Don’t Bother With The Batman: Arkham Origins Teaser

By Craig Pearson on May 16th, 2013 at 5:00 pm.

Reading this alt-text will probably be more worthwhile than watching that teaser. Honestly, advertising! If you're going to take up valuable time, at least make it worth the effort. Reward us for the time we engaged in your silly little attempt to open our wallets. Yes, I'm talking about cat pics. If this was just a Windows Movie Maker video of cat pics with midi music, and the ending said: 'come back for the proper trailer next week', it would be better than what you made.
What can you do in 41 seconds? Clean answers only, please. I ask because that’s the length of the first Batman: Arkham Origins trailery thing, and your time might be better spent elsewhere. You could clean out a dirty nail, or pick your nose, or maybe check that you flushed the toilet the last time you were in there. If you’re determined to watch it, let me quickly break down what you’re about to see: if, say, you wanted to ignore the logos then you’d be down to 11 seconds of footage of Batman fighting new series villain Deathstroke. And if you only wanted to see in-game footage, then the trailer would be exactly zero seconds long. Of course, they’ll argue it was a teaser trailer, and that the full trailer is out on May 20th. In which case I’ll actually have to add those days to my count, which means that this trailer is minus 345641 seconds long.

Net result: I know more about the ESRB and the people that make the game than I know about the game itself. It’s not news to me that Batman and Deathstroke punch each other. That was inevitable. I feel teased, sure, but in the negative sense of the word.

I hope there are big things in the May 20th trailer, or you will have my scorn a second time.

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43 Comments »

  1. Premium User Badge RedViv says:

    Rich psychotic vigilante, fighting a superpowered assassin who just has bad stuff happen to him all the bloody time? We can make that look boring, sure!

    • TheGoddamn says:

      It’s amazing how this Batman looks older than the actual older Batman in the prior-future Arkham games.

      …fuck prequels.

  2. ZIGS says:

    A trailer for a trailer, what a brave new world we live in

    • Phantom_Renegade says:

      This trailer for a trailer bullshit has been going on for awhile and every time it’s more ridiculous. Apart from not buying the game, is there anything we can do to stop this nonsense? I remember when a company did a countdown clock for a teaser of a trailer. This needs to end.

      • WoundedBum says:

        Why? It doesn’t seem like a problem to me. Why is this so offensive?

        • derbefrier says:

          some people just take silly things like this way to seriously and its the internet..

        • SkittleDiddler says:

          Because it’s the kind of lame marketing shit Hollywood does, and I expect better from the people who make the products I have a lifelong passion for.

    • PopeRatzo says:

      Yes, brave new world.

      I’m a little disappointed that RPS chooses to engage in promoting these rumours of teasers of trailers. But then the world of journalism circa 2013, with all the “synergy” between marketing and news and opinion and selling, is foreign to me. It’s probably pretty hard to manage a site like RPS unless you’re willing to be part of this synergistic new world.

  3. Nicodemus Rexx says:

    “Now go away you silly bat-pig-dog, or we shall taunt you a second time!”

  4. Premium User Badge symuun says:

    I’m so conditioned by RPS headlines that I spent a minute or so trying to work out what “Don’t Bother With The Batman” was supposed to reference.

    • Premium User Badge colorlessness says:

      I honestly thought RPS was saying there was a new game entitled simply “Arkham Origins”, which did not feature Batman.

      • BooleanBob says:

        Like most of the websites I frequent, RPS features a gratuitous amount of colons.

        Wait.

        • Zap Brannigan says:

          When i was a young boy, my English teacher used to say to me, “Zap, everyone has a colon. You should learn to use yours wisely.”

  5. Fanbuoy says:

    I think it would’ve been even better if you didn’t post the teaser trailer taste thingy and just criticized it, but I’ll take this.

    • Premium User Badge Craig Pearson says:

      I considered it, but had to show you to prove I wasn’t just a smelly liar.

      • Fanbuoy says:

        Okay, so now we know that you’re not a liar. Now we just need an impartial judge to determine your smell.

    • stupid_mcgee says:

      Even better: do a teaser for a review of the teaser that, if liked enough on Facebook, will reveal the post of the teaser.

      Whenever in doubt, go meta.

  6. Brannigan says:

    Batman Arkham Origins Trailer: Origins.

    Arkham.

  7. Lukasz says:

    Don’t watch them. They only make them because people watch them and get excited. If that’s an issue with you, ignoring them is really easy.

  8. PC-GAMER-4LIFE says:

    More pre-rendered PC bullshots giving those who do not know better the impression this is ingame gameplay! At least they were not made in a shed in the Ukraine I suppose………..

    • mr.ioes says:

      Those aren’t bullshots, it’s a video and clearly not ingame graphics but CGI. Having to read your attention-whoring on many RPS articles is pissing me off. Go away.

  9. Liudeius says:

    And I ONLY watched it because you told me it was a waste of time.

    Look at the SR3 trailer, that was less than a second. (Though it was in game and meant to be humorous).

  10. Hmm-Hmm. says:

    Hype begins!

  11. Quinnbeast says:

    “What can you do in 41 seconds? Clean answers only, please.”

    Rub one out into an anti-bacterial wipe.

  12. Justin Keverne says:

    Well at least they seem to be aiming for a simultaneous worldwide release, which is nice.

  13. HadToLogin says:

    You can win a match of handball (quoting coach, “15 seconds is a lot of time”), or see one boxer beat other the the ground in less then 40 seconds.
    Yup, for some time those were units we jokingly used to talk about time.

  14. Flammablezeus says:

    Man I’m so sick of these Arkham games. During Arkham City it felt overdone, now this is just ridiculous. They need to focus on other characters from the DC Universe. THREE Batman games in a row? And all based around Arkham? With the DC Universe you couldn’t get more uninspired.

  15. Yoshis95 says:

    I dont see the problem here, in my eyes the trailer was pretty epic, Deathstroke kicks ass

  16. anark10n says:

    For those coming late, for those too lazy, 345641 seconds is 96 hours long.