COD BLOPS 2 Gun Balancing Uncovers Absolute Jerks

By Cara Ellison on July 24th, 2013 at 6:00 pm.

*cries*
Multiplayer Game Balancing
AN-94: Damage slightly reduced.
DSR 50: Rate of fire reduced.
Ballista: Rate of fire slightly reduced.

You look at the patch notes, your whole body starting to go hot with rage. Your heart beats faster, your breath gets shorter. You HIT the Red Bull can from your desk, the murky liquid splashing your poster of Transformers-spoiling sticky-hottie Megan Fox across the arse. You stand and ram the back of your squadgy desk chair into the desk to hear it BANG, to get some relief from the rage you are feeling. You PUNCH the wall in frustration, and then hurriedly have to shake it hard because that was not the plasterboard part of the wall it was an actual stone brick. You SCREAM in anguish. “WHY?!” you yell. “WHY HAVE YOU MESSED UP MY VIRTUAL GUNS?!?!? HOW WILL I GET MEGAN TO LIKE ME NOW??!?!?!” You do a little sort of rage dance that makes you look like you belong in Populous.

“YOU,” you say, looking at Studio Design Director of Call of Duty BLOPS 2 David Vonderhaar’s Twitter page. “YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE.”

HOW DARE HE DO THIS TO YOUR GUN! THE ONE YOU NAMED BRITNEY! LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE! AFTER ALL SHE HAS DONE FOR YOU! AND THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT HER?

You quickly type some death threats and things about horrible diseases and tell the guy whose work you have moulded your entire lifestyle around that he deserves to die and that he is a baddy.

YES THEY ARE. LOOK AT THOSE LITTLE NUMBERS. THEY ARE LODGED IN MY HEART. FOREVER.

SHUT UP DAN AMRICH.

*runs away crying*

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164 Comments »

Top comments

  1. Laketown says:

    Will Cara now get her own about section now? She’s been pretty active lately

    (also she is rad as fuck yo)

  1. db1331 says:

    the murky liquid splashing your poster of Transformers-spoiling sticky-hottie Megan Fox across the arse

    This is the second-most aroused I’ve ever been on RPS.

    • Asurmen says:

      I fear I’m entering territory best left unexplored, but what’s your first?

    • InnerPartisan says:

      wat?

    • Jeremy says:

      wut?

    • Kaira- says:

      1) The sentence you wrote makes absolutely no sense
      2) The link has no connection to this piece at all
      3) I’m not somehow surprised that pieces 1) and 2) combine into some paranoid MRA-stuff.

      • Premium User Badge

        jrodman says:

        Acksiom is a pathological MRA-ist who is serially incoherent.
        All he or she does is drive-by these semi-coherent talking-points. I recommend a ban. Failing that, block.

        • FRIENDLYUNIT says:

          Y so serious?

          (No, I’m serious. I’m looking at this in isolation admittedly but the post looks so absurd it’s obviously a joke. Banning? Really?)

        • Premium User Badge

          jrodman says:

          Feel free to research the post history.

    • MobileAssaultDuck says:

      I dove into the hive of scum and villainy that is the MRA reddit to come back to RPS and translate this guy’s post for my fellow shotgunites:

      When he says “more boys will kill themselves than less” he is referencing an often quoted point by MRAs that boys commit suicide more than girls. The blog he quoted goes into the sexual needs of males and what can happen when they’re unfulfilled.

      Now, rational people ask “So? How is the fault of females?”

      Well, the wonderful folks at MRA have created this concept that boys kill themselves because girls aren’t nice to them and don’t give them chances by going out on dates with them. They believe the male need for sex is turning to suicide because women won’t give up the goods.

      Yes, that’s right, their idea of equality somehow turns into an argument for girls dating dudes and putting out even when they have no desire to. Somehow the fact women are discerning about whom they mate with is sexism and causing suicide.

      They see the sexual liberation of females as diminishing their options for virginal, monogamous, child bearers and somehow this is an offense against them.

      Yeah, I know, drink it in.

      I am sure not every MRA is quite that stupid, but I have seen the point brought up more than once that somehow men’s rights are being diminished by women having control over who they date and sleep with.

      Now I need to go take a shower after reading that blog.

      • Zelos says:

        To be fair, the folks at RPS are definitely misandrists.

        • MobileAssaultDuck says:

          I have yet to see an article from a misandrist position.

          I have seen the relentless bashing of alpha male stereotypes, but that’s because they’re alphas, not males.

          Alpha males are hilarious people worthy of mockery.

          You will find most RPS writers, the male ones, and a lot of the readers probably fall into the description of omega males, and I have never seen us mocked.

          I have never seen males mocked for being males on this site, only male idiots being mocked for being idiots.

        • Premium User Badge

          jrodman says:

          And the prize for “Most Ludicrous Overreach” goes to….. Zelos!

        • rossasaur says:

          So, Mobile, it is abhorrent to discriminate against gender; but it is completely okay to discriminate against someone because they exhibit a masculine personality type? Seems a tad hypocritical, in my eyes.

          Edit: also, why does someone always feel the need to start a gender argument whenever Cara posts an article?

        • Premium User Badge

          jrodman says:

          Pointless rage and death threats on the internet is a male personality type?

          There is a WORLD of difference between the alpha male stereotype and REAL WORLD personalities. One clue is that real world personalities don’t strongly associate with gender, as compared with other traits.

