By Alec Meer on February 12th, 2013 at 8:00 pm.
The JJ Abrams Star Trek movie was alright! So the sequel due out later this year, starring Benedict Cumberbund as maybe-Kahn or maybe Some Other Guy, will probably be alright too! I know, I know, another controversial opinion about consumer entertainment products, eh?
There will also be a Star Trek game, and that probably won’t be alright, because licensed games so rarely are. But it’s got Sylar’s face in it, and Vulcan nerve pinches, and some spaceship corridors that look a bit like The Normandy, so maybe I’ll be proven ULTRO-WRONG.
Here’s lots of noise, an inappropriate soundtrack, a bunch of lizardy things and a Vulcan nerve pinch takedown:
I watched that and I felt nothing. No negativity, no positivity: just numbness, a blank lack of response. But enough about my morphine habit.
Star Trek: The Game is developed by Digital Extremes and willl be out in late April, shortly before Star Trek Into Doncaster or whatever it’s called arrives in the box office. I wish they’d make an HD version of Star Trek: 25th Anniversary instead:
“You’ve retrieved a sample of berries.” Yeah, dawg.
12/02/2013 at 20:07 LordCiego says:
Valve, you missed your chance.
12/02/2013 at 20:09 Taidan says:
An appropriately Star-Wars-y trailer, given the tone of J.J. Abrams’ take on the license. (AKA. A remake of A New Hope with Star Trek window dressing.)
12/02/2013 at 20:11 phelix says:
Bring on the Chest-high walls!
12/02/2013 at 20:22 db1331 says:
Mass eTrek
12/02/2013 at 21:34 Crius says:
I was thinking the exact same thing.
Or Mass Effect: Trekking around the Star
13/02/2013 at 12:10 SuicideKing says:
+1
Star Wars 1313 seems to have the upper hand for now…
13/02/2013 at 16:37 SaVi says:
Mass Effect was playing with crayons.
12/02/2013 at 20:24 DrAmateurScience says:
I do wish Star Trek hadn’t tumbled down the slippery slope of shooty shooty bang bang *grump*
12/02/2013 at 20:27 Rao Dao Zao says:
He’s dead, Jim.
13/02/2013 at 08:30 crinkles esq. says:
Buried alive…buried alive…
13/02/2013 at 12:31 WellzGuy says:
“He’s worse than dead, Jim. His brain is gone!”
13/02/2013 at 00:01 TheIronSky says:
Me too. At least we still have the original series and The Next Gen. to keep us entertained! Unless you’ve watched them all a thousand times already, in which case, go play the first Mass Effect again.
13/02/2013 at 04:16 ulix says:
First season of Next Gen is so laughably bad… it does get better later on though.
12/02/2013 at 20:40 abandonhope says:
I remember being so excited to play Star Trek: TNG: Future’s Past on SNES. I beat it in two days, decided I hated it, and returned it to Electronics Boutique for those reasons. They fucking hated me at that store. I don’t think I’ve played a Trek game since.
12/02/2013 at 20:42 Tom De Roeck says:
No Final Unity for you then?
12/02/2013 at 21:04 abandonhope says:
Final Unity was probably what I had in mind when I bought the SNES game. I may give it a try someday.
13/02/2013 at 09:36 Tom De Roeck says:
I loved warping into the neutral zone and destroying Romulan Warbirds.
12/02/2013 at 20:43 benjamin says:
I am not a merry man.
12/02/2013 at 20:44 Tom Servo says:
Am I the only one who thought Abrams’ Star Trek movie was terrible?
12/02/2013 at 20:45 SuperNashwanPower says:
No
12/02/2013 at 21:01 abandonhope says:
Compared to the rest of the Trek movie franchise, I think it’s a much more watchable film. That doesn’t make it good Star Trek though.
13/02/2013 at 08:37 Cinek says:
Somehow I tend to agree. Star Trek has got a long history of pathetic movies that are sold in Tesco for 1$, and hardly ever deserved more than that.
12/02/2013 at 21:02 Vinraith says:
Not remotely. Abrams managed to take a group of characters I genuinely enjoy spending time with (no matter how farcical the plot they’re embroiled in, or how hammy the acting) and turn them into a group of characters I find painful. The whole thing just makes me sad.
12/02/2013 at 21:04 woodsey says:
Yes.
12/02/2013 at 21:18 Chris D says:
If Harry Plinkett thinks it’s ok that’s good enough for me.
(That’s not a short clip but if you have the time it’s well worth a look. I wouldn’t accept any pizza rolls though)
12/02/2013 at 22:15 Bhazor says:
It was a terrible Star Trek film, it was an acceptable pop corn film.
13/02/2013 at 01:22 Kadayi says:
Agreed. It’s just an action flick in Trek clothes with lots of gratuitous visual shout outs.
