How To Be Evil: Advice From The Official RPS Handbook

By Nathan Grayson on December 19th, 2012 at 5:00 pm.

You might look at the RPS team and see a ragtag bunch of goofy, kindhearted fellows who want nothing more than to write about PC games and be intimidatingly handsome, but trust me: you’re making a grievous mistake. The games writing thing? Just a side business to support our worldwide network or incalculable evil. If it can be called a form of villainy, odds are, we’ve got our hands in it. Huh, why am I telling you this, you ask? Well, because you’re currently chained to a table with a laser about to bifurcate your skull, silly. But, in the event that you somehow survive, perhaps you’ll find that a life of irresponsible evil is right for you too. Fortunately, Ludum Dare 25 was all about various forms of villainy, so these games can help you become good quite good at being bad. You’ll find a number of standouts and the maniacal sage wisdom they impart after the break.

Atomic Creep Spawner

Lesson: Keeping pesky heroes out of your lair. (You do have a lair, don’t you? This isn’t Evil Preschool, for crying out loud. This text was banned from Evil Preschools for being too evil. And also containing mild suggestive themes and a bit of coarse language.)

How It Works: Atomic Creep Spawner is a reverse dungeon-crawler, and – while it’s a bit limited in scope due to the rigors of game jam development – the idea’s slickly executed and pretty gratifying. In short, a hack ‘n’ slash hero invades your lair, and you spawn writhing horde after writhing horde of monsters to stop said goodie-two-swords from breaking all your cool stuff. Each of your minion species, meanwhile, serves a different purpose. For instance, zombies do very little damage and die quickly, but they’re great for gumming up the works of various corridors and pathways. Then you can position giant purple golems a safe distance back and let them whittle away at the hero’s health with ranged attacks.

Twirly Mustachio and Top Hat Effectiveness Scale: OHO. MWAHAHAHA. HERRHERR. NYAHAHA.

The Villain’s Rules

Lesson: Follow all of the rules – assuming they’re evil rules, anyway

How It Works: No doubt about it, The Villain’s Rules is basically Cabin in the Woods: The Game. It’s a quick little terror-inducer that models its rule set after the excellent Joss Whedon/Drew Goddard horror genre evisceration, and it’s an admirable effort – if not always a flawless one. See, it’s your job to torment a band of Unsuspecting College Kids wandering a Totally Inconspicuous House, but you’ve got to do it through indirect deception. And – most importantly – each victim has to be separated from the rest of the group when you spring your traps. So maybe you’ll drop a phantom cry for help in one room, prompting the fearless American football man to go investigate all by his lonesome. That, of course, is when you summon Cthulhu.

Unfortunately, TVR’s a bit too fast and insubstantial for its own good, and the rules – clever though they might be (I’m particularly partial to “Never, ever kill the dog”) – aren’t entirely clear. For instance, the virgin has to die last, but I was never told precisely which character that was. Ultimately, trial-and-error shined a light through the spooky fogs of poor communication, but it was somewhat annoying.

Twirly Mustachio and Top Hat Effectiveness Scale: NYOHOHO. HMMM.

Tale of Scale

Lesson: Be a spoiled brat. Or at least, be perceived as one by your awful, heartless mother.

How It Works: This might be one of the cooler gameplay mechanics to emerge from Ludum Dare 25. In short (and tall and medium-sized and maybe all three at the same time), it’s all about perspective. You know that thing super mature people like me do where they pretend to squish your head with their thumb and pointer finger? Well, Tale of Scale’s central conceit is that the world actually works that way. So if you pick up a chair and set it down next to a far-off refrigerator, it will be the same size as that refrigerator when you approach it. But if you take the same chair and squish it up against a wall, it’ll be so tiny that it’d probably get lost in an ant’s dollhouse. Puzzles include things like reaching cookies on top of a refrigerator and cleaning your room, but with the aid of your reality-bending child deity powers. Ah, to be young and capable of re-weaving the very fabric of space-time with my merest whim again.

