Here’s That Cyber Steampunk Golf Sim You’ve Been Wanting

By Nathan Grayson on November 20th, 2013 at 2:00 pm.

If golf was actually like this, I would watch it unless something better was on.

I don’t think I’ve been interested in a golf game since Mario Golf on the Nintendo 64. That’s not even an exaggeration. I played real minigolf with some friends recently, but that’s the closest I’ve come to hitting a small white ball into a hole since I briefly glanced at a copy of Wii Sports in a Walmart once. All that said, Vertiginous Golf has my eye and then some (which is to say, also my other eye). It’s insane virtual reality remote-controlled sky golf set in a grim cyber-steampunk future, and it adds an element I feel real golf has been utterly lost without for centuries: tiny robot bird companions. Oh, and there’s something about class warfare in there too. So basically, it’s Tiger Woods Presents BioShock Infinite. I am so, so, so OK with this.

Vertiginous Golf also manages the mighty distinction of being a golf game that’s actually about things – specifically, these:

“Vertiginous Golf is set in an alternate industrially revolutionised future where life on the ground is hampered by a permanent smog which plunges its inhabitants into constant darkness and never ending rain.”

“The Vertiginous levitation system invented by Edward V Frohlich in 2006, was primarily developed to provide the upper tiers of society with a power system that could permanently levitate plots off the ground where they could build their residential houses and recreational follies high enough to be above the eternal smog and bathed in almost constant sunlight.”

But then it got used for golf, which is totally unrealistic because everyone knows humanity would’ve first sought a way to adapt hyper-sophisticated levitation technology for porn, as is the natural and wholesome way of things. Then again, it sounds like many people also used the sunshine-walking tech for oppression too, so I suppose the game’s not too wide off the mark when it comes to our species’ priorities.

Vertiginous Golf’s just-launched $5 beta version offers one nine-hole golf course, local multiplayer, and a freeroaming mechanical hummingbird to help you set up your shots. Expect “lots more” in the near future.

So right then, this is maybe the most preposterously silly, hopefully delightful golf game I’ve ever seen. Who plans on giving it a go?

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46 Comments »

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  1. brat-sampson says:

    AT LAST!

  2. Keyrock says:

    You might say this game’s got it’s head in the clouds.

  3. johnxfire says:

    Oh dear God YES. YES. THIS IS WHAT THE GAMING INDUSTRY NEEDS.

    Tots gonna buy it.

  4. Premium User Badge

    Lexx87 says:

    Yup. I’m in there. Christ that look great.

    • Premium User Badge

      Lexx87 says:

      Slight warning all – I seem to have been charged $6, as it has added a $1 of VAT to the 5$.

      I mean it’s not much but, it’s not $5 as advertised if that puts anyone off.

      • elkkinl says:

        Hi, We only released this yesterday, the inclusion of VAT was a mistake and has now been removed, Everyone affected has now been refunded the difference. Thanks for your support.

  5. Berzee says:

    It appears to be mini-golf and not actual golf? (I only skipped through the video in pieces so maybe I missed the parts where you can hit the ball into the air without using a ramp). Minigolf is also fine*, though I was briefly interested to see how they would add steampunk levitation technology to a plain ol’ golf course.

    * as long as they don’t call it Vertiginous Putt-Putt. :D

  6. PopeRatzo says:

    Steampunk is so early 2000s. Dieselpunk is what’s happening.

    • Marmalade Man says:

      You are like a decade behind everything. Steampunk is so early 1990’s, dieselpunk is so early 2000’s.

      This looks pretty cool though, someone actually doing something interesting with steampunk. If I see anyone in a top hat and goggles though, I am out.

      • LimEJET says:

        I thought the 90’s was regular punk?

        • elkkinl says:

          I have to agree with LimEJET although Terry Gilliams Brazil was actually 85.

          • Marmalade Man says:

            In ’94 people were stealing ideas from The Chaos Engine to liven up their Space 1889 campaigns.
            It was getting kind of old.

        • Marmalade Man says:

          Have I entered an alternate timeline here? Punk was the 90’s? Maybe if you think Green Day started punk…
          (Checks to see who won WW2 just in case)

  7. The First Door says:

    OH! OH! This is very exciting! I was thinking as I was watching the video that it looked a bit like Vertigolf (which I loved back in the day) and then I read on their website that it is the spiritual sequel! Fun times!

    • elkkinl says:

      You have no idea how happy it makes me to know that someone remembers the original. :)

      • The First Door says:

        I’m glad, I really enjoyed the Vertigolf games and I still have the bought versions lying around on a hard drive somewhere. When I was in halls at uni, I remember my neighbours and I had a few tournaments, too.

        Looking forward to seeing how this develops, good luck with it!

        • elkkinl says:

          Oddly enough a major reason I wanted to keep it to local multiplayer was that at Uni we had tournaments of Worms, best local multiplayer game ever IMHO, online it wasn’t as fun.

  8. Viroso says:

    What if halfway through the game strange things start happening and then the game is about this entire other thing and you’re running away from people in the cloud cities.

