Night Rider Turbo Is The Surgeon Sim 2013 Of Driving

By Nathan Grayson on November 27th, 2013 at 11:00 am.

It's like they say: own your mistakes.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *BOOMSMASHWHAMCARSEVERYWHERE*

GOTTA STEER, GOTTA STEER, OH JEEZ OH JEEZ OH JEEZ *steering wheel pops off* NONONONONONONONOOOOOOOO

WELL MAYBE MY FINAL MOMENTS WILL AT LEAST BE ACCOMPANIED BY PLEASANT MELODIES ON THE RADIO *accidentally tears off radio* WHHYYYYYYYYYYYYY

The plot of Night Rider Turbo is simple: “Badass bought a shitty car. Everything falls apart. How far can you drive?” Predictably, the answer is “not very.”

The free browser game, which heralds from the alluringly silly (and sometimes a bit juvenile) mind of McPixel creator Sos Sosowski, is basically Surgeon Simulator 2013 if it were a driving game. You control one arm while your other remains coolly perched on the window sill, dangling ever-so-slightly over the ledge as if to say, “They should make leather jackets that are just for arms. Sunglasses too.”

Those, it quickly becomes apparent, will be your left arm’s final implied words given that traffic is fast and furious, and every (fully functional) piece of your car is liable to shatter at the gentlest touch. Also, you’re not particularly graceful. Wrench a turn too hard? There goes your steering wheel. Want to shut off your emergency lights? Too bad; the button really didn’t like the way you were looking at it. Oh, but hey, you flipped on your windshield wipers while flailing and sweating and weeping everywhere. That’s kind of an accomplishment.

Survive for as long as humanly possible (which, again, is not particularly long) and then try again. And again and again and again. Night Rider Turbo will amuse you, your friends, and pets/grandparents of all ages for a decent 15 minutes or so. It’s goofy, well put-together for what it is, and free. Give it a try here.

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25 Comments »

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  1. Spacewalk says:

    Envirobear without that damn badger?

  2. FurryLippedSquid says:

    Envirobear did it four years ago!

    Edit: Beaten to it.

  3. Premium User Badge

    Tinus says:

    It’s more like an homage to Envirobear 2000, though.

    Edit: Oooh, I’m a lowly slowpoke.

  4. Forceflow says:

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but once the steering wheel comes off, you’re basicly f*cked, right?

    • Premium User Badge

      Big Murray says:

      Yep. And that happens basically as soon as you hit anything. The rest of the game after that is pretty pointless.

      Not sure what the point of this game is really.

      • Didden says:

        It still works better than Sim City

      • Spatula Clarke says:

        You can still steer until the wheel comes off completely. As long as it’s attached a couple of wires, it’ll still work.

      • Kitsunin says:

        The wheel doesn’t tend to fall off unless you’re holding it when you crash.

      • Rumpel says:

        yeah, i dont see the point of the game either. steering wheel is the only thing that even matters in the cockpit

  5. Premium User Badge

    quietone says:

    I was hoping it would be more like:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HUGmAc0Txg

    Now that was a game. No immersion breaking mechanics, no “this is not an ARPG”, no “games vs art”, no QTEs, no 10-hours CGI cut-scenes in a 2-hour game, no zombies, no war, no face…no fun either, by today’s standards, but gosh did I waste my youth in games like this!

    • GameCat says:

      B-but it IS an art game. It captures the idea of driving using only black screen, some light poles and a few squeaks of engine and tires.

  6. Enzo says:

    Holy crap, the songs on the radio are remixes of the Lotus for the Amiga soundtrack.

  7. Premium User Badge

    JamesTheNumberless says:

    Hm, I always thought of surgeon simulator as being envirobear with surgery instead of cars, and all these games are basically QWOP anyway.

  8. DestructibleEnvironments says:

    Is the player a zombie or an Auschwitz victim?

    • Spoon Of Doom says:

      Both, actually. It’s a sequel to Nazi Zombie Army. The Nazi zombie guards infected their prisoners, but once you sniped them (the guards) all to death, the prisoners bought crappy cars and drove the hell away.

      Plot twist: the car is not really falling apart; a sniper’s trying to hit your hand and instead shoots everything you touch.

  9. Kubrick Stare Nun says:

    I played this while high
    can’t return to the real world
    been trapped here for days already
    help

  10. Alisa3546 says:

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  11. hamburger_cheesedoodle says:

    It might be more fitting to call it the QWOP of driving games, really.

    I’m getting the best results by not touching anything at all. If I just sit back I usually get between 1.75-2.5km, which is better than the 1.5-2 I usually get.

    • Sharlie Shaplin says:

      I managed 5km by mashing the throttle and closing my eyes.

  12. deanimate says:

    Anyone have the install file for this? The site is inaccessible right now :(