        • MobileAssaultDuck says:

          @rossasaur

          Alpha, beta, and omega males are all masculine. They are all parts of the spread of what it means to be masculine.

          Alpha males are the negative aspect of what it is to be masculine.

          I am no less masculine than an alpha male. An omega male is not feminine, they are just masculine in a different way.

          Alphas are the evolutionary throwback to a time that no longer exists. They are both unnecessary and actually harmful for the continued improvement and social evolution of the species.

          See, the fact you equate alpha with masculine outlines the problem. The alphas, and traditional males, think that their version of masculinity is the only version that exists and attacks on how they are are attacks on masculinity. This is not the case, they are attacks on an outdated form of masculinity that has since been replaced by a new, superior male archetype.

          Attacking alphas isn’t about attacking their masculinity, it is about attacking the unhealthy way in which they express their masculinity.

        • Ergates_Antius says:

          Or to put it more succinctly (but less politely and less coherently): It is abhorrent to discriminate against gender; but it is completely okay to discriminate against someone because they’re a fuckwit shit-stain of a failed human being.

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          JamesTheNumberless says:

          Ducky… What’s wrong with alpha males? :( I’d describe many of my friends and colleagues this way and think it would be an odd and unbalanced world without natural leaders who facilitate others I think you’re confusing alpha males with something else.

        • cunningmunki says:

          And why not? Hateful species.

      • Jeremy says:

        Oh man, this is the upgraded version of “Nice Guy” mentality. Horrifying that people can actually think that way. Expecting “favors” after “payment” is prostitution, even if that payment isn’t money. You do not get special favors for being nice to women, that’s just basic human behavior.

        Quote from one of my favorite articles of all time:

        Saying that you’re a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn’t make you sick.

        • MobileAssaultDuck says:

          You can be nice, you just have to be assertive at the same time.

          You have to know what you want and pursue it.

          Assholes are good at this, which is why assholes get girls. It’s not the asshole part, it’s the assertiveness and knowing what they want that attracts females to them.

          The guy who can combine assertiveness with being nice.. well, you would be like a magnet in a room full of nails.

        • Jeremy says:

          Well, there’s nothing wrong with being nice, that wasn’t what I was getting at. Just the fact that there is a growing group of men who think that, by simply being nice, which is by all accounts a basic human expectation, they should have endless girlfriends. Ultimately, it boils down to treating women as trophies, instead of thinking, rational human beings. No amount of “assertiveness” is going to earn anyone the right to take home a trophy either.

        • stupid_mcgee says:

          I had a former roommate, who was also a friend of about 15 years, that had this creepy “nice guy” complex. Once I began to realize it, I really began to despise him for it. I’m no longer friends with him, at all. That wasn’t entirely what killed our friendship, but it sure as hell didn’t help.

          He was a petty creep that would routinely hold lifetime grudges against girls that turned him down and called girls that didn’t show any real interest in his advances “whores” and “sluts.” Especially if they dated someone else and didn’t dump their boyfriend for him. Later, I realized he was also a fundamental jerk in many other aspects, too.

          I don’t know if he was always this way and I just didn’t see it, or if it fully manifested as he got older. Either way, he got to the point where I simply refused to be friends with him anymore.

          @ MobileAssaultDuck: It’s not so much assertiveness as it just confidence in being yourself and accepting of yourself, both the flaws and perks. My above-mentioned former friend is a good example. He would always play the pity-party card and hope that would work. It never did. “I’m such a loser and my life sucks. Nobody loves me and I’ll die alone and unhappy.” While not verbatim, this is what he would convey.

          I vividly remember a girl he was interested in, a co-worker and friend, talking to me about how she always noticed when he was attracted to a girl because he would 1) talk about obscure bands and tell them to check it out, 2) he would then talk about how much of a loser he is. As if the girls he would hit on would just say, “oh you poor, misunderstood musical genius! Let me screw your brains out and make everything better!” It never worked. The reaction was always, “um… that’s nice. I have to go.”

          Essentially, he’d play the “I’m a musical intellectual” card, which always made him seem like a pompous twit, then he’d play the pity card, and no one wants to hook up with someone just because they feel sorry for them. And if you say you’re a loser, then anyone you’re going to tell is, probably, going to think you are, too. And who wants to date a loser?

          Being assertive can sometimes be seen as being aggressive, which can be obnoxious and off-putting. Simply striking up a conversation and play yourself true. Don’t be over-confident, then you seem arrogant. Just be honest. This whole, “you have to be like this” crap is bullshit. Just be yourself. If you’re putting on an act, it will show through eventually.

          Besides, not all women have the same personality types. Some want a guy who is aggressive and dominant. Others want someone on an even keel and willing to have mutual roles of responsibility. Some are aggressive and want a submissive mate. Some have weird mixes with regards to social and economic means. To say that “all women like assertive men” is a bit sexist, though I don’t think you meant it to be, nor am I trying to say that you are somehow misogynistic..

          The reason my former friend was never really able to hook up with anyone was because he never really tried. He’d hang out with them once or twice, but if things didn’t immediately blossom into a full-on romance, he’d just give up. All you have to do is put forth some effort. Be yourself. Be honest. And be willing to accept that sometimes things just don’t work out.

