Wang Squared: Saints Row’s, Er, Bat In Shadow Warrior

By Nathan Grayson on September 25th, 2013 at 8:00 am.

Normally I wouldn’t even bat an eyelash at some random cross-game promotional effort – let alone dedicate precious RPS Hyper Maturity Space to it – but this time is different. The reason? Two of the dumbest, most laughably enjoyable games I’ve played in ages are colliding, and there is now no way that last clause wasn’t a euphemism for something, authorial intent be damned. Yes, it’s finally happening: Saints Row The Third‘s infamous dildo bat is invading another game. I know, I know. It’s only a matter of time before it replaces the standard-issue pistol as every game’s go-to default weapon of choice, but for now Shadow Warrior’s caught its purple, pulsating disease. Continue not being able to look away below.

The Penetrator’s yours if you own both Saints Row IV and – when it comes out – Shadow Warrior. It’s functionally identical to whatever sword Wang’s wielding at the time except for, well, you know.

Devolver’s announcement was fairly, er, straight and to-the-point:

“Not sure what else to tell you all that hasn’t been summed up already. If you own Saints Row IV on Steam and purchase Shadow Warrior, you can literally use the big purple Penetrator in place of a katana in Shadow Warrior to sever the heads off of demons. We know, and yet we can’t really believe it ourselves.”

Shadow Warrior will be out on September 26th, which is right around the corner. I made a video of a near-final version rather recently, if you want to see how it plays. Now then, I’ll leave you all to commence with the Wang jokes, though I warn you: it’s probably impossible to top what Devolver and Deep Silver have already managed themselves.

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48 Comments »

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  1. KDR_11k says:

    I’d rather have the Dubstep gun…

  2. GamesInquirer says:

    That looks pretty bad and lazy, did they just import Saint Row’s model in the game? That thing is not meant for a close up first person view. Maybe they cooked this up in 5 minutes. It doesn’t even seem to be appropriately flabby like it at least is in Saints Row, where I don’t think it could cut off enemy heads…

    Should have posted the gif since you bothered to cross promote: http://i.imgur.com/deTZSjY.gif

  3. ZHsquad says:

    I worry about how fast I clicked on this because I saw a large purple dong.

  4. Premium User Badge

    AlwaysRight says:

    Not Safe for Work dude! Not Safe for Work!

  5. VCepesh says:

    So, you could say….

    …Oh goddammit, that’s just too easy.

  6. Alexander says:

    Maturity level: Purple.

    • Premium User Badge

      Gap Gen says:

      They’re corrupting our youth, I tell you, these violet video games.

      • Comrade Roe says:

        Let’s hope it doesn’t turn magenta. Then, things really get down.

  7. DestructibleEnvironments says:

    I now feel inadequate.

  8. Premium User Badge

    Thermal Ions says:

    While some in-game cross promotional items stretch the limit of what seems reasonable as a tie-in, this just seems odd. Granted I’ve not played the original Shadow Warrior, but nothing I’ve seen on it would have ever have me figuring a tie in with Saints Row, let alone the Penetrator.

    • MuscleHorse says:

      I don’t think crafting a believable universe is high on the game’s agenda. Away with the dildos!

    • AlmostPalpable says:

      They’re both incredibly ham-fisted and cringe-worthily awful games for ultra-morons who would eat dog-shit if they were told to so what’s the problem? It makes perfect sense to me. I bet the many redditors who have been enjoying both games find it absolutely hilarious because if anyone knows what the lowest level of everything is it’s redditors, and seemingly half of all RPS members.

      To think I was under the impression that PC gamers were a sophisticated breed, a breed with taste and the ability to see through vacuous and obnoxious bullshit but no! They just swallow up the lowest common denominator garbage like their console brothers because they’re the same people now, there are only a few good PC gamers left and they aren’t a happy bunch.

      Sorry! I know that’s a bit ranty but to me both games are prime examples of what is wrong with modern gaming and I find both of them insulting, sickeningly contrived, lazy and awful. It’s like watching the world change until all of the people who care about music and consider themselves to be cool and part of the musical “hip crowd” go on and on about how talented and awesome the Spice Girls are. It’s just fucked up but that’s what happened to gaming some time ago and it hurts me. RPS at least are honest sometimes (when they aren’t being cowards about stuff) but they aren’t the bastions of hope and glory that they used to be. Let me say something racist or sexist so you can write a big circlejerky article about it where you say how open minded and enlightened you are about it, okay? Would that make you happy? RPS is so bravery, as le redditors would say. You won’t see me here again. *snoot*

      • GamesInquirer says:

        Yes, you’re better than everyone just like your mommy told you, don’t get so upset now, it’s just lesser folk enjoying things beneath you, now and in the future that you just returned from trying this game in. Calm down.

