World Exclusive Shelter Video Review (By A Kitten)

By John Walker on August 20th, 2013 at 8:00 pm.

We’ve got the world’s first review of Shelter, the compellingly gorgeous and overwhelming badger simulation. By a kitten. It’s below.

This is Lucy, RPS’s current unpaid intern, with wot she thinks of Shelter.

Based on what I’ve played so far, I think she’s undermarked it. A review by a human will be up next week.

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104 Comments »

  1. HerrKohlrabi says:

    So 7/10?

    A rather paw score.

  2. Alexander says:

    Please stop, you’re turning this kitty into a Press Sneak Fuck.

  3. Stuart Walton says:

    Are you kitten me? A week is more than a lengthy paws. I shall badger you until the WIT is up.

  4. realitysconcierge says:

    I think Lucy makes a fine addition to the RPS team.

    • Guvornator says:

      I concur. I also recommend Neverwinter Nights 2 as a game with solid feline entertainment value – when I was playing it our housemate’s cat used to sit on the keyboard and pat the screen, particularly during wolf attacks. She also used to attack the mouse, which was less good, but I guess that’s only to be expected…

    • Gap Gen says:

      Bloody publishers, not paying their interns. I bet John will just claim there’s no money in the kitty.

    • Don Reba says:

      This makes her the only team member capable of giving scores. You gotta admit, this is impressive.

    • Rikard Peterson says:

      I just noticed that every single post on Shelter has been by a different author. I don’t know how, or why, but I smell a conspiracy!

    • golem09 says:

      And again we’re seeing photos of female RPS reviewers. Outrageous!

  5. RaveTurned says:

    Best game journalisms 2013.

  6. DeviroVerity says:

    Hello Shelter devs,

    I want to ask – how much milk was enough to convince the kitty to give the game 7/10?

    Deviro

  7. daf says:

    7/10? You sure this Lucy cat isn’t in league with the One Life Left crew?

  8. Reapy says:

    My cat went ape shit on the raven when playing the longest journey, her normal fat self just flew across the room and leaped up pawing at the TV trying to get it.

    • Don Reba says:

      It might look like a raven, but it was named Crow, and it was actually neither of those bird species, but some native to Arcadia. In fact, Crow was mortally insulted when he learned what he has been named after.

  9. primate says:

    no way! that was clearly a 9.7

  10. Beernut says:

    Use a NSFW-tag the next time you’re putting a picture of a pussy on the front page!! :P

  11. quietone says:

    So she played the gender card and you hired her huh?

    It’s all political here, I tell ya!

    • Ravenholme says:

      She used the race card actually.

      Feline kind is apparently under-represented on RPS.

      But really, when are we going to start getting some canine appreciation/representation here? If you think RPS is unbiased, I have news for you…

      • RaveTurned says:

        I don’t mind Lucy being a kitten, I just want her writing to be the same as human writing…

        • Gap Gen says:

          Yeah, how come the human reviewers aren’t allowed to give scores, but when they get a cat to do it it’s all stomping on numeric keys. I mean I don’t mind if they get non-humans to do reviews but I wish they’d stop rubbing their species in my face.

          • Don Reba says:

            Well, the cat is sorry it has an identity. Or so it would be fitting for it to snidely remark.

  12. Eddy9000 says:

    FFS stop throwing your gender in everyone’s face Lucy. Bloody female reviewers pffft…

    • DiamondDog says:

      OMG i was just abut to say the same thing!

      wat is it with females doing reviews like dis. i dont care that ur a girl ffs

  13. Hodge says:

    Don’t ever change, RPS.

  14. moocow says:

    You’re just posting things to get people to read the website, HAVE YOU NO SHAME

    • Gap Gen says:

      Also that cat is naked and I am distressinged. Oh wait, it’s a female cat. Now I have to defend my constitutional right to see cat mammaries.

  15. felisc says:

    aaaaaaaaaw, cuuuuuute.
    *cough*
    excuse me.

  16. strangeloup says:

    I can’t tell if that is a really big monitor or a really little kitten. Even after watching the video a few more times, most definitely to determine that, and not because of cuteness or anything.

  17. ZombieRiot says:

    Yes, but is it ANY GOOD?

  18. BurningPet says:

    I approve of this cat. she never once tried to catch the cute badgers, but went instead for all the evil leaves falling around.

    If it was my cat? she would go straight for the badger – realise it cant. go straight for the owner – definitely can. keeps going at owners.

  19. Wut The Melon says:

    I LIEK CAT VIDEOS!

    AND CAPS

  20. Monkeh says:

    Lucy obviously meant 7,5! Also, that’s one cute kitty! :D

  21. Rikard Peterson says:

    Of course it’s 7/10. This is RPS after all. Every single game reviewed gets 7/10. (Or so the comments tell me.)

  22. phuzz says:

    Walker, if you think that just by posting a picture of your cat I’ll re OOOOOOOOOO KITTY! SQQQQEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

  23. DrScuttles says:

    Stop reminding me that I have a human heart and emotional weaknesses and can spell words like “adorable”, RPS. Gives me the funny feels.

  24. Lone Gunman says:

    I want a kitten and a giant monitor.

    More cats please!

  25. frymaster says:

    I was going to say that she was a fine addition to RPS, but then she gave a game a score. Get this sick filth off your site :(

  26. subactuality says:

    Shelter gets a meow… out of five.

