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  1. #1
    Network Hub FurryLippedSquid's Avatar
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    An average day in Skyrim

    I'm just throwing this out there for your delectation. I hope you get some enjoyment from it. I've had to butcher it a bit due to RPS' 4 image limit but OK, should be doable.

    DAY ONE:

    In a blatant rip off (I prefer homage, but let's be honest here) of Nondrick & Nordrick, I've decided to give it a go myself as it actually sounded rather good fun. The writing is not as good but hey-ho, I'm enjoying it and hopefully one or more of you might. I'm employing the same rules, no running, no stealing, no reloading, when Beakus dies the experiment ends. Oh, and positively no adventuring of any kind. Just a normal guy trying to make his way in the world.

    I start my new life, as Beakus, in Kynesgrove, a tiny community in the East of Skyrim. I have nothing but rags for clothes and an axe to my name.





    A guard approaches and informs me she'd be a lot happier with a bellyful of mead, I take this as an ice-breaker but am disappointed when she'll not engage me further. I wallow in self-pity and ponder my next move. Money. Everyone needs money, right? Ain't getting nowhere in this world without cold, hard cash.

    I explore the settlement to find it has a mine, a small farm and an inn. Hmmm, mining's been done before :wink: but there seem few options in this place so with a hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work I go. On the way to the mine I meet a young man named Kjeld who informs me his father runs this town (delusions of grandeur my friend) and I'll be for the high-jump if I give him any trouble. Thanks Kjeld, you have a lovely day now. Inside the mine my reception is roughly as warm as Kjeld's and am told to move on from Kynesgrove. Ignoring the spiteful hag, who is surely too old and infirm to be in this hole, I find a pick to "borrow" and start hacking at the nearest ore seam working my way towards the back of the mine.





    After a few hours bashing rocks to within an inch of their lives, I wipe the sweat from my, frankly, deformed brow and decide the day's work is done. On the way out I decide to keep the pick, might just come in handy. But, a pang of guilt prompts me in to leaving my iron war axe as recompense, it might not be as good at hitting rocks but it's 3 times the value! I emerge from the mine with an amethyst, a garnet and 12 pieces of malachite ore! whatever that is. I use the smelter outside the mine to refine 2 pieces of malachite worth 60 gold, in to 1 malachite ingot worth 100, seems like a no-brainer. Not a bad haul at all and I strike out to Braidwood Inn to do a little trading, Beakus must be starving by now.


    Oh. Oh dear. I forgot you can only sell certain items to certain traders without a certain perk. It's 16:30 and the walk to Windhelm to the North seems impossibly long at this pace. Do I get moving or use one of the bedrolls on the farm? I don't like the idea of being out on the roads in the dark with naught but a pick, on the other hand do I want to spend a cold, hungry night in someone else's soiled bedclothes? My decision is made and I hit the road.





    The walk didn't take as long as anticipated and was thoroughly uneventful aside from some flower picking, perfect. I'm feeling quite relieved as Windhelm hoves in to view.





    I make my way through the stables and am tempted by a bottle of mead lying in the snow...no. Definitely not. It's not mine and besides, who knows what madcap adventuring it might lead to? be suspicious of everything and there will be no surprises. Then I get surprised. A guard walks past me and just happens to mention something about a boy, rituals and some brotherhood or other. KABLAMMO. I have a quest. Damn it woman, damn you and your loose tongue. Well I'm just going to ignore you. And it. That journal thing. Bringer of excitement, riches and danger. Mostly danger. No thank you madam. Good day.

  2. #2
    Network Hub FurryLippedSquid's Avatar
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    As I enter the city it's gone 19:00 so I make straight for the blacksmith to offload my malachite ingots before he shuts up shop for the day. He gives me a very reasonable 198 gold in return, my first payday! As Beakus makes his way back to the main square humming Spandau Ballet, he wonders if he has enough time to make it to the trader to flog his precious stones. Probably not, a job for tomorrow then as he breaks off for Candlehearth Hall for some well-earned grub and a rest. Inside he purchases some bread, cooked beef and ale at a cost of 36 gold pieces, food seems a little pricey in Windhelm. As he sits at the bar, he eats and drinks contemplating his first day in Skyrim and what tomorrow might hold.





