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View Full Version : My computer is on fire.



tomeoftom
03-06-2011, 09:07 AM
What can I do about this?

cwoac
03-06-2011, 09:20 AM
Take it out of the oven.

or

try turning it off and on again.

Rossignol
03-06-2011, 09:21 AM
All technical problems with PCs can be fixed by throwing a bucket of water over them. This sounds like one of those issues.

mlaskus
03-06-2011, 09:22 AM
No! Water conducts electricity! Use alcohol instead.

Harlander
03-06-2011, 09:23 AM
Have you tried switching it off and on again?

Spectre-7
03-06-2011, 09:38 AM
Hi tomeoftom,

It's important to keep in mind that such spontaneous computer fires are incredibly common, and are just part of the process of PC gaming as we know it. This is due to the way modern microprocessors are manufactured. Let's take a closer look at that process, shall we?

The origins of the CPU (or Chthonic Purgatory Unit) date back to the rebellion of the archangel Lucifer in the year 9,613 BC, which you may be familiar with from the fictional account in Milton's <em>Paradise Lost</em>. The device is itself a microscopic cage containing the compressed souls of the damned who have been tasked with completing menial mathematical operations as punishment for the sins they committed in life.

That's all well and good, but why the fire? The answer is actually very simple: The lost souls are driven into action (and tortured!) with the same unholy flames one might find in the depths of Hell itself, and this powerful heat leaks out because of our imperfect containment technology. The original CPUs produced very little excess heat, but thanks to Moloch's Law, the number of damned souls that can be packaged inside of a CPU doubles roughly every 18 months, which consequently doubles the amount of hellfire needed to punish them. That's a right skippy rate, and our Earthly advances in heat dispersion technology (i.e. heatsinks, fans, and the tears of angels) simply can't keep up.

The end result? You guessed it... you add a new cell to your spreadsheet, and the whole damned tower bursts into an inferno the likes of which even Paul Newman and Steve McQueen have never faced, brutally killing grandma, little baby Sue, and even Scraps the dog. The sad fact of the matter is that you can't do a thing about it right now except keep a decent fire extinguisher at hand, but there is some hope for future improvements to drivers (the vicious demons charged with overseeing the souls inside your CPU) that may lessen the severity of these infernal and unpredictable blazes.

Tei
03-06-2011, 10:31 AM
Fire is not a real problem. PC's are designed in a way so fire don't affect the working of the machines... and is normal for a graphic card to have the temperature of 1000 suns. But if you see smoke, is time to panic. Magic Smoke is what runs hardware, is actually inside the chips, if the chips leaks the magic smoke, the machine may stop working properly.

tomeoftom
03-06-2011, 10:35 AM
Thanks guys. I tried alcohol and now I can't see, but I managed to feel my way around the case and turn it off, so at least now my data is safe.

amandachen
03-06-2011, 10:47 AM
Good. Don't pirate software again.

Spacewalk
03-06-2011, 10:48 AM
I was going to suggest that you could put it back in the closet but since alcohol worked crisis averted.

Ansob
03-06-2011, 11:22 AM
If it's on fire, that means it was too dry. You should have basted it in oil.

Alex Bakke
03-06-2011, 11:24 AM
DO NOT LISTEN TO PEOPLE HERE, POURING WATER ON YOU COMPUTER IS BAD



It needs to be distilled, purified water otherwise you'll get limescale buildup.

Nero
03-06-2011, 11:31 AM
Feed it pizza!

amishmonster
03-06-2011, 11:32 AM
Roll back to the previous version of your video drivers, and stop playing Crysis.

dudeglove
03-06-2011, 11:32 AM
What's a computer?

Teddy Leach
03-06-2011, 11:32 AM
Try telling it you love it. But you need to do so in a Stephen Hawking voice.

MonkeyMonster
03-06-2011, 11:33 AM
Feed it pizza!

and beer and some more beer, because this message has to be at least 10 characters...

Tagert
03-06-2011, 11:34 AM
It needs to be distilled, purified water otherwise you'll get limescale buildup.

That's fine. If it builds up too much you have to excuse to case haul someone to clean it off.

Grygus
03-06-2011, 12:08 PM
I assume you are using Windows 7 64-bit. This is an all-too-common lament.