      • SwENSkE says:

        Just put that Penetr…., err, stick out of your ass. And good riddance.

      • Premium User Badge

        mrwonko says:

        You won’t be missed. You may have a point or two, but that’s way too “ranty”.

      • Premium User Badge

        Luringen says:

        Please leave us and return to your modern super-realistic military shooters, etc. No fun allowed!

      • Shooop says:

        If this is sarcasm, it’s one of the best comments I’ve ever seen on this site.

      • SkittleDiddler says:

        Oh, shut the fuck up.

      • Premium User Badge

        kregg says:

        This is precious.

        Also, what’s up with random people just “leaving” RPS (it’s a website ffs, just stop browsing)? Surely the amount of people that leave per RPS post meant that either these kind of comments would reduce or RPS would have very few readers. Neither is happening.

      • Skabooga says:

        I dare say I haven’t seen you here before, either.

      • Premium User Badge

        gnodab says:

        You seem inappropriately upset by a pink dildo. I don’t want to pry too deep into your psyche, but its sight sure seems to have penetrated your ego somehow. Why else would you be so deeply affected by it. Would you tell us where the Wang touched you? Does its size make you feel inadequate, or does its constant wobbliness strike too close to home?

  9. Kollega says:

    And now, i wonder why TF2 never jumped on the Penetrator bandwagon. There’s so much random crap in that game by now that a giant purple dildo would look positively ordinary. But eh… i guess Valve just didn’t have the balls for it.

  10. Scumbag says:

    Man who go through airport door sideways going to bangcock.

  11. The Artist Formerly Known As Wang says:

    I never meant to cause you any sorrow.
    I never meant to cause you any pain.
    I only wanted one time to see you laughing.
    I only wanted to see you laughing at the purple wang.

    Purple wang, purple wang.
    Purple wang, purple wang.
    Purple wang, purple wang.

    I only wanted to see you bathing with the purple wang.

    I never wanted to be your weekend lover.
    I only wanted to be some kind of friend.
    Baby I could never steal you from another.
    It’s such a shame our friendship had to end.

    Purple wang, purple wang.
    Purple wang, purple wang.
    Purple wang, purple wang.

    I only wanted to see you underneath the purple wang.

    Honey I know, I know, I know times are changing.
    It’s time we all reach out for something new,
    That means you too.
    You say you want a leader,
    But you can’t seem to make up your mind.
    I think you better close it,
    And let me guide you to the purple wang.

    Purple wang, purple wang.
    Purple wang, purple wang.

    If you know what I’m singing about up here.
    C’mon raise your hand.

    Purple wang, purple wang.

    I only want to see you, only want to see you.

    • Anarkhaios says:

      Thanks for that, now I’m good to have it running non stop in my head.
      Thanks a lot.

    • Skabooga says:

      Perhaps the best of all possible reasons to create a joke account.

  12. PopeRatzo says:

    I have a question. Is this new Shadow Warrior like a mod of the first one with better textures or is it a whole new game? I get conflicting information from the articles I’ve seen about it. (I would have said, “articles I’ve read” except who has time to read articles about a “re-imagining” of Shadow Warrior?).

    • Koshinator says:

      There was a re-release of the original Shadow Warrior a month or so ago (in preparation for this release), but this one is a re-imagining (ie a brand new game)

    • Lagwolf says:

      This is a whole new game, and a damn good one at that.

  13. Freud says:

    While I can see dildos being funny at times, I don’t see the universal hilarity of them that some game developers do.

  14. The Random One says:

    This just makes me sad, because it is a glimpse of a better world in which Volition has been bought by Devolver Digital instead of Deep Silver.

  15. Beelzebud says:

    Does the first DLC let you write on walls with a piece of shit, like in Duke Nukem Forever?

  16. Metr13 says:

    One part of me wants to see Blood getting the same treatment. Other expects this game to be a fail like DukeNukemForever.

    pleasebegoodpleasebegoodpleasebegood

    • Trithne says:

      I think Blood’s license is also in legal hell, unfortunately.

  17. IrishBeast88 says:

    >=D
    Well, now describing Shadow Warrior as “Duke Nukem, except with Wang” gives me a whole new level of immature, ridiculous enjoyment.