    Clothes, probably.


    DAY TWO:

    Beakus arises at 07:30 and tucks in to a hearty breakfast; a green apple. Yum. Dawn has broken over Windhelm and it looks, well, still quite shitty actually.





    Who am I kidding? This place is a dive, but I've chosen it as my base of operations for a while so better knuckle down. I head to Sadri's Used Wares where nothing is stolen apparently, to acquire some passable clothes and shoes. Oh, and maybe have a healer look at that pick in my arm, it's starting to itch. I might consider light armour somewhere down the line but simply can't afford it right now. I sell him my precious stones at a profit of 72 gold and spend 8 on said garments. I can clothe myself for 8 gold but supper costs 36? Wow, and I thought Britain's economy was messed up...





    Hey good lookin'. Is that a pick in your arm or are you just pleased to see me?


    Finally I don't look like a smack hound, not exactly ostentatious but they will suffice Beakus for now. I spend the morning wandering the streets, bothering barrels...





    ...hey, if the game says it's not stealing then I shall class it as foraging. Loose ethics my arse. I shoot the shit with the locals and deck myself out with a sword and shield, only 56 septims to my name now, damn, better find some work. So, thusly garbed I decide to head out and see what ingredients I can find in the areas surrounding the City. I don't see mining providing a steady income on its own so need to branch out, put my finger in another pie.

  3. #3
    Network Hub FurryLippedSquid's Avatar
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    I head West from the main gates and am almost immediately set upon by two wolves, my first violent encounter! I block one with my shield and wait for an opening but then the other moves behind me and starts biting my arse. Panic takes over and I disregard the shield and slash wildly spinning in all directions. Hey, it's not easy when you're trying to grab screens at the same time.





    Eventually, It ends poorly for the wolves and I skin their mangy asses. I spy another corpse aways from the road, no doubt an earlier victim and move to investigate. A hapless goat, a hapless well-to-do goat with two freaking garnets stuffed up inside him! Thank you very much.





    I carry on West gathering Snowberries as I go and come across a sawmill, Anga's Mill I learn. It's getting late now and the sun is dropping, I wonder if they can spare a bed for the night, 2 houses, 3 people, it doesn't seem too tall an order.



  4. #4
    Network Hub FurryLippedSquid's Avatar
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    I speak to the owner and check the doors but alas, it seems there's no way. I also tell the owner, at some risk, that I'm looking for a job. Luckily she has a perfectly non-adventurous task for me; wood-chopping.





    I split 9 logs and return to her, she gives me 90 gold for my trouble. Wait. What? 90 gold for 2 minutes work? seriously? wow, maybe I can just pass on the whole mining/alchemy thing and spend the rest of my days chopping wood here in Anga's Mill. It's an easy commute from Windhelm and... no, ok, perhaps not. There's not being adventurous and then there's... that. Still, I can't believe I've put over 300 hours in to this game with other characters and never realised you could chop for gold. I suspect, playing from such a different perspective, I may find other surprises along the way. Time to head back to the city.


    On the way I notice a statue on a hilltop and my curiosity is severely tested...





    ...no, no siree bob. It's only day 2 and I don't need a necromancer summoning skeletons on my ass. Move along, nothing to see here. I get back to the inn at 22:00 to find the bard still wailing shite. I snack down on a meal of grilled chicken and leeks washed down with a bottle of Nord mead. Can't afford that fancy shit. Yet. But I'm bagging, Beakus might be as ugly as a cow's arse, but he's got plans. A journey of much epicness. Well, some.


    DAY THREE:

    Another shitty day in Windhelm.





