpfully, CA have released a sort of Wiki for the new game. Most Wikis, in fairness, don’t hide information until a later date. So, er, it’s not really a Wiki. A million homeworks would be somewhat ruined if looking up the Romans on Wikipedia led to finding “The events of 101BC onward will be revealed soon.” However, head there and you’ll learn a couple of facts, and perhaps more importantly, get yourself excited for next year’s addition to the Total War franchise.

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81 Comments »

  1. Bluerps says:

    Please say China, please say China, please say China …

    *reads article*

    Aw, man. :(

    • The Random One says:

      I was like, it’s going to be Macedonia fo’ so. NOPE

    • Sunjumper says:

      Thank you for reminding me of how cool it would be to have a Total War game set in ancient china…

      • Bluerps says:

        Huh. You know, I never thought of that. But you’re right, that would be very cool.

      • Jeremy says:

        Total War: Romance of the Three Kingdoms. I would play that so hard.

        • TCM says:

          I maintain that the lead devs of The Creative Aseembly, Paradox, Firaxis, and Koei should all be locked in a room until they have created the grandest, most incomprehensible, most beautiful strategy game of all time.

          • MacTheGeek says:

            “Total War: Crusaders of Alpha Centauri: Path to Victory”.

            Yeah, I’d buy that.

      • Carra says:

        Bring on the engine that can draw a million units :)

  2. Baboonanza says:

    I’d rather they released screenshots from the perspective you actually play from – ie zoomed all the way out. But I guess that doesn’t cover the ‘shiny’ requirement for marketing shots.

  3. Borklund says:

    TOTALWARFACE

    That’s still a meme right?

    • Droopy The Dog says:

      *Chirp-chirp… Chirp*

      • Sarigs says:

        Ignore him Borklund! We’re at the stage where it wouldn’t be RPS without RANDOMFACINGS all over the shop! I only stage for the FACES to be honest :-)

      • jikavak says:

        CHIRPFACE

    • battles_atlas says:

      RPS should make better use of the dashboard at the top of the site. It could host a ticker listing all the memes that got boring three months ago, just so folks get that, you know, its time to move on.

  4. I Got Pineapples says:

    I was gonna say Belgium and everything.

    Now that’s been taken from me.

    Fuckers.

    On the other hand…

    Heh. Belgium. Your very existence is a comedic punchline for the rest of the world.

    • Elmar Bijlsma says:

      Ceasar did not share your comedic tastes:
      “Horum omnium fortissimi sunt Belgae.”

      • Lacessit says:

        We always conveniently leave out the next line though: ‘propterea quod a cultu atque humanitate provinciae longissime absunt’

        So, a bit of a punchline anyway :-)

        EDIT: Spelling

        • Ericston says:

          Ah, I know this! It’s the “Noble Savage” trope. Caesar should be ashamed of himself writing this trite.

      • Kreeth says:

        “All the strongest prostitutes are Belgian”. Eh?

    • stahlwerk says:

      Soulwax, dEUS, Pommes Frites.

    • nadeus says:

      It’s a complete artificial country with no coherent history besides their escapades in the congo (with our infamous British butchers chopping hands off), but it has good food & the best beer. What more would you want?
      Did i mention cricket is believed to origin from there?

      • belgand says:

        Well, I think the real problem is the division between Frankish Belgium and Flemish Belgium. It probably should have left the Frankish bits with France and stayed a much smaller, but entirely Flemish nation. As it is it often feels a bit like France’s Canada.

        • Ergates_Antius says:

          Except that division helps us Anglophone tourists. The French speakers refuse to speak Flemish and the Flemish speakers refuse to speak French, so most people speak English as a compromise. Well, that’s what the nice man in Bruges told us.

        • Voronwer says:

          Actually, without the French part of the country, chances are that the revolution would have failed and the Flemish part would still be Dutch. So let’s all be grateful we kicked those out or our gastronomy would suck.

      • sinister agent says:

        Hey, they stood up to Hitler while we were still poncing about with Chamberlain.

        • Carra says:

          That’s a nice way of saying that we were overrun in 18 days.

          • sinister agent says:

            It’s possible I managed to confuse Hitler and Wilhelm II, which is everyone else’s fault for not preventing me from being an idiot.

            Still, 18 days isn’t as bad as it sounds, considering the size of the country and the huge disparity in military power. And the resistance went on, of course. Just having the stones to fight the Nazis at that stage is pretty respectable, and it’s not as if anyone else did any better – Britain would have been just as screwed if not for the channel.

    • Gap Gen says:

      Romans invaded Britain for the tin, and Belgium for the tintin.

  5. WJonathan says:

    Georgia! (Get it?)

  6. Hoaxfish says:

    off-topic, but also might be interested to note this:

    http://www.creative-assembly.com/sega-and-creative-assembly-announce-partnership-with-games-workshop-to-create-warhammer-games/

    Total War: Hammer?

    edit: RPS has an official newspost for this now, so go comment there.

    • Bob_Bobson says:

      Oh I do hope so. Total war: Hammer would have so much potential for awesomeness.

      • Schmudley says:

        Warhammer in the Total War set-up would be AMAZING!

        Magic abilities, different factions, the general insanity of the Warhammer universe…

      • Unaco says:

        There have been numerous mods/total-conversions that have attempted to bring Warhammer Fantasy into the Total War games. One for Medieval 2, and one for Empire that I can remember off the top of my head. You might want to hunt about for some of them.

      • zaygr says:

        This is the Warhammer mod for Medieval Total War that I play and love: http://www.moddb.com/mods/call-of-warhammer-total-war

      • Schmudley says:

        Awesome, I wasn’t aware of those mods. Thanks!

