Page 1 of 9 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 176
  1. #1
    Lesser Hivemind Node Bhazor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    734

    Describe your favorite game and make it sound as bad as possible

    So you start in some long empty corridor then after a cutscene you end up in a field and you have no idea where to go so you just wander about for hours. Your weapon is absolutely crap and can't even damage most enemies and you won't get a new one for hours. The way the game is designed you're pretty much forced to constantly back track through the enviornments over and over.

    Your character's most important ability is being able to do a forward roll.
    Last edited by Bhazor; 03-08-2012 at 09:29 PM.
    “People will kill you over time, and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like “be realistic”
    Dylan Moran

  2. #2
    Network Hub
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    460
    Your mom beats you until you cry on poo in the basement.

  3. #3
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus neema_t's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    1,038
    You have to trundle through dreary, dead environments, shooting stuff in order to find better guns with which to shoot bigger stuff in order to find other better guns.

  4. #4
    Network Hub
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    460
    Quote Originally Posted by neema_t View Post
    You have to trundle through dreary, dead environments, shooting stuff in order to find better guns with which to shoot bigger stuff in order to find other better guns.
    I wish id would make a game called Trundle.

  5. #5
    Network Hub
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    254
    No matter what, you'll die. It will take you years to win even once, if at all. It is an endless hell of repeating deaths, as the game finds new and inventive ways to lead you to your sudden end. It will be blatantly unfair and death is sudden and unsatisfying, deleting your savegame and presenting you only with a tombstone.

    Batolemaeus, killed by a rabbit while helpless.
    Batolemaeus, killed by something while blind.
    Batolemaeus, killed by a gnome, while helpless.
    Batolemaeus, killed by a magical blast.
    Batolemaeus, killed by a blast of lightning.
    Batolemaeus, killed by a gnome zombie, while helpless.
    Batolemaeus, killed by a small mimic.
    Batolemaeus, quit.

    The graphics are bad too.
    Last edited by Batolemaeus; 03-08-2012 at 08:41 PM.

  6. #6
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus neema_t's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    1,038
    Quote Originally Posted by djbriandamage View Post
    I wish id would make a game called Trundle.
    Or there could be a Humble Trundle Bundle comprised of the most banal indie adventure games ever...

  7. #7
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus DaftPunk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Slovenia| Ljubljana
    Posts
    3,983
    It would be nice to write at the end,about which game you're talking.
    ... I take the lives of a few to protect the lives of many. I commit acts of war to preserve the greater peace. I take no joy in killing, but make no mistake; I'll do what needs to be done. Because it's my job. It's my duty. My name is Sam Fisher, and I am a Splinter Cell.

  8. #8
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Stockton-on-Tees, UK
    Posts
    2,181
    You control up to six fairly standard fantasy heroes, small and lacking detail, which are broadly indistinguishable when wearing armour. You do battle with an array of generic monsters, whose strategy rarely advances beyond "target the closest enemy". Most of the challenge is scrolling through your character's stats trying to work out whether this time -1 is a bonus or a penalty. Interaction is via uncomplicated dialogue trees, generally giving you the options "hero", "mercenary", "lunatic murderer". If you are a woman, you can sleep with but one person, and he's a bit of a dick.

    After about 100 hours of this, you might reach the end, only to find the thing in the title never even appears in the game. The shields look much sillier than in the original.
    Irrelevant on further examination of the rest of the thread.

  9. #9
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    1,640
    You walk to the battlefield where you are killed and have to walk again. You can sometimes get a vehicle,that is big and slow, and everyone will want to kill you and steal your vehicle. Even your own team.

  10. #10
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus Voon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Sultanate of Johore
    Posts
    1,911
    "What's with all these letters I'm seeing? Where's that little guy I'm supposed to control? Why can't I use a mouse for this game? How do I build things in there?! Dammit! I can even see a fucking thing in here!"

    Basically, you're playing an RTS/city-building game where letters are the graphics and extreme, OCD-level micromanaging is a must. Oh, you'll never win. Ever.
    Last edited by Voon; 03-08-2012 at 09:19 PM.
    Art blog here.

    Stuffed with pokemon doodles. And arse. Enter at your own risk.

  11. #11
    Network Hub
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    460
    Quote Originally Posted by djbriandamage View Post
    Your mom beats you until you cry on poo in the basement.
    Quote Originally Posted by DaftPunk View Post
    It would be nice to write at the end,about which game you're talking.
    NHL Hockey 1998

  12. #12
    Lesser Hivemind Node Bhazor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    734
    So you're this brat sent to summer camp. After a load of wandering about you start hanging around this old guy who gets you to start using poorly explained psychic powers to enslave a fish. Then your whiny voiced love interest gets kidnapped and you have to save her by psychologically abusing mentally handicapped people until they do what you want.

    Theres only one ranged "gun", auto lock-on and no cover mechanics.
    “People will kill you over time, and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like “be realistic”
    Dylan Moran

  13. #13
    Lesser Hivemind Node Kaira-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Oulu, Finland
    Posts
    965
    Quote Originally Posted by Batolemaeus View Post
    -snip-
    Not sure if we're talking about the same game, but you forgot the best one.

    Batolemaeus, died because forgot to breathe.

    Anyway, on with the show.

    It controls like shit, looks like someone puked chocolate milk and rust all over the screen and the ending is spoiled to you in the first 10 minutes of gameplay if you know what to look for. It also has nonsenical puzzles.

