Dongle-ing: Mount Your Friends Climbs Onto Greenlight

By Cara Ellison on August 1st, 2013 at 8:00 am.

I feel so bad for this guy
Yesterday we posted about Boobjam, a boob-themed game jam, and there was some talk of a game jam to make games about John Thomases too. But have you noticed that immensely enjoyable, almost Bennett Foddyeseque schlong-swing climbing game* Mount Your Friends has appeared on Greenlight? No? Well that’s why I’m here! To tell you that. Specifically. Stegersaurus Games is trying to bring Mount Your Friends to PC, so we can mount it on our hard drives. Now with Safe For Work trailer!

Mount Your Friends is a game about using the bodies of your athletic friends to climb to a certain height to reach the finishline. You have to press the coordinating buttons on your limbs to help your little guy’s body move to climb. You start out with a goat (that’s right! A goat!) to climb on to, and from them on it’s a pile on. Also the entire time your wee peen is having a great time in your pants.

It seems some people on Steam were a tad offended by the ‘graphic’ depictions of lil dudes todgers, so a special trailer clothing the athletic gentlemen in tweed and zipping up their wee packages was made, which you can see above.

But you can see the original NSFW trailer here:

Stegersaurus Games is also aware of our PC gaming needs re: hats, customisation, and so they have provided extra customisation for the Steam version, as you can see in this trailer about diversity:

Extra for the Steam version include:

Climber customization – You want a team of green zombie climbers with red eyes and handlebar mustaches? Go ahead!
Plot rich Single Player campaign – Learn how you became such a great climber, go to exotic locations, repair space stations!
Simultaneous multiplayer modes – Pick up a sword and have a duel! Wrestle with other climbers in real time!
Mouse and keyboard controls – Because most PC players don’t use an XBox controller!
Dynamic day/night and weather conditions – Climb through the storm!
Statue based high scores – Remember your best climbs with shiny, commemorative statues of your climber

You can say yes on Greenlight here!

*This is not a comment about Bennett Foddy’s crotch, rather his excellent games. Ahem.

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85 Comments »

  1. FurryLippedSquid says:

    Bizarre.

    • Chalky says:

      I feel like such a complete child for saying it but I find the todgers to be hilarious. Apparently my spell check doesn’t contain the word “todgers” either. What on earth is the world coming to.

  2. lowprices says:

    Oh my gosh, I had no idea Mount your Friends was available anywhere other than xblig. The only problem now is that I can only say yes once to Greenlight. Thanks Cara!

    • Baines says:

      If it gets Greenlit, it will likely be one of the very few games that I buy on Steam at full price. All the fun of the Xbox version, and with added singleplayer and simultaneous multiplayer modes?

  3. JimDiGritz says:

    Is it available on a 3.5″ floppy?

  4. Niko says:

    Oh gosh, those are hilarious todgers!

  5. Didden says:

    Its like the Olympics all over again.

  6. RedViv says:

    This is the best company name combined with a fitting game.

  7. Robslap says:

    That may be the most satisfying “click” sound I’ve ever heard!

  8. WinTurkey says:

    That customization trailer, is that…

    Yes… yes I believe it is…

    NIPPLE CUSTOMIZATION CONFIRMED

  9. Leb says:

    The only time I only en RPS up at 4 in the morning… *closes window*

  10. DrScuttles says:

    Gay much? I am all fer freedom of expression and controversy, but come on. The character sounds consstipated, phalic symbols dangleing… Espically when CHILDREN are on steam and they see this… Parents arent going to always be looking out fer kids and publishers shouild be more responsible than a swinging richard mounting your friends.

    Yes. Won’t somebody think of the children? They must never discover what’s oscillating between daddy’s thighs because innocence once lost makes you a gay or something. Oh, the humanity.

    Part of me was expecting there to be more comments of that nature on Greenlight, but actually it seems like we just can’t wait to gruntingly mount our friends like beasts.
    My only problem is that it seems there’s no single player mode.

    • bstard says:

      Thinking this is since Steam is not USA only. The general consensus in ‘the rest of the world’ is shooting faces and blowing up stuff is worse for kids as is some sexual insinuation. Let it be gay, strait or involving minerals.

      The reason single player is left out is quite obvious: it requires years of playing that Buddhistic Yoga tutorial.

    • JamesTheNumberless says:

      Heaven forbid a child sees a willy! Next we know we’ll have little boys making jokes about them, drawing them, and showing them to eachother! That would just be a world gone crazy.

    • HermitUK says:

      A furtive glance down the Greenlight page suggests that a single player campaign will indeed be an addition to the PC mode. Mount your friends… IN SPACE!

    • Shuck says:

      Clearly all the physics should be used to simulate breast-bounce* in games, not todger-bounce. Because it’s a rule that all games should assume a heterosexual male gaze. Anything else would be gay – or worse – for women.

      (*Having worked on some larger budget games, you would not believe the resources put into this. Seriously.)

      • Vermintide says:

        It’s not a rule, though, is it. It’s just good business sense. And don’t take that as though I’m condoning it.

        Here you are looking at an indie game where the dongs flail freely; clearly there is a market for pendulous man meat. But would a big publisher touch it? Risk millions of dollars on it? Would enough people invest in the wind-free willies?

        A feminist is just a Marxist that hasn’t seen the bigger picture yet.

        • JamesTheNumberless says:

          Unfortunately he’s right. I have encountered this in a purely professional context too. I worked on one of the few fantasy/historical MMOs that doesn’t have adverts featuring half-naked women with chests that look as though they need scaffolding to support them.

          A marketing consultant once told us that the reason for doing it is purely demographic. They even have a marketing term for it, “male priming”. Being a decent chap he didn’t in any way advise us to do it, but being a professional he had to make us aware that if we did it, we’d probably see a big increase in the conversion rate of our ads.

          Also, it helps to point the tits directly at the thing you want people to click on http://bit.ly/GM4Jvd

          • lowprices says:

            That article was an informative yet depressing way to start the day. Thanks for sharing it.

  11. edwardoka says:

    Does anyone else remember what this site used to be like?
    (Not a criticism, btw!)

    • LennyLeonardo says:

      It used to be much worse. No Nathan, no Cara, no Adam, no Flare Path, and everywhere you looked the blatherings of some awful man called Kieron Gillen who used to sign off all his comments with “KG” even though his username was above every one. It was a nightmare.

      Edit: Just kidding, it was always great. It is getting better and better though.

      • Squirly says:

        RPS BC (Before Cara) was in now way horrible or I wouldn’t have bothered dropping by. Now though, I’m here every day waiting for my inappropriate news fix.

        Thanks Cara!

    • Laurentius says:

      I actually like it more now, there is more clear border : we, the readers are players and RPS stuff are journos who are writing and reporting about them. Yes often with some random bits, witty remarks, snark or mockery but that’s ok. Less of worshipping pieces for Pathologic or S.T.A.L.K.E.R and hopefully less of going to bed with developers to announce that Firaxis XCOM is the best game of the year etc.

      • lowprices says:

        Are you kidding? Alec’s interviews with the XCOM lead dev were some of the sexiest things RPS has ever posted. Or at least the most homoerotic, which, I think we can all agree, is essentially the same thing.

        • jrodman says:

          In the best of all possible worlds, they are of course synonyms.

        • Laurentius says:

          Well I think I’d rather emphasized on consequences of such situations, i.e. reading about teacher/student making out could be pretty hot and engrossing but you know…

          • lowprices says:

            … I am confused. So is Alec the teacher or the student in this scenario?

          • Laurentius says:

            @ lowprices
            I don’t know maybe both…
            Anyway my point is some lines should not be crossed even if you consider watching others crossing them quite entertaining.

    • JamesTheNumberless says:

      The rate at which I read and comment on articles has increased tenfold in the past few months. However, I’d like to see more articles which encourage creative wordplay, rather than just euphemisms.

  12. Frisky Dingo says:

    Well, you’ll probably run out of genitalia related material at some point. Days, weeks.. I guess it depends on how thin you stretch it.

    Sure, it’s quirky and amusing and you are the site’s adorable new mascot but is there a purpose to it?

    • gwathdring says:

      … “quirky little mascot?” [Sorry, honest mistype. should read "adorable new mascot" ... not much of an improvement, but there we go -Gwath]

      Well aren’t you a morning glory. What a rude thing to say.

      The purpose is that some people think it’s amusing. Minus dongs it would still be a cute, fun-looking game, probably called “Climb the Goat” instead of “Mount your Friends.” You don’t have to like it, but you don’t have to be an ass either.

