The GoG.com Capsule Review Thread

**couggod** · 05-06-2011, 02:16 PM

Master of Orion 2
You start from a tiny planet, and build your space-faring empire across the Galaxy. You meet some talking bears and rocks. You habitually tweak ship designs with every new advance in technology. Engagements with other ships have a certain tactical flair, that is until you research the Stellar Converter. Once you have that, just recline in your throne room chair and laugh to yourself as crush the opposition planet by planet.

**Pesforozo** · 05-06-2011, 03:35 PM

o o o o o______ o o o
_o o o o o____ o o o o o o
__ o o o_____ o o o o o o
___o o o_____ o o o o o o
___ o o o______ o o o o o o
___ o o o o o______ o o o o o o
_ o o o o o______ o o o o o

Peggle: 8/10

**Sh33p** · 05-06-2011, 04:42 PM

Nuke Dukem Forever

I haven't played this game because it takes like 2 hours to download and it only takes me 15 minutes to walk to the shop and get a magazine with a cd in with 10 demos on so it should only take 1.5 minutes to download the demo really so instead i just drew a picture of what it probably looks like because my friend told me because his dad works for ea and got a copy early but i think he is lieing becuase once he said he was lv 100 on black ops

nuke duken.jpg

**Synchrony** · 05-06-2011, 05:29 PM

Tired of suffering from constipation? Normal laxatives not providing the relief you desire?
Ask your doctor to prescribe Amnesia: The Dark Descent, the brand new constipation treatment from Frictional Games. Guaranteed to provide long-lasting relief

**Soender** · 05-06-2011, 06:37 PM

Do you wake up in the morning feeling tired? Well then you're like thousands of equals that haven't played minesweeper. This game will make you wake up feeling like a newborn baby. All because you fell a sleep in good time during another boring minesweeper session.

**Shark** · 05-06-2011, 07:39 PM

Just Cause 2:
Subs in frozen lakes
Riding nukes
Cheesy one liners
-10/10 unexplainable explosions

**Mr. Magoolachub** · 05-06-2011, 07:48 PM

Team Fortress 2: If updated in reverse, one could witness the creation of a near perfect game. If updates are witnessed in the correct order, one could witness the creation of an accurate fashion simulator; everything is too expensive and people will glorify things regardless of appearance precisely because they are too expensive. Additionally, I'm selling Max's Severed Head: $1,000,000 or best offer.

**Alex_Bero** · 05-06-2011, 08:53 PM

Minecraft:

Q: Really, what are you going to do with a diamond shovel?
A: Dig forever.

**field_studies** · 05-06-2011, 08:59 PM

I spend my days farming, and my nights reading in a small house with large bookshelves.

Then I started playing a game. I decided to build a giant library in it—a library of dream proportions, with thousands of bookshelves. I spent many days farming trees, reeds, making books, building edifices. I spent weeks drawing plans, clearing ground, erecting walls, building community.

And eventually I had made something magnificent. But in that library I couldn’t read anything, and in that month I had read few real books. My real-world farm was suffering from my distraction.

Minecraft—immersive but uncannily unreal.

**Tacroy** · 05-06-2011, 10:04 PM

Practice does not make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect. You are not perfect, and through practice your imperfections surface and stare you down.

But still, you persevere. Through the level you flow, until you can see the shape of it, until you can grind it down, until you can lose everything and nothing is left but a seamless, perfect run.

And that is your imperfection showing. The run is imperfect: in this spot you should sprint, not hesitate; but there you should wait, not jump.

And yet you still blow up in front of the exit.

Again.

Goddamnit.

--N

**Swanny** · 05-06-2011, 10:11 PM

Listen up, 'oomans!
'Ere's da know-wots on dis.

Warboss:
Like Master of Magic, with more gitz and dakka.
World map look like oil paintin', if you like elfy things.
Orks.
Goblin Bombers.
Lotsa playable races, all differen't. Tellyportin' Dragons? Yep. Damn Elves.
Heroes are unique and dead killy.
Dun cost a lot of teef.
Goblin Bombers.

Grot:
Real time mode, like Arcanum, is useless as a squig in an ice cream parlor.
AI can be brutal. Try Very Easy first, you ain't scared, are ya, grot?
Maps can be 8-10 hours long. Waaagh!

**Lambchops** · 05-06-2011, 10:31 PM

Grim Fandango (in the style of Tony Christie!)

