The Scariest News Of All: The 7th Guest 3 Announced

By John Walker on October 31st, 2013 at 8:00 pm.

This is too much, even for Halloween. Proof that the universe hates me, and that entropy affects video games, is the announcement of The 7th Guest 3. I thought the evil of the two previous dreadful games had been safely locked in the 90s, but keep your pets inside, they’ve escaped. You think you remember liking them? You’re forgetting what an idiot you were when you were 20 years younger. These half-arsed petrol station puzzle book puzzles, draped in the dullest FMV since man first drew on cave walls, were a novelty at the time. 7th Guest even predates the ghastly Myst, for dazzling our dumbass eyes with pre-rendered backgrounds and Z-list actors drooling careless dialogue projected over the top. You can fund it via Kickstarter!

Oh sure, I remember being briefly taken in by it at the time. I was 16. CD-ROMs were this brand new thing, games no longer needing to be installed via 12 floppy discs, and suddenly rather than the 12MB even that would have offered, there was suddenly the equivalent of 450 of them. Developers couldn’t cope. They had to fill it, with anything they could, no matter how awful. And thus there was The 7th Guest. It was impressive to see a home computer doing things it had never done before. Until you realised you weren’t having any fun whatsoever.

They’re asking for a peculiarly specific $435,000, and I’ve a horrible feeling they’ll get it. Because of people like you, already writing your angry, disagreeing comment. IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT.

It looks like a CAD video by an estate agent crossed with a primary school nativity play, that last for all eternity. It says it’s 11 minutes long, but I didn’t have this beard when I first clicked, and it’s still going.

The stretch goals take this from madness to farce. Double the money and they say they’ll “make drama variable”. Um. For a million dollars they’ll add a whole THREE new puzzles! And for $4m? They’ll buy a big house and open it to the public as a “haunted house themed amusement center”. WHAT?

In summary: weep.

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79 Comments »

  1. The Ultimate Clone of The Ultimate Warrior says:

    Well, I liked it…

    • Maxheadroom says:

      I liked it too. But then at the time I had just moved into my first flat and was living on pot noodles.
      My only source of entertainment was a Philips CDi & a copy of 7th guest I got from a 2nd hand shop for £20.

      Finished it though! :)

  2. huldu says:

    Looks pretty much like it did back in the 90′s. Not saying it’s a bad thing but, one would expect them to put a little more effort into it, considering it’s 2013 and not 1993.

    • HunterKing says:

      It’s uncanny. Either they were frozen in time or they understand that the few people left that want FMV want it as corny as possible, in which case bravo.

      • MadTinkerer says:

        The Kickstarter video is gloriously corny, and I love it. I hope the makers have seen some of the reviews and critic videos that went into the worse flaws of the original games, though. The premise is still a good one, but the plot of the second game got a little too strange and just completely dissolved into non-intimidating craziness at the endings (all of them). As long as the makers of the new game are aware of the flaws they should avoid, and the Kickstarter video at least seems to have exactly the right tone, this could be the game that the first two should have been.

  3. Chaz says:

    Next up Phantasmagoria and that one that had Christopher Walken in it.

  4. Acorino says:

    Why is it called The 7th Guest 3? There never was a second one…

  5. felisc says:

    Someone should kickstart a philips cd-i 2 to play this game properly.

  6. Guiscard says:

    Myst, ghastly? Requires a lot of lateral thinking and has a crappy story (that doesn’t really get in the way of the puzzles or exploration), yes, but ghastly? Myst and 7th Guest stand at opposite ends on how to do these sorts of games, one does it properly, the other is 7th Guest.

    But don’t worry John. I won’t be funding this!

    • The Ultimate Clone of The Ultimate Warrior says:

      It’s odd because even though the story in the first Myst was non existent. They got so much better after the release of the Myst novels and Riven. Lots of interesting worldbuilding and a fully fleshed out race of underground Elf men.

  7. LionsPhil says:

    Microscope blob puzzle.

    That is all.

  8. Turkey says:

    Can’t believe I watched the whole thing.

  9. xaphoo says:

    Well the first game was an important part of my childhood. I remember that it had good music. There was a cake puzzle that I still think about for some reason. I never played #2 but I am happy about #3. It could be an antidote to the damn *tastefulness* of today’s gaming, its ludology-sharpened mechanics and streamlining tendencies. Let’s have more overacted Quicktime monologues delivered by men in Victorian clothing!

  10. RProxyOnly says:

    I liked 7th guest and 11th hour at the time…… but the above video bored the tits off me. It certainly wouldn’t encourage me the part with my cash. :/

  11. Defender says:

    Wow, they’ve got Mazedude lined up for the music tracks. He’s made some of my favorite OC Remixes. Don’t have terribly fond memories of 7th Guest, though.

    • Jackablade says:

      The soundtrack was far and away the strongest element of the 7th Guest. I’m a little disappointed they haven’t brought The Fatman back in. They do appear to still appear to be operating all these years later.

      This still remains one of my favourite pieces of game soundtrack music.

