Posts Tagged ‘Assassin’s Creed III: Tyranny of King Washington’

Then There Were Pyramids: AC III’s Washington DLC Ends

By Nathan Grayson on April 24th, 2013.

Ratonhnhaké:ton, I am your father and wait what no I don't even know what's going on here anymore.

I’m actually afraid to play Assassin’s Creed III’s Tyranny of King Washington DLC. It’s been on my List Of Vaguely Tantalizing Curiosities for quite some time, but I’m sick with worry that it can’t possibly live up to the madness its trailers boast. I mean, so far we’ve seen ghost eagles, mind-controlled Benjamin Franklin, and Washington sauntering – dual pistols cocked, nostrils flared and lips slyly pursed – like he’s on a catwalk at some eeeeeevil fashion show. And now? Now there is a pyramid. In the middle of New York. For those not in the know/possibly from space, that is not a place where pyramids traditionally go. Watch the trailer and join me in wondering what manner of strange, wonderful brain worm has infested Ubisoft after the break.

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AC III: The Continuing Tyranny Of King Washington

By Nathan Grayson on March 20th, 2013.

NO MORE GAMES, WASHINGTON. CONNOR SMASH.

George Washington? More like Jerk Washingtonsofbutts. I’m sorry. I haven’t slept much lately, and any time that’s the case, my ability to cleverly insult implausibly mad¬†re-envisionings of cherished historical figures is always the first thing to go. But I’m pressing on regardless, just like our tree-toothed, grumpyfaced bizarro pal Georgie Scourgie in Assassin’s Creed III: The Tyranny Of King Washington Episode II: Betrayal (And Counting!). So then, what nefarious deeds is he up to this time? Rescuing kittens from exceedingly high buildings for the sole purpose of frightening them back up again? Chopping down every cherry tree in the nation and lying about it just because he can? Nope. But he is making Benjamin Franklin all kinds of sad, which is just the most heartbreaking thing ever. See for yourself after the break.

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AC III: Tyranny Of King Washing Machine Out Now

By Nathan Grayson on February 20th, 2013.

HOW'S THIS FOR A STAINLIFTER?

I think that was my country’s first President’s name. Something like that. Honestly, I’m fuzzy on the details, because history was never my strong suit, and I secretly pledge my allegiance to the vengeful, cursed spirit of Mummy King Ramses II. But yes, Assassin’s Creed III: The Tyranny of King Washingface episode one has officially ridden a star-spangled, single-tear-propelled eagle onto Steam, Uplay, and the like. You may tomahawk your way to its historically inaccurate heart as you please. But first, you must watch a trailer. Otherwise, you won’t get a proper preview of Connor’s fancy new clothes. They’re quite spiffy. I bet he even gave them a thorough rinse in one of those – argh, what do you call ‘em? – oh, right: Washingtons.

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