ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK

By Alec Meer on December 10th, 2012 at 7:30 pm.

ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK no, I know that guy didn’t find it funny the first time today so I’ll stop now.

But! There is a sequel to Robot Unicorn Attack, the most important videogame ever to feature an Erasure soundtrack. No, scratch that, the most important videogame ever. I discover this within the same hour that I discover there is to be a new, and faithful adaptation of Space Hulk, which makes today The Day Of Days. Or at least it would if…

…IF ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK EVOLUTION WASN’T A HORRIFYING TRAVESTY.

Facebook.
Microtransactions.
Slow-mo.
Upgrades.
Pandas.

But it’s still Robot Unicorn Attack and it still has Erasure, so I do forgive it somewhat. BUT TRY MY PATIENCE NO MORE, UNICORN GODS.

I don’t know who’s respsonsible for this, which soulless men of money, suits and contempt took the purest snowflake in gaming and PISSED ALL OVER IT WITH THE TAR-BLACK PISS OF SATAN HIMSELF?

Pay for buffs! In Robot Unicorn Attack! No, actually, I do hate it.

Play the original. Only the original. Only ever.

Important update: there is a microtransaction-free version of the game here. This is the far better way to play it, but does not excuse the devilry of microtransacting the other version.

, , .

61 Comments »

  1. Premium User Badge

    Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

    Unicorns do not Capitalism. THAT IS ALL.

  2. LionsPhil says:

    I guess Alec doesn’t always want to be with the robot unicorn.

  3. Jahkaivah says:

    I think chanting the title over and over only really works when it consists of just two syllables.

  4. Premium User Badge

    AmateurScience says:

    ‘It’s basically what happens if you get Walker to redesign Canabalt. Oh, the humanity’

    Most accurate description ever.

  5. Premium User Badge

    RobF says:

    But on the bright side…

    http://games.adultswim.com/retro-unicorn-attack-twitchy-online-game.html

    RETRO ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK from PixelJam.

    That’s better.

  6. EdFear says:

    Or – OR!
    You can play it without any of the microtransaction stuff but WITH the sexy evolution stuff here:

    http://games.adultswim.com/robot-unicorn-attack-evolution-twitchy-online-game.html

    Or, alternatively, we are MONSTERS.

  7. Taidan says:

    You can’t put a price on world peace.

  8. Premium User Badge

    LTK says:

    Then why did you link to Robot Unicorn Attack Evolution on Facebook? Surely we’d prefer it on Adult Swim, where it belongs.

    Edit: Ninja’d! Courtesy of EdFear.

    Anyway, I believe this game has been out for quite a while now.

  9. Rao Dao Zao says:

    Robot Unicorn Attack sold out when it made the heavy metal version. >:(

    I liked Always *before* it was a meme. >:(

    Rant rant rant.

    • Shralla says:

      Excuse me, what? How did they “sell out” by making a version with a song from a band nobody knows?

    • Premium User Badge

      zapatapon says:

      I had never heard of Erasure before playing Robot Unicorn Attack. True story.

  10. Borklund says:

    Alec, are you OK? :(

    • Premium User Badge

      AmateurScience says:

      Either way his caps lock button is FUCKED

      • Shinikake says:

        … and not in a good kind of way.

        Really, enough with the all caps…

        • Phantoon says:

          Shouldn’t it be fine, since he apparently only hit the button twice today?

    • fiddlesticks says:

      Truly gone fishing.

    • greenbananas says:

      Just an average day of “bosses aren’t in so I do what I want”, basically.

      That’ll sting come tomorrow. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING. STING, etc.

  11. zbmott says:

    ROBOCORNFACE

  12. AbacusFinch says:

    I come here to get away from self-indulgent writing…

    • Phantoon says:

      I don’t think there’s been a post by the hivemind on RPS that hasn’t in some way been self indulgent. Like for instance, I hear they all like to write. And make terrible jokes. And in the case of John Walker, have a joke made about him that no one even remembers the original joke to.

      • AbacusFinch says:

        I’m not talking about “in some way self-indulgent”, I’m talking about total self-indulgence, what else can you call it? And why is it acceptable?

  13. JoeGuy says:

    Thought this was going to be a MGS V joke because of the flaming unicorn tbh.

  14. Persus-9 says:

    I think the worst part is there is now a button to mute the music but not the audio cues so the optimum way to play it is now without listening to Erasure on loop. That is just a travesty.

  15. zeroskill says:

    As a panda myself I find this article offensive.

  16. tungstenHead says:

    The Dash timing seems way off from the first game.

    SEQUELS RUIN EVERYTHING

  17. SuperNashwanPower says:

    I really hope it will have a mounted-turret-on-the-back-of-a-unicorn-shooting-bad-unicorns-coming-up-behind-you scene. And also a reminder to tell me when I am leaving the magic unicorn pilgrimage area and that I will die if I don’t turn back. Also, my own unicorn stable-door-kicker-downer, so I don’t have to.

    Can I also unlock more goldener unicorn horns as I progress. I only want to buy games that have these things AND NO OTHERS. If you feel like being creative and innovating, then please balance it with MORE OF THE ABOVE THINGS. Oh also multiplayer Unicorn tattoo reward package for when I drop 15 unicorn turds, unlockable through your own DRM client.

    K thanks game company.

  18. Freud says:

    The book is better.

    • Fanbuoy says:

      Pah! The book… The book is but a pale shadow of the oral tradition it hails from. The tale of the robot unicorn has been told by generations of my people, the proud nation of Buoys.

      • solidsquid says:

        Didn’t the find the lair of the robot unicorn in North Korea recently?

  19. Eddy9000 says:

    This has been out for ages? Agreed about its unnecessary monetisation.

  20. hamburger_cheesedoodle says:

    Alec, I love you.

  21. Phantoon says:

    So does this mean the apocalypse is on, or off?

  22. Harvey says:

    What’re you drinkin’ tonight Alec? Whiskey’s my poison. One drunk can always tell another. Cheers!

    I rather fancied the SPACE HULK article, I don’t care what anyone else says.

  23. Johnetc says:

    Here’s who made it. http://mediatonicgames.com/games/robot-unicorn-attack
    They’re very pleased with themselves.

  24. Premium User Badge

    Jonfon says:

    It’s the same Erasure song? Bah. Still, at least it means more royalties for Vince (all hail Vince) and Andy.

  25. Andrigaar says:

    I didn’t even know there was a version of this game you pay for like that. I’ve just been waiting for a mobile version of the sequel/update on Android.

  26. Hmm-Hmm. says:

    Wasn’t this discussed before on RPS? Well, the non-microtransaction evolutions version?