  12. Bullfrog says:

    Next you’ll tell me that Darkseed 3 is on the way.

  13. Stevostin says:

    The music, you forgot the music! 7th Guest had a charming soundtrack. It was made by George “The Fat Man” Sanger, who also made the soundtrack for Ultima Underworld (which was absolutely wonderful).

    I don’t believe in a remake or anything like it, but please, stop the trashing. It was certainly not a bad game at release – I finished it, and felt good about it. That’s more than I can say of a lot of game from that time!

  14. robert.briscoe says:

    I haven’t seen anything this bad since Limbo of The Lost!

  15. tomimt says:

    I never played 7th or 11th when they came out. I only played 11th recently after getting it from GOG sale and boy, was that money poorly spent. I mean, I like FMV, but I’d hope the cast would have even a small fraction of talent or even a pinch of charisma. And the game design was just utterly horrible.

  16. RedViv says:

    Very much looking forward to The 15th Teapot.

  17. cyrenic says:

    You didn’t mention the best part!

    If they reach $1,000,000+ they will add microtransactions.

    (No, really. Go look at the site)

  18. jorygriffis says:

    Yikes. I’ve often said that The 7th Guest is one of the only things I am legit nostalgic for–no matter what I do, I just can’t bring myself to hate it the way I probably should–and this pitch video was fucking unbearable! I can’t believe how desperate and amateurish the entire thing is. How clumsy the editing! It’s unbelievable!

    And I love the section of the pitch titled “The Gloves, and Other Things, are Coming Off This Time”, which pretty much promises “there will be tits!” Fuck, I’m embarrassed for them.

  19. NotToBeLiked says:

    Do I think I’ll enjoy another 7th Guest game? Probably not.
    Do I think those were games as good as they are now made out to be? Absolutely not.
    Am I going to claim I did not enjoy those games when I was younger? I am not some hipster journalist who pretends to have always had excellent taste, so no.

    • John Walker says:

      Did I read the article before posting my insults? Probably not.

      • stupid_mcgee says:

        Is hypophora stupid? Yes.
        Do people expose themselves as idiots when they do it? Most definitely.
        Is NotToBeLiked a dullard? I’ll let you decide.

        Was this post edited? It sure was.
        Did I mean to respond to NotToBeLiked instead of John Walker? I actually did.
        Am I going to blame drinking alcohol and watching “The Act of Killing” for this mistake? You betcha.

  20. Jerppa says:

    Well, at least it’s not Daedalus Encounter 2.

  21. mwoody says:

    What, no Team Fat? The music was the best part!

    Also, it’s really poor form to have a tier that adds ONLY a thank-you in the credits.

    I back damn near everything, and I adored the 7th guest, but this is just amateurish. No thanks.

  22. somnolentsurfer says:

    7th Guest was supposed to have been included with our first CD-ROM drive, until my mum found out it was 18 rated. Then we did a deal with the man in the shop, and we got Day of the Tentacle instead.

  23. Corey Cole says:

    Well, I actually liked 7th Guest, but perhaps partially for an unintended reason. I had a really slow computer that could barely handle it (later Myst crashed on the 3rd screen or so – It couldn’t handle Myst). As a result, all of the video was in surreal super-slow motion. I thought that was an intended effect that made it really spooky. Later on I saw the game on a real computer and was disappointed by the more natural camera movement.

    Besides, I had made a puzzle game (Castle of Dr. Brain) a couple years earlier, so I wanted to see what they did with their puzzles. Some were really quite clever.

    • stupid_mcgee says:

      Holy crap! You made Dr. Brain!? I LOVED Island of Dr. Brain and Castle of Dr. Brain when I was a kid! Thank you so very much for those games! They were absolutely fantastic when I was younger and I still have my Island of Dr. Brain gamebox!

    • Fuzbaul says:

      Wow! me too, can we kickstart a sequel to that instead of this dross ?

      • SD says:

        Well, you could support Lori and Corey’s Hero-U project instead. It’s nothing like Dr. Brain, whatsoever, but if it is something you think is cool, then supporting it will go toward keeping their indie dev studio in business. Then they could Kickstart a spiritual-successor (I vote “Fortress of Dr. Medulla”).

    • tormos says:

      Dr Brain was how I convinced my parents to start letting me play games for more than an hour a day! Everything that I am today I owe to you, sir. It’s up to you whether or not this is a compliment.

    • tormos says:

      No but seriously I love/loved those games.

  24. Baines says:

    They’re asking for a peculiarly specific $435,000

    Probably Kickstarter fees. Kickstarter takes 5% of a successful campaign, and Amazon takes 3-5% for credit card processing. Most likely they went with an even $400,000, and then bumped it up to cover the fees.

    As for where the $400,000 came from, the FAQ bit at the end of the project page says that they believe they can do the project with a budget similar to that of the original 7th Guest. Not that I know what the budget for the original 7th Guest actually was… Wikipedia only mentions the cost of the filming ($35,000). Moby Games says over $1 million, which is quite a bit more than their base Kickstarter goal.