          The wise prophet, Homer Simpson, once said, “trying is the first step towards failure.” Which is true. But it’s the only way to achieve success.

        • uh20 says:

          umm, wut?

          can you give me the simplified form in which you can trace everything you say back to the article…

          heres what it would look like: ” “

        • stupid_mcgee says:

          uh20, if you’re referring to me, I never claimed to be talking about the article. I was responding to the topics discussed in previous comments. Hence the reason why it was a reply within a thread of comments.

          Furthermore, whether responding to my post or not, there is no “only discuss the article” rule here. So, 1) what do you care? and 2) thanks for adding nothing but condescension.

          Talking about worthless posts? You might want to take another look at your own.

        • MrUnimport says:

          Jeremy:

          I have no intention at all of defending or excusing this kind of attitude, but let me give it to you firsthand:

          Nice Guy behaviour doesn’t stem from a low opinion of women or a desire to treat them as trophies. If anything it’s the opposite: it’s rooted in terror. Nice Guys have major, major self-esteem issues. The “bitches and whores” mentality isn’t genuine, it’s a self-defense sour grapes reaction they use to protect themselves from the sting of rejection. It’s pathetic, but it isn’t misogynistic. It’s not so much an expectation that girls should fall into their laps for doing nothing, it’s that they honestly believe they have jack squat to give.

          Mcgee, I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but it seems to me that your roommate had a hard time relating to other people. I mean, he just seems like the kind of person who’s unable to talk about anything outside their extremely narrow area of interest. Combined with the kind of abysmal sense of self-worth you have to have in order to actually describe yourself as a loser to people you’re trying to impress.

        • Smoky_the_Bear says:

          I agree, its almost as ludicrous as signing a piece of paper alongside someone in the name of religion and then they magically become entitled to half of everything you’ve ever worked for.

        • Dozer says:

          Oh gosh. Stupid_Mcgee, a thousand thanks. Your description of your twit nice-guy housemate is a description of the person I might have turned myself.

          Excuse me, I need to derail a few trains of thought. Does anyone have any dynamite and a crowbar?

          • stupid_mcgee says:

            Dozer, glad you found my anecdote useful. I think that his main problem was that he took everything, and I mean everything, very personally. When I talked about it with a therapist, he mentioned the notion of the “closeted narcissist.” It fit perfectly and I think it explains a lot of why my former friend acted the way he did. Essentially, the closeted narcissist still has all of the same traits as a normal narcissist, but they are not outgoing nor personable. Instead, they use emotional blackmail, persecution complexes, and constant feelings of pity to manipulate their victims.

            Nothing was ever his fault, it was always someone else’s. Nothing was ever good enough, either. When he lived with me, he had a full basement to practice with his band (he was the lead) whenever he wanted to, and he complained constantly about having to practice and how he hated that they didn’t have more songs, an album, more shows, then it was hating to have to do shows, having to record an album, no longer recording, etc.

            If he did you a favor, it was never unconditional; you were always expected to pay him back in kind and he would always make sure to hold it over your head. He would always talk down about himself around large groups of friends, intending for them to validate his unspoken feelings of superiority. (eg: Him: “I suck at guitar, because I don’t have any formal training.” Everyone else: “No you don’t! You’re amazingly good, especially for someone that has no training!” Him: “well, I guess…”)

            The final straw was when I finally told him that it’s kind of annoying to have to pick up after him all the time (he was a big slob). He got very defensive and then told me, “well, you know, you need something to do around the house.”

      • InnerPartisan says:

        I am (unfortunately) well aware of the sad glob of human waste that is the MRA movement, and it took my only about 2 femtoseconds after clicking above link to throw up a little.
        However, Acksioms incoherent post left me unsure if he is actually serious, or trying his hand as some sort of satire.

        • Unrepentant says:

          Naturally someone who has been robbed of their masculinity like you would take 2 full FEMtoseconds, while I, as the superior MRA member, required a mere 1 MANtosecond to realize that the linked site is full of the kind of Red Pill no-nonsense talk that the world needs more of.

      • Underreach says:

        If that guy is an MRA than Andrea Dworkin was a moderate. PUA != MRA. You’re thinking about /r/theredpill and is just awful.

      • Premium User Badge

        JamesTheNumberless says:

        Um… Like… For reals? Mens rights makes some sense but… Men’s entitlement ?? Surely this is just a sentiment that exists when you’re about 14 and goes away some time within the next 5-6 years? Yes it’s unfair that some kids develop socially and physically at different rates but that’s life, and it doesn’t last very long.

        • MobileAssaultDuck says:

          @JamesTheNumberless
          Alpha males perpetuate a leader-follower society that we must actively attempt to destroy.

          Because they perpetuate this aspect of society worthy of destruction, we must do our best to eliminate this personality type from future generations due to its adherence to outdated models of masculinity that are harmful.

          We socially evolve to become more inclusive, not less. The end result of this is the elimination of the leader-follower dynamic in favour of the commune of individuals.

          We needed alphas in the days of old, but we are quickly approaching a point where we will rewrite what it means to be human and we can eliminate the need for leadership by eliminating certain anti-social human personality traits via genetic engineering.

          I am a transhumanist, so my answer to 99% of problems is genetic engineering and biotech, including personality problems.

