Get Pissed: Crypt World: Your Darkest Desires

By Cara Ellison on July 29th, 2013 at 8:00 pm.

piss maniac
This morning someone rated my piss. I was just minding my business when a nice man in a rather broad hat stated that he was a ‘Piss Maniac’ and that he would very much like to ‘rate my piss’. So I obliged him by pissing in the toilet next to him (I was very pleased at the angle and direction of my piss, as I am not usually a good pisser, especially not from a foot away). He was sadly silent after I had pissed, and I sort of thought perhaps I had committed a faux pas (a faux piss?). Anyway, have a good old piss in new (and completely free) first person banality simulator, Crypt World.

Exploring Crypt World is a deliberately disjointed experience, one that is full of incongruous archaeologists and occasional telephones. Televisions will wonder why they are there, and people will tell you that down that tunnel they doubt there will be anything cool. Something struck home quite vociferously though, this dialogue box:

Part of me wonders if this game is an attempt to imagine or patchwork together tropes of the games that the creators feel inadequate for having not played. In this vast community of privileged games players, are we asking too much of people to be able to have an all-encompassing knowledge of games tropes and idioms in order to just participate? No other medium asks so much of us in terms of knowledge of the medium. In-jokes are everywhere. We are less likely to make games about politics than we are about other games.

No friends

In any case, the guide to the game is a triumph, even if the game itself succeeded in making me feel like the world we live in is strange and banal.

In our world, you can die at any time, for no reason whatsoever. This single fact has acted the primary inspiration for Nindendy’s new Triple-A HitGame “Elizabeth Crypt Girl: The Game That Plays You”.

A reflecting pool of the futility we all experience, “Crypt Game Desire” is the only game that painstakingly replicates the banal conditions which define all our lives. You will collect gold, only to forget what point there is in collecting gold. You will grind against the walls of the crypts, yearning for any sensation in this lonely hellworld. You will laugh- and then realize there is nothing to laugh about- and then cry. Then you will cry even more. After several hours of this your tears will flood the room and you will suffocate as a result of your own realizations into the true nature of waking life.

Enter Crypt World- the knife which will cut through the thin veil which obscures the infinite nothingness contained within our lives. Nothing will survive beyond this point.

LEFT-CLICK: Interact with environment.
RIGHT-CLICK: Piss on things.
W-A-S-D: Move around.
SPACE: Jump on things.

This strange and curious game was made by Lilith and Liz Ryerson. Download it here if you want to try it out.

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13 Comments »

  1. ella guro says:

    woo, thanks for the shoutout, Cara! just wanna mention that this game is 99% by lilith, i just did the sound/music. you can pay what you want for my soundtrack here http://ellaguro.bandcamp.com/album/crypt-worlds-your-darkest-desires-come-true-o-s-t

    also you can donate to lilith here
    http://www.patreon.com/rusalkamask

    - liz

  2. X_kot says:

    Oh, man, I remember tripping out to MDickey’s The You Testament years ago…that game lead me down a very different path. Crypt World looks like it will lure me into a dark alley. Looking forward to trying it!

  3. Tinus says:

    Really want to try this, but the link to the download page leads to a 404. WOE IS ME.

  4. Leb says:

    What a coincidence I am pissing on things right now

    • Sir Buildbot Winslave says:

      [the resounding silence lets you surmise that the judges will not arrive at a pleasing pearl string of 6.0s for your effort]

  5. MykulJaxin says:

    Just downloaded and played for about 5 minutes, when tragedy struck: http://i.imgur.com/yVROyy6.png
    I believe this dimensional rift was unintentional!?

  6. Pseudosaurus says:

    If urine a bad mood, I think its best to avoid this game. It might depress you.

  7. CryptGirl64 says:

    AMAZING, NEW UPDATES TO THE “CRYPT WORLD” EXPERIENCE:

    MARCH 26 OF YEAR 2014
    -DRACULA: HE IS WEAK TO PISS, LOVES HAVING LUNCH AT MIDNIGHT, AND MIGHT JUST BE THE HUNK YOU’RE LOOKING FOR… KEEP AN EYE OUT!!!