  27. lowprices says:

    Cats are rubbish, and inferior to dogs in every way. Discuss.

    • Rikard Peterson says:

      You are wrong, of course. Cats are usually cute, but more importantly don’t want to bother me. They do their own thing rather than barking at me madly while their owners laugh or, if they’re a bit compassionate, say something like “oh, he’s really friendly – he just wants to say hello” when they see me being frightened half to death.

      • Stevostin says:

        You obviously don’t have a cat. Specifically you never had a grown up cats shitting your flat because he/she’s pissed off at you, or gently lick you with that very same tongue he/she used to clean his/her ass then wash the rest of the furr – yes that furr you’re so keen to polish with your hand.

        You also never had a cat asking for attention by going in front of the screen while you’re in tensed TF2 action.

        Also some dogs rarely bark. Every dog fart, thus.

    • Alexander says:

      I agree with this, but I don’t want to discuss it any further. Hmpf.

    • Text_Fish says:

      Cats sort out their own poo.

      Cats clean themselves.

      Cats pretty much feed themselves if they need to.

      Cats have the SOFTEST TUMMIES EVER AWWWWWFDMSKMNFDUBSUI!

      • Lone Gunman says:

        “Cats have the SOFTEST TUMMIES EVER AWWWWWFDMSKMNFDUBSUI!”

        That is until they sink they teeth and claws into your hand :p

        But ye… Cats rule!

      • Vermintide says:

        All clear evidence that the cat is a shallow pet for vapid, narcissistic cretins who are unwilling to devote the time and effort into a loving relationship with a real companion.

        You miserable cat lovers will never know the emotional bond one forms with a canine, you may have to pick up his poo, but that poo picking is an act of brotherhood unlike anything you can ever share with your cat.

        Fun fact: All cat owners are mac users, and vice versa. The facts speak for themselves, here.

        • SkittleDiddler says:

          I like cats and dogs equally, and I’ve owned both of those animals at one time or another.

          The last Apple product I owned was a II GS, all the way back in the late 80s. I didn’t have a cat back then, so you can just shut up with your stupid “cat lovers are Mac lovers” theory.

          • Vermintide says:

            You prove nothing sir. You’ve had cats AND dogs. You are statistically worthless in this study. NEXT.

        • Don Reba says:

          I would have guessed that the same people emotionally bonding with their pets would be the ones emotionally bonding with their computers, so dog owners would be using Macs.

  28. Sharza says:

    Always with the freaking cats. First all the memes suddenly and magically morph into cats, now this. Why not an interesting animal like… a lizard or anything else for that matter. Cats are overused and overrated. Especially on the interwebs.

    • Lone Gunman says:

      Lizards just sit still for doing nothing and are all scaly.

      Kittens are fluffy and adorable and have bundles of energy.

      • SkittleDiddler says:

        The more intelligent lizard species (iguanas specifically) have their own personalities and habits. You still can’t train them not to crap all over whatever they happen to be sitting on, so I guess kittens have the advantage in that area.

        Fun fact: kittens make nutritious snacks for larger reptiles.

    • RedViv says:

      Nice try, reptilian shadowy “person”.

    • redd says:

      because Toxoplasma gondii

  29. Amnesiac says:

    To this day I have not seen a living badger :(

    Maybe I should play this game and base my entire world view, about badgers, around it.

  30. iucounu says:

    So, you know that now Lucy has to score every game, right? And we’ll find her marks are eerily similar to the tone of your reviews, and we’ll argue about whether it’s statistics or Clever Hans or psychic powers, right? Cool.

  31. ColOfNature says:

    The Meow Games Journalism.

  32. The Dark One says:

    Does this mean that Dexter has taken that full-time Eurogamer gig?

  33. afspdx says:

    “…hands covered with invisible kitten scars…”

    Sound like you might have need of softpaws soon. little cat claws caps, humane, and fairly cheap

    http://www.softpaws.com/

  34. Tei says:

    Poor kittie want to play with cute animal in screen awwww :D

  35. Cik says:

    I can find better things for my pussy to play with, and it would be a blender before this.

  36. Mr Coot says:

    She seems very advanced for her age in her Piagetian kitty stages. When she couldn’t get to the badger on screen, she pawed about under/behind it! Put her to work on a cure for cancer, plx. ;)

  37. Megakoresh says:

    7/12? Thats like 55 purrcent. I take it she didn’t like the game. Pre-order catcelled. (it’s not out yet, is it?)

  38. FRIENDLYUNIT says:

    Her poor little face when you asked (badgered) her for a score. I think she felt the pressure a bit there, so think you should come back to her for a final score.

    • Contrafibularity says:

      The kitten is sad because its efforts to catch the butterflies went unrewarded, much like cats react to chasing after laser-pointer dots. Because there’s no reward for the effort and the reason for failure can’t be understood, it’s frustrating rather than fun, which is why cat owners ideally shouldn’t play with laserpens or touchscreen games. Once probably doesn’t hurt but don’t make it a frequent thing if you care for your cat(s) so it’s much better to stick to physical play and toys.

  39. jrodman says:

    – replyfail

  40. TWChristine says:

    The problem with kittens is it makes me want more. And three cats is more than enough for an apartment..especially when two are Maine-coons..

    On topic though, I approve of this sort of thing.

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