Twirly Mustachio and Top Hat Effectiveness Scale: AHAHAHAHA. HEHEHE. NERRRRRRRRRR.

Evil Robot of Doom Crushes Innocent Town due to Parliamentary Disagreement

Lesson: How to deal with anger management in an appropriate and healthy fashion.

How It Works: You are an angry robot who runs at things and shoots them. Some of those things are people. Others are helicopters. There’s not a whole lot to this one, but it’s satisfying fun while it lasts, and it comes with a file called “GOD DAMN READ ME IF YOU REALLY WANT TO.txt.” In other words, it’s probably the greatest game of all time.

Twirly Mustachio and Top Hat Effectiveness Scale: HOHOHOHO. HAAAAAAA. MURHURHURHUR.

Tyranoforce

Lesson: How to be a goddamn dinosaur space lord and reclaim Earth for dino-kind.

How It Works: Tyranoforce is kind of like Atomic Creep Spawner, only for bullet hell instead of dungeon-crawling. So you spawn different varieties of ships as quickly as possible in order to outfox some spry, barrel-rolling hero type. Unfortunately, this one’s only a minute long, but it’s good for a few replays, at least. I’d love to see this idea expanded upon (not to mention polished with better AI, etc), because it’s quite inspired until the horrible extinction meteor that is inevitability brings about its untimely end.

Twirly Mustachio and Top Hat Effectiveness Scale: NERHERNERMURRR. BWOHOHOHOOO.

Double Tap

Lesson: You were actually an awful human being the entire time.

How It Works: Double Tap’s all about the art of the not-entirely-subtle twist ending, but the statement it attempts to make is an important one. Let’s just put it this way: there are real-world wartime issues involved, and – if your heart wasn’t already a putrid black hole that devours other black holes for breakfast – you might even feel a little bad about the consequences of your actions.

Twirly Mustachio and Top Hat Effectiveness Scale: HMMMMMM. IN-MWURHURHURH-DEED.

(Tie One Woman to a Train Track and Suddenly) I’m the Badguy

Lesson: How to be a twirly mustachioed, top-hat-clad megavillain from the damsels-in-distress days of yore.

How It Works: Tie damsels to train tracks. Cackle maniacally to score bonus points. Evade the po-lice.

Twirly Mustachio and Top Hat Effectiveness Scale: Eh, it’s alright.

Note: this is hardly the last you’ll hear of Ludum Dare 25 on RPS. The competition got a million-billion entries – like always – so expect more off-the-wall do-gooder-thwarting doodads as we find them.

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50 Comments »

  1. justinlee21 says:

    Intimidatingly handsome?
    AAAAAAAAAAAAUGH

    On a more serious note The Villain’s Rules looks like a good game, giving it a try.

    Thanks for fulfilling my evil wishes, RPS.

    • marianthomas4 says:

      just before I looked at the bank draft which said $5859, I did not believe …that…my father in law was like actualie receiving money in their spare time from their computer.. there neighbor started doing this 4 less than fifteen months and a short time ago cleared the mortgage on their villa and got themselves a Alfa Romeo. this is where I went..Read More

  2. DestructibleEnvironments says:

    I want to kiss the English language right on the smacker.

  3. Crimsoneer says:

    I entered! With the first game I’ve ever created, called the Fix. It’s terrible, but I like to think it’s interesting :P
    http://www.ludumdare.com/compo/ludum-dare-25/?action=preview&uid=17652

    Also, the Twist so wins on the moustache twirling scale
    http://www.ludumdare.com/compo/ludum-dare-25/?action=preview&uid=1282

  4. AmateurScience says:

    Porpentine’s entry for this, Cyberqueen, was brilliant and horrific.

  5. Soon says:

    Hmm, game mechanic idea:

    Dastardly Rogue.
    Typical party-based-dungeon-crawl-set-up. You control a single character in the party (the rogue) and have to run away from danger whilst getting everybody else killed. You may then loot their bodies and sell their shiny junk. Tougher parties would have shinier junk, but it’s harder to get them killed, natch.

