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  1. #1
    Network Hub Rath's Avatar
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    Assassin's Creed III - Predictions Thread

    Predictions for Assassin's Creed III, calling it now before release;


    • All this jingoistic "Look at the patriotism!" marketing turns out to have been an attempt to distract away from the way the game will depict Desmond in present day New York slitting up the NYPD as they pursue him over rooftops.


    • As there are (presumably) few hay carts in modern day NYC, Desmond spends a good portion of his time out of the Animus going dumpster diving.



    • To apologise for explaining why Lucy got stabbed at the end of Brotherhood through an under-advertised, half-arsed piece of DLC for Revelations set within Animus Block World, the intro for AC3 presents the explanation with the gravitas it deserves and has the characters actually discuss the impact of it.



    • Conservatives go batshit crazy over depiction of Thomas Paine as an actual human being rather than the scurrilous cur he was made out to be.



    • The Templars wise up to the fact that Assassins can climb up the side of bloody anything, and ensure that the outer walls of all their present day strongholds are concave, utterly windowless and shiny. One mission sees you break Frank Gehry out of a Templar cell where they've been forcing him to design all this for them.



    • Barbary Coast Wars DLC set after the main game shows that Connor was present at the signing of the Treaty Of Tripoli, and the controversy surrounding Article 11 of said treaty is revealed to be a product of the war between the Assassins and Templars.



    • Sarah Palin is a Templar.



    • The bleeding effect drives Desmond absolutely insane to the point where all his ancestors, plus the remnants of 16 that he picked up along the way, manifest themselves in the present day and converse with each other. William Miles at one point has a conversation with his younger self incarnated in the body of his son, which is all kinds of strange.



    • The writers, so fed up of people complaining about Desmond being 'boring', use this as an excuse to get rid of him and the game ends with Ezio emerging as the dominant personality. After Ezio gets over his shock at being several centuries in the future, he immediately attempts to seduce Rebecca. Successfully. Shaun cries.



    • Fox News is outraged by the content of the game and dials up the manufactured controversy to 11. Several 'experts' who have neither played the game nor know shit about history voice their disgust while simultaneously plugging their new books, all of which are immediately review-bombed on Amazon. Bill O'Reilly is so furious about every facet of the game that the vein in his temple finally explodes on air. The world cheers.



    • Ubisofts' DRM takes the form of an invasive medical procedure to secure a sample of your spinal fluid before you can play. Attempting to register the game prompts a sinister man in a hood to come to your door with a needle designed to look like a hidden-blade. ... Plus, always online.
    Last edited by Rath; 04-07-2012 at 09:06 PM.

  2. #2
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus jnx's Avatar
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    Might want to do something to make that wall'o'text a bit more readable...
    Twitter! Occasional impressions on random sim games.

  3. #3
    Network Hub Rath's Avatar
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    Done. Buggered that right up.

  4. #4
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus somini's Avatar
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    I think Lucy had much more chances with Rebecca than Shaun. Stereotypical, I know. The rest of the predictions are actually funny to imagine.
    I really want to know why the hell Lucy was killed in that way, but don't spoil, the Steam Seals will tell me soon enough.
    I though Desmond was there to clean up the story?
    Steam(shots), Imgur, Bak'laag, why do you forsake me?

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by somini View Post
    I think Lucy had much more chances with Rebecca than Shaun. Stereotypical, I know. The rest of the predictions are actually funny to imagine.
    I really want to know why the hell Lucy was killed in that way, but don't spoil, the Steam Seals will tell me soon enough.
    I though Desmond was there to clean up the story?
    That screenshot reminds me of a bug in AssBro that swapped Ezio for Desmond at around 80% completion, leaving me with just the hidden blade. Had to start the whole thing again :(

  6. #6
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    Connor will be boring as fuck and Americans will praise him as the best character yet.

    No but seriously why was the interesting AC3 character shoved into the fucking Vita game?

  7. #7
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus somini's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Serenegoose View Post
    Connor will be boring as fuck and Americans will praise him as the best character yet.

    No but seriously why was the interesting AC3 character shoved into the fucking Vita game?
    Unless some American hero is a templar. I still hope all this anti-British PR is bullshit. Ubi Montréal won't dissapoint.
    Steam(shots), Imgur, Bak'laag, why do you forsake me?

  8. #8
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus Heliocentric's Avatar
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    I think the templars have it right, the weak should be oppressed, its just not cricket to have the weak in charge!
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