Fish Physics And Sword Care: Shadow Warrior Trailer

By Craig Pearson on September 6th, 2013 at 5:00 pm.


My usual non-sequitur drivel has no place in this story. The Shadow Warrior trailer has defeated my attempts to recontextualise it for humourous effect, because this trailer does that to the game by showing lots of silly things that you can do. I have no no way in! Blocked by inanity. All I can do is resort to facts and hope that it’s a temporary discombobulation. Fact: this is a trailer of the upcoming remake of Shadow Warrior. Fact: it is being developed by Flying Wild Hog. Fact: it will be published by Devolver Digital. Fact: I laughed 3.4 times, and smiled twice. Fact: it is available in 240p, 360p, 490p, 720p, and 1080p. Fact: I have posted it below.

Oh no, I can’t stop facting! Fact: The woolly mammoth was around when the pyramids were being built. Facccttthnng: there is a colony of wild wallabies in Scotland that are confined to a small island. FACTTTTFDGSDFGS: Dolph Lundgren has a master’s degree in chemical engineering, and was awarded a Fulbright Scholarship to MIT. FCCCAAACCACACT: The cadavar of Pope Formosus was dug up and put on trial, and it then went on to kill 430 people before being shot by Jim Corbett. Must. Rein. In. Facts. They are beginning to coalesce into one giant fact. One more before I start unfacting myself with a tabloid newspaper. FACT: Shadow Warrior is out on Sept 26th.

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33 Comments »

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  1. Drayk says:

    FACT: I think I’ll have to choose between this and Blood dragon for my next silly FPS.

    • chargen says:

      If she’s a young and nubile student then yes, I know a job that could net her $9879 in a few weeks of work. *left eyebrow raised knowingly as he channels the wang*

    • salena012 says:

      my co-worker’s mother makes $67/hr on the laptop. She has been out of a job for five months but last month her paycheck was $15348 just working on the laptop for a few hours. description>>>>>>>>>>http://goo.gl/G40gh3

  2. Jesse L says:

    Don’t worry, you still managed to make the text of this post as useless and inane as usual. More, actually.

  3. Premium User Badge

    Screwie says:

    Having seen some preview gameplay on the Youtubes, this game looks far more entertaining than I would have assumed a remake of SW to be.

  4. Solidstate89 says:

    I can’t watch the video as I don’t have Flash installed, but when I was watching Jesse Cox to a quick play of it, what made me laugh uncontrollably was at the end of that initial level where you get in the car and ask the demon his name.

    For anyone who doesn’t know what I’m talking about, look up that exchange on YT. I couldn’t stop laughing.

    • Premium User Badge

      Rikard Peterson says:

      You can ask Youtube to serve you html5 instead of using flash. (I’m not getting a flash video on this page.)

      Edit: I was mistaken. After clicking on the video, it redirects to a flash video. Weird. That hasn’t happened to me before AFAIK.

      • Premium User Badge

        Bugamn says:

        I believe that youtube doesn’t serve HTML 5 where there is advertising.

        On topic: the game looks interesting and knows not to take itself seriously.

        • ConnieCarson03 says:

          I’m making over $7k a month working part time. I kept hearing other people tell me how much money they can make online so I decided to look into it. Well, it was all true and has totally changed my life. This is what I do…

          W­W­W.C­N­N­1­3.ℂ­O­M

  5. Premium User Badge

    RedViv says:

    Loads of Wang!

  6. SominiTheCommenter says:

    FACT: Craig hasn’t played the original Shadow Warrior yet. Nor any game ever-

  7. Premium User Badge

    welverin says:

    NOT A FACT: it is available in 490p

    When was 490p a thing anyway?

    • Premium User Badge

      Rikard Peterson says:

      More surprising: The fact about the wallabies in Scotland appears to be true.

    • Stochastic says:

      Possibly a fact: The second paragraph in Dolph Lundgren’s Wikipedia page makes me want to watch a biopic based on his life.

  8. Paul says:

    Looks damn good.

  9. Post-Internet Syndrome says:

    Fact: DD seems to have the right idea.

  10. noom says:

    This calls for an obscure music reference.

  11. BobbyDylan says:

    I’m a bit sad it’s not going to have the silly racism. It’d be like a blood remake without the witchcraft and cabal stuff.

    • Solidstate89 says:

      The guy’s name is Lo Wang. If that’s not silly racism, I don’t know what is.

    • The Random One says:

      I demand the silly racist jokes be replaced by sophisticated racist jokes!

  12. Alexander says:

    Fact: It’s still a pretty useless post.

    Also, please reboot the first Blood. Not you, Craig, but the dudes who made this.

  13. AlienMind says:

    No nuke.
    No drivable vehicles.
    No minigames.
    No politically incorrect sayings.
    No anime girls.

    Three.. two.. one…
    all systems for using the Shadow Warrior name failed.

    • Dominic White says:

      One other thing that sets it apart from the original Shadow Warrior:

      It’s a genuinely good game.

    • Spakkenkhrist says:

      Yes, presuming the game is only 1 min 8 seconds long.

    • Ulaxes says:

      I will miss the naked, farting animegirls sitting on toilet while shooting at me with a SMG :(

  14. pilouuuu says:

    Well, that’s one of the most amusing game trailers ever. It looks very good indeed.

  15. Kein says:

    Shadow Sam? Serious Warrior? Whatever.

  16. Premium User Badge

    strangeloup says:

    Man, between this, FC Blood Dragon (which I keep forgetting I’ve got because it’s on bloody UPlay rather than Steam), and Saints Row 4, it is an excellent time for games that are an awful lot of silly and an awful lot of fun.

  17. Ulaxes says:

    “Laser Guided Trolling” is my word of the month