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  1. #1

    My Attention Was Divided Between Chris Avellone and Japanese Torture Porn

    Forgive this drunken rambling, but I thought it prudent to share this experience before I pass out from alcohol poisoning.

    So the place is Austin, the South-By-South-West festival currently ongoing. I've been up for about 18 hours prior to this, mostly because I managed to screw up my sleep schedule. We're at the Jackalope, a bar on 6th street, nothing but punk and metal blasting though the speakers hidden somewhere either in the ceiling or some god-forsaken place on the premises. The first face I recognize is Eric, whom I worked just hours earlier. We catch up on the Occulus Rift panel, mostly the end of it. Pete and Forrest and the others from the office are there. Not everyone, just the alcoholics. It's a rare treat to have everyone that drinks this hard out.

    Eric motions to a guy sitting at a table, chatting away with others. I'm told he's Chris Avellone, he and some of his Obsidian guys came to Austin for the SXSW Interactive Arts Convention to give a talk on Saturday. Yeah, the name rings a bell. I'm 14 years old in the span of that mention. Somehow I quickly age. I nod my head to Eric and say "Okay".

    Up until about 4 months ago, game developers held this kind of mystical throne of unapproachableness. I imagine sitting me in a room with Tim Schafer would end with me doing the Wayne's World "We're not worth" bit. I probably would still do that with him. However for some reason I wasn't doing it with Avellone. I don't know why. There he was, plain as evening, sitting in the bar while Scorpion blared over the bar's torrent of cluster-fucked conversation. He was also about an hour deeper into drinking than I was. Being me, I had to catch up quick with the rest of them.

    I was introduced, minor investor, helpful hand, pleasantries exchanged. Well, officially only as "Chris" and "Mike, the blah blah blah," per standard. We toasted.

    My god, Chris loves to toast. All the goddamned time. He'd look at you and hold his can of Lone Star up to you, and you'd oblige the aluminum salute. He was always smiling too, at least this evening. He'd catch up with ex-employees, ones that left and went freelancer or even working for the project I invested in. There were a couple of the ex's in my investment, and they always were talking together, speaking of debauchery on some level. Considering the alcohol intake, not totally surprising.

    The first hero to get humanized in my life was Jim Park, an ex-professional goalie, back when I was really taking the hockey hing seriously. My brother helped out with the shooters and Jim, and then told me of stories of them walking into the Toronto U strip clubs around campus, the girls beckoning out "Heeeeeeeey Jiiimmmmmmm!" I thought Park a golden god up to that point, and now my hockey hero was a mustached-grizzled man.

    It wasn't that kind of night with Avellone.

    We talked small mostly, I knowing about Project Eternity, and my support of Austin studios. Him, he just listened. We went upstairs to the smoking section, after Pete went out and bought cigars for the upper smoke deck. Avellone declined because he had a presentation this morning. My God the amount of questions that could have been leveled at any other public figure.

    So we're upstairs, some chewing on cigars, the other engaging in lively conquests of times past. I'm standing next to Avellone, but for some reason the bar upstairs is playing some weird damn Japanese strapped-to-chair torture porn like something out of SAW with more visual puns. I did what I could to keep my attention on Avellone, but my God was it distracting. Couldn't turn my eyes away from it for long, kept on going between the screen and Chris talking to someone.

    We talked a few time over the course of the evening. Mostly about music in Eternity. Course I'm going to be a jerk and withold what he told me. It sounded good. Oh, Roberts finally joins us from the convention center. I'm getting off track. I hugged Chris Avellone. Not at an Obsidian event, they're figuring things out.

    I have no idea wht he allowed it, but penguins like the artic orcheanograby. Gare ams and losw as shwacricicaal.

    I haven't figured out the moral of this stay, are. y, Basefallwih ough.

  2. #2
    Lesser Hivemind Node internetonsetadd's Avatar
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    In before you delete this post in the morning.

    Also, a genuine cool story bro for you. My brother's tales of SXSW make me wish I was in another line of work. There's nothing cool about PTMG.

