Citizen Deathstick: Marlow Briggs And The MASK OF DEATH

By Nathan Grayson on September 25th, 2013 at 1:00 pm.

Marlow Briggs and the Mask of Death’s Steam page is my favorite Steam page. I don’t think it’s a joke. I hope it’s not a joke. I mean, it seems decently self-aware, but I’m also whiffing the faintest hint of sincerity bludgeoning all noses within a 50 mile radius of its location. “A new breed of WARRIOR returns, committed to destroying the enemies of FREEDOM. When ONE angry man, has a world to protect – There is only ONE future – HIS OWN. No-nonsense hero Marlow never shied away from danger or trouble. But now he faces his ULTIMATE challenge. After crash-landing in Central America, he has an industrial evil to defeat whilst bound to an ancient Mayan Death Mask who’s had no-one to talk to for 2000 years.”

If Marlow Briggs does indeed have all of these things, it is the ultimate videogame. Also, John, did you write the copy for this? Come on now. Fess up.

KILLING HIM WILL ONLY PISS HIM OFF. HE IS THAT ANGRY OF A MAN.

Yeah, it seems super dumb and grindhouse-y, but is that… no, over there! In that rustling patch of explosions! Do I see a… a budget? Maybe the trailer’s just exceedingly well-cut, but this doesn’t look like utter shit. It’s certainly a budget game at only $14.99, but maybe it’s halfway-decent stupid fun instead of turgid, wetly-thudding “action”?

Seeing as two actual feature bullet points are “Leap out of HUGE EXPLOSIONS in slow motion” and “Save the ENTIRE planet,” I certainly hope so.

Has anyone played this yet? If, hypothetically, I just bought it because it won’t stop calling to me in a gruff, idiotic voice I can’t help but love, should I be feeling regret right now? Or do I now own what will – decades from now – irrevocably be known as our medium’s finest hour?

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25 Comments »

  1. Robbert says:

    From watching TotalBiscuit’s video on this it looks like it’s a decent enough game with excellent characters and a lot of self-awareness.

  2. InternetBatman says:

    I like the The Citizen Kane of Games tag.

  3. Premium User Badge

    LTK says:

    I am TIRED of games that only let me save A PART of the planet from an EVIL VILLAIN. From now on I will accept NOTHING LESS than a game that lets me save the ENTIRE planet.

    • SominiTheCommenter says:

      The next step is letting you SAVE part of a villain from an EVIL PLANET

      • DarkFenix says:

        But what if I want to instead save evil from part of a villainous planet?

        • Premium User Badge

          amateurviking says:

          YOU THERE! More CAPITALS. You don’t want people to SUGGEST that you have been SLEEPING on the JOB. DO YOU?

          • Jekhar says:

            But what if i don’t want to SAVE ‘em all at once? Maybe i just want to do a QUICK SAVE…

          • Low Life says:

            What are you, the CAPITAL POLICE? Who are YOU to say how many UPPER CASE words people are to use in their COMMENTS?

          • Scumbag says:

            BUT WHAT IF WE TYPE PURELY IN CAPS? MAYBE THE HIGHLIGHTS ARE LOST AND IT SEEMS LIKE WE ARE JUST SHOUTING.
            MAYBE IF I ADD EXCESSIVE PUNCTUATION!!!
            NOW I LOOK LIKE A MID 90S HEAVY METAL FLIER FROM BRAZIL, OR A VERY ANGRY CUSTOMER!!! MAYBE OF THE USE A ENGLISH BE THE WORSENING OF IT!!!
            READY IF TO ADVENTURE MANS?!?!?!
            A WORDS?!?!?!?!

      • neonordnance says:

        They did that, it was called Prometheus.

        http://www.michaelfassbender.org/michael-fassbedner-102399.jpg

        ZING

  4. Premium User Badge

    Hodge says:

    For a split second I thought the dude was pole-vaulting into battle.

  5. Shazbut says:

    Ironic stupidity.

    It makes the audience feel smart because they’re in on the joke, while still being dumb as shit so it doesn’t alienate anyone.

    • Low Life says:

      There’s nothing ironic about producing or enjoying stupid (cheesy) entertainment.

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    molamolacolacake says:

    I actually just finished this game last night and had a blast. It’s pretty over-the-top and self-aware, which I enjoyed, and the villain is hilariously evil. It’s a solid action game, at least in my opinion. I actually enjoyed the platforming portions the best, though combat is fun if sometimes repetitive. Once you learn an enemy’s moveset and the best tactics they become fairly simple to beat, which might turn some off. The new weapons and magic you pick up are nicely spaced to keep things interesting. I personally really enjoyed the interactions between Marlow and the mask sidekick.

    Basically I had a ton of fun, is what I’m getting at. More fun for $15 than I’ve had with some AAA titles of late, actually.

    • Drinking with Skeletons says:

      More games should have enemies who just revel in their evil rather than try and fail to make them intimidating.

      The one thing that really stands out to me about Heroes of Might and Magic V was that necromancer. He was basically Dr. Smith from Lost in Space, but with an undead army. I kept wanting to say, “Weren’t you on a show with a robot?”

      +1 nerd points for anyone who can ID the reference I just made!

  7. Pangalaktichki says:

    Marlow Briggs!
    He’s the ultimate MAN!
    Marlow Briggs!
    He’s gotta HELL OF A plan!

    They told him to go to HELL
    but he was DEAD ready,
    Fighting enemies of FREEDOM
    the SCYTHE in his arm steady.

    CAPITAL LETTERS rule wherever he may be
    to emphasize that he makes WHOLE planets free.
    Leaping from HUGE EXPLOSIONS with his girl whispering “Marry me”

  8. Premium User Badge

    mpk says:

    The fact that the main character isn’t John GenericWhiteGuy (hoodie optional) instantly makes this game 63% more interesting.

    Also, it’s brilliant that this has appeared the day after John’s plea for unreality – this is the kind of stupid I want to see more of.

    • gryffinp says:

      Let’s be fair, they just swapped out GenericWhiteGuy for ToughBlackDude McStreetwise. It’s still a caricature rather then a character.

      Game seems pretty solid though. Seems like a $30 game that they priced at $15.

  9. Drinking with Skeletons says:

    MASKFACE