          • Premium User Badge

            JamesTheNumberless says:

            I get where you’re coming from but it’s a very extreme position. Even if we don’t have to have human leaders in a political sense I don’t see how we can engineer a society where nobody is a leader in science, the arts, etc.

            Positive Alpha traits include selflessness, willingness to take responsibility and be held accountable. The ability to act as a catalyst for the effectiveness of those around you, especially when they are more capable than yourself is an alpha thing. The tendency to set a strong example and be a point of reference, a shield and a model for those younger and less experienced than yourself and a kind of personal magnetism or charisma.

            Being a father or mother is a good example of where one naturally performs an alpha role, and few would argue that’s not a good thing. I don’t think anyone I know who has children would agree that their household would best function as an egalitarian commune.

            I do not consider myself an alpha male or a natural leader but when I find myself in a leadership role it is important for me to cultivate some of these traits. It’s hard for me to imagine how the world as we know it in terms of business, science, art/culture and family life would function if there were no alpha males or alpha females. Good ones that is. Some people have a few of these traits, but lack important ones, or are just bastards.

            There are bastards of all personality types. Alpha bastards end up as leaders when perhaps they shouldn’t be, and are thus more prominent than Omega bastards, but believe me there are a lot of Omega bastards out there.

            It takes all-sorts, as far as I’m aware, and we’re not even going to come close to a trans-human future if we can’t come to terms with our present configuration.

            Personally I expect the singularity to happen first, and the machines to sort it all out for us.

          • Premium User Badge

            JamesTheNumberless says:

            And yes, there are negative roles that suit alpha males well, like that of the physically or emotionally abusive bully. Likewise there are negative roles that suit the Omega well, like that of the self-pitying whining little shit on the internet – which can cause just as much suffering to others as the bully. These, IMO are the developed behaviors that people have to be guided into not adopting, not the underlying genetic traits that predispose people to these faults because those same traits also predispose people to the aforementioned virtues, and more besides. We still have a long way to go, getting nurture right, before we start tinkering with nature, because what if we fuck that up as badly as we’ve fucked up education? Your argument for genetic engineering seems to be that we need to, because we’re broken and we’ve somehow outgrown our own evolution. Forgive me if I don’t trust this species you describe to tinker with my genes :)

    • Faxmachinen says:

      Either the MRA are saying that there are other men suiciding over this out there, which is a straw man argument, or they’re saying that they are those people, in which case good riddance.

    • Premium User Badge

      JamesTheNumberless says:

      The words appear to be in English, but nothing is being said, how curious.

  2. Revolving Ocelot says:

    AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH oh wait I don’t play COD. Give me some SALMON instead.

    • Smoky_the_Bear says:

      I much prefer some Street Fighter myself, HADDOCK-en

  3. Laketown says:

    Will Cara now get her own about section now? She’s been pretty active lately

    (also she is rad as fuck yo)

    • Premium User Badge

      Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

      Hive Mind Node Meer is cocooned with his spawn, feeding it nutrients from his body until it has developed enough to hunt alone.

    • nindustrial says:

      I was similarly wondering this earlier in fact.

    • Premium User Badge

      thedosbox says:

      “Will Cara now get her own about section now? She’s been pretty active lately”

      I believe she’s on news duty for a couple of weeks. Having said that, I’d be happy to see the site renamed to Rock, Paper, Ellison.

      • Ironclad says:

        how does that work? Do people rotate in and out for reviews->previews->news or something?

        (genuinly interested in the workings of managing a website like RPS or the like)

        • Premium User Badge

          Gap Gen says:

          I think Jim and Alec organise illegal underground boxing matches, and whoever wins out of Craig and Cara gets to write the news/press release articles.

          • GameCat says:

            So Jim is just Alec imagination (or vice versa)?
            Did someone ever seen these guys in one room?

          • hotmaildidntwork says:

            Does this imply that Cara has recently learned new, possibly illegal, boxing techniques that have allowed her to easily best Craig?

          • Premium User Badge

            Gap Gen says:

            hotmaildidntwork: It can only be assumed. Although given that they’re both Scottish people with names beginning with C, they could equally be the same person. I think that’s how it works.

          • Premium User Badge

            Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

            Craig: This is impossible! Her kung-fu has never been this strong! Can it be…? No! Hidden Soup Style is a myth!

        • Deano2099 says:

          I believe it’s holiday cover – there’s five main writers, which is what the site needs to function. But they can’t all work 51 weeks a year (even with the Xmas break) – so when someone is away, other people fill in.

          But then on top of that I believe they’re open to freelance pitches for article ideas, they just don’t use many.

        • The Random One says:

          I think they rotate the free writers every two weeks but you can pay to have them always available, like in Super Monday Night Combat.

    • tobecooper says:

      Didn’t it take Nathan like a year to get to the ‘about’ page? I think there exists a specific list of requirements for achieving such a glorious honor. I strongly believe one needs to eat a lot of rock and paper with a shotgun (in place of a spoon), and scream out puns and poems about the greatness of Horace in the process. That’s the theory at least.

      • Revolving Ocelot says:

        Integrating with the Hivemind is a long, laborious and painful process. Languishing for up to a year while your brain is spliced up with knives and glued in with mayonnaise is highly painful, and the occasional post you see on RPS is actually an suicidal cry for help. But it does not appear as such, because the means for normal communication is forever beyond their grasp. They have no mouth and they must scream.

