By Alec Meer on December 10th, 2012 at 7:30 pm.
ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK no, I know that guy didn’t find it funny the first time today so I’ll stop now.
But! There is a sequel to Robot Unicorn Attack, the most important videogame ever to feature an Erasure soundtrack. No, scratch that, the most important videogame ever. I discover this within the same hour that I discover there is to be a new, and faithful adaptation of Space Hulk, which makes today The Day Of Days. Or at least it would if…
…IF ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK EVOLUTION WASN’T A HORRIFYING TRAVESTY.
Facebook.
Microtransactions.
Slow-mo.
Upgrades.
Pandas.
But it’s still Robot Unicorn Attack and it still has Erasure, so I do forgive it somewhat. BUT TRY MY PATIENCE NO MORE, UNICORN GODS.
I don’t know who’s respsonsible for this, which soulless men of money, suits and contempt took the purest snowflake in gaming and PISSED ALL OVER IT WITH THE TAR-BLACK PISS OF SATAN HIMSELF?
Pay for buffs! In Robot Unicorn Attack! No, actually, I do hate it.
Play the original. Only the original. Only ever.
Important update: there is a microtransaction-free version of the game here. This is the far better way to play it, but does not excuse the devilry of microtransacting the other version.
10/12/2012 at 19:33 mrwonko says:
Amen.
10/12/2012 at 19:34 Lord Custard Smingleigh says:
Unicorns do not Capitalism. THAT IS ALL.
10/12/2012 at 20:05 tobecooper says:
Open your eyes, sir! Unicorns do people!
10/12/2012 at 21:03 Fanbuoy says:
I see your eyes are open.
10/12/2012 at 20:30 Qazi says:
Tell that to this Unicorn: https://twitter.com/Master_Rainbow
10/12/2012 at 19:34 LionsPhil says:
I guess Alec doesn’t always want to be with the robot unicorn.
10/12/2012 at 19:37 Jahkaivah says:
I think chanting the title over and over only really works when it consists of just two syllables.
10/12/2012 at 19:38 AmateurScience says:
‘It’s basically what happens if you get Walker to redesign Canabalt. Oh, the humanity’
Most accurate description ever.
11/12/2012 at 00:40 Phantoon says:
The unicornity, surely.
10/12/2012 at 19:39 RobF says:
But on the bright side…
http://games.adultswim.com/retro-unicorn-attack-twitchy-online-game.html
RETRO ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK from PixelJam.
That’s better.
10/12/2012 at 19:54 disperse says:
And on the dark side:
http://games.adultswim.com/robot-unicorn-attack-heavy-metal-twitchy-online-game.html
10/12/2012 at 21:09 Dominic White says:
They chose well, really – Blind Guardian are to heavy metal what Erasure are to… everything else, really.
11/12/2012 at 08:01 a2147180 says:
This has been out for ages? Agreed about its unnecessary monetisation. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGuUbWspc7c
10/12/2012 at 19:45 EdFear says:
Or – OR!
You can play it without any of the microtransaction stuff but WITH the sexy evolution stuff here:
http://games.adultswim.com/robot-unicorn-attack-evolution-twitchy-online-game.html
Or, alternatively, we are MONSTERS.
10/12/2012 at 19:47 Taidan says:
You can’t put a price on world peace.
10/12/2012 at 19:47 LTK says:
Then why did you link to Robot Unicorn Attack Evolution on Facebook? Surely we’d prefer it on Adult Swim, where it belongs.
Edit: Ninja’d! Courtesy of EdFear.
Anyway, I believe this game has been out for quite a while now.
10/12/2012 at 19:59 Rao Dao Zao says:
Robot Unicorn Attack sold out when it made the heavy metal version. >:(
I liked Always *before* it was a meme. >:(
Rant rant rant.
10/12/2012 at 23:28 Shralla says:
Excuse me, what? How did they “sell out” by making a version with a song from a band nobody knows?
11/12/2012 at 00:21 Salix says:
I am sad that I am nobody :(
11/12/2012 at 02:44 Ruffian says:
Don’t worry, we can be nobody together, at least.
11/12/2012 at 07:23 zapatapon says:
I had never heard of Erasure before playing Robot Unicorn Attack. True story.
10/12/2012 at 20:04 Borklund says:
Alec, are you OK? :(
10/12/2012 at 20:09 AmateurScience says:
Either way his caps lock button is FUCKED
10/12/2012 at 20:12 Shinikake says:
… and not in a good kind of way.
Really, enough with the all caps…
11/12/2012 at 00:42 Phantoon says:
Shouldn’t it be fine, since he apparently only hit the button twice today?
10/12/2012 at 20:13 fiddlesticks says:
Truly gone fishing.
10/12/2012 at 22:37 greenbananas says:
Just an average day of “bosses aren’t in so I do what I want”, basically.
That’ll sting come tomorrow. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING, etc.
11/12/2012 at 02:26 Nick says:
Uh, he is a boss.
