GTA V In Cars, Guns, Strippers & Posturing Shocker

By Alec Meer on April 30th, 2013 at 4:30 pm.

Isn't that Harvey Pekar?

There will be a new GTA game soon. Maybe it’ll be on PC. It has three characters, all of which are violent, sweary men. It has some improvements to the graphics. It’s spent a lot on music and voice-acting. It has the same sort of gags as the last dozen GTA games/expansions, but with different words. It really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really wants to be a movie.

Here are three new trailers, cunningly combined into one, and focusing exclusively on the story rather than on what you get to do. With crushing, miserable inevitability, there is a strip club scene, because there is always a strip club scene. IGN or someone will have a shot-by-shot analysis any second now, but you can watch the plain old videos below if you really want to.

Nice to hear Radio Gaga though.

That’s out in September. Probably not on PC, though. They’ll do that a few months later.

I’ll play it, of course. I’ll probably enjoy it too, on the basis of a) a certain basic, carefree brutality and b) exploring a no-doubt highly-detailed cityscape, to the accompaniment of a super-cool soundtrack. It’s just that a drip-feed of cod-cinema adverts, steeped in unrefined testosterone and which tell me 1% of jackshit about what the game’s actually like are not currently inspiring me to want to do so.

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228 Comments »

  1. DestroyYourEgo says:

    OMG- I want this game to come out!

    Not because I think it will be the greatest game ever- I’m just tired of hearing that “it will be the greatest game ever”.

    Spoiler: it won’t be. I foresee a few crooked cops, a coupla drug dealers and DEFINITELY a dead hooker or two. Probably a dobulecross from the leads long-time best friend. Where’s the bromance, bro? And didn’t we do all of this in 2000?

    Last good GTA game? San Andreas. This looks like a hodge-podge of confused male ego’s not sure WHAT they want to do with their own property. I hate the lead characters, and I don’t care for the storyline.

    I’da played GTA4 if Nikko’s voice wasn’t so bloody annoying. That’s not a cute play on the British term, either- my ears were literally bleeding after every half-attempt at a pun from the sad excuse of a Main character.

    Ah, GTA- I wonder if I’ll ever play a new one again.

    Spoiler: I won’t UNLESS they go the way of Saint’s Row- let me make the character I want to play- but don’t get all up your own ass about it, like Saint’s Row did. I’d advise them to make the world the main character, and not the main character- really lively up the place (lord knows they could do it if they tried).

    This is just…. no.