Resistance Is Feudal: Guild Wars 2 Queen’s Jubilee

By Cara Ellison on July 31st, 2013 at 8:00 am.


Those lovely scamps over at Arenanet are planning a Jubilee on the 6th of August to celebrate Queen Jennah’s ten year rule. It seems like a super nice idea, they are putting on a hot air balloon collection service to the Crown Pavilion so you can go to the gladiatorial events and jump around or whatever it is that people do when they are watching something in Guild Wars 2.

Is Queen Jennah a good queen? Does she deserve a Jubilee? Will Jubilee from the X-Men show up? She had better.

You can catch a sneak peek at early footage of the Jubilee on Monday 5th August at 9PM CEST (what is 9pm CEST? Is that when 9pm goes and fucks itself?) on the Guild Wars 2 Twitch.

What are those... What is she holding... What

You will be Igniting some Beacons of Kryta, you can test yourself in the Crown Pavilion by battling “mighty representations of humanity’s enemies” – “By representing various cities of Tyria, you can be named champion of a nation and gain access to unique reward vendors,” and in the Queen’s Gauntlet you get a chance to show off to the crowd with all your hard-earned abilities before you get throne out. They’re also testing out new Watchwork Mechanisms, which lead to new rune and sigil recipes, or can be used in crafting, and if you complete the Queen’s Jubilee meta achievement you can get a new mini Watchknight that will follow you around like a tiny creepy robot.

Added to all this, so much more stuff is being rolled out:

Permanent Finishers (Permanent fishers might also be good)
World vs. World Supply Mastery (I imagine worlds need more supplies to fight each other)
PvP Solo Queue (a lot like waiting in a queue to pee in a cubicle if you are a dude)
Improved Effects Level of Detail System (when I worked at Rockstar we had a little song for Level of Detail that went LOD LOD LOD LOD LOD LOD like to jingle bells but, yeah okay it’s not a very good song)
Mini-Game Rotation System (Where you turn mini-games around to look at them like in LA Noire)
Bonus Rewards for Dungeons (Extra rewards in dungeons)
Champion Loot Updates (Champion loot sah! Champion old bean!)
Account Wallet for Currency (A wallet.)

I’m not too sure about the name Jennah. It doesn’t seem very queen-like to me. I had a friend… a “friend” called Jenna at school who used to throw chairs at me and in techie class she’d file all the glitter off my hair clips. She talked with a kind of sneer, like someone who had put too much Bonjela in her mouth all at once and her jaw had gone slack. “Caraaaaa,” she’d say with chewing gum in her mouth, “Caraaaaa fucking give me your spare tampon or I’ll tell Mike you want to gie him a trap.” I will now leave everyone who isn’t from Aberdeen to figure out what all that means.

Look at the full update here. Starts on August the 6th!

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27 Comments »

Top comments

  1. gunny1993 says:

    “gie him a trap”

    So gie i presume is give

    trap … hmmm …. it’s in regards to a boy so is probably sexual in nature … trap often refers to mouth …. *George Taki “ohhhhh myyy”*

  2. Xanadu says:

    Shameless plug for the RPS guild on the Gunnar’s hold server, which has plenty room for new members
    Pop your in game details in the forums here:
    http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/forums/showthread.php?5919-GW2-RPS-Guild-Introduce-Yourself

    Also spotted recently on Savygamer that the game is cheaper than I’ve seen it before, if you fancy giving the game a go
    http://savygamer.co.uk/2013/07/30/guild-wars-2-pc-16-99/
    (at the time of writing the link gives the price as £19.99)

    GW2: Ohara Scarlett

  1. Zepp says:

    Barbie Queen Jenna*? Her Ken, *cough* Logan *cough* could give her some love for sure. ;)

    GW2 has worst human models I’ve seen in any game (counting WoW).

  2. bstard says:

    Now more than ever I’m relieved I left work in a cubical behind me.

  3. A Bunny says:

    I always really enjoyed World vs World (before I refunded the game). Good to see it’s still live and kicking! Maybe one day I’ll pick it up again.

  4. Zanchito says:

    Jennah is a queen name because GW2 is fantasy. All the Jennahs in the world can dream about being a queen. Even the nasty one back at school, even though she sounds like she’s queen of the trailer park nowadays.

  5. dsch says:

    Trying too hard.

  6. lowprices says:

    Ah Jubilee. Ma-Ti of the X-Men.

  7. Thirdstar says:

    I am very confused, what does the second half of the article have to do with…….well anything?

    • bstard says:

      The 1st part is not only boring, also an excuse to ventilate the main story.

    • Ross Angus says:

      Welcome to Rock, Paper Shotgun. We have jokes here. Help yourself!

      • Thirdstar says:

        I’ve been on RPS quite a while now thank you.

        I like most of the humour on RPS but I don’t personally class stream of thought rambling as humour.

        Your snide remark is appreciated however and was quite successful in changing my mind.

        • Ross Angus says:

          Genuinely didn’t mean to annoy you. I watched Consolvania for the jokes. I read Cara’s articles for the same reason.

          • Zanchito says:

            Yep, me too, I enjoy Cara’s style very much. Of course it’s not for everyone, but I like it.

        • JamesTheNumberless says:

          Shame, you’re missing out on a lot of great humour :(

          I grew up in Glasgow and in my techie classes the girls would never think of filing glitter off of hair clips. They were too busy trying to drill holes in each others faces.