    Still, fueled by a green apple and a burning sense of greed, it's off to the general goods store to shift my goat-garnets and wolf pelts. Hmmm, 205gp in my pocket, this wandering around aimlessly lark doesn't pay too good. I mean it's enough to get by if I want to stay in this dump, but that isn't quite gonna cut it. Time to get my shit together and choose a profession, but what? a smith? raw materials are too expensive. A tanner? transform those pelts in to armour? maybe, not a great deal of profit in it though. Sadly there seems to be only one way of making decent money, and yes I know Nondrick beat me to it, but it has to be alchemy. To the alchemerersis!





    I chow down on a few ingredients, mainly Snowberries & Mountain flowers to see what properties they have. Nothing I can make potions with. Hmph. With little choice I buy around 80 g's of ingredients from the shopkeeper and sample a few more. Aha! I can make 2 potions now and I sell them back to him for 50. Hmph. Gotta step up production but there's little more than Snowberries & Mountain flowers around Windhelm. I need the verdant plains around Whiterun if I'm going to make a go of this. Giants, Mammoths & Sabrecats, oh my.


    So, fuck it, I'm making my way to middle earth, Whiterun!

  5. #5
    Network Hub FurryLippedSquid's Avatar
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    ...ah well, let's see what we can pry from his cold dead...ribs? A few books, a dagger, some clothing, pouch of gold, Aha! some hide boots, my first piece of armour. There's a chest in the corner but I don't have any lockpicks. I'm in a moral quandary about picking locks, it doesn't quite fit with the ethos. But if it's a chest such as this, abandoned, I'm only leaving it for the next non-adventury type with looser morals than I. Lockpicks go on the shopping list. Anyway, fuck that, let's try on some dead guy clothes!





    Fancy! Am I OK trying on his clothes whilst his bloodied skull looks on? Sure, why not. It's getting late and will be dark soon, so despite not having made much of a dent in my journey, I decide to bed down at Count Shackula for the night.


    I arise at 08:00 and step to the door for some fresh morniHOLYSHITMOTHERFUCKINGSABRECAT!





    He spots me, the music starts going all dramatic, he's trying to run at me but can't get over the cliff edge. I exit stage left, slower than I would have liked. I think I'll change the no running rule to no running except when in mortal danger. Yes, much better. The cat and the music fade in to the distance and I continue my way downriver.





    Ah yes, much more my speed.

  6. #6
    Network Hub FurryLippedSquid's Avatar
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    The journey thereafter seemed a breeze in comparison, skooma dealers...





    Just say no kids. Burny wolves...





    Kicked in the face wolves...





    And a sorry excuse for a bandit, have at thee, foul cur! I'm not the only one that mutters this type of thing to myself. Am I?



  7. #7
    Network Hub FurryLippedSquid's Avatar
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    Who I strip and leave naked in the road, light armour for Beakus.





    Further on the rain clears and the clouds part affording me my first glimpse of Whiterun.





    Glorious. But still a hell of a way away, time to move on. As night falls I find a riderless horse...





    I wont bore you with the fleeting moral dilemma but I decide it's OK as long as I walk it. A fine compromise. Gangly Beakus mounts his lifelong companion in non-adventure...



  8. #8
    Network Hub FurryLippedSquid's Avatar
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    Who immediately fucks off when I dismount 50 yards later to pick a flower.





    Yeah?! well fuck you AND the hor... yeah, no, doesn't really apply here. Almost there and it's only taken me 2 whole game-time days. God this walking shit sucks. I see an odd scene in a farmer's field off to my left, 3 warriors surrounding a giant's corpse.





    Man, that shit fair stinks of adventure, a wide berth is given despite the lure of a giant's toe for my alchemical enterprise. And so, finally, I reach the gates of Whiterun. Joy! Salvation! Guards! I've never been so happy to see some rendered wood.





