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14-08-2013, 12:50 PM #1381
14-08-2013, 01:00 PM #1382
Some jokes about science (mostly), what's not to like:
1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.”
2. “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”
3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
4. A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,” replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”
5. An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says: “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.”
6. Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!”
7. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.
8. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don’t.
9. When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg.
10. The barman says: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.” A tachyon enters a bar.
11. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: “Make me one with everything”.
12. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.
13. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are so many people that the four men can’t see the juggler. So the juggler goes on top of a platform and asks: “Can you see me now?” The four men answer: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja.”
14. Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
15. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem.
16. A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited, he asks: “Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?”
17. Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality.
18. Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says: “Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies: “We can’t know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says: “Of course it’s funny. You’re just telling it wrong.”
19. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: “Five beers, please.”
20. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.
21. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender says: “What’ll it be, boys?” The first mathematician: “I’ll have one half of a beer.” The second mathematician: “I’ll have one quarter of a beer.” The third mathematician: “I’ll have one eight of a beer.” The fourth mathematician: “I’ll have one sixteenth of a…” The bartender interrupts: “Know your limits, boys” as he pours out a single beer.
22. What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Answer: Benoit B Mandelbrot.
23. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”
24. A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”
25. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
21 is definitely my favourite though 25 gets an honourable mention.
14-08-2013, 01:15 PM #1383
Hehe, good catch!
14-08-2013, 03:14 PM #1384Originally Posted by Kanye WestOriginally Posted by Kanye West
14-08-2013, 03:25 PM #1385
14-08-2013, 03:31 PM #1386
"A nurse who mistook blood around a patient's mouth for jam..."
WHAT THE F*CK!? you are seriously incompetent if you don't see the diff. between jam and blood!!! and even if it is PINK it could be a pulmonary edema!! and that is because of left-side heart failure! SUPER SERIOUS!!!
14-08-2013, 03:51 PM #1387
14-08-2013, 04:07 PM #1388
14-08-2013, 04:19 PM #1389
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
Those jokes are pretty good actually. 21 is indeed good. I strangely like the Heisenberg, Godel, Chomsky one, not because it's funny, perhaps just cos I understand it? Heard 11 before, but featuring Buddha (and told to me by one of those unintentionally hilarious people who can make anything sound funny).
Last edited by Rizlar; 14-08-2013 at 04:24 PM.
14-08-2013, 04:19 PM #1390
It essentially goes:
X sends Y a SYN
Y sends X a SYN-ACK
X sends Y an ACK
where SYN is a synchronise packet and ACK is an acknowledgement packet.
So it's more trying to put that into a funny context.
In the SSL context the messages are "ClientHello" and "ServerHello"
14-08-2013, 05:46 PM #1391
14-08-2013, 06:25 PM #1392
Yeah it's not at all funny - but I get what it was aiming for.
14-08-2013, 06:41 PM #1393
You guys should read xkcd sometime if you didnt like that one.Originally Posted by Kanye WestOriginally Posted by Kanye West
14-08-2013, 07:06 PM #1394
14-08-2013, 07:22 PM #1395
In general it's perfectly fine but every now and again the wank hat gets put firmly in place. I'm sure I don't need to mention the Time series.Originally Posted by Kanye WestOriginally Posted by Kanye West
14-08-2013, 07:24 PM #1396Originally Posted by Kanye WestOriginally Posted by Kanye West
14-08-2013, 08:09 PM #1397
Until I saw this video I hated the song that was attached to it, almost blindly. And while I still don't like it, I feel that I at least understand what it's about now.
Originally Posted by Kanye WestOriginally Posted by Kanye West
14-08-2013, 08:09 PM #1398
15-08-2013, 10:55 AM #1399
never ever experienced it. but is looks funny xD
the best would be if "she" killed them all. sneaky bitch!
15-08-2013, 11:38 AM #1400
thats because you play with people that dont give a shit whats between your legs. And if you ever do, lets nuke em from orbit.
"Quantacat's name is still recognised even if he watches on with detached eyes like Peter Molyneux over a cube in 3D space, staring at it with tears in his eyes, softly whispering... Someday they'll get it."
"It's frankly embarrassing. The mods on here are woeful."
"I wrinkled my nose at QC being a mod."
"At least he has some personality."