Special – Saints Row IV: How The Saints Save Christmas

By Nathan Grayson on November 26th, 2013 at 9:00 am.

Who's that guy in the middle? Didn't everyone play SR4 as a US-flag-emblazoned Abraham Lincoln hippy Jesus like me?

Every great pop culture entity needs a Christmas special. I mean, who doesn’t love seeing their favorite characters shoehorned into an emotionally hollow, often obligatory plot that ends with a Very Valuable Lesson about family or selflessness or time travel ghosts or something? It’s a tradition nearly as old as Walmart itself. But OK, in fairness, some Christmas specials aren’t entirely terrible, and if anyone can elbow drop the cliche in the groin until it slithers back into the bowels of its holly, jolly dungeon of soulless commercialism, it’s Saints Row. Saints Row IV‘s next DLC episode, How The Saints Save Christmas, will almost certainly bash the very concept of Christmas specials’ head against the fourth wall until both are naught but jagged shards. Dash through the snow below for details.

The Saints? Saving Christmas through a series of highly referential hijinks? “Preposterous!” you might bellow. I would then a) wonder if you’ve ever actually played a Saints Row game and also if you even know what the word preposterous means and b) point you in the direction of this plot synopsis:

“Santa is trapped inside the simulation, but the Scrooge-like boss of the Third Street Saints can’t muster enough festive spirit to save him. Can the Saints help the boss discover the true meaning of the season in time? A holiday classic for the whole family.”

It’s true. Saints Row IV is the one game I plan on showing to my entire family this holiday season. My largely conservative, Texas-based family. I am expecting good reactions!

How The Saints Save Christmas is comprised of three quests and multiple holiday-themed weapons/vehicles, and it will be out on December 11th for $6.99. Christmas, meanwhile, will be out on December 25th for all of your money and most of your sanity. I don’t hate it, but the characters could be better and the aesthetic design is terribly repetitive. And oh jeez, the microtransactions. 7/10

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24 Comments »

  1. FunnyB says:

    This is gonna be good!

  2. Spacewalk says:

    Well, they are Saints after all.

  3. Juan Carlo says:

    I’ve never thought of this before, but if you live in America, Nathan, does that mean you have to get up at like 2 AM every day to post in concordance with GMT? Or do you write all your posts the day before and then a bot posts them?

    Mysteries of RPS.

  4. Gap Gen says:

    The protagonist is a black Cockney woman who wears bowler hats and suit/turtleneck combos, surely?

    • Fitzmogwai says:

      Gah! I’m being watched. I must make myself a new tin foil hat.

      • Gap Gen says:

        Dammit! How can I read your mind-waves now? You have foiled us once more!

    • Yglorba says:

      It’s always a bit weird to me seeing ads or promos for Saint’s Row IV stuff, since at first glance I keep stopping and wondering who that bearded guy in the middle is and what happened to the boss.

      Now I’m picturing a future where you can design your own character and save them somewhere, then have them digitally inserted into advertisements…

  5. Fanbuoy says:

    Hah! I’ll get Christmas a good 30 hours before you ‘Murricans! How do you like them oceans now, bitches? Okay, most of those hours are because of cultural differences, but Santa comes here first, y’all!

    Also, yay for Saints Row.

  6. Lexx87 says:

    Bit sad Nathan didn’t mention that Volition are having a sing your own version of Jingle Bells competition:

    http://www.savechristmas.saintsrow.com/index.html

  7. Bluerps says:

    Yaaaaay!

    I recently discovered something: I actually miss my Saints Boss a bit. That never happens, with any character! But I saw a SR video on youtube in which the boss had the same voice as mine, and I felt a little sad for a moment that I couldn’t play more with her (well, I could run through the streets and murder people to “What is love?” some more, but that’s just not the same as playing through the missions).

    • Juan Carlo says:

      My Saints Row character is always modeled after 1970s Pam Grier. Black, beautiful, and with a MASSIVE afro.

  8. ChromeBallz says:

    Can anyone tell me who the character is on the far left? I’ve never seen her in the game.

    • FunnyB says:

      I think it’s Asha, but with a new hairstyle.

      EDIT: No wait, is Asha the one next to Kinzie?

    • Fluka says:

      I think it’s Fun Shaundie, but cyberpunkified?

  9. The Random One says:

    If they wanted me to have a real merry Christmas they’d release an expansion set in Stilwater. I’d pay half of what I paid for SRIV just to go back.

  10. strangeloup says:

    If there isn’t a festive reskin of the Dubstep Gun that lets you kill people with Christmas music, this expansion will be receiving the Missed Opportunity rubber-stamp.

    • Fluka says:

      Website says yes! Hoorah!

      Other weapon skin: Red Rider BB Gun! Hopefully with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time. Though I’m pretty sure my Boss’ll shoot her eye out.

      • Vandelay says:

        Alas, this is American, so will unlikely feature Wizard or Slade.

    • djnforce9 says:

      I like the Christmas Dubstep theme. It’s really fun to use. There is also this really awesome original tune that only plays the first time you do the naughty or nice mini-game. I managed to record the song so I could listen to it at any time.

  11. overthere says:

    Worked out what was bothering me about that promo shot, the woman are wearing clothes! In a game! How will the teenage boys ever cope.