        That’s why there’s lots of CAPS LOCK in Cara’s post. The process has apparently begun. And it cannot be stopped.

        • Premium User Badge

          Gap Gen says:

          “I have no mouth and I must scream so I shall type in all caps” is a tagline for a film that must be made.

    • Premium User Badge

      lowprices says:

      Yes. Never leave, Cara.

      On topic: It’s this sort of thing that leaves me embarrassed to call myself a gamer.

    • Don Reba says:

      Perhaps, Cara’s plan is to quietly take over site and rule covertly as the Grey Eminence of RPS.

    • mr.black says:

      Hear, hear!
      No, wait, my mic doesn’t work on a web site..
      I agree, I agree!

  4. Premium User Badge

    Gap Gen says:

    Why do some of his posts have plus signs after them?

  5. redredredguy says:

    This is FUCKING bullshit.

    • Premium User Badge

      Gap Gen says:

      Mmm. Fresh bulls’ shit is warm *and* soft.

      Mmm. Oh. Hello, there.

    • Contrafibularity says:

      Out of curiosity, has CODBLOPS2 ever not been fucking bullshit?

  6. staberas says:

    Pff changing seconds is NOTHING , unlike warframe that they NERFED Rhino and then called it BUFF….

  7. Ironclad says:

    Cara, go write a novel. McBain fights Batman or something. It would be AMAZING.

    also: Ladies & Gentlemen: the Internet, exhibit one.

    I’d weep for humanity, but at this point it’s high time to put it out of its collective misery

  8. tungstenHead says:

    I once worked with a guy I would characterize as being “death-threat guy”. He was a bit funny and overall generally pleasant. He got fired because he didn’t show up to work rather than his habit of calmly uttering over-the-top threats at the most minor of grievances. When I see people acting like this online, I tend to think of that ol’ goofball rather than a seriously deranged madman.

    Most of these wankers are just people spouting off nonsense because they want to express some displeasure and haven’t realized that shit they say be whacked. Still though, there are probably one or two people out there that genuinely mean the madness that they say.

    In any case, everyone who issues threats in response to balance changes in a videogame need at least a tiny little bit of help.

    • Flakfizer says:

      I wonder how many of the death threat guys have some kind of aspergers / OCD thing going on. I’m not that bad but it still feels like a developer changing things after release is someone messing with my stuff.

      • Unrepentant says:

        I’m not sure aspergers or OCD are either responsible for death threats. I think a poor upbringing and possibly a desire to “push the envelope” are more responsible than disorders that cause people to order things in a discreet orderly fashion.

    • frogbeard says:

      Well, naturally death threats to video game changes are silly. But having been to see The Conjuring recently, and having to deal with an idiot narrating every scene out loud (“look at that dog, that dog is funny, look he doesn’t want to go inside”), I posit, and am sure you will all agree, that it should be perfectly legal to walk up to that sort of person and give their neck a quick twist so they fall instantly dead.

    • Smoky_the_Bear says:

      I tend to agree, the problem I see is that online culture and specifically gaming has bred this weird pseudo-language used when they are online. Much the same as any community, different industries have their lingo that noone else understands. Geographical communities develop dialects and sayings that don’t translate elsewhere. Internet gaming is the same, unfortunately it has quickly become the norm for a lot of people to speak purely in insults and abbreviations.

      In FPS terms i’ve never heard anyone say “excuse me pls”, it’s replaced instead with “STOP BLOCKING FUCKING NOOB”. I genuinely believe the sort of people that will send death threats to a developer over twitter just have this online language so ingrained in them because they spend such a high % of their time that its almost become the only way they can communicate.
      Anyone even getting angry at some balance changes in a video game needs to rethink things a bit, people that act on that anger by sending death threats are borderline delusional and could possibly benefit from outside intervention.

      • MasterDex says:

        I agree with most of what you said but I’m going to pick up on two points here that I disagree with.

        Firstly, if you’re standing/crouching/prone in a door or a well traveled path in such a way as to block your teammates from using it then you are a “fucking noob” or at the least a “fucking newb” (I distinguish between the two, don’t know if you do). That quick “Stop blocking you fucking noob” makes it quite clear you’re doing something wrong. “excuse me” just doesn’t cut it.
        (Ok, so this point was only half serious. :P)

        Secondly, I think a certain amount of anger at balance changes can be warranted. I’m not suggesting this kind of rage and abuse but feeling angry isn’t something that people need to reconsider. There has been many a game killed by bad balancing and as a result, many communities have broken up. It can be easy to say “well, why don’t those communities just pick up another game” but I’ve found it rarely works out that way. You’ll all try get a new game that you can play together but diverging tastes often means only a portion will stick to the new game while the others move to another and the cycle continues until the only communication with the community you have is when you remember they have a forum page and drop in every couple of months to say hello. But I digress, my point is a bit of anger can be understandable but it’s always better to channel that anger into a well-written, well-considered comment/post/email to whoever is responsible.

        • Smoky_the_Bear says:

          Yes bad balance changes can be a problem. What is also a problem is that any player base will flat out abuse anything slightly overpowered if it helps them win. There are a lot of gamers that would be quite happy to only go around crushing people even if they knew they were using something ridiculously broken. This is why balance changes need to be constantly considered or the game can also be ruined because the % of the playerbase that is abusing the OP thing makes the game pretty much unenjoyable. I would hasten to think there are more games that have been ruined by LACK of balance changes where the player base started abusing something OP and everyone had to switch to that, than games that have been ruined by bad balance changes.