10/12/2012 at 20:17 zbmott says:
ROBOCORNFACE
10/12/2012 at 20:19 Dr I am a Doctor says:
GROUNDFACE
from RUNNING THIS SHIT TO IT
FACE
11/12/2012 at 00:43 Phantoon says:
BEATINGADEADROBOTUNICORNFACE
10/12/2012 at 20:54 AbacusFinch says:
I come here to get away from self-indulgent writing…
11/12/2012 at 00:44 Phantoon says:
I don’t think there’s been a post by the hivemind on RPS that hasn’t in some way been self indulgent. Like for instance, I hear they all like to write. And make terrible jokes. And in the case of John Walker, have a joke made about him that no one even remembers the original joke to.
11/12/2012 at 16:42 AbacusFinch says:
I’m not talking about “in some way self-indulgent”, I’m talking about total self-indulgence, what else can you call it? And why is it acceptable?
10/12/2012 at 20:55 JoeGuy says:
Thought this was going to be a MGS V joke because of the flaming unicorn tbh.
10/12/2012 at 21:00 Persus-9 says:
I think the worst part is there is now a button to mute the music but not the audio cues so the optimum way to play it is now without listening to Erasure on loop. That is just a travesty.
10/12/2012 at 21:08 zeroskill says:
As a panda myself I find this article offensive.
10/12/2012 at 21:10 Jamesworkshop says:
did it make you a sad panda
10/12/2012 at 21:29 Jody Macgregor says:
(gif of Orson Welles clapping)
10/12/2012 at 22:02 SuperNashwanPower says:
Internet memes = Newspeak. My god I never saw it before.
I CAN HAZ SCAREDED
EDIT: Fuck. Thats George Orwell. Ignore me I am an idiot.
10/12/2012 at 22:15 Llewyn says:
If it’s any consolation to you, the first publisher Orwell approached with 1984 returned a flip-book of Orson Welles’ dad clapping.
11/12/2012 at 12:00 Stellar Duck says:
You almost killed me! I nearly choked on my smoke when lauging at your comment. Bah!
10/12/2012 at 22:18 Ny24 says:
Revenge!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=DE&hl=de&v=X21mJh6j9i4
11/12/2012 at 08:38 -Spooky- says:
LOL
10/12/2012 at 21:38 ComradeJohan says:
I find this to be far supirior…
http://games.adultswim.com/robot-unicorn-attack-heavy-metal-twitchy-online-game.html
10/12/2012 at 21:48 tungstenHead says:
The Dash timing seems way off from the first game.
SEQUELS RUIN EVERYTHING
10/12/2012 at 22:00 SuperNashwanPower says:
I really hope it will have a mounted-turret-on-the-back-of-a-unicorn-shooting-bad-unicorns-coming-up-behind-you scene. And also a reminder to tell me when I am leaving the magic unicorn pilgrimage area and that I will die if I don’t turn back. Also, my own unicorn stable-door-kicker-downer, so I don’t have to.
Can I also unlock more goldener unicorn horns as I progress. I only want to buy games that have these things AND NO OTHERS. If you feel like being creative and innovating, then please balance it with MORE OF THE ABOVE THINGS. Oh also multiplayer Unicorn tattoo reward package for when I drop 15 unicorn turds, unlockable through your own DRM client.
K thanks game company.
10/12/2012 at 23:53 Freud says:
The book is better.
11/12/2012 at 00:25 Fanbuoy says:
Pah! The book… The book is but a pale shadow of the oral tradition it hails from. The tale of the robot unicorn has been told by generations of my people, the proud nation of Buoys.
11/12/2012 at 15:28 solidsquid says:
Didn’t the find the lair of the robot unicorn in North Korea recently?
11/12/2012 at 00:19 Eddy9000 says:
This has been out for ages? Agreed about its unnecessary monetisation.
11/12/2012 at 00:25 hamburger_cheesedoodle says:
Alec, I love you.
11/12/2012 at 01:05 Phantoon says:
So does this mean the apocalypse is on, or off?
11/12/2012 at 08:27 Harvey says:
What’re you drinkin’ tonight Alec? Whiskey’s my poison. One drunk can always tell another. Cheers!
I rather fancied the SPACE HULK article, I don’t care what anyone else says.
11/12/2012 at 09:36 Johnetc says:
Here’s who made it. http://mediatonicgames.com/games/robot-unicorn-attack
They’re very pleased with themselves.
11/12/2012 at 10:36 EdFear says:
MONSTERS, one and all.
11/12/2012 at 10:14 Jonfon says:
It’s the same Erasure song? Bah. Still, at least it means more royalties for Vince (all hail Vince) and Andy.
11/12/2012 at 10:59 mrfreire says:
That: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0er5GBuw3Ko
11/12/2012 at 11:14 Andrigaar says:
I didn’t even know there was a version of this game you pay for like that. I’ve just been waiting for a mobile version of the sequel/update on Android.
11/12/2012 at 14:14 Hmm-Hmm. says:
Wasn’t this discussed before on RPS? Well, the non-microtransaction evolutions version?
24/04/2013 at 22:52 dbsmith says:
I’ll just leave this here:
http://toucharcade.com/2013/04/24/surprise-sequel-to-robot-unicorn-attack-hits-new-zealand-app-store/