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  1. #1
    Network Hub tomeoftom's Avatar
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    My computer is on fire.

    What can I do about this?

  2. #2
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    Take it out of the oven.

    or

    try turning it off and on again.
    Last edited by cwoac; 03-06-2011 at 09:26 AM.

  3. #3
    Administrator Rossignol's Avatar
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    All technical problems with PCs can be fixed by throwing a bucket of water over them. This sounds like one of those issues.

  4. #4
    Activated Node mlaskus's Avatar
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    No! Water conducts electricity! Use alcohol instead.

  5. #5
    Lesser Hivemind Node Harlander's Avatar
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    Have you tried switching it off and on again?

  6. #6
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    Hi tomeoftom,

    It's important to keep in mind that such spontaneous computer fires are incredibly common, and are just part of the process of PC gaming as we know it. This is due to the way modern microprocessors are manufactured. Let's take a closer look at that process, shall we?

    The origins of the CPU (or Chthonic Purgatory Unit) date back to the rebellion of the archangel Lucifer in the year 9,613 BC, which you may be familiar with from the fictional account in Milton's <em>Paradise Lost</em>. The device is itself a microscopic cage containing the compressed souls of the damned who have been tasked with completing menial mathematical operations as punishment for the sins they committed in life.

    That's all well and good, but why the fire? The answer is actually very simple: The lost souls are driven into action (and tortured!) with the same unholy flames one might find in the depths of Hell itself, and this powerful heat leaks out because of our imperfect containment technology. The original CPUs produced very little excess heat, but thanks to Moloch's Law, the number of damned souls that can be packaged inside of a CPU doubles roughly every 18 months, which consequently doubles the amount of hellfire needed to punish them. That's a right skippy rate, and our Earthly advances in heat dispersion technology (i.e. heatsinks, fans, and the tears of angels) simply can't keep up.

    The end result? You guessed it... you add a new cell to your spreadsheet, and the whole damned tower bursts into an inferno the likes of which even Paul Newman and Steve McQueen have never faced, brutally killing grandma, little baby Sue, and even Scraps the dog. The sad fact of the matter is that you can't do a thing about it right now except keep a decent fire extinguisher at hand, but there is some hope for future improvements to drivers (the vicious demons charged with overseeing the souls inside your CPU) that may lessen the severity of these infernal and unpredictable blazes.
    Last edited by Spectre-7; 03-06-2011 at 11:24 AM. Reason: Speaking of typos...

  7. #7
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus
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    Fire is not a real problem. PC's are designed in a way so fire don't affect the working of the machines... and is normal for a graphic card to have the temperature of 1000 suns. But if you see smoke, is time to panic. Magic Smoke is what runs hardware, is actually inside the chips, if the chips leaks the magic smoke, the machine may stop working properly.

  8. #8
    Network Hub tomeoftom's Avatar
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    Thanks guys. I tried alcohol and now I can't see, but I managed to feel my way around the case and turn it off, so at least now my data is safe.

  9. #9
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    Good. Don't pirate software again.

  10. #10
    Lesser Hivemind Node Spacewalk's Avatar
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    I was going to suggest that you could put it back in the closet but since alcohol worked crisis averted.

  11. #11
    Activated Node Ansob's Avatar
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    If it's on fire, that means it was too dry. You should have basted it in oil.

  12. #12
    DO NOT LISTEN TO PEOPLE HERE, POURING WATER ON YOU COMPUTER IS BAD



    It needs to be distilled, purified water otherwise you'll get limescale buildup.

  13. #13
    Obscure Node
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    Feed it pizza!

  14. #14
    Obscure Node
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    What's a computer?

  15. #15
    Obscure Node amishmonster's Avatar
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    Roll back to the previous version of your video drivers, and stop playing Crysis.

  16. #16
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    Try telling it you love it. But you need to do so in a Stephen Hawking voice.

  17. #17
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus MonkeyMonster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nero
    Feed it pizza!
    and beer and some more beer, because this message has to be at least 10 characters...
    Last edited by MonkeyMonster; 03-06-2011 at 11:33 AM. Reason: fixing quote marks

  18. #18
    Obscure Node Tagert's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alex Bakke View Post
    It needs to be distilled, purified water otherwise you'll get limescale buildup.
    That's fine. If it builds up too much you have to excuse to case haul someone to clean it off.

  19. #19
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    I assume you are using Windows 7 64-bit. This is an all-too-common lament.

    Start -> Control Panel -> Power Options -> Uncheck "Combustion" -> Accept. This will prevent future outbreaks. It's a silly default, really.

  20. #20
    If you are running XP or vista you'll need to go into the root files and edit out the combustion setting yourself.

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