  25. Jackablade says:

    I think the Seventh Guest was kind of endearingly terrible, like a tacky b-grade horror movie. The acting was hilariously awful, even to my 12 year old self and the story made progressively less sense as it went along culminating in one of the more nonsensical endings I’ve ever seen in a game.

    It’s not a good game, by any means, but I couldn’t ever bring myself to hate it.

  26. A_Rude_gesture says:

    I still remember Mad Dog McCree fondly…well when I say “still remember” and “fondly” I mean that I don’t, since I played it about a year ago and realised just how bad it is. Same with this awful franchise which in my opinion should be decapitated, have a combination of garlic and silver put in its mouth and a stake driven through its heart before being buried by holy men and women of every denomination. Under a slab of concrete.

  27. ScorpionWasp says:

    The 7th Guest taught me important mathematical-logical concepts that would be pretty difficult to really “get” without the interactive approach. Several of the puzzles were designed specifically to thwart your heuristical, intuitive approach and force you to embrace higher, more sophisticated and disciplined logic. It made heavy use of local and absolute optimums. Suppose your goal is to reach the tallest mountain on a planet, but you have no clue how to get there. Your heuristic, intuitive brain will likely tell you that if your current path is taking you up then you should keep going; you’re doing well. If you’re going down, on the other hand, then you should go back and select another path. The “cruelty” (and ingenuity) of The 7th Guest’s puzzles is that “the tallest mountain” can often only be reached by going through the planet’s deepest abysses. Using intuition will cause you to reach a local maximum, but never the global maximum. Until you stop behaving like a bumbling fool in the darkness, and really take a sober, analytical look at the big picture of the planet, you’ll never prevail.

    This game has fundamentally enhanced my ability to think and abstract in a way that very few games have (at least on this level). That and it might well be the first horror game I ever played, if you discount Alone in the Dark

    • stupid_mcgee says:

      The game was, by no means, well made, production-wise. However, I agree about the puzzles. They were fairly good and I enjoyed them as a kid. This was also still in an era where the market demographic for video games was still kids and teenagers, and not the current 30+ year old demographic. Maybe I’m wrong, but it always seemed to me that the game was geared towards kids. I haven’t played this game since I was… 12 or so, maybe? So, I don’t remember how good (or not good) the puzzles really are compared to my adult logic, but I remember being delighted once I figured out some of the more difficult puzzles. To give a modicum of perspective, while I’m certainly no genius, I wasn’t exactly a dense child, either, taking pre-algebra my first year of middle school and earning a solid B+ from a notoriously difficult teacher where over half of my classmates got D’s.

      • Jackablade says:

        I dunno about being aimed at kids. It was attempting to tell a fairly mature horror/murder mystery story with some sexual references thrown in. It just did it with an enormous helping of ham and cheese.

  28. BabyMitchy says:

    I sure hope they can make this happen!

    Filmed what I am calling 7th guest Halloween special yesterday. It’s a long video though cause it has the whole story in it more or less.
    it’s on youtube posted as babymitchy, not sure if a link will be accepted here or not. The video includes green screen.

  29. Mr Coot says:

    Well that would explain why Steam has been putting 7th Guest and 11th Hour on the front page of the shop the last couple of days. US$9.99 ea for a 20 yr old game… I think not. I still have my copy c1994 which came free with my awesome **multimedia** expansion pack (CD player, SB card and possibly a meg of ram I can’t remember, but it was serious coin) The music in 7G was something I do miss tho’ maybe when it is 4.99 and 75% off I will buy it.

  30. sophof says:

    If you like the puzzles, you’ll like the game, it is as simple as that. Not sure why it deserves such derision just because the old games are… well… old. There are much worse FMV examples, simply because their core gameplay wasn’t there, they just were showing of the FMV. At least 7th guest had decent puzzles, some of them i’d even call good.

    Also, trying to dismantle negative comments by strawmanning them in the article is a bit of a dick move imo, even if you do it with comedy.

  31. Stragman says:

    The Hipster Journalist knows he is talking bullshit, so why should we argue about? Waste of time!

  32. rfair5 says:

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  33. warthurton says:

    It’s a bit sad that they give John Walker all the nostalgic games to write about. He just seems want to hate on them.

    Might and Magic Legacy X and 7th Guest 3 are the two that I can think of just now.

    The original 7th guest sold 2 MILLION copies. It might look dated now, but that doesn’t mean that a FMV puzzle game is bad, just not what is hip now.

  34. Sirand says:

    Awww, poor you. Poor fucking you. Life is so hard.

    I pledged just out of spite for this hipster article (and because I still enjoy playing The 7th Guest).

  35. lostsoul919 says:

    I just read all the 7th guest articles here and surely this is some kind of bad joke. Please try to have some perspective: if a game is one the best selling titles of a decade, and you think everything about it is bad, enough so to write trashing article after article, you are probably missing something. Judging by the other comments, I would think your opinion is in the minority. I can understand younger gamers not appreciating Atari, NES, and early pc games, but please try to stick to topics you are more qualified to review. Let someone else take the older games, or you won’t have a reader base left.

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