  6. sinister agent says:

    RPS, you have missed an evil opportunity to have all the links to these games be broken. This slipping of evil standards concerns me greatly.

  7. Solidstate89 says:

    Thanks a lot Nathan, you jerk. Now you’ve reminded how much I wish there was a sequel to Evil Genius.

  8. Rao Dao Zao says:

    That hamster is soooooo cute.

  9. Sam says:

    Aw shucks, thanks for mentioning my game (Double Tap).
    It means a lot to me that you found it worth remarking on.

  10. Drake Sigar says:

    I thought this article was going to teach me how to commit evil in RPGs without immediately regretting it and loading. I still have trouble playing anything other than a goody two shoes paladin.

    • aDemandingPersona says:

      I tried to play through the Mass Effect games as a renegade recently. I got about 4 hours of feeling guilty before I reloaded and finished as a paragon.

  11. Rawrian says:

    CABIN IN THE WOODS THE GAME!

  12. Rian Snuff says:

    I vote Evil Robot of Doom Crushes Innocent Town due to Parliamentary Disagreement game of the year.
    This is the coolest fucking game ever. Screw Hawkin, screw MWO. This is THE SHIZNAT.

    • Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

      Evil Robot of Doom Crushes Innocent Town due to Parliamentary Disagreement? I’m sick of docu-games like this. I play games to escape real life, not re-live it!

  13. rustybroomhandle says:

    My own entry turned out to be a bit grim this time round. As in, I expect the “fun” rating to stay at n/a. As well it should too.

  14. whalleywhat says:

    The whole “RPS are evil” thing was already fairly evident.

  15. CMaster says:

    I made something as well:
    http://www.ludumdare.com/compo/ludum-dare-25/?action=preview&uid=10609

    It’s rather lacking in you know, balance or a clear ending, but I’m getting good enough feedback I think I will try and fix it up a bit over christmas.

    There’s some really impressive stuff out there that I’ve rated so far (as well as plenty of clearly unfinished pieces). The one with a Dragon flying around a 3d island, terrorizing the populace, or the HTML5/JS Dungeon Keeper clone for example…

  16. Flint says:

    An expanded, full-length version of Atomic Creep Spawner could be so great.

  17. richardwhitelock says:

    Here is my 48 hour effort in mystery, atmosphere, collecting & avoidance.

    http://www.ludumdare.com/compo/ludum-dare-25/?action=preview&uid=18014

    I’ll leave the summary to a commenter if you don’t mind: “too bad its so short. I love the atmosphere and shivered when I heard the deep bass sound from “activating” a book for the first time. Also it has no goats. ;) Nice work!”

    There is a goat. It is a secret goat.

  18. matthias_zarzecki says:

    Aww, I missed it :(

    anyway, I most humbly present “The World is MINE!”. It’s a game about taking over the world. With goons and Evil Blimps
    http://www.ludumdare.com/compo/ludum-dare-25/?action=preview&uid=3880

  19. Cloudiest Nights says:

    Fuck.

    This was the SECOND time when I have completely forgotten about entering…

  20. Gnurf says:

    Our game for the jam (not comptetition since we were 3) : http://www.ludumdare.com/compo/ludum-dare-25/?action=preview&uid=19102

  21. Chinchilla says:

    Bit late to the party, but here’s the total war/shadow of the horned rat -style RTS entry that I made in 48hrs: http://www.ludumdare.com/compo/ludum-dare-25/?action=preview&uid=5017

  22. emmawatson says:

    just as Kenneth answered I am startled that a single mom able to earn $8418 in 4 weeks on the computer. did you look at this website http://www.fb26.com

  23. JenniferSimpson22 says:

    before I looked at the receipt that said $7666, I didnt believe that my neighbours mother was like realey bringing in money part-time from there computar.. there sisters roommate had bean doing this for only 23 months and just now cleard the morgage on their place and got Lotus Carlton. go to, Great60.com

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