Start -> Control Panel -> Power Options -> Uncheck "Combustion" -> Accept. This will prevent future outbreaks. It's a silly default, really.

StrangLove
03-06-2011, 12:44 PM
If you are running XP or vista you'll need to go into the root files and edit out the combustion setting yourself.

Maralinga
03-06-2011, 02:11 PM
If you are running XP or vista you'll need to go into the root files and edit out the combustion setting yourself.
I used an electric carving knife when I originally did the hack job - use a chainsaw instead and you're highly likely of accidentally cutting the OS back to 16-bit.

vandinz
03-06-2011, 05:44 PM
Dip it in bleach.

imirk
03-06-2011, 05:58 PM
This is going to sound silly but: Is it plugged in?

Temple
03-06-2011, 07:23 PM
We cannot help you on this forum without more details.
Please mention your operating system and check all software is fully updated.
Then download Hijackthis (the latest version is 2.04) run it and post your logs.
Then add where you live.
Tell us what the weather is like. Is this usual weather for this time of year?
Have you seen any bears recently?
Was there a man? Was he standing over there? Are you sure? Look again?

[and if I edit this does it work?]

Mr. Icarus
03-06-2011, 11:58 PM
Thanks guys. I tried alcohol and now I can't see, but I managed to feel my way around the case and turn it off, so at least now my data is safe.

You can't see? We regret to inform you that you drank too much of the stuff. Lucky for you it dulled the pain enough to turn off the fire with your hand.

Tagert
04-06-2011, 12:13 AM
Did you disable the firewall? I highly suggest you put it back up to contain the fire, and any future fires.

ASX
04-06-2011, 12:31 AM
I am a certified A- technician, and I can safely say that unless you have bought a license for your computer to be on fire you will soon be sued for the fire you have unlawfully used. Put it out immediately with as much sand as you can find.

LittleLizard
04-06-2011, 01:06 AM
I wonder what i would do if my computer spontaniously caught fire? I mean, my desk is made out of wood. The floor is made of wood. There is a huge closet besides the tower MADE OF WOOD. And in that closet is where i keep all my bottles of whisky, ron & vodka... ALL ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES!

Scroll
05-06-2011, 02:24 AM
I wonder what i would do if my computer spontaniously caught fire? I mean, my desk is made out of wood. The floor is made of wood. There is a huge closet besides the tower MADE OF WOOD. And in that closet is where i keep all my bottles of whisky, ron & vodka... ALL ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES!
I guess you'd be pretty screwed. I'd suggest not burning your pc.

LittleLizard
05-06-2011, 03:23 AM
I guess you'd be pretty screwed. I'd suggest not burning your pc.

Screwed & on fire! =S

xGryfter
09-06-2011, 07:13 PM
To the OP:

I suggest buying a Mac. I used to own a PC and it would catch fire all the time, even with my fire wall on. After lighting my cat on fire (he really liked sleeping behind the case) for the 3rd time I decided I had had enough and bought a Mac. The nice thing about Macs is they cost twice as much so you know they are awesome and people will want to be your friends when they see you with it. Another benefit to owning a Mac is it will never, ever burst into flames though it will, on occasion, deflate for no good reason. Thankfully the god's of Apple love us so much that when this happens they allow us to bring the deflated system back to the compound and buy a whole new system for even more money thus guaranteeing your superiority to the world.


I wonder what i would do if my computer spontaniously caught fire? I mean, my desk is made out of wood. The floor is made of wood. There is a huge closet besides the tower MADE OF WOOD. And in that closet is where i keep all my bottles of whisky, ron & vodka... ALL ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES!

My first recommendation would be to let Ron out of the closet... it is 2011 and all. Besides, how can Ron help you distinguish the spontaneous combustion of random household appliances if he's locked in your closet?

EDIT: He may also drink all your alcohol... unless of course you tied him up in which case you should probably buy a Mac. We don't want Ron burning to death after all. The last thing you need is for the cops to find the charred remains of Ron bound up in your closet. (or, as recommended above, just let him out)

Olero
09-06-2011, 07:38 PM
Have you guys not learned anything from your local politicians? All you need to do is fight fire with fire! And even better; don't wait for your computer to start the fire next time --> burn it pre-emptively!