      • Frisky Dingo says:

        That’s not how quotation marks work but good try.

        It is amusing and worth a giggle this first few times but I’d like to think RPS is capable of more intelligent discussion of genitalia and gaming related topics. Cara seems like an interesting and vibrant person and I’m sure she is great to work with but it seems she is utilizing her sexuality in her writing more than a journalist probably should. I’m more interested when she gives opinions on mechanically sound and interesting games instead of the raunchy ones. Also I’d love to see her try her hand at a one of the excellent game-dairies that RPS is famous for.
        .

        • LennyLeonardo says:

          Yeah, or maybe all the bloggers on this site should be able to write whatever the hell they want without you being so fucking condescending.

        • greenbananas says:

          I too, am appalled at the lack of “intelligent discussion of genitalia” on RPS. The Rotary Penile Society ought to be ashamed of having this little “mascot” write up such ignorant little pieces, essentially using her “sexuality” in a provocative manner, therefore berating every member of this, our gentleman’s club. Also, I find this game raunchy and uninteresting and completely beneath me as a christian gamer and a member of high standing, good families and acute moral values. I demand high standards, and by God, I’ll get them, even if it takes two strongly worded letters to the Grandmaster Coqsignol. As for you, Ellison, you can expect a stern talking to from my papa.

        • jrodman says:

          “Please” “learn” to “act” “better”.
          “Thanks”

        • realmenhuntinpacks says:

          Tiresome isn’t it? I’m just so damned sick of reading about things that literally do not get covered anywhere else even remotely in the mainstream. All this silly sex nonsense – it’s so irrelevant to human beings! And it’s not fun, amusing or a responsible use of the finite supply of internet! By the way, how do you become the Most Reverent Arbiter of Taste and Pertinence? Are you born into it or do you apply through an agency? How many GCSEs do I need?

          ~ Mrs. E. Trellis, North Wales

    • lowprices says:

      I understand that all this talk of naked-parts may be a bit overwhelming for you, but there’s really no need to be an arsehole about it.

    • JamesTheNumberless says:

      Considering there has been a total of 1, genitalia related article – I wouldn’t bank on it!

    • Cara Ellison says:

      Thank you for purposefully seeking out the (only four) posts I have written this week with euphemisms in to read, out of the 79 odd posts I have written here, I guess? I have the support of the entire RPS team when I say if you don’t like it don’t come back to the site. If you’re rude again we’ll ban you.

      • JamesTheNumberless says:

        Just in case this applies to me as well, my comment above was tongue-in-cheek and strictly about pun threads rather than the articles themselves. On a separate note, I used to skim through RPS headlines most days unless something I was already following was written about, but recently I’ve been reading pretty much everything as much for the writing as for the subject matter. If the writer is Cara “no sexism in gaming” Ellison, then the tits and/or willies are just a bonus.

      • Reapy says:

        Minus the condescension from parent, you do ‘go to the crotch’ a lot in your posts here, which I have no problem with personally, but you are deluding yourself if you don’t think you are making heavy use of crotch talk in your writing.

        • Cara Ellison says:

          I’m pretty sure people only have a negative reaction to silly humour when a games writer who uses it is a woman. RPS is built on this stuff.

          • apocraphyn says:

            Silly humour’s a staple, but you do tend to err a bit a LOT on the side of “SEX BOOBS WILLIES”, Cara. Don’t really think it has anything to do with you being a woman, it’s more about you being Cara, (which certainly isn’t a bad thing, but you have been posting a lot lately and a lot of things you’ve been posting have been sexually related).

            Besides, the only other person that usually makes reference to naughty parts or acts in a truly silly manner is Alec, and he’s been off who knows where, lately. I never have seen the two of you in the same room at the same time, so I am beginning to get mildly suspicious.

          • JamesTheNumberless says:

            Cara’s sense of humor among the usual treatments of sex in videogames. Is like an oasis of Billy Connolly amidst a bleak dune sea of Benny Hill.

          • realmenhuntinpacks says:

            I’m inclined to agree with you on that sentiment, CE.

          • Reapy says:

            I don’t think there is anything wrong with it personally, I get accused of overusing it irl, but tend to hang out with men/women that have the same type of humor.

