Dances With Dongos: Lost Planet 3

By Adam Smith on March 7th, 2013 at 4:00 pm.

Lost Planet 3: Extreme Conditioner

Lost Planet 3 would like you to know that it has a plot, with characters, betrayals, twists and all sorts of things like that. Judging by this new trailer, it’s basically the plot of Fern Gully, Dances With Wolves and Avatar, except colder. I can’t help but think that’s a step down from Lost Planet 2′s narrative, for which I have the original script here:

Act One: It is not snowing. A moderately sized gun appears.

Act Two: It is still not snowing so there is a steaming, tropical jungle now. A large gun appears.

Act Three: There is such an incredible lack of snow that everything is a desert now. An enormous gun appears. Oh, and a mech too, I guess.

Let’s see what sort of scrape Bearded Space Jim has gotten himself into today.

At twenty five seconds, just after the crash and the black screen, a man furiously yanks at his reproductive regions and then our hirsute hero awakes, reacting to life in the same way that I do every single morning.

“We’re alive…”

Lost Planet 3 is out at the tail end of June.

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33 Comments »

    • Paraquat says:

      What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

      • Dave3d says:

        LOL
        Love Futurama.

        OT
        Would probably buy this if the first 2 were included with it.

  1. SkittleDiddler says:

    Capcom has the most subpar IPs out of any AAA publisher that I can think of. The fact that a mediocre series like Lost Planet continues to exist is only proof of that.

    • guygodbois00 says:

      My thoughts exactly.

    • Kreeth says:

      It’s astonishing that something as utterly mediocre as the first one even got a sequel, let alone a THIRD outing. Was there genuinely nothing else to play when they came out or something?

    • EPICTHEFAIL says:

      Your writing is bad and you should feel bad. /Zoidberg
      If the best that Capcom can come up with is “Avatar, only more idiotic” then they have truly hit rock-bottom. Also, thermal energy. WHAT?!

    • Hoaxfish says:

      I think the ideas in some of their IPs are pretty good, and they have quite a lot of them… but the execution is certainly a problem.

    • Wedge says:

      Except Lost Planet is a fantastic, if extremely misunderstood series. Or it was anyways, when they were still making it, instead of all this awful outsourcing.

      • Kestilla says:

        I never played the first, but I played the hell out of Lost Planet 2. What pissed me off about it is after playing it, I realized the major reviewers not only lied about the PC version, but copypasted their original years-old reviews for the console versions, citing problems that had been removed from the PC game.

        I also get the distinct feeling the vast majority of people who talk about it have never played it and have no idea what it’s actually about / why it’s fun. Of course they haven’t played it, the reviewers were dishonest and lazy.

        Great fun, though. Ridiculously over the top, but excellent.

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijCUIzuwdQE&list=UUKUOA5V8CD1aKsCL3Ag4D4Q#t=1m42s

        Wish I could find a better video than that terrible recording.

    • Jonesy says:

      Capcom has Dead Rising, a game which never let poor story get in the way of killing zombies with CHAINSAWS ON A KAYAK PADDLE!

  2. samuraidino says:

    Am I the only one whos getting a weird Nicolas Cage vibe from that main character?

    Im assuming so….

    ….god I love Nicolas Cage so much more than the Lost Planet series.

    • Hardlylikely says:

      In the screenshot it looks like a robot is hanging on to his shoulders from behind. I wonder what it is doing back there?

    • Koozer says:

      For a strange moment I thought he had glowy gloves and was doing a Wallace & Gromit impression.

  3. neolith says:

    Will it once again come with the parody of a service that is GFWL?

  4. nimzy says:

    He does look a bit like Jim doesn’t he? And if that’s any indication then Jim should start growing a well-groomed Space Beard immediately.

  5. Jesse L says:

    Our protagonist looks like a total dongo in the header image.

    • Colonel J says:

      Looks likes a young Alan Rickman. Is he a dongo? I don’t know.

  6. LTK says:

    I don’t know anything about the Lost Planet games but I am seriously impressed by the expressiveness of those faces. I wonder why this is so rare in games, or in the ones that I play.

    • EPICTHEFAIL says:

      Dude, Half Life 2 called, it wanted to talk about your Attention Deficit Disorder.

    • Low Life says:

      Maybe that will change in the future, with the new consoles (or at least PS4) being able to render huge, realistic floating heads in empty spaces!

  7. PC-GAMER-4LIFE says:

    Hope it comes with endless/mindless QTEs like RE6 did….oh wait that’s Tomb Raider !

    RPS please do an article where you talk to developers about why QTE’s are becoming the new gameplay replacement as few gamers actually want them in any shape or form do they!

  8. HermitUK says:

    The second one had its moments in co-op, when fighting some of the alien bosses, but they were few and far between. Really, this series needs to be a sci-fi Monster Hunter with big stompy robots suits. Rather than, as was the case in 2, spending 2/3 of the game focusing on various different human factions vying for control of a particularly large train.

  9. analydilatedcorporatestyle says:

    I bought Lost Planet II(two, no really!) from ASDA and played it for five minutes after activating on Steam. Jumped back in my car and got a refund from ASDA(DRM’s early days). Still on my Steam games list, just for the street cred I guess.

  10. SuperNashwanPower says:

    There is only one good thing that came out of the Lost Planet series. That thing is this:

    http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/unskippable/394-First-Place-Unskippable-01-Lost-Planet