          To start sending death threats on day 1 of the changes before the community has adjusted fully means only one thing, “I now have a SLIGHTLY worse KDA than before because my favourite gun is SLIGHTLY worse”. These balance changes (its 3 guns) do not at all look like the sort of sweeping changes that will break the game (It’s CoD on the XBox, you’d have to literally send around teams of people to start snapping discs to ruin that community (when I say ruin I mean destroy it, its technically already ruined due to being full of 12 year old arseholes with microphones). Its nothing more than a butthurt reaction from some people who have to readjust a bit to improve their scores, people who were probably more than happy to be using something overpowered anyway, no sympathy for those people tbh.

          • MasterDex says:

            Like I said, I agree with most of what you’re saying and fully agree that this level of anger and how it’s been expressed is way out of line and those people need to learn to chill the fuck out but I do think that a certain amount of anger isn’t unusual as far as balance changes, etc go (In this case, it seems entirely unwarranted however).

  9. Jockie says:

    fianlly a gaems journalist who understands y we get so mad. FU Vonderhair

    PS. Love you Megan lol

  10. Heliocentric says:

    These patch notes suck, bring back Boiling Point.

    • Premium User Badge

      Malibu Stacey says:

      Gunpoint has patch notes almost as entertaining as Boiling Point. Not for the comedy bugs they fix but for the comedy descriptions used.

  11. Cunning Linguist says:

    Internalised/unchannelled machismo & insecurity issues, excess testosterone combined with poor circulation from obesity , all answer to the Call of Duty.
    It is YOUR duty to shoot and bomb brown people in the face, or at least fantasize you’re doing it. America’s enemies should have a lot to fear.

  12. Rather Dashing says:

    This is one of the best pieces I have EVER read on RPS :O

  13. Premium User Badge

    RedViv says:

    Down with that sort of people!

  14. realmenhuntinpacks says:

    Read about this brouhaha elsewhere and had that ever-proximal sinking feeling about our beloved hobby. Came here, read this, felt better. How did we ever get along without thee?

  15. aldo_14 says:

    How much spittle must these people have on their keyboards?

    • DiamondDog says:

      Not half as much as the gunk formed by congealed Mountain Dew.

  16. ResonanceCascade says:

    You should see how Counter-Strike: GO players have reacted to each and every change (real or perceived) from 1.6. Shooting people from across the internet is SRS BSNS.

    • derbefrier says:

      Pretty much any competitive game on a major patch day will look like this. The forums after a major balence patch for World of Warcraft are things of ledgend.

      • Premium User Badge

        Malibu Stacey says:

        They have nothing on the Dota 2 ‘community’. Lots of these people will complain about changes VALVe make which fix bugs in the original game or stuff which wasn’t possible to fix within the limitations of the old engine/modding language.

        The amount of vitriol spewed over adding quickcast to Dota 2 is legendary. This is a change which means to cast a spell or use an item, instead of hovering your cursor over the target, pressing a key & then clicking the left mouse button you can hover your cursor over the target & press the key. This is an entirely optional function (default is the old system) which was added as it’s in League of Legends but people are saying it has ruined the game. Optional removal of a single left click has ruined Dota 2 forever indeed.

        Perspective is something a lot of multiplayer gamers lack. I refuse to call them ‘competitive’ as competitive players adapt or die when the system changes.

  17. Baines says:

    Considering Infinity Ward refused to make shotguns competitive because too many people complained whenever they were killed by a shotgun under any circumstances, it is nice to see Treyarch actually care. (IW even effectively acknowledged that shotguns were underpowered, but outright said that they wouldn’t improve them because of the number of players that didn’t like dying to shotguns.)

    And to actually put more than five seconds thought into a balance patch (as opposed to Infinity Ward, which offered such brilliance as a blanket LMG patch).

    And to actually give numbers to players (as opposed to IW, which appeared deathly afraid to ever give any information to players, regardless of circumstance or reason. And it seemed half the information IW did give turned out to be wrong.)

    • MobileAssaultDuck says:

      Everyone has PTSD from the dual-wield 1887s in MW2.

  18. engion3 says:

    Has Anyone Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like?

  19. Tei says:

    I hate when dev’s do nerf to weapons. I don’t mind if decide to buff some weapon, but nerfing often destroy the only weapon you like in a game.

    Normally in mmos patches are like a serie of never ending nerfs.

    I make you suspect that maybe everybody on the game company has died of ebola, and the patchs are automatically generated by a tiny perl script.

    I am sure theres better things to dedicate dev time than update the least significant digit of floats in the database.

    • Premium User Badge

      Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

      Tei is the beat poet of our times.

    • TychoCelchuuu says:

      If every gun is only ever buffed, never nerfed, the game will turn into Quake III Instagib mode with automatic weapons.

      • Premium User Badge

        Stellar Duck says:

        You say that like it’s a bad thing?

        • stupid_mcgee says:

          But.. what will then happen to the competitive Call of Duty scene?

          *snicker, snicker*

      • Misnomer says:

        I can’t say I understand the “only ever buff” crowd, I have played several games that became much better after a nerf (BF3 USAS Frag anyone?). Clearly the balancing part of the balance discussion is lost on these types.