13/02/2013 at 05:39 imralizal says:
This. Sadly, it’s still more watchable (imho) than the TNG films. They were determined to make those into generic action adventure films too… they just failed at it completely. But then again I hear some people like First Contact. To each his own, but personally I could never get over how different movie Picard was from series Picard.
13/02/2013 at 13:41 Dowr says:
Yes.
13/02/2013 at 01:36 D3xter says:
I remember watching that and I never really heard any arguments from him as to why it’s “good”, what I remember hearing was over an hour long of arguments as to why it sucks, why it isn’t a good Star Trek movie, why it doesn’t make any logical sense and why it is a dumbed down cash-in for brainless mass-market audiences that need everything spelt out for them (with rather fitting imagery being used throughout to that point).
12/02/2013 at 21:48 derbefrier says:
I thought it was pretty good. I have to admit I have never been a fan of the original series though, so that might explain it. I’m a huge TNG fan though and if they ever rebooted that series this way I would grab a pitchfork right along side the rest of the trekkies.
12/02/2013 at 22:14 Bhazor says:
Agreed, I like the original series but it was always incredibly camp with soap opera level acting and often very silly plots. Kirk was always an arsehole who couldn’t so seeing him portrayed by a young arsehole who can’t act wasn’t too big a stretch.
Now if they did that to Picard? Then there’d be blood on my hands.
13/02/2013 at 03:44 AlienMind says:
Lighyears away from the silly which is shown in the first trailer above.
13/02/2013 at 00:25 dmastri says:
You know I absolutely hated it when I saw it, but I’ve warmed up to it just a little. It’s definitely better than the trashy TNG movies… what a disgrace they were. Abrams camera work is a real turn off though. I don’t understand this shift to shakey cams… you spend all this money crafting great special effects and then you don’t let me watch them. Transformers was very guilty of this – fuck if I knew what the hell was happening in any of those fight scenes.
Really though the plot of the Trek reboot is probably the biggest problem. They captured some of the feel… the chemistry between characters felt pretty good, but the story was awful. And stupid.
12/02/2013 at 20:51 x1501 says:
“The JJ Abrams Star Trek movie was alright!
The hell it was! Even forgetting about the dumb plot (who needs good writing anyway), the horrible B actors alone made the movie completely insufferable in my view. I spent half the movie wanting to punch “Kirk” in his obnoxious talentless mug (particularly during the Kobayashi Maru apple-devouring scene), and another half almost expecting the inept serial killer from Heroes who played Spok to begin massacring the crew with a razor blade, all that while trying to calm myself from being constantly irritated by the ridiculous lens flare kaleidoscope seemingly directed at ADD-affected 12-year-olds. And that’s not mentioning the small fact that the tone and spirit of the movie were not in slightest way similar to anything from any of the Star Trek series. “Alright”? “Alright”?! I think not, sir!
12/02/2013 at 23:03 Tuskin38 says:
someone shit in your coffee this morning.
13/02/2013 at 00:12 DK says:
Hey guess what. You’re supposed to want to punch young Kirk. He’s an asshole. So was old Shatner Kirk. A womanizing moron with a hero complex who survives through the fact that his entire crew trained in the single best military academy in the galaxy.
And Abrams got that part perfectly right. Every Starfleet Captain in Abrams Movie could have his own show and pull off the hero role, which is something that was supposed to be the case in original Trek, but never actually came across as such.
13/02/2013 at 21:29 x1501 says:
I’m not sure what to say here. If you believe that Shatner’s Kirk at the time of his creation was supposed to be an incompetent, moronic antihero, you are just utterly clueless.
13/02/2013 at 03:31 AlienMind says:
Well you’re wrong about Kirk, but you’re right about everyting else.
And: I WANT MY ARCHER AND T’POL BACK
14/02/2013 at 14:53 Koozer says:
Brace yourselves:
I liked Enterprise more than TNG. (except the theme tune of course)
12/02/2013 at 21:19 Tei says:
I like the movie where they timetravel and fish some whales. That was very fun.
12/02/2013 at 22:40 RTRubinas says:
This is my favorite comment ever.
12/02/2013 at 21:49 TheBuff1 says:
I absolutely adored Star Trek: 25th Anniversary back in the day! Full speech by the entire cast in a point and click!! Amazing! Except the shit combat sections. I could never beat the last space battle…..
13/02/2013 at 03:39 AlienMind says:
Star Trek has concluded with S4E22 (“These Are the Voyages…”).. Paramount wouldn’t know what Star Trek is today if you showed them the “we the people” constitution scene or the “one can not blindly follow orders” picard scene. In fact, Abrams stated that he didn’t watch Star Trek, all trailers of the new game hint in this direction: We don’t give a crap about exploration and piece anymore, let’s explode.
