Taaaaake Onnnn Maaars (Take! On! Mars!) Footage

By Nathan Grayson on July 18th, 2013 at 4:00 pm.

Mars Car! Nooooooooooooooooo

Every time I read the title Take On Mars, I immediately get this song stuck in my head – just with Mars-ified lyrics and imagery. It is magnificent. If you could see inside my brain, you’d immediately call the police but then also be like, “Oh, but that re-imagined ’80s pop song is pretty neat.” As a game, however, Bohemia’s out-of-this-world effort bears only a passing resemblance to A-ha’s iconic tale of love, fiction bleeding into real, and wrench battles. That’s a shame, because I feel like more hyper-accurate Mars exploration simulators could use a touch of sexy, sexy synth, but maybe that’s just me. Judge for yourself by traversing the lonely surface of a video after the break.

But what is it even about? One rover’s desolate quest not just to find life, but to begin truly living? Nah. But there is science!

“Take On Mars places you in the seat of a Rover Operator, allowing you to control the various, fully simulated mobile Rovers and stationary Landers. With this scientific arsenal at your disposal, you will work your way through the numerous Science Missions in each location, unlocking the secrets of Mars’ distant past.”

Also, Mars itself is based on actual satellite data, and your explorations will be backed by a space program of your own running. Upkeep’s important, too, as your rover is dynamically destructible, with individual pieces cracking and falling to the wayside. Before long, it’ll be a naked, lonely, immobile pile of scrap – kinda like Wall-E if nothing good had ever happened to him. And then you will be very, very sad.

Take On Mars is coming to Steam Early Access on August 1st. Do you plan on enlisting? Are you a bad enough dude (or lady) to take on Mars?

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32 Comments »

  1. Tacroy says:

    Now Nathan and Craig’s posts must fight to the death, to see who is the true member of the Hivemind!

  2. Chalky says:

    It’s like a choose your own adventure but with RPS article authors.

    I choose this one to be my preferred reality because it links to rather than embeds the music video joke. Always better to link when it comes to superfluous youtube videos in my humble opinion.

    You should do this more often!

  3. Craig Pearson says:

    Pfft. This post has facts and stuff. I MADE A POST WITH AN AHA/KATY PERRY MASHUP.

  4. The_B says:

    You see, the correct way that this now should go down is that both posts should have almost exactly the same but subtly different comments. Maybe one with a Katy Perry Video in it.

  5. DrScuttles says:

    RPS fight, RPS!

    • The Godzilla Hunter says:

      The real question is: who will be the first to tell the other “Taaaaakkeeee meeeee onnnnnnn!”

  6. NicholasTimothyJones says:

    I’ll post this in both Articles;

    How long till the content from this gets ported into ArmA III? ArmA II content has been ported into it and so has Take on Helicopters content.

    Imagine the battles on Mars via the Real Virtuality Engine…

  7. Tei says:

    I already posted my opinion on the other thread about Take on Mars.

  8. Skabooga says:

    I wonder, in the other alternate post’s world, am I sporting a sinister goatee?

  9. Jimmy says:

    I will post half of my message in this thread and

  10. jonahcutter says:

    Good job Grayson. The Brits are over in the -other- post lamenting their slower author. They’re a little too quick in trotting out that “colonial” bs of theirs. Gotta keep them tea-drinkers guessing about who is actually the quicker-witted in this outfit.

    You’ve earned your paycheck today kid. Well done.

    ::chomps cigar::

  11. Jazzyboy says:

    This article has no Katy Perry references. Victory!

  12. SuicideKing says:

    Arma IV: This is Mars

  13. MacTheGeek says:

    If you could see inside my brain, you’d immediately call The Police…”

    Capitalization corrected for more early-80′s nostalgia.

    Also: De doo doo doo, de da da da.

  14. nindustrial says:

    The meta-liciousness of today is what I love about RPS

  15. Hmm-Hmm. says:

    The question is whether I can take on Mars by helicopter.