            I think it might be a bit more of a struggle when writing and utilizing a common themed joke as it can feel overused in published pieces rather than if used in casual conversation… I don’t know that its necessarily a woman writing it vs a man, though I can see a more common negative reaction might happen since typically men have more trouble viewing another male as sexual, so a female writing using sex humor will write from the perspective of man parts being sexual, which might be more jarring for some guys possibly. And again the audience on gaming sites is going to be primarily male, so it could just be hitting that.

            I honestly do feel that men and women write differently, when I read fiction books by women or men authors there is a different feel to their characters, it is very subtle and hard for me to describe, but there is a different point of view.

            Eh anyway, again did not mean to come across as disliking your style, just pointing out that it is a strong theme in your writing.

          • gwathdring says:

            @ Reapy: I think men and women write differently to the extent that Men and Women are trained and educated differently. As in many things gender related, I find that individual variation is so much wider than the scale of differences between the genders on the page that it’s hardly worth examining. Then there’s the frequency with which female writers have passed as men in order to get published in male dominated systems … the Bronte sisters had trouble convincing people they were women because a woman couldn’t have written their books both because of how good they were and because of – insert nonsensical excuses made up by sexism in British publishing .-

            So … I guess I’m not sure about that one. If nothing else there’s the sampling bias issue. Men and women who are successful writers and/or authors tend to be known by their audiences and need to strike a balance between producing good content and doing good PR which sometimes means fitting the mold just well enough that you don’t end up putting off your superiors or contract-writers or what-have-you. If find most stuff I read is utterly genderless, but when it isn’t? That’s so much a part of the POINT and the marketing around the piece that it’s hard to call it a part of gender instead of a part of the work itself.

        • darkChozo says:

          Also, in all fairness, this has actually been a surprisingly bountiful week for sexy gaming news¹ between this, the Saint’s Row thing, the Dragon Crown thing, and Boobjam, all of which have been making the rounds² in one way or another.

          1. I choose my words very, very carefully.
          2. hehe³
          3. Footnotes are fun!

    • Suction Testicle Man says:

      I think the purpose of posting genitalia-related articles is it makes it much easier for you to post patronising comments. Admit it, you NEED her.

    • jonahcutter says:

      Frisky Dingo tsk tsking over silly sex posts?

      Do try to live up to your name and not have such a stick up your ass.

  13. felisc says:

    Alright, all those sexy articles can only lead to one thing…
    Let’s all meet up on irc and have some good ol’ 90′s cybersex.
    /me takes off pants.

  14. HadToLogin says:

    Damn, no naked women. Guess this won’t turn into some funny flamewar :( .

  15. b0rsuk says:

    Cara has penis envy, no two ways about it.

    • JamesTheNumberless says:

      Watching this game, *I* have penis envy, and I already have one! If only it would dangle as comically, yet gracefully as that. I’d be greasing myself up and flinging myself atop a pyramid of manflesh faster than you could say “no homoerotic overtone intended”

      • DrScuttles says:

        This is all too depressingly true. I mean, just look at them. Pendulous. Mesmerising. My heart just sank when I looked in the mirror before having a shower earlier. Crumpled like wet newspaper and just sank.

        • JamesTheNumberless says:

          For this comment I shall have to print out your avatar, frame it, and hang it on the wall above my bed beside the one of Smingleigh.

        • The Random One says:

          This must be what women feel like when they play Dead or Alive.

          • JamesTheNumberless says:

            I actually felt much the same when I saw Dead or Alive as I did when I saw this game – that it was hillarious. The difference here, I think, is that it’s intentionally hillarious.

          • JackShandy says:

            This must be what bandicoots feel like when they play crash bandicoot.

          • JamesTheNumberless says:

            That makes some sense because I think if I was a woman I’d be about as likely to want to play Dead or Alive as a bandicoot would be to want to play crash bandicoot.

            edit: Actually, that works as a man too… Now, where do I find the Games Pope, and how do I get him to excommunicate a franchise?

  16. Tei says:

    This is absolutely brilliant.

  17. jonahcutter says:

    Somebody around here needs to get laid.

  18. Jenks says:

    All the climbers are men? Women can climb and their parts can flop around just as well as a man’s. The patriarchy strikes again!

  19. Greggh says:

    RPS: Now with 27% more genitalia!

    PS: not even once in those trailers one of the little dudes clung to another’s penis… That would be excruciatingly hilarious to see.

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