12/02/2013 at 22:01 ruaidhri.k says:
I’ve been watching star trek for nearly 30 years. I genuinely believe that people who diss on abrams version have never properly sat through TOS (Miri, The Alternative factor, all of season 3), the motionless picture, final frontier, nemesis, all of season one of TNG, the entirety of voyager, early DS9 and a good portion of pre Manny Coto enterprise.
most trek is garbage. I’ve never said that before but its true. The reboot is a cut above most of it.
edit : this game looks shit.
13/02/2013 at 04:21 ulix says:
Very true. Most Trek really is utter shit. Some of it is good, but not much.
Especially TNG season 1, it’s just laughable how incredibly bad it is.
12/02/2013 at 22:07 -Spooky- says:
KKHHHAAAAAAAAAAANNNN ! *nuff said*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZD-i1offKxk
12/02/2013 at 22:14 TheBuff1 says:
Or:
http://www.khaaan.com/
12/02/2013 at 22:33 Rian Snuff says:
The tailor itself is pretty crappy.. Don’t quite get the music they chose either. Ha.
However the game from what I’ve seen so far looks fantastic.
I’m a bit of a sucker for anything Trek no matter what, so I’m sure I’ll enjoy it.
Coming from someone who’s watched everything Trek multiple times,
I will gladly say I enjoyed the newest film, be it different.. That’s okay.
They made it more average person friendly in my opinion.
Which will only create enough public interest I hope to start pushing out a new series.
And well.. At least this isn’t an F2P MMO… Heh.
Theres no chance this could be worse than that.
12/02/2013 at 23:00 Llewyn says:
I can never quite get my head around this modern freeform poetry.
13/02/2013 at 03:22 Rian Snuff says:
Bahaha! : P
12/02/2013 at 23:00 neolith says:
Needs more lensflares.
12/02/2013 at 23:10 alms says:
“You take the Klingon’s detached hand.”
ROFL!
I only watched the 25th anniversary gameplay video and totally ignored the trailer, make what you want of that.
12/02/2013 at 23:26 Tams80 says:
That’s the phrase that stuck me the most out of the whole post as well.
12/02/2013 at 23:57 Ernesto says:
I always cry a little when I see Mr Spock behaving like an action hero. Or any Starfleet officer for that matter…
13/02/2013 at 00:28 dmastri says:
25th anniversary was amazing. Please tell me I’m not the only one here who spent a bunch of his parent’s money on the Interplay tip line to solve some of the more obscure puzzles. They don’t make ‘em like that anymore.
13/02/2013 at 01:11 ueberOne says:
The whole debate about JJ’s take on Trek is totally misguided.
most trek is garbage. I’ve never said that before but its true.
Quite true and also what makes it so awesome!
Rewatching JJ’s Trek again recently let me nearly accept it, under the pretext: ‘hey its ok, its alternate reality’…
But JJ didn’t get the memo that in Trek there are phasers and disruptors, but no blasters!!!
This alone totally ruins the movie(s) and any potential game for me! Trek is ”thheuffww’, not ‘pew pew’!!! God dammit!!! how on earth can one get something so elemental wrong!?!
13/02/2013 at 01:31 D3xter says:
“The JJ Abrams Star Trek movie was alright!”
No it wasn’t, it was an abomination…
Here’s a lengthy explanation as to why: http://whatculture.com/film/15-blunders-that-ruined-j-j-abrams-star-trek-and-destroyed-the-franchise.php
13/02/2013 at 04:23 ulix says:
Was much better than TNG season 1 (just an example, as most Trek is garbage, but TNG Season 1 espacially so). Which of course isn’t difficult at all.
I liked the movie.
13/02/2013 at 09:53 D3xter says:
Uh… no to everything you said.
13/02/2013 at 01:53 Deadly Sinner says:
On another note, Digital Extremes’ Warframe is actually very fun to play. It’s like the Mass Effect 3 multiplayer except much better in every way. Slicing space marines in half has never been so much fun.
13/02/2013 at 03:28 Bart Stewart says:
No analogy is perfect, but I’m tempted to suggest that Abrams’s Star Trek is to Original Trek as Deus Ex: Invisible War is to Deus Ex.
13/02/2013 at 12:43 Harlander says:
You mean “Not that bad in and of itself but looks utterly terrible when compared to one of the best games of all time”?
13/02/2013 at 21:06 Bart Stewart says:
That was one of the possible (NG) resonances I had in mind, yes.
Another would be consolization (a shift from stories-with-meaning to simple action).
Yet another might be “shinier graphics.”
I only posted the original comment after that third possibility occurred to me….
13/02/2013 at 08:55 Iskariot says:
A modern full 3d remake of Star Trek: 25th Anniversary with love for detail would be so cool. That game feels so trekkie.
13/02/2013 at 20:47 Vercinger says:
That trailer made me mentally puke. It should be used in classes as an example of how to make your potential customers disinterested.
15/02/2013 at 03:46 SwobyJ says:
Cover shooter madness!
It’s also my least favorite element of Mass Effect.