        It is like they see a set of scales and the only way to level the scales would be to always add more weight to a side… because more must be better.

      • Premium User Badge

        jrodman says:

        No it’s fine. After that we just buff hitpoints.

    • SkittleDiddler says:

      FUCK THAT SCRUBGUN M16A3 IZ FOR PUSSIES AND TRYHARDS!!!!!!!11!!!!1!!!!! NERF IT OR ILL KIL UR ENTIRE DEVTEAM!!!!!

  20. Kusz says:

    I thought the patch notes were DISGUSTING. They were simply DISGUSTING. There was no warning given as to what was in store. For goodness sake, what if my children were watching? No thought was given to this at all. They were saved only by the purest good fortune, that they don’t actually happen to be born yet. Otherwise I dread to think what damage may have been caused. This was simply DISGUSTING.

  21. Branthog says:

    How dare those people be allowed to be extremely into one of their favorite games so much that htey care about small balance tweaks. Let’s ridicule them! We’re so much better than those losers!

    Pretty douchey RPS.

    • Chris D says:

      It’s ridiculing people who think sending death threats to a game developer is a rational response to a change they don’t like. They’re fair game as far as I’m concerned.

      • stupid_mcgee says:

        ^^ This.

        FFS, why are there so many people that don’t have a single goddamn shred of reading comprehension anymore?

    • Premium User Badge

      darkChozo says:

      Caring about minor balance changes in a game you care about is absolutely fine, as is being upset about them if they affect your gameplay in some way. Issuing death threats to the game’s community manager over minor balance changes that you’re upset with is not.

      (Hint: this article is about the second thing)

      • elmo.dudd says:

        He is actually the Lead Multiplayer Designer, not the Community Manager. Just a very public dev. He also messages what gaming events he will be attending to meet with people in person.

    • GernauMorat says:

      Piss off

    • MobileAssaultDuck says:

      “…care about small balance tweaks so much that they expressed their desire to end the life of the human who did the tweaks.”

      Fixed that for you.

      You don’t get the gloss over the death threats.

      Sure, 99% of death threats are bullshit, but some aren’t, and you can never know which are real and which aren’t and hence you must treat all death threats with the same level of severity.

    • dsch says:

      It’s sometimes a bit of a circle wank in here, isn’t it? Look how enlightened we are, and that kind of thing. Though, to be fair, that describes about 99% of any kind of social/political discussion on the internet.

      • Premium User Badge

        Harlander says:

        Sure, “at least we don’t send death threats about minor balance changes to a game” is a low-hanging fruit, but it’s one that’s been growing juicier and more succulent since the Internet let people act without thinking and have thousands of people see it immediately..

      • cunningmunki says:

        You’re so right *switches off PC*

    • cunningmunki says:

      You saw the bit about the death threats? A little out of proportion, don’t you think? Or is that also your standard reaction to minor displeasure?

  22. Premium User Badge

    Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

    It must take a serious concerted effort to go out into the real world and adjust all of the real-life weapons these statistics were modeled on.

    • InnerPartisan says:

      I would think that such eventualities are accounted for in the advertising deals. “We promote your tomahawks with our game, so you will tweak your guns according to our patch notes!”

    • Premium User Badge

      Gap Gen says:

      “M4, SA80, G36 and FAMAS nerfed. All service rifles have now been replaced with Nerf guns.”

      • Geen says:

        I’d join the army if that happened. It’d be quite fun, until some jackass brings a tank.

  23. Tom Servo says:

    Cara quit spying on me, I thought I was alone when I did all that!

  24. Freud says:

    If you make your games grindy where people have to ‘earn’ the right to use weapons, gamers will be prone to hysteric overreactions when something is changed.

    • elmo.dudd says:

      This has nothing to do with grinding, BlOps2 preserves weapon progress when you prestige so only the base unlock must be regained, with each Prestige you get a permanent unlock for any item of your choosing – and Prestiging is optional. More to the point, the DSR-50 is the most impacted weapon here and it unlocks at level 4. That isn’t exactly grinding, play for 20 to 35 minutes and you’ll hit that. The Ballista unlocks at level 43 so it is hit a little more… The AN-94 is unlocked at 55, max level, but it was also impacted the least. Its 3 hit kill range was decreased by 15%.

      The real impact here is that they made “Quickscoping” much more difficult, which hits a particular community of players. They also made it more unlikely to get a “quad feed”, where you get four kills in a row – across the server, no one else got kills in between – and close enough together that the feedtext hasn’t faded, so your achievement is clearly denoted on all players screens. It is big among montage makers, and montage makers are inherently more invested in the game. This patch hampered a play style, and a type of player. It doesn’t excuse any threat, but these weren’t casual tweaks. It was a very direct action regarding how they want people to play the game.

  25. WarOnGamesIndustry says:

    Obvious this is just Obama coming for our guns.

  26. GernauMorat says:

    To quote Yahtzee: “twitching, inadequate dogfuckers”

  27. InnerPartisan says:

    Thank you, Internet, for confirming (some of) my prejudices about (some) Cawladoodle players.

  28. Reapy says:

    I think I’m the only human left on the planet that can’t read twitter… is there supposed to be more content up there that involves death threats to read, or is it just the guy’s post that said the patch notes weren’t worth the violence that I’m supposed to see?