    What will tomorrow hold? Christ knows, I'm really not sure I want to find out any more, this shit is stressful... :(

  9. #9
    Network Hub FurryLippedSquid's Avatar
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    DAY FOUR:

    I head straight for the Bannered Mare for a meal (baked potato with goat's cheese & ale), company and rest.





    I drag my carcass out of bed at 08:22, a well-deserved lie-in I feel, and make for the shops. Ah, Whiterun. A paradise in comparison to Windhelm, nice weather and great views.





    It's been quite a lucrative journey ingredients-wise and my apothecary's satchel is fair bulging, so I get right down to mixing up some potions. While I'm pestling my mortar something odd happens...





    ...oh dear. This doesn't feel right. Level two. It's almost adventurous. It can't be helped unfortunately, an unavoidable mechanic of Skyrim. Do I spend my perks or ignore them? Pfft, spend them of course dumb-ass, you may not be seeking adventure but there's some serious beasts out there and you need to be ready for them. So I pump my upgrade in to health, seems little point in stamina as I fricking walk everywhere, and my perk in to alchemy. Beakus is on the up & up.





    I make around 600gp from my potions, this is more like it, but spend 102 on a couple of minor healing potions. No healing potion recipe yet you see. It occurs to me that I'm only going to be able to make 750gp every 24 hours game-time, as that's all the shop keeper has. I suppose there will be other income from bandit armour and weapons so not too bothered. I head over to Belethor's General Goods for a helmet, gauntlets and a better shield. Easy come, easy go. Time to hit the plains, see what's what.

  10. #10
    Network Hub FurryLippedSquid's Avatar
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    I spy a shallow cave in the distance and decide to investigate. On closer inspection it appears to be stuffed with barrels and sacks, a great source of ingredients then. It's guarded by just two bandits as far as I can tell, so I move in for the kill. I engage the archer first so I'm not being dealt double damage during the fight.





    She falls easily enough and her compadré is next, he's slightly tougher but not much to challenge me.





    I strip their shit and realise they must have been lovers, even in death they hold hands.



  11. #11
    Network Hub FurryLippedSquid's Avatar
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    Awwww. Right, let's loot this camp. Lavender, wheat, Frost Miriam, Canis root, all good stuff and a chest too! I bought a few picks while at Belethor's and have a crack, I break the first pick and crack it with the second. 35gp and some iron boots, bit of a letdown but never mind. As I finish looting the chest there's a noise behind me "Never should've come here!" someone growls. I spin around and see another 3 bandits closing in on me, where the fuck did they come from? probably spawned as soon as I cracked the chest the sneaky fucks. I have no choice but to run at them, one's casting sparks at me, to walk would be to die. So I run to the nearest hapless fellow and skewer his heart.





    Harry Potter's next and I run him through.





    The third receives similar treatment and my health is looking pretty shitty by the end of that encounter. I let it heal on it's own. As I loot the bodies I find a nice surprise...





    ...oho! look what Harry had, that will either come in handy to summon a comrade in arms, or I'll just sell the stick for a few hundred gold. Yeah, probably that. A right royal result. With the adrenaline receding, Beakus takes a seat to mull over recent events. He looks whistful, almost seeming to regret the senseless violence. WHAT'S IT ALL FOR?



  12. #12
    Network Hub FurryLippedSquid's Avatar
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    Ah well, let's tuck in to that charred Skeever hide and move on. Skinning out in to the Western plain I come across a perfect resource gathering location, a lovely water hole...





    ...where fish, insects, crabs and plants are in abundance. Well maybe not plants but there'll no doubt be a couple of those trippy Nirnroots somewhere. And there were. I kill some fish and catch some crabs... no, wait, the other way around. Disembowel a wolf...





    ...and generally have a nice time. I find the lady of the lake has seen better times, poor love, it would seem Arthur is late.





    Suddenly a wolf tries to hump my leg but I show him the error of his frisky ways and peel his steaming skin off. Too dark? meh.