  14. #14
    Network Hub
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    254
    Quote Originally Posted by Voon View Post
    "What's with all these letters I'm seeing? Where's that little guy I'm supposed to control? Why can't I use a mouse for this game? How do I build things in there?! Dammit! I can even see a fucking thing in here!"

    Basically, you're playing an RTS/city-building game where letters are the graphics and extreme, OCD-level micromanaging is a must. Oh, you'll never win. Ever.
    Don't forget you need an external application that is essentially a giant spreadsheet. If you don't use it the game becomes unplayable.
    Basically, you need two monitors as a minimum requirement.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaira- View Post
    Not sure if we're talking about the same game, but you forgot the best one.

    Batolemaeus, died because forgot to breathe.
    I was of course talking about nethack

  15. #15
    Network Hub
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    496
    Quote Originally Posted by DaftPunk View Post
    It would be nice to write at the end,about which game you're talking.
    Nooo! It's more interesting to write in such a way that it's possible to figure out the game.
    I know what the others are so far, but not neema's which seems like it would fit any number of games. Maybe I missed a hint.

    So there's this game where you tell a bunch of dudes what to do. They are retarded and can't do anything by themselves. You have to constantly re-issue orders just to make sure they keep doing what you intended. Your hands may start to hurt. The view is zoomed in so far that you can only see a few things at a time, so you also have to keep peering at a postage stamp size minimap and try to divine from its giant pixels what the hell is going on. Often, if you don't react immediately to some of those pixels, you just randomly lose in seconds whatever you've been setting up for half an hour. 2/3 into the single player portion you are enslaved by a brutal dictator, and from there on, you are forced to murder tons of dudes and assist in the betrayal and/or murder of every even slightly decent person previously introduced in the plot. This is to secure the dictator's iron grip on everything; also because the dictator likes to watch dudes get murdered. THE END.
    95% of you probably recognize from the UI description that this is one of Blizzard's RTSs. Specifically, Starcraft: Brood War. The final third of the campaign you play a zerg cerebrate Kerrigan has psychically forced into her service. This is a normal state of affairs for a zerg, though!
    Last edited by victory; 04-08-2012 at 03:26 AM.

  16. #16
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    1,048
    Quote Originally Posted by Bhazor View Post
    So you start in some long empty corridor then after a cutscene you end up in a field and you have no idea where to go so you just wander about for hours. Your weapon is absolutely crap and can't even damage most enemies and you won't get a new one for hours. The way the game is designed you're pretty much forced to constantly back track through the enviornments over and over.

    Your character's most important ability is being able to do a forward roll.
    It's driving me crazy that I can't guess this one. Also, this reminded me of this review of A Link to the Past that made me chuckle:

    http://www.amazon.com/review/R1XONHO7ZJO3U5
    "What were we talking about? Pegasuses, pegasii, that's horses with wings. This motherf*cker got a sword that talks to him. Motherf*cker live in places that don't exist, it comes with a map. My God."

  17. #17
    Lesser Hivemind Node Bhazor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    734
    @ db1331

    Don't know why you'd want to know. It sounds pretty terrible.

    But if you insist: Sir, you met Roy?
    “People will kill you over time, and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like “be realistic”
    Dylan Moran

  18. #18
    Lesser Hivemind Node
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    913
    You start the game in a slow moving tram heading through a cool looking science facility, only you can't get out of the tram, and can only move a few feet in either direction. When they finally let you off you get forced to do this one experiment which blows everything up. Now, none of the cool science stuff works, and it gets so convoluted and difficult to get anywhere it takes you hours just to get outside the building, after which the game railroads you back inside again. You never really feel like you get to save anyone you meet, and in the end you beat up a stupid giant alien baby and get captured by some boringly dressed bad guy and that's it.

  19. #19
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus Voon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Sultanate of Johore
    Posts
    1,911
    Got another one:

    Trapped in Africa, you have been given an open world with nothing but trees and brown everywhere to explore. Also, you have malaria and you spend hours running from people persuing you relentlessly for no reason whatsoever other than using you for target practice. Fun game, right?
    Art blog here.

    Stuffed with pokemon doodles. And arse. Enter at your own risk.

  20. #20
    Network Hub
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    259
    You play as a stereotypical super soldier who's sent to the artic to stereotypically save the world from other rogue super soldiers and their terrorist army. Except you have no gear at all while the enemy uses tanks and helicopters to kill you. If you ever lose the game's case you'll be forever stuck at a certain point because you need a specific piece of information that's on the case and can't be found anywhere in the game itself. There's also a boss fight after that which is practically impossible to win on your own. So the game completely shatters the 4th wall and tells you to cheat, because it's the only way to win, but only after you've almost died to the boss. Despite the game trying to be at least somewhat realistic, while also sticking with action movie tropes, the final boss fight throws that idea out the window. It's actually 3 separate fights where the Big Bad survives a series of attacks that could have wiped out the population of a small country, only to die in such an anticlimatic way that it makes the ending of The Lord of the Rings, where Gollum accidentally trips into Mount Doom, look like a masterpiece of action and drama.

    I'm just going to give one hint as to the game's name, because it should be almost immediately obvious to anyone who's ever played it. The hint is that the name of the game includes the word "Metal" as a prominent part of the title.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •