FIFA 15 Highlights The Emotional Intelligence Of Footballers

By Graham Smith on July 21st, 2014 at 10:00 am.

There’s a point in the life cycle of any EA Sports series where, pressured by the need for new yearly features, the game dashes away from the reality of its simulated sport and straight into fantasy. In the old Tiger Woods golf games, that was being struck by lightning to charge up supershots. In FIFA 15, it’s positing a world in which footballers have something called “emotional intelligence.” As the trailer below outlines, players in the next iteration will experience the following feels: neutral, anger, delighted, alarmed, excited, surprise, disgust, tired, happy, sad, and calm.

If you’re going to do this, why not go further?

Roberto Soldado toe-pokes a shot past the post and stares forlornly at the escaping ball. “Mono no aware“, he says. “It looks like Roberto Soldado has become overcome with a transient gentle sadness for the impermanence of things,” says commentator Martin Tyler. “He should have put his laces through it,” responds Alan Smith.

Play goes on, but Watford’s defense are a mess. Joel Ekstrand has been sat beyond the corner flag for the past fifteen minutes, experiencing the feeling of sehnsucht. He’s staring at a man in the crowd, lost in his blue coat and weathered face. It reminds him of a life he’s never lived. A life he never will live. The camera lingers upon his face, upon which dances the shadow of indescribable longing.

Would it have been worth while“, asks commentator Clive Tyldesley.

If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:

“That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.

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38 Comments »

  1. Drake Sigar says:

    *Smirk* You smartass.

  2. DrollRemark says:

    Well that’s only gone and made my day.

  3. Utsunomiya says:

    Will my footballmen cry when they inevitably lose the game? Will there be horrific psychological trauma from tackling other players?
    I might just buy this one then!

  4. chesh says:

    Normally I skip posts about foot-to-ball, but I’m glad Adam’s tweet intrigued me enough to read this one. A++++, would read again.

  5. elwood_p says:

    “It looks like Roberto Soldado has become overcome with a transient gentle sadness for the impermanence of things,” says commentator Martin Tyler. “He should have put his laces through it,” responds Alan Smith.

    Fantastic. :)

  6. Earl-Grey says:

    How quaint, trying to convince us that foot-to-ballers have any other emotions than “my hair feels like it needs more gel” and “my bank account needs another million pounds for the great value I am contributing to society”.
    Tossers.

    • SanguineAngel says:

      To not forget the ever popular “I might get away with something if I pretend my leg has come off here, is anyone looking?”

    • altum videtur says:

      The last time somebody said “contribute to society”, YHWH Sabaoth descended from *its* mighty throne to reap the sinners.

      • Earl-Grey says:

        The last time a millionaire footballer died of auto-errotic asphyxiation the baby Jesus shead a singular tear of joy.

  7. BTAxis says:

    Now you have me thinking about mods for the emotional intelligence system where all the players are permanently, terminally depressed, mostly just standing around on the field, staring at the ball and contemplating if it’s worth the effort trying to kick it.

  8. Stardog says:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ta1KfRX06kA

    It’s a shame they haven’t updated their player body models in years. Truly awful modelling.

  9. speedwaystar says:

    “In Fifa 15, a goalie, Joseph Bloch, opts out of a game. He subsequently arbitrarily commits a murder (no psychological explanation is offered) in this ‘deconstructed thriller’ bringing together elements of Camus, Sartre and Kafka. In the telling of Bloch’s existential crisis, EA Sports (in their 15th football game) shifts Handke’s thematic focus on language itself to the impossibility of real communication. But EA finds gameplay equivalents for Handke’s use of language, maintaining Bloch’s absorbtion in objects to the point of claustrophobia. In place of Handke’s fascination with language, Fifa 15 has a self-reflexivity based on its own fascination with football gaming history.”
    http://www.wim-wenders.com/movies/movies_spec/thegoalkeepersanxiety/the_goalkeepers_fear_of_the_penalty.htm

  10. c-Row says:

    Needs an “empty eyes” tag.

    • Hmm-Hmm. says:

      Well, if they’re doing that they’d better make it vacuous gaze or something. But I interject that said digital persona was obviously spacing out and considering how well-cut the grass is and, hey, there’s still a whiff of freshly-mowned grass.. soo green..

  11. Wulfram says:

    Are they going to include romances?

  12. Ross Angus says:

    Can the footballists feel enoui? And will it be available on Wii?

  13. Anthile says:

    But can FIFA15 fill the howling void inside of me?

  14. Flakfizer says:

    If only we could talk to the footballers …

  15. Tei says:

    Theres a alternate universe where they play soccer with a emotionally intelligent ball, that grown to the size of the ego of the last guy that touch it. The professionals always end the games 0-0, because the ball can’t enter the goal.

  16. Shadowcat says:

    But will they feel the uncontrollable ravenous hunger?

  17. sfury says:

    Poor Xavi, he’s going down here too.

  18. P.Funk says:

    They should add emotional intelligence to the NHL series. Just be a lot of angry hockey players punching each other and coaches breaking sticks and throwing them on the ice.

    In fact… please add emotional intelligence to NHL15. PLEEEEEEAAAAAASE.

  19. Tams80 says:

    Hungry?

  20. SuicideKing says:

    I can swear i saw most of the “emotions” showcased here the last time i played FIFA 07.

  21. Dominare says:

    Now I can finally recreate the Internationale Philosophie between Greece and Germany.

  22. Chiron says:

    Can they snap and go on a rampage with a semi-automatic pistol gleefully shooting all and sundry? Because frankly that’d make Fifa so much more fun

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