  13. #13
    Network Hub FurryLippedSquid's Avatar
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    As the evening draws close I stumble upon another abandoned shack, no sabre cats here though.








    Hey, a couple of walls, a bed, shit, even a hidey-hole to store my crap in.





    Maybe this could be my base of operations for now? Alright, it could do with a roof but with the 10gp I'm going to save every night I could have a builder on the case in no time. Then I look towards Whiterun...

  14. #14
    Network Hub FurryLippedSquid's Avatar
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    Yeah, that's what? a 2 hour jaunt? shit, it takes about 30 minutes from the stable game-time. Arse, maybe not then. Dusk falls and I decide to head back to the city, meeting along the way a couple of Imperial goons who suggest I head for Solitude and sign up.





    Yeah, that's not really my thing, see? I'm a serial avoider. Pass.


    Away I skip, if I could skip, I think skipping should be modded in immediately. Reaching the outskirts of the city I encounter a camp of travelling cats.





    Seem like a nice enough bunch. "Take a look" one entices me, I'm not sure what at, maybe they're furries. But you know, Beakus is an open kinda guy, so I do. Oh, right, trade. Haha... ok. I hawk my wares and end up making around 800gp, and that's without mixing potions with the ingredients I've snaffled. Most importantly LOOK...





    ...quadruple figures, baby. I also gain a level whilst trading and go for health again and pump a point in to Speech this time.

  15. #15
    Network Hub FurryLippedSquid's Avatar
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    And so back to the inn for grub and sleep. Perhaps a wank. Wanking should be modded in immediately.

  16. #16
    Network Hub FurryLippedSquid's Avatar
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    I decide following the river Southwest may be safer (and quicker) than sticking to the roads.





    Turns out I was wrong and the whole damn thing very nearly came to a sudden & violent conclusion. After only a few hundred yards I spot a cabin...





    ...now I know this cabin has a beasty inside from previous plays but I was high level when I came across it. A Mountain Bear was the inhabitant at that time. What could it be for a lowly level oner? Mudcrab? pack of wolves at most? HOLYSHITMOTHERFUCKINGSABRECAT!


    Now, you'll forgive me for not having the wherewithall to grab a screen as 2 tons of muscle, fang and claw flew at me like a freaking cannonball. I bloody well shat myself. I give you my solemn word that I did not die but one thing saved me and one thing only, the little window that pops up to tell you you have low health and should really do something about it. And boy was it low, the merest sliver of red. I gulped in air and gathered my senses, I knew I had Battlecry already selected for use so I closed the window and spammed the appropriate button. The monstrosity turns and flees and I chase it into the river swatting it's arse with my sword, barely scratching it. The fast moving waters swept it downstream and I turned and ran in to the dubious safety of the open-to-the-elements cabin.





    After some rapid healing spells I poke my head around the corner.





    Gone. I can only assume the river swept it over the waterfall. Wow. Ok. Playing this game without reloads is some scary shit. Looking around the cabin I can see the last occupant wasn't as lucky...
    Last edited by FurryLippedSquid; 14-03-2013 at 12:18 AM.

  17. #17
    Network Hub FurryLippedSquid's Avatar
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    Not even a "fuck off to YouTube"?

    :(

  18. #18
    Network Hub KauhuK's Avatar
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    I rather like what you're doing. Almost made me install Skyrim again but I think I would get tired of it almost instantly. I'm waiting for more.

  19. #19
    I liked it. I was going to install Skyrim again but I have too many things going on right now, maybe later. People here have very little interest in these sort of things though, evidenced by the lack of them :P

  20. #20
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus Fumarole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Caddybear View Post
    People here have very little interest in these sort of things though, evidenced by the lack of them :P
    There are a few in the Social subforum. Ahem.
    The Medallion of the Imperial Psychopath, a Napoleon: Total War AAR
    For the Emperor!, a Total War: Shogun 2: Fall of the Samurai AAR

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