When your life is ending
And to the next world you need sending
There's a reaper to guide you
And Calavera is his name
With big ol' Glottis
And a natty schythe
He goes is search of Meche
All through the afterlife

Is this the way to Rubacava?
Oh my it's a mighty palava!
Can't find my way to Rubacava
And sweet Meche who waits for me
Show me the way to Rubacava
Past the beavers in the lava
Where the hell is Rubacava?
Reckon I'll just look up Gamefaqs

Sha la la la la la la la la!

----

Actually it was Universal Hints System I used (for it was a ridiculous puzzle for a young lad to solve) but that would have taken me over the word limit!

**amandachen** · 06-06-2011, 12:05 AM

3D SexVilla
Go fuck yourself.

**Col** · 06-06-2011, 01:21 AM

Super Meat Boy

Run and jump over the buzzsaw and *SPLAT*

Run and jump over the buzzsaw and zig-zag between the walls and *SPLAT*

Run and jump over the buzzsaw and zig-zag between the walls and dodge the missile and *SPLAT*

Run and jump over the buzzsaw and zig-zag between the walls and dodge the missile and slide down the wall and *SPLAT*

Run and jump over the buzzsaw and zig-zag between the walls and dodge the missile and slide down the wall and *SPLAT*

Run and jump over the buzzsaw and *SPLAT*

Run and jump over th-*SPLAT*

**pizzapicante27** · 06-06-2011, 03:36 AM

It was 9 in the morning I had just woken up and decided to create a quick game, at some point between organising an invasion on the border worlds of the sentient robots, getting my new planet up and running, designing a rip-off Enterprise and signing a deal with the talking frogs I decided to take a rest and realised I had been magically transported 12 hours into the future without eating or getting up.

**jeremypeel** · 06-06-2011, 07:59 AM

Divine Divinity? Oh sure, I knew her. There was something in her nature - and her form, which was long as if to be draped languidly over the furniture - that we, her friends and sycophants, had all been missing for a long time. A European sensibility; a depth of interaction we couldn't get anywhere else.

It was one of those designer drugs that did for her: hack 'n' slash, El Diablo; ARPG they call it now, in the debates and the government warnings. All too soon she was removed, spirited to a personal dungeon. And I knew enough not to follow.

**BooleanBob** · 06-06-2011, 09:41 AM

I’m not a fan of intuition, as an idea. Vague, psychophenomenal - almost like prescience - recalling the fast-and-loose motivational sermonising of Malcolm Gladwell, or the justifications for an incontestable self-worth proclaimed by the more contemptible [‘fellows’ – ed.] on The Apprentice.

But at the age of three, Sonic on my dad’s mate’s Megadrive was pure intuitive revelation. Hold down the button: the blue cat thing moves! Jumps, spins!

Videogames, then – a concept no sooner encountered than immediately understood; no sooner experienced than instantly adored. The beginning of a life-long captivation. A pretty great game - but an incredible moment.

**a_bullet** · 06-06-2011, 10:55 AM

Adorable robot seeks sweetheart; puzzles abound.

Amanita Design do a superb job utilizing such muted and drab colors to create a vibrant setting. The machine city appears both lovely and dilapidated, kind of like Detriot. Additionally, Machinarium’s sounds rise up from the city itself to produce the game’s music, adding to the sense of place. The puzzles really do not sway too far to either end of the difficulty spectrum. Even if you find a puzzle too easy or too hard, the resultant animation of a solved puzzle will bring a smile.

Machinarium: well crafted, seamless, and charming.

**Kizor** · 06-06-2011, 10:59 AM

Fate of the World is a planet sim about weathering climate change. This is done through placing cards, ones like “commit to nuclear” and “artificial biomes.” No card fixes everything and many break something else. Push electric cars in a coal-heavy area, and emissions rise. Meanwhile, food riots dry up your funding, and while you’re fixing that, the Amazon collapses. Fate is bastard hard, and it’s glorious. Fascinating, even: getting to play with the mechanics of energy security and deforestation teaches more than actual eco-games.



Some of the difficulty is unwarranted, due to anemic documentation. Getting a grip takes patience.

**Insane** · 06-06-2011, 12:13 PM

Max Payne

There was something disturbingly familiar about the Noir setting, the gameplay was all stunning slow-mo gunfights punctured by ridiculous story-telling.

The truth split my skull open, a glaring green light washing the lies away. All of my past was just fragmented, concise summations of interactive entertainment, percentage scores hanging at the end like demented anchors.

I was reviewing a computer game. Funny as hell, it was the most horrible thing I could think of.

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