  9. Premium User Badge

    Keymonk says:

    Whoa. That is pretty rad.

  10. Treebard says:

    Mario Golf 64 WAS the best golf game I’ve ever played. That comment instantly earns you considerable virtual golf cred, Mr. Grayson.

    As far as the craziest golf game, though, I played a prototype at PAX East a few years back of a free roaming FPS golf game where you have to fight ghosts at each hole before you could putt. You even had a golf ball gun. I wonder if that ever came out?

    • Premium User Badge

      particlese says:

      Agh, yeah, Mario Golf was amazing! I played relatively little of the N64 version at a friend’s, but it seemed similarly excellent to the GB Color one, which I spent many, many hours with. I’ll have to check out this game and look up that FPS prototype after work. Any idea what it was called?

      Real-life speed golf is great fun, too…and is apparently even a Thing, according to Wikipedia. o_o

  11. Kitsunin says:

    Yessss I love non-boring golf games, there are just too few of them!

  12. lyubit says:

    This is the most pretentious game I’ve ever seen; its haughty aspirations of being More Than Just Golf make me wonder if the developers are trying to poke fun at recent “thoughtful” game trends, where everything has to MEAN something and where every AAA game with a semi-coherent story gets declared The Citizen Kane of Gaming (on that note, I have half a mind to make a game based on Citizen Kane in RPG Maker just to end this constant reiteration of a talking point by reviewers who most likely have never seen Citizen Kane to the general masses who have almost assuredly never seen Citizen Kane).

    Of course, the wool gets pulled off your eyes when you look at the levels and they look like Super Mario 64 but with high resolution textures and modern effects. Nothing makes me want to play a golf game less than having a Floating Companion (for Immersion?) that serves the basic gameplay function of freely reviewing the hole’s architecture.

    Now the music is all well and good, but you’d think people who worked with music would understand the importance of sound; I hope I don’t have to listen to that annoying “Stock Static Sound” layered over Super Metroid lightning sounds (or whichever SNES game you want to use as an example) every single time I play. Not only this, but the little golf shop or Electroshock Therapy psychology location seems to serve the purpose of Menu Screen. I want to have a simple menu screen where I click a button that says PLAY GOLF with options being PLAY GOLF, MULTIPLAYER, PRACTICE, OPTIONS, and EXIT.

    Extra shoutout to Minecraft for pioneering beta tests where you pay money to test a game whose engine may never become stable and well optimized.

    • Urthman says:

      Pretty sure this must be a parody of the kinds of complaints people made about Bioshock: Infinite.

    • elkkinl says:

      I’m sorry you feel its pretentious, this is not the intention. What we are trying to do is create an ambiance similar to our original Vertigolf game series made in 2006 and expand on it.

      I am also aware of the balance between ambiance and practicality of getting into the game as fast as possible is important, this is something I’ve considered in designing the menu.

      Your concerns on the sound is also noted, remember we are in Beta and hope to hone the game with user feedback along with our own roadmap for features and additions.

      For the record we are using the Unity engine.

      • sirdavies says:

        he’s clearly being overly negative on purpose. I think the game looks like it has a lot of potential and if you go crazy with the map designs while still having solid mechanics it can be a really special thing. Keep up the good work!

        • elkkinl says:

          Map design is something I’d like to push, but not too much in a cut scene way that takes from the gameplay. but more in a spectator involvement way, like trolling? He made some good points :)

  13. Frosty840 says:

    A few hundred million years ago, back in the mists of time, before there was QWOP, there was http://www.hockeyquestionmark.com/golf/ Golf? HTML is hard.
    I should really get around to finding out what exactly Golf? was, but I’m always terribly afraid that I’ll discover that it was golf, so I never have…

  14. The Random One says:

    It already seems to understand its own subject matter better than Binfinite, so there’s that.

  15. dar830 says:

    its so cool..Google is paying 75$/hour! Just work for few hours & spend more time with friends and family. On sunday I bought themselves a Alfa Romeo from having made $5637 this month. its the best-job Ive ever had.It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it out http://goo.gl/f6e95V

  16. Urthman says:

    Ken Levine is kicking himself right now for not realizing Bioshock Infinite should have been a golf game instead of a shooter.

  17. nicolejscott says:

    ▂ ▄ ▅ ▇ Good News My Buddies ▇ ▅ ▄ ▂
    …”Can you have some spare time to sit back in your chair having your laptop with you and making some money online for some interesting online work “said Jenny Francis in the party last night ….see more what is for you there to increase your pocket money============ W­­W­­W­.J­o­b­s­5­3.­ℂ­­ℴ­­m

  18. Mr. International says:

    funniest title of any article on the internet, im serious

  19. Mctittles says:

    Anyone else think of Zany Golf (Apple IIgs) first thing after seeing this?

  20. elkkinl says:

    UPDATE: Beta 0.2 Get it here. http://www.verti-golf.com/
    6 new holes.
    Play holes individually
    Now saves your progress.
    Various bug fixes and tweaks.

  21. elkkinl says:

    Out now on Steam http://store.steampowered.com/app/272890/ big updates in this version.