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14-08-2013, 12:50 PM #1381
14-08-2013, 01:00 PM #1382
Some jokes about science (mostly), what's not to like:
1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.”
2. “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”
3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
4. A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,” replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”
5. An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says: “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.”
6. Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!”
7. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.
8. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don’t.
9. When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg.
10. The barman says: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.” A tachyon enters a bar.
11. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: “Make me one with everything”.
12. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.
13. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are so many people that the four men can’t see the juggler. So the juggler goes on top of a platform and asks: “Can you see me now?” The four men answer: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja.”
14. Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
15. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem.
16. A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited, he asks: “Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?”
17. Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality.
18. Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says: “Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies: “We can’t know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says: “Of course it’s funny. You’re just telling it wrong.”
19. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: “Five beers, please.”
20. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.
21. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender says: “What’ll it be, boys?” The first mathematician: “I’ll have one half of a beer.” The second mathematician: “I’ll have one quarter of a beer.” The third mathematician: “I’ll have one eight of a beer.” The fourth mathematician: “I’ll have one sixteenth of a…” The bartender interrupts: “Know your limits, boys” as he pours out a single beer.
22. What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Answer: Benoit B Mandelbrot.
23. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”
24. A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”
25. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
21 is definitely my favourite though 25 gets an honourable mention.
14-08-2013, 01:15 PM #1383
Hehe, good catch!
14-08-2013, 03:14 PM #1384Originally Posted by Kanye WestOriginally Posted by Kanye West
14-08-2013, 03:25 PM #1385
14-08-2013, 03:31 PM #1386
"A nurse who mistook blood around a patient's mouth for jam..."
WHAT THE F*CK!? you are seriously incompetent if you don't see the diff. between jam and blood!!! and even if it is PINK it could be a pulmonary edema!! and that is because of left-side heart failure! SUPER SERIOUS!!!
*angry*You need me again, sweet lips?
14-08-2013, 03:51 PM #1387
14-08-2013, 04:07 PM #1388
14-08-2013, 04:19 PM #1389
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
Those jokes are pretty good actually. 21 is indeed good. I strangely like the Heisenberg, Godel, Chomsky one, not because it's funny, perhaps just cos I understand it? Heard 11 before, but featuring Buddha (and told to me by one of those unintentionally hilarious people who can make anything sound funny).
Last edited by Rizlar; 14-08-2013 at 04:24 PM.
14-08-2013, 04:19 PM #1390
It essentially goes:
X sends Y a SYN
Y sends X a SYN-ACK
X sends Y an ACK
where SYN is a synchronise packet and ACK is an acknowledgement packet.
So it's more trying to put that into a funny context.
In the SSL context the messages are "ClientHello" and "ServerHello"
14-08-2013, 05:46 PM #1391
14-08-2013, 06:25 PM #1392
Yeah it's not at all funny - but I get what it was aiming for.
14-08-2013, 06:41 PM #1393
You guys should read xkcd sometime if you didnt like that one.Originally Posted by Kanye WestOriginally Posted by Kanye West
14-08-2013, 07:06 PM #1394
14-08-2013, 07:22 PM #1395
In general it's perfectly fine but every now and again the wank hat gets put firmly in place. I'm sure I don't need to mention the Time series.Originally Posted by Kanye WestOriginally Posted by Kanye West
14-08-2013, 07:24 PM #1396Originally Posted by Kanye WestOriginally Posted by Kanye West
14-08-2013, 08:09 PM #1397
Until I saw this video I hated the song that was attached to it, almost blindly. And while I still don't like it, I feel that I at least understand what it's about now.
Originally Posted by Kanye WestOriginally Posted by Kanye West
14-08-2013, 08:09 PM #1398
15-08-2013, 10:55 AM #1399
never ever experienced it. but is looks funny xD
the best would be if "she" killed them all. sneaky bitch!You need me again, sweet lips?
15-08-2013, 11:38 AM #1400
thats because you play with people that dont give a shit whats between your legs. And if you ever do, lets nuke em from orbit.