  8. frightlever says:

    Played about 120 hours across the 2-3 months after release and have been back but briefly once. I would have to entirely re-learn the game at this point, and it feels like I’ve missed out on so much and that my builds and gears are positively archaic by now.

    I so want to get back into it though.

  9. gunny1993 says:

    “gie him a trap”

    So gie i presume is give

    trap … hmmm …. it’s in regards to a boy so is probably sexual in nature … trap often refers to mouth …. *George Taki “ohhhhh myyy”*

  10. DestructibleEnvironments says:

    Cara really does go into lolsorandom territory too often, so much that people get confused and annoyed enough to stop reading.

    I thought we were supposed to be mellow and sarcastic on this site.

  11. JamesTheNumberless says:

    People can be “from” Aberdeen? I thought they were just drawn there by the oil.

  12. Rahdulf123 says:

    Account wallet is one of those things that every MMO should be required to have from now on. I don’t want to juggle currency between my characters.

  13. Xanadu says:

    Shameless plug for the RPS guild on the Gunnar’s hold server, which has plenty room for new members
    Pop your in game details in the forums here:
    http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/forums/showthread.php?5919-GW2-RPS-Guild-Introduce-Yourself

    Also spotted recently on Savygamer that the game is cheaper than I’ve seen it before, if you fancy giving the game a go
    http://savygamer.co.uk/2013/07/30/guild-wars-2-pc-16-99/
    (at the time of writing the link gives the price as £19.99)

    GW2: Ohara Scarlett

  14. aliksy says:

    Recently decided to check out the game again despite hating the whole ascended item thing. Turns out I really like the structured PvP. That’s the one where there’s no leveling or gear progression, just whatever options you pick from the same list as everyone else. It’s a lot of fun! Each map has control points you need to hold in order to win, but most of the maps have other things to change it up. It’s too bad this part of the game hasn’t been getting as much developer attention.

    That said, the idea of slogging through the PvE to level up to 80 again is unappealing. I’ve got like 5 characters I haven’t played past 10 or so. Not only does it take forever to unlock your utility skills and traits, but I also keep running into “Sorry, these zombies are too high level, even though they look exactly the same as the ones you’ve been fighting. Come back when you’ve earned the right to play here.” Fuck that. Just let me explore.

  15. Epsz says:

    But can you wear your cosmetics out of town while fighting? That was on of the things that bothered me most about the game. What’s the point of cosmetic items if you can’t use them most of the time?

  16. Merus says:

    So ArenaNet is saying there’s an anniversary coming up, are they? How sneaky of them.

    For those desirous of more context: most of this patch appears to be long-standing quality of life issues, such as a throttle for spell effects so people can what they’re doing in groups, and making special currency items not take up inventory space (and making them shared across alts, along with gold).

    PvE is getting another festival, including something that may or may not be a solo boss rush kind of thing, and may or may not be permanent. They have enough mini-games that they’re going to start directing people to one a day. In addition, they’re putting little pots of gold at the ends of dungeons to force people out of the shortest, quickest to farm one, and putting guaranteed chests of actual rewards on champion monsters (most bosses), which should help to fix the rather lackluster PvE endgame that existed (although the living story time-limited content did rather help on that front – quite a lot of it has been pretty tops, and it went away soon after people stopped having to think and discover the best approaches for themselves instead of grimly marching through murdering everything).

    In PvP, they’re making one of the major customisation options, special kill animations, something you choose from a list instead of a consumable that expires after a while, which will likely see them actually used; they’re also adding a separate individual queue with a different rating and more chaotic maps to go with their team queue, and WvW gets another trait line, presumably to increase the opportunity cost of all the other trait options but mostly so that it looks like WvW has been updated.

  17. Revolving Ocelot says:

    So I managed to get GW2 up and running again, following on from the last post.

    Logged in, found myself on Giant Enemy Crab Beach. Saw crab, saw no people.

    Went to Lion’s Arch, was satisfied I maintained a decent FPS, and then went back to selling my soul at the altar of NYX ASSASSIN.

    Nyyyyyyx nyx! Nyxnyxnyxnyx!

  18. Baines says:

    People still play Guild Wars 2? I don’t mean that in a sarcastic way, but rather as a legitimate question as to the game’s health.

    I never got into the game myself, but I have some friends who were interested. But none of them still play, having gotten bored of the game. Even the World vs World PVP seemed to stagnate to them. If anything, the focus on small temporary events has given them even less reason to come back to the game.

    • Flopper says:

      People still play by the buttload. The first SS is from a PVE event in a low level zone. This is just like a level 6 event in plains of ashford. The second is from WvW. Both pictures were taken within the last week.

      http://img842.imageshack.us/img842/3670/yp3d.jpg

      http://img32.imageshack.us/img32/7592/fb5o.jpg

      I play on Yak’s Bend and we regularly hit queues for WvW and we’re not even a top tier WvW server. The game continues to be relevant and gets better after every patch this summer. I took a break from like January through May. Ever since I’ve been back I’m amazed at how much they add every 2 weeks.

  19. engion3 says:

    You can catch a sneak peek at early footage of the Jubilee on Monday 5th August at 9PM CEST (what is 9pm CEST? Is that when 9pm goes and fucks itself?)

    hahahahahahaaha, we’re getting married and that’s all there is to it.