    • Leb says:

      Just read the tweets in order they are in the article, that is all.

      • dE says:

        That doesn’t help. I want to see for myself what he is talking about.

        • Premium User Badge

          darkChozo says:

          There’s a Kotaku article with a few examples. I’m sure you can imagine what else might exist.

        • Similar says:

          Search Twitter for “@DavidVonderhaar” and “die”, for example. Or “kill” or such.

        • cunningmunki says:

          Those tweets are embedded in the article, just click on David Vonderhaar’s name and read his timeline.

  29. Premium User Badge

    DrScuttles says:

    I demand to know what the Daily Mail intends to do about this.

  30. Premium User Badge

    strangeloup says:

    I’m reasonably reliably informed (read: I don’t care enough to actually check) that CoD’s multiplayer is hilariously unbalanced to the point of being utterly broken anyway, so I’m not sure why anyone cares.

    Have also heard that it doesn’t require a lot of skill, and it’s not something you can get exceptionally better at, either, with people who’ve played a lot not incredibly different from those who’ve come straight from the singleplayer. That could just be bitching though.

    TF2, my multiplayer-of-choice, has an insane skill gap; I’ve seen people so bad they barely know which end of the gun to point at the other team, and those so good that barely 30 seconds passes between them spawning and having killed everyone on the map, and two maps that are vaguely nearby. [Edit: And also stolen all their hats.]

    • elmo.dudd says:

      There is a large skill range, with players ranging from 0.4 KD to 8.5 KD – and of course ratios aren’t all there is, some of those high end players can reliably get 100+ kill games, with fewer than 10 deaths. Sometimes no deaths even, but still playing the objective.

      You could argue the game is imbalanced, but not “hilariously”, there isn’t a dominating gun – there are favored weapons – 3 of which were impacted by this patch. But even in the competitive circles (yes they do exist, yes they are all categorically better players in all capacities than what you would typically encounter in a public match) you see variations from those, because player use is still a substantial factor. One competitive player, who made it to the finals, was noted as being a little wacky for using an unconventional weapon compared to the others – he was using a burst fire SMG – but he made it work and everyone conceded that the gun could be great, just many hadn’t put in the time to master it like they had the mainstream choices.

  31. OmNomNom says:

    Coincidentally these are the same fractions they tweaked the gameplay by

  32. MacTheGeek says:

    Phase 1: Induce nerdrage by nerfing BLOPS2 guns.
    Phase 2: When nerdrage peaks, drop trailers and hints for BLOPS3, with bonus extra-powered guns if you preorder now!
    Phase 3: Buy another solid-gold yacht.

    from the desk of Bobby Kotick

  33. MadTinkerer says:

    Dear David Vonderhaar,

    I hope your franchise dies screaming in a fire. A metaphorical fire of insufficient sales with literal screaming from the AIs as they realize what a horrible shallow universe they exist in, and that it’s ending because the last game’s profits only equaled and didn’t exceed projected sales. You, on the other hand, I wish good health and happiness, which will hopefully only increase once the Modern Shooter fad finally burns out from market oversaturation like Guitar Hero / Rock Band did, and you are freed to work on actual interesting games.

    Good luck with your eventual post-COD career! I’d love to see you do a Kickstarter! ;)

    • Premium User Badge

      Harlander says:

      Cute, but that’s like 5 tweets worth.

      Please randomly intersperse it with line-break symbols like a chunk of FORTRAN 77 code.

  34. b0rsuk says:

    Has Cara started taking inspiration from Hyperbole And A Half ?
    http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

  35. Raiyan 1.0 says:

    Ummm, guys. I can’t find the original MRA post you all seem to be arguing over…

    • Cara Ellison says:

      Dude was blocked. Hence all the stranded comments. We don’t tolerate sillies here.

      • MacTheGeek says:

        Jethro M. Walrustitty (son/daughter of the former Leicester MP) is very disappointed to read these words.

  36. nitehawk says:

    Welcome to the bitching about every patch to Eve Online EVER.

  37. Premium User Badge

    Harlander says:

    The argument that things said on the Internet are somehow ‘not real’ has always been a bit dubious – if someone sends you a letter expressing their wish to kill you, is that similarly fake as they’re not threatening you face-to-face – but it’s even more so these days where all this malarkey is tightly integrated into peoples’ daily lives.

  38. cunningmunki says:

    No! We need to arrest people for saying these kinds on things on the interweb! Arrest them and send them to prison! Or at least arrest them and leave them on remand for months and months until they’re a shell of their former selves and put on suicide watch!.

    What? We already do that? Oh. ln that case, carry on.

  39. Premium User Badge

    JamesTheNumberless says:

    Everything blogged or tweeted or otherwise publicly published on the web should be treated no differently by the author or reader than anything published in a pamphlet or book or newspaper. Trolling someone online is equivalent to word processing an anonymous pamphlet about them, printing it out, taking it down to the library and photocopying it a million times then posting it through all the letterboxes in your neighborhood.

  40. Tei says:

    Written on the internet is not the same thing as written in the real world. Writting in the internet is soo easy, its the default, and we do it, sometimes venting whatever we think or feel at the moment. While in written letter in the real world, everything is more elaborated and theres no “oops, I accidentally pressed send”.

    Not the same thing, at all.

  41. Cara Ellison says:

    In that, we don’t like sexists and don’t let them have a say?