S***ty F**king Art Game, For Pretentious T**ts

By Cara Ellison on July 26th, 2013 at 8:00 am.

it is really DEEP
“I hope you enjoy it, and, if you don’t, it’s probably just too deep for you!”

“Hi my name is Arty McArtson, I am a first year art major at the Art Institute of Williamsburg. I just took my first intro to philosophy course last semester, and now I understand everything about the world! Please enjoy my new postmodern piece, Dear Diary. It is a subtle yet poignant criticism of the modern “doggy dog” society we live in.

I hope you enjoy it, and, if you don’t, it’s probably just too deep for you!

WASD and/or arrow keys move in most cases. The mouse is used to look. Other controls are generally specified or obvious.”

A game for the people who just get it. Described by one reviewer as a ‘poignant classic’. Well we would cover it here at RPS, pretentious twats that we are.

Play it here.

, , .

90 Comments »

  1. Gassalasca says:

    ARTFACE!

  2. Screamer says:

    Could this be Casey “make it up as he goes along hudson” Hudson in disguise?

  3. bstard says:

    RPS is showing me to find the middle way.

  4. Hmm-Hmm. says:

    Wow. That’s deep (cue ad for ‘the pit’ with the title how deep can you go).

  5. Gwyddelig says:

    Call of Snooty

    Brioshoque

    • Premium User Badge Gap Gen says:

      Your majesty, the peasants have no Left 4 Dead!
      Then let them play Briochoque.

  6. apocraphyn says:

    Gosh, Cara, you’re being awfully pretentious today.

  7. pitchman says:

    Oh boy, passive-aggressive douchebaggery, now in videogame form!

    • lowprices says:

      Yeah, normally that’s reserved for comments on videogame websites.

    • jellydonut says:

      A pretentious twat is offended.

      • Josh W says:

        A pretentious twat offended
        Brings fond old memories back to mind
        A sphincter says what

    • SkittleDiddler says:

      If it can help to prevent more shitty art games from appearing on the scene, I’m all for it.

  8. Zorn says:

    Man, how shall I describe it to you man, you know man, it’s like explaining colours to a blind person. Just too deep man, you’re just too zen, you’re wide, but not deep… And I really know someone who talks that way.

    • yoggesothothe says:

      Yeah, well, you know, that’s just like, uh, your opinion, man.

    • wodin says:

      I mean..what are you going to land on? A fraction?…

  9. Bull0 says:

    “a subtle yet poignant criticism of the modern “doggy dog” society we live in”

    I mean… that’s quite funny

  10. Premium User Badge DrScuttles says:

    With regard to the issue of content, the disjunctive perturbation of the spatial relationships brings within the realm of discourse the distinctive formal juxtapositions. It should be added that the reductive quality of the purity of form notates the eloquence of these pieces. However, as an advocate of the Big Mac Aesthetic, I feel that the sublime beauty of the facture notates a participation in the critical dialogue of the 90s.

    • Moni says:

      I liked the staircase physics.

      • Premium User Badge Gap Gen says:

        I liked that bit, too. This is the problem with snark; you can’t make it any good without having at least some soul up in there. And then you start caring, which removes some of the snark. Ah well.

        • Premium User Badge DrScuttles says:

          Because of my predilection for the Neue Künstlervereinigung München I have to agree regarding the staircase, but don’t you think that the metaphorical resonance of the negative space visually and conceptually activates the substructure of critical thinking?

          Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to squeeze into some skinny jeans and don my thickest framed spectacles before cycling down the A10 to Shoreditch whereupon it is my intention to be seen smoking outside an independent coffee shop whilst using an extra long cigarette holder.

  11. davorschwarz says:

    well its time to fire up your wordpress admin priviledges mr Walker and update the blog name to “rock paper cara”

    • Bull0 says:

      it’s only fair since they sacked winston shotgun.

      • Malibu Stacey says:

        Poor Winston, nobody cares that he has a wife & children to feed.

        • Bull0 says:

          Yes, it’s going to be a lean Christmas in the armory :(

          • lowprices says:

            It’s his own fault for sending all those death threats to the Blops 2 developers over patch notes. I just hope the same fate doesn’t befall Cecelia Rock and Archibald Paper, the co-founders.

          • Premium User Badge Gap Gen says:

            Well, until miserly Mr Walker is visited by the ghosts of Christmas Present, Past and Kieron Gillen. Oh, except Kieron’s premonition is just a sex sim.

    • mechabuddha says:

      I like to think this is some sort of hazing ritual before she can be inducted into the Hivemind. Did I say inducted? I meant absorbed.

      • Premium User Badge Gap Gen says:

        The cabling that goes into the back of your head is a special kind of fun hat.

        • Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

          Cabling? I guess you could call it that, but “hungry chewing worms” is more accurate.

          • lowprices says:

            That’s still a pretty euphemism for one of Horace’s infinite, probing tendrils.

          • Premium User Badge Gap Gen says:

            In retrospect, it was my fault for taking the Scout Patrols out of RPS HQ to explore the surrounding fungus. On the plus side, my probe teams did manage to steal Doctrine: Adaptive Page Design from the Polygon. And my first Craig Pearson is complete, so the other Council members will be less likely to threaten me now that I can blast everything within a 5-square radius into gently glowing puns.