  3. #3
    Network Hub Wheelz's Avatar
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    not real sure what I read, but I like it: 9/10.

  4. #4
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus coldvvvave's Avatar
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    I liked Chair Story more. 7/10
    Quote Originally Posted by Drake Sigar View Post
    You are an enemy of gaming.

  5. #5
    Lesser Hivemind Node Velko's Avatar
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    I liked the ending best:

    I have no idea wht he allowed it, but penguins like the artic orcheanograby. Gare ams and losw as shwacricicaal.

    I haven't figured out the moral of this stay, are. y, Basefallwih ough.
    There's some deep wisdom in this story.

    Or maybe not.

    Fear and loathing in RPS forums?

  6. #6
    Lesser Hivemind Node Oshada's Avatar
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    I bet Avellone could drink like a dwarf. Good story, btw.

  7. #7
    Lesser Hivemind Node NecroKnight's Avatar
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    You write well for someone who's drunk.
    But where did he come from, this fleck of spite in an abandoned paradise?

  8. #8
    Lesser Hivemind Node fiddlesticks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oshada View Post
    I bet Avellone could drink like a dwarf. Good story, btw.
    Judging from the livestream at the end of the Project: Eternity Kickstarter, Avellone does indeed drink like a dwarf. Maybe that's where his writing prowess comes from.

    I'm not quite sure what to make of RakeShark's post, but I could think of worse ways to start a Saturday, so thanks for writing it.

  9. #9
    Activated Node
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    I'm not drunk.... I'm just finding my range.

  10. #10
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus Sparkasaurusmex's Avatar
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    He drinks Lone Star? eww

    Great story. I love Austin. I don't believe those were cigars, either.

  11. #11
    Lesser Hivemind Node
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    Quote Originally Posted by NecroKnight View Post
    You write well for someone who's drunk.
    I find people are divided into two types - those whose grammar/spelling is perfect, no matter how much they've had, and are still able to point out when you use "who" instead of "whom"; and those who type/text by smashing their face into the keys after a pint.
    "Swans are so big, they're like the Ostriches of the bird world"

  12. #12
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus Sparkasaurusmex's Avatar
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    There's a third who actually write better when buzzed

  13. #13
    Moderator Anthile's Avatar
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    Avellone and Japanese torture porn? That just brings back repressed memories of Audition.

    *shudder*
    to wound the autumnal city.

  14. #14
    Lesser Hivemind Node Kaira-'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anthile View Post
    Avellone and Japanese torture porn? That just brings back repressed memories of Audition.

    *shudder*
    Kiri-kiri-kiri-kiri...

    Also, I'm not quite sure what I just read, but carry on.

  15. #15
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus Nalano's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NecroKnight View Post
    You write well for someone who's drunk.
    I never get any credit. :C

    Anyway, good read.
    Nalano H. Wildmoon
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    "His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy." - Woody Allen

  16. #16
    Also, I chickened out of an Irish Carbomb shot with Avellone. Mostly because I can't stand the smell of it, due to a very painful prior birthday bash rendering me unable to ever drink that again. But I did two Mindblenders with him.

    Seriously though, it's awesome to hug Chris Avellone.

  17. #17
    Network Hub EPICTHEFAIL's Avatar
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    Dat last paragraph. Also, any drink named the Irish Carbomb MUST be good, and capable of causing severe brain damage, but mostly good.

  18. #18
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus Nalano's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EPICTHEFAIL View Post
    Dat last paragraph. Also, any drink named the Irish Carbomb MUST be good, and capable of causing severe brain damage, but mostly good.
    It's just a Guinness with a shot of Baileys and Jameson dropped in and shotgunned.
    Nalano H. Wildmoon
    Director of the Friends of Nalano PAC
    Attorney at Lawl
    "His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy." - Woody Allen

  19. #19
    The best description I could give of an Irish carbomb is imagine drinking poundcake, nestle Quick chocolate, and scotch in one gulp.
    I have no idea wht he allowed it, but penguins like the artic orcheanograby. Gare ams and losw as shwacricicaal. I haven't figured out the moral of this stay, are. y, Basefallwih ough.

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