I am fully into sexy night time antics… in the form of Anna Anthropy’s excellent bedroom puzzler Triad. Released yesterday, Triad is a free puzzle game about trying to get three people to sleep in the same bed together without getting kicked or getting a pussy in the face (cat. cat. cat I mean). Even when you do get hot sexytimes in ultra realistic games, you never have to deal with the consequences of your crazy threesome. No, not pregnancy scares: the post-coital bed space skirmish. In this game, you’re asked to figure this shiz out or suffer over-brekky bitching.
We’ve got some problem sleepers. I like to call this one The HOGGER.
Look at you spreadeagled all over the place! Stop switching sides! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT. You have now KICKED me in the face. Look if I move any further over the cat is going to jump on me and I’m allergic. Your legs are longer than a preying mantis. I mean I like it rough, but this is ridiculous. Okay now you have HOGGED the DUVET. Give it back!
Then we’ve got Rolly Rollerson here:
STAY STILL. Just stop rolling on me. What is this, a roly poly competition on a high gravity hill? Okay and now you have smacked me in the face and… you’ve gone off over there… Oh great now you’re on the floor. You need cot sides. This is madness. How will I ever get any sleep? Is there some sort of velcro sheet we can employ? Because you are literally the rolliest person. I need to put you in one of those golf bunkers.
This is Snorey. Snorey snores like a whale with a blocked blowhole.
But on the other hand, Snorey is quite nice because Snorey never actually moves and looks like my favourite tetris brick.
And then there is this furrball.
Getting comfortable IMMEDIATE CAT-ON-FACE
Sexy times were never so rough.
Anna Anthropy’s Triad is now out for your puzzling pleasure, a short adorable block puzzle programmed by Leon Arnott with an atmospheric, button-responsive soundtrack from the extremely talented Liz Ryerson. Grab it here.