      • The Random One says:

        The first two articles Cara wrote as an RPS regular were coverages of EA press events. If that’s not newbie hazing it should be attent against the Geneva convention.

    • cptgone says:

      i was hoping to get her for cheap in the Steam Sales, but she hasn’t even been green lit yet :/

  12. GallonOfAlan says:

    Yes! See my kookier-than-thou pastelly graphics and wilfully bizarre play mechanics!

  13. soldant says:

    This speaks to my very soul and has catapulted Cara to the top of the RPS list IMO, which is both pretentious and the only possible correct opinion.

    FAITH RENEWED.

    • Premium User Badge Gap Gen says:

      Congratulations! You get a £5 off your next reincarnation with all faith renewals. Have a good day, sir.

  14. Jeroen D Stout says:

    Well, this is mostly harmless.

  15. graspee says:

    I can’t decide if putting ‘ “doggy dog” society ‘ instead of ‘dog-eat-dog society’ is a deliberate mistake or not.

    It was of course used as a deliberate mistake in a Modern Family episode by Gloria, so maybe that makes it less likely they don’t know.

  16. Laurentius says:

    I don’t get it…

  17. Punchbowled says:

    Is Cara a permanent frequent fixture on RPS now? Because that would make me very happy. Was there an announcement? Did I miss the announcement? That announcement would have made me very happy.

    Sometimes when I try to write the word “announcement” it comes out “accountant”.

    • Premium User Badge Gap Gen says:

      RPS should hire an accountant to write articles. That would make me very happy, too.

      • bstard says:

        Illiterate sanskrit monkeys to do the posting.

        • Premium User Badge Gap Gen says:

          Congratulations, I believe this is the first instance of “Illiterate sanskrit monkeys” that Google has found on the internet.

    • particlese says:

      Someone said in another post that the dudebros are on vacation. I think it was The Great Lord Custard Smingleigh who theorized that one of them is feeding The Cara nutrients until her posting power becomes self-sustaining…or something like that. Seeing as the guys are still posting, the latter is certainly the truth.

      I hope she doesn’t completely take over (someone else mentioned a conversion to Rock Paper Ellison, which I think could at least make for an excellent April Fools gag), but I’m defnitely enjoying her humour being in the mix again.

  18. Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

    Sweaty Flaking Art Game, for Pretentious Tests?

  19. horus_lupercal says:

    I got as far as “new postmodern piece” and thought “yep. Definitely bollocks.” because that’s what post-modernism is – absolute bollocks… and this is coming from someone with a decent degree in politics and philosophy for crying out loud!

    • Cara Ellison says:

      I….. I don’t think you got the joke :(

      • Lanfranc says:

        Perhaps the joke was too postmodern.

      • horus_lupercal says:

        I didn’t, my concentration and comprehension levels are way down on fridays which is my excuse and I’m sticking to it :-P

        I wasn’t saying your piece was bollocks but the pretentiousness of any game describing itself as post-modern. In my experience post-modernism is a lazy arrogant discipline that obsfucates the shallow and vacuous nature of its thought in impressive sounding language which easily dazzles those who don’t look for substance.

        I realise now it, the game, is a parody but the nature of post-modernism is such that it’s very difficult to tell the difference between parody and actual post-modernism, not that there’s really any difference in my opinion. My reaction was based on having to read several dire post-modernist pieces for my degree and getting extremely fustrated at its adherents insisting all those who thought it was vacuous just didn’t get it. It seems to appeal to a certain vein of superficial intelligence and downright arrogance in society.

        and… deep breath ;-)

        • Jad says:

          “the nature of post-modernism is such that it’s very difficult to tell the difference between parody and actual post-modernism”

          That’s pretty post-modern.

    • JackShandy says:

      “I got as far as “new postmodern piece” ”

      So you got past ““Hi, my name is Arty McArtson”?

      • lowprices says:

        How dare you. The McArtsons are a fine old family, and young Arthur is a son to be proud of.

    • Premium User Badge Dingbatwhirr says:

      Ah, but are they post-modern bollocks? You see, bollocks may not seem like bollocks depending on which way you look at them.

      Trust me, I’ve been caught out like that before…

    • IonTichy says:

      please be more modern in your posts

  20. Engonge says:

    Socialist propaganda… thats what I thought.

  21. ScubaMonster says:

    I’m assuming “doggy dog” was spelled that way on purpose, but I have heard people actually think that’s what the real saying is instead of “dog eat dog”.

    • Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

      I understand what you’re saying, but frankly it’s a moo point.

      • LennyLeonardo says:

        That comment was a bit of a damp squid.

        • zontax says:

          Allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong.

          In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go.

          Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn’t take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It’s clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother’s mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake.

  22. GreatBigWhiteWorld says:

    Pfft. I’ve seen more artistic blood-soaked penii dangling from a stick.

  23. cjlr says:

    Truly, this is the Citizen Kane of gaming.

  24. Kong says:

    it is exactly what its maker called it, minus art. But what is art anyhow? Something you turn away from, without thinking about it one minute later? Is it art if it makes me write a pointless comment? Or is it art when the music makes me sick?