Captain’s Log: Woodcutter Simulator 2013

By Jim Rossignol on December 19th, 2012 at 6:00 pm.

It’s been a while since we last reviewed a Woodcutter Simulator game. Mr Stone found it disappointing, and couldn’t see the wood for the trees, saying things like “Woodcutter Simulator can do weirdness, but not the good organic kind.” Perhaps this can be changed in 2013, then, as the latest iteration of this lumberjacked offering arrives to boast “a raft of new features including challenging missions, a day and night cycle, realistic weather effects as well as new forest areas.” No word on weirdness, organic or otherwise. For some reason publishers see fit to leave that out of their game information. Hm.

Trailer below.


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  1. FurryLippedSquid says:

    I can take or leaf that, tbh.

  2. dogsolitude_uk says:

    I’m genuinely curious: how poplar are these sim games?

  3. Tukuturi says:

    I tried to come up with a pun using “lateral meristem,” but I couldn’t. Maple something will come to me later.

  4. Lev Astov says:

    I find it difficult to believe games like this are real. Someone buys this? Fascinating.

    That said, I’d probably be interested in a stonecutting simulator, complete with quarry. That’s essentially what Minecraft is, though.

  5. mrmalodor says:

    Does this game have a branching storyline?

  6. Rao Dao Zao says:

    I like how they mention “day/night” cycle and then don’t show any night shots.

    Also, does the 2013 look badly shooped onto the logo to anyone else?

  7. Berzee says:

    For best results follow this up with a few minutes of BLACK BELT SORVI HERO and imagine that you are taking the lumber all the way from raw material to finished product.

  8. captain nemo says:

    Would be better as a firs person shooter

  9. oxykottin says:

    This game gives me wood!

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