Football Manager 2015 Announced And That’s It

By Graham Smith on August 8th, 2014 at 12:00 pm.

Sports Interactive and Sega have announced Football Manager 2015 is being made. It’s going to be released in November. They’ve also launched a free service called inSIder, which you can sign up to in order to get information about what Sports Interactive are doing. There is no information on what new features are going to be in this new Football Manager though, as announcement of those won’t happen till October.

Still, I’m excited because I’ve played Football Manager 2014 more than any other game in the past twelve months. To justify writing this tiny sliver of information, I’ve tried suggesting some other features that might be included.

  • Master craftsfootballers should etch and chisel memories of your team’s famous successes and failures into surfaces around the stadium. You should then be able to read text descriptions of these great works of art, telling tales of that time you won the cup final in the last minute, the time your best player held out for a larger contract, or the time your footballers were trampled by stampeding elephants.
  • A new endgame boss should be added, whereupon reaching 2030 your challenge becomes defeating the ascendant hellbeast Sepp Blatter. His chittering mandibles deafen your players, his twisted body undulates rhythmically. Beware his deadly spittle!
  • Opposing managers should occasionally enter into a fugue state whereby they become obsessed with creating a ‘great work’. During this process they should lock themselves away, focus on nothing else, and become depressed and frustrated should they be unable to gather the pieces to construct their great work. This condition should then only be applied to Arsene Wenger.
  • They should re-balance the game so strikers aren’t frustratingly nerfed in an attempt to make scores more realistic, and they should maybe stop players kicking the ball behind the goal direct from a corner kick quite so often. Except for Wayne Rooney who should underperform even more.

That’s it.

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25 Comments »

Top comments

  1. Gothnak says:

    Player interview when you have to talk in the active present perfect tense, if you use the past tense (like everyone else in the world) you are immediately fired.

    ‘I was running into the box and the ball was coming in from the left and i was jumping and the ball was going into the net off my head’

    ‘The referee’s seen the foul, but he’s not acted on it, he’s let him get away with it. I am furious. BUZZ, FIRED’

  1. Anthile says:

    At this point I’m fairly confident that Sepp Blatter is a demilich. You can never truly defeat him, you have to destroy his phylactery. Nobody will listen. And when his gem encrusted skull glimmers with an eldritch fire and he announces the 2026 world cup for North Korea it will be too late.

    • Pockets says:

      You’re thinking of Joao Havelange there, I think. Easy mistake to make; Blatter was originally a clone that ate too much from the free buffet so became too different from the original and became self-aware.

      Sorry, that’s crazy. There’s no self awareness involved. I meant “a seperate being”.

      North Korea for 2026 shows a lack of vision though. What about the Moon for 2026? It would be a huge hit with sponsors for both novelty and lack of a population to be worked to death in construction, after the controversy of 2022 and would require a whole lot of infrastructure works, creating a fantastic opportunity for kickbacks.

      • Smoky_the_Bear says:

        Good point. World Cup Moon 2026, at which point the Nazis will finally reveal themselves from their secret moon base and hold billions of pounds worth of footballers hostage in a bid to retake the globe. All masterminded by Blatter who will turn out to be the product of a pre-war Nazi cloning program in Switzerland. There are many copies of him, all server the will of the Fuhrer.

  2. DrollRemark says:

    Every game watched should be followed by 15 minutes of “expert analysis” in which three former players (these should become regens after about 30-40 years of play) trade bland, insight-less descriptions of exactly what you just saw.

    “See, there, when he got the ball near the goal, what he did was kick it AT the goal, see, and that’s how he scored. And that was good for his team, see, because now they’ve got a win. They will treasure that.”

    “That’s fascinating Alan, thank you”

    I’m pretty sure, given the immense complexity of the modern Football Manager games, that this could actually be one of the easiest parts they have to write.

  3. DrollRemark says:

    Randomly generated topics of punditry could include:

    “Player X, will he ever be considered as good as player Y, from 30 years ago?”

    “How did the referee not spot this obvious foul, after we watched countless replays of it from every possible angle, slowed down to a crawl, before we made any judgement ourselves?”

    “Zonal marking, eh? I mean, honestly.”

    “Who is to blame for our national team not winning the World Cup.” (hint: probably not that our players simply aren’t that great)

  4. Lacero says:

    * Randomly a player may be a vampire. He will suck the blood of other players when the action is elsewhere and leave a drained corpse behind. If he does it in full view of the cameras by mistake he’ll be banned for a few months.

    * Playing in stadiums too close to primary schools will result in pitch invasions by children, bringing gifts of poorly made papier mache shin pads and helmets.

  5. Gothnak says:

    Player interview when you have to talk in the active present perfect tense, if you use the past tense (like everyone else in the world) you are immediately fired.

    ‘I was running into the box and the ball was coming in from the left and i was jumping and the ball was going into the net off my head’

    ‘The referee’s seen the foul, but he’s not acted on it, he’s let him get away with it. I am furious. BUZZ, FIRED’

  6. Hollowized says:

    Here is a leaked video of a new character introduced in FM 2015

  7. Gothnak says:

    A massively multiplayer version where every time you try to buy a Player you have to have an email conversation with someone playing Football Agent 2015.

    • FurryLippedSquid says:

      All sorts of potential for spin-off titles there. Hooker manager. Super injunction manager. ..

      • Malibu Stacey says:

        All sorts of potential for spin-off titles there. Hooker manager. Super injunction manager. ..

        Package them together as the “Ashley Cole DLC pack”. Would need a creepy team photo generator though.

        • Smoky_the_Bear says:

          To play the Ashley Cole DLC pack you need to register your name, email address, date of birth and a selfie of your cock on the website.

      • Gothnak says:

        Minigames including ‘Bar Fight’, ‘Hair Transplant’ and ‘Ace Attorney – Football Player Lawyer’.

  8. mpk says:

    Your club’s transfer budget depends entirely on your own, as all player transfers will now be via microtransaction only. Star players will demand wages so high you’ll need a second job to pay for them.

  9. Big Murray says:

    OH MY GOD I DID NOT EXPECT THIS OMG

  10. Brinx says:

    I would like to build so-called ‘danger rooms’ to train my players agilty.

  11. MartinWisse says:

    Also nice: goalies who don’t try and save balls already behind the goal to give away needless corners and defenders not punting the ball over the goalline when an attacker crosses into their half.

  12. elyoungque says:

    I hope this one’s available in most countries. Couldn’t get 2014 because I live in South Korea.

  13. JXSZSMS says:

    FM14 was the most disgusting CM/FM ever made. I hope they mend their ways in 15 otherwise I’m boycotting this series forever despite being a 10-year fan. I’m sure they’ll lose support in the end if they don’t.

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