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View Full Version : Summer Beer



dadioflex
03-07-2011, 09:18 AM
Summer beer. You know. Summer beer.


The beer you buy to have in the fridge that doesn't get drunk, but is there when you have a glowy sunny Wednesday evening and it feels like barbecue time. You have the frozen Big Als burgers and there are burger buns at the garage Spar and right there in the fridge are chilly sweaty Summer beers.


It doesn't work like that for people like me. The summer beers are an intention that never makes it past Sunday. Summer beer, or Winter beer or Autumn beer, is the easily breached bulwark against my sobriety at the weekend.


So where did my Summer Beer take me this weekend.


I played Half Life Deathmatch:Source. Drunk. Very, very drunk.


I spawn. I'm in a room which I quickly leave. There's a valley with a great spar bridging from one side to another but I'm not dumb enough to fall for that. I die.


I spawn. I'm in a room which I quickly leave. There's a sniper up high but I only hear the shots I don't see them. I head down, tumbling and falling. I die.


I spawn. I'm in a room which I quickly leave. I dodge and bunny hop down to the valley floor. I switch and teeter past massive obstacles. I can see my enemies but they appear to be obsessed with each-other. I die.


I spawn. I'm in a room which I quickly leave. I test fire my gun. I haven't fired it yet and wish to reassure myself it works. It booms, loudly. I die.


I do this, again and again.


I spawn. I'm in a room which I... I turn around. Is that a trapdoor? I'm in the sewer system. I've beaten the game, it expects me to leave the room and I am leaving the room. No-one will see this coming. I die.


I do this, again and again.


An hour later I quit. I have a massive grin on my face. I have been slaughtered up and down that frigging valley. I may have fired in anger a handful of times. I am still very, very drunk.


Good night.


Where the hell are my beers?