    • Droopy The Dog says:

      Now I’m reliving fond memories of that old “shadow of the horned rat” warhammer game.

    • Ergates_Antius says:

      Stop!

  7. drewski says:

    I might have to have a crack at the original Rome before this one comes out then.

  8. mrmalodor says:

    Uganda?

  9. SuperNashwanPower says:

    I would have preferred The Welsh

    • kharnevil says:

      That’s not a nation, its a province!

      • lordcooper says:

        The Welsh are neither a nation or a province, they’re people.

        • SuperNashwanPower says:

          OK. I would have preferred the people of the nation of Wales, otherwise known as the Welsh. Some of whom may or may not have been drowned to make a reservoir for the liverpudlians

        • belgand says:

          It feels like the proper time to become pedantic about the correct usage of the term “nation” rather than “state”. In this respect it would seem quite accurate to state that the Welsh truly are a nation. Just a rather soggy one that seems to think that if they elevate “y” to more than sometimes vowel status why not add “w” to the mix as well.

        • BubbaNZ says:

          I hate to be THAT GUY but Wales is officially a country, at least according to the Geneva-based International Organisation for Standards (ISO). It’s no longer a principality (i.e. it was never a province).

          http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/2012/01/20/wales-finally-meets-the-standard-to-be-known-as-a-country-91466-30160843/

          You’re welcome.

      • Gap Gen says:

        Yes, I think nations are more about self-identity than legal terms. You can be a Welsh nationalist, for example. But then eh, it’s a debate about definitions, which always get very boring very quickly.

  10. Davie says:

    John, something about the delivery of that made me laugh until I cried. I mean, I really should’ve seen it coming but still, well done.

  11. Snids says:

    I assumed it’d be armored bears. Disappointed to say the least.

  12. Kismet says:

    My bet was on the fine people of Ii. I lost.

  13. Parge says:

    Looks lovely. That said, is it really going to feel any different to any of the other Total War games? I’ve played most of the games since Shogun (with a few exceptions), but waited for Shogun 2 to hit the steam sale, and certainly don’t feel massively excited about this one. Don’t get me wrong, they are great games, but sometimes you need a revolution instead of an evolution.

    • Fanbuoy says:

      Well, it’s a sequel so it’s repetition too. If you have repetition and evolution, revolution is just a simple portmanteau away.

  14. lordcooper says:

    So glad that the brown filter has run away.

  15. tigershuffle says:

    Ill try to twatter this to Al Murray ….. @ajmurray #notnews …….right up his alley

    *crosses fingers that you can play as a Colonial Marine in Aliens:Colonial Marines*

    • Gap Gen says:

      To be strictly accurate, you can play Aliens in the colon of Colonial Marines.

      • Fanbuoy says:

        I would so prepurchase that game.

        • Gap Gen says:

          Pretty sure the campaign of one of the AvP games had you as a facehugger, then eating your way out of a ribcage at the start.

  16. Cinnamon says:

    Colours are looking better in these screenshots. Nice deep reds on the shields and armour.

    As for the factions there are some questions to answer about which Roman ones are in since this is from an age before the modern nation state. But the faction seems to be the senate from the SPQR eagles.

    • Fanbuoy says:

      I suspect they’ll go with families like in the first. On the other hand, another possibility would be to do the different senatorial factions – conservatives and populists (and pragmatic in-betweeners).

      • Cinnamon says:

        The other possibility is that it might be more like Empire where you run always Rome and the senate is just a panel of replaceable geezers who give you bonuses. If one of your generals becomes particularly well known then their might be bonuses that come from making him dictator and penalties if you don’t.

    • Chris D says:

      According to this the factions will be the Julia, Cornelia and Junia so it looks like a fairly similar set up to the first one in that respect.

      Personally I slightly question the wisdom of having two factions separated by a single letter but there you go.

    • grenadeh says:

      There weren’t factions. There was the roman army, and the auxiliaries. They all bore the aquila and the SPQR, less so before Marius but after Marius yea.

      In RTW there were but let’s hope they abandon that ancient and frankly stupid game decision from the first game. Not that I don’t have fond memories of the epic battle I had as Julii against Scipio, Brutii, and the SPQR outside of Rome and destroyed all of them. That was completely ridiculous.

  17. belgand says:

    Damn, I was going to say Thracians. Way to make my classical education feel wasted.

  18. Jimbo says:

    More like Uncreative Assembly! They lifted that fancy round building in the second screenshot straight out of Gladiator starring Russell Crowe!

    • citiral says:

      Indeed. Even the armor the people wear in the screenshots has been blatantly stolen from that film!

  19. citiral says:

    I was very excited when I read “Belgium”, thinking my puny nation could finally mean something, albeit in a video game.
    Then I noticed it was a joke, and got very, very sad.

    • grenadeh says:

      …Belgium wasn’t a country. It wasn’t even identifiable as a unique Belgian people, it was a mix of Germanics.

  20. kither19 says:

    I can’t wait to play it! But… i have to say that its a bit jarring to see Republican Triarii marching in front of what is presumably the circus Maximus and the Pantheon, and where’s the slave thats supponsed to be behind the guy getting the triumph. Otherwise, whatever! il still play the hell out of it:)

  21. Bweahns says:

    Those are some pastey Romans. Marching around Gaul and the Mediterranean tends to give you a tan.

    • grenadeh says:

      If you think that’s pasty…..are you jet black? They’re clearly tan, as tan as Italians were then and are now.

  22. grenadeh says:

    In all fairness, Rome wasn’t exactly in Rome. They split it up into 3 playables and one annoying senate faction, which made no historical sense and only led to you fighting ALL of your countrymen as opposed to just Pompey vs Caeser. It was done for a reason, but I